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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>R.I.E. Parenting? Can it be True?
Cat Herder 05:38 AM 01-16-2014
It seems the pendulum is swinging way back.

Thoughts???

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/20...rend-hollywood
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jessrlee 06:09 AM 01-16-2014
I don't think it's a great article on what RIE actually IS, BUT I can only hope that it takes off!!
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Cat Herder 06:15 AM 01-16-2014
Yeah, the article is kind of lame, but I thought Vanity Fair was trendy right now and more people would read it??

It was on GMA this morning, too, though.... http://www.rie.org/product/the-rie-manual/

I know it has worked in childcare for over 40 years. It would be cool if it made it's way into more parenting plans.
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Blackcat31 06:17 AM 01-16-2014
Magda Gerber

"they don’t want to encourage kids to feel like performers"

“a moving prison.”


"all these gizmos for babies exist because we don’t want to hear them cry".

The idea of raising kids who are competent from an early age makes a lot of sense.”


(*this only proves I am not have as crazy as I thought I might be...)
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MyAngels 06:59 AM 01-16-2014
Whatever just happened to raising your children? Why do we need a "program" or a "philosophy?"

I managed to raise three pretty good kids by pretty much just following my instincts.
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Laurel 07:31 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Whatever just happened to raising your children? Why do we need a "program" or a "philosophy?"

I managed to raise three pretty good kids by pretty much just following my instincts.


Just by reading this I don't completely get it. I'm a not quite sure why a short break in a baby swing is a bad thing. Balance and common sense are a good combo. Next thing they'll tell us is that we should't use a stroller. After all that isn't natural. If a baby can't walk down the sidewalk next thing they'll tell us is we'll have to let them crawl down it. Geez, how is one supposed to keep up with all these trends? Poor parents who have to constantly feel guilty because they're not doing the right thing.

Laurel
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Cat Herder 07:31 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Whatever just happened to raising your children? Why do we need a "program" or a "philosophy?"

I managed to raise three pretty good kids by pretty much just following my instincts.
Because not everyone has instincts. Those traits tend to come from your own parents style (or in spite of them in some cases).

Many kids are "raised" by full-time/life-long childcare, tossed around in foster care until adulthood or simply want to do better than their own parents.

Education, reflection and fresh ideas can never be a bad thing....
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SilverSabre25 07:44 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Education, reflection and fresh ideas can never be a bad thing....
exactly! well put. I have been learning about RIE for a year or so now and am slowly putting some of it into practice. Just new things that add to my particular blend of "what seems right" for each individual child. They are all different and need different things. what works for one doesn't work for the other.

Also, being flexible as a parent or caregiver is key, i think. You don't need to (and honestly...shouldn't...) follow ANY philosophy 100% without fail. But take the parts that you like and work for you, and create your OWN philosophy through careful education, reflection, and trial? Absolutely!

So I have aspects of AP, RIE, and a bunch of others in my parenting/teaching/caregiving style.
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MyAngels 08:01 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Education, reflection and fresh ideas can never be a bad thing....
I agree that new ideas and education are a good thing. I'll be the first to admit that as a young, 20 year old mother I often turned to books when I faced a problem I was unfamiliar with. I just don't see why they have to have a label. This tends to evolve into a "my philosophy is better than your philosophy" mindset and attitude. It also leads to a lot of guilt and second guessing on the part of parents, but mostly mothers. Did I do it the right way? Have I screwed up my kids for life because I did it for one, but not the other? and on and on.

I'm sure there are some parents out there who don't have an innate instinct when it comes to raising their children, but far more do have that instinct. They've just been told not to trust it.

I know as a mother I've made some mistakes. Everyone does. I just don't kill myself with guilt because I didn't follow some particular "philosophy" or "program" or whatever to a T.
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Blackcat31 08:08 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
I agree that new ideas and education are a good thing. I'll be the first to admit that as a young, 20 year old mother I often turned to books when I faced a problem I was unfamiliar with. I just don't see why they have to have a label. This tends to evolve into a "my philosophy is better than your philosophy" mindset and attitude. It also leads to a lot of guilt and second guessing on the part of parents, but mostly mothers. Did I do it the right way? Have I screwed up my kids for life because I did it for one, but not the other? and on and on.

I'm sure there are some parents out there who don't have an innate instinct when it comes to raising their children, but far more do have that instinct. They've just been told not to trust it.

I know as a mother I've made some mistakes. Everyone does. I just don't kill myself with guilt because I didn't follow some particular "philosophy" or "program" or whatever to a T.
Totally agree but sometimes those "types" of people (the ones that get sucked in to fads, trends and methods with names) are the same type of people that have trouble in other areas of their lives too.

I too remember being a young mom and not knowing something or feeling unsure about my choices but at the same time I didn't necessarily follow ONE strict method of doing something....I did the bits and pieces of a bunch of different things and lived with only a few goals in mind.... healthy happy kids with a good moral compass. (Oh, and daily survival for me. )

Personally, I think that only certain types of people "need" a name for what they do. Others just do what needs to be done.

Some require a label, a title and specific directions to fit in.

I remember a time when a garbage man was just called a trash guy. Now they are considered "sanitation engineer's"....but yet the job still entails the same tasks.
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Heidi 08:14 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
exactly! well put. I have been learning about RIE for a year or so now and am slowly putting some of it into practice. Just new things that add to my particular blend of "what seems right" for each individual child. They are all different and need different things. what works for one doesn't work for the other.

Also, being flexible as a parent or caregiver is key, i think. You don't need to (and honestly...shouldn't...) follow ANY philosophy 100% without fail. But take the parts that you like and work for you, and create your OWN philosophy through careful education, reflection, and trial? Absolutely!

So I have aspects of AP, RIE, and a bunch of others in my parenting/teaching/caregiving style.
Absolutely on the nose! It should be a blend of meeting the child's needs and meeting the caregivers (parent, dcp, teacher). Most child philosophies tend to weigh heavily to one extreme or the other.

I first learned about RIE 22 years ago, and spent some time with a provider in Madison that actually studied in CA with Magda. I wouldn't count on it "taking off"; Magda died several years ago, so who knows.

Many of the things we consider "best practices" in childcare actually came from her and Emmi Pickler's work. The idea of having child sized furniture is totally based on their work.

Often, things trickle into our society and no one knows where they originated. Dale Carnagie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was a major influence on how American Business and Networking is carried out, but few people remember that it came from him.
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Cat Herder 08:35 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Personally, I think that only certain types of people "need" a name for what they do. Others just do what needs to be done.

Some require a label, a title and specific directions to fit in.
Exactly.... I have an intrinsic motivator for hoping this catches on.

I am being walloped with "AP Parenting" as this is a trend that is popular right now.... these infants are being taught they should be held, cuddled, breastfed at will and sleep in a motion/light/sound device for 6 weeks, then are dumped into bare cribs (legally required) in daycare for 50+ hours a week with 5-12 of their angry peers. It is cruel and the kids rage on for months because of it. I am exhausted... we all are if parents read the crying threads here.

I am hopeful that these same parents will read about this "new" trend, relax a bit with the "bonding" and meet us in the middle if they plan to put their kids in childcare.... Really, that is all I ask.
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Cat Herder 08:59 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Laurel:


Just by reading this I don't completely get it. I'm a not quite sure why a short break in a baby swing is a bad thing. Balance and common sense are a good combo. Next thing they'll tell us is that we shouldn't use a stroller. After all that isn't natural. If a baby can't walk down the sidewalk next thing they'll tell us is we'll have to let them crawl down it. Geez, how is one supposed to keep up with all these trends? Poor parents who have to constantly feel guilty because they're not doing the right thing.

Laurel
IMHO, The point is not that it is bad to use confining equipment, it is to acknowledge the fact that the equipment is for the ADULTS, not the child.

No child needs a break in a swing or stroller. They are happy crawling around and exploring in a safe environment. The point is more about purposefully creating that safe environment instead of confining them from yours...

I hope that makes more sense?
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cheerfuldom 10:51 AM 01-16-2014
I really love a lot of RIE principles and it is nothing new to me however, like anything else, I do think people can take basic foundations and go to the extreme with them.
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Jack Sprat 12:06 PM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I really love a lot of RIE principles and it is nothing new to me however, like anything else, I do think people can take basic foundations and go to the extreme with them.
I didn't know it had a name etc. This is just what feels comfortable to us.
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MarinaVanessa 09:25 PM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
IMHO, The point is not that it is bad to use confining equipment, it is to acknowledge the fact that the equipment is for the ADULTS, not the child.

No child needs a break in a swing or stroller. They are happy crawling around and exploring in a safe environment. The point is more about purposefully creating that safe environment instead of confining them from yours...

I hope that makes more sense?
This is it exactly.

ďAllow the child to be authentic, to move, to feel the way they move, appreciating them for what they areĒ
Magda Gerber

ďLet the child be the scriptwriter, director and actor in his own play.Ē
Magda Gerber

I've been to a RIE child care center and you'd be amazed. It was so calm, quiet and amazingly tranquil. There were both parents and "Educarers" (the name that Magda gave the child care providers in RIE) on the floor close to, but not overbearing, the infants and toddlers. The adults just observing and smiling and softly acknowledging the children when they turned towards them or went near them. It was one of the most awe-inspiring things I have ever seen. It resonated with me and changed a few things about me.

A lot of it made sense to me from just watching it. I figure if you can make it work in a child care setting then it should work better for parents. And I agree, the article in no way even begins to encompass what RIE really is. RIE is about respecting each infant and toddler as an individual, waiting and watching for their ques and trusting them (no copter-mom rushing to take little Suzie down from the equipment for fear from having her hurt herself). In RIE even boo-boo's are learning experiences.
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racemom 05:38 AM 01-17-2014
After reading more about RIF I find I follow this principle to some degree. The only thing I really disagree with is no equipment. Sometimes our younger infants need a break from all the activity and the swing is a great place for them. We keep it in a quiet area of the room and when younger infants need a break they are placed there. Also I use the bouncy to keep them safe when we can't be right there to stop older infants from playing with baby. So while I would never use it as an all day placement I think there are good reasons to use them.
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Unregistered 02:14 PM 01-21-2021
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Why do we need a "program" or a "philosophy?"

I managed to raise three pretty good kids by pretty much just following my instincts.
I love your question and agree. I had a very creepy experience with a guy I dated who used some RIE techniques that he used with his daughter and first wife.
If I touched the little girl without permission, she would accuse me (quite rudely!) of grabbing her, apparently because it's considered "disrespectful" in RIE.
Once she was throwing salt in my face at a restaurant and I asked her to stop more than once. When she didn't, I took the salt shaker away from her. Her father didn't question if I got salt in my eye, but asked me to apologize to her for not respectfully asking for the shaker.
I found the whole philosophy truly twisted and kinda came to believe that he was following it because he didn't trust his own instincts. I can't believe it's all bad so it must have just been a weird approach to the philosogy.
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Cat Herder 02:31 PM 01-21-2021
The RIE I discussed was from back in 1979 and it was for educators. Used, by parents for education, the philosophy can have great outcomes.

The new spin-off's can barely be compared to the original.

Back then someone would have corrected the parent if they failed to discipline their children in public and no one would have batted an eye.
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PB&J 04:07 PM 01-21-2021
Wow. I came here to say that I read Felicity Huffman (the star who bought her childís way into college) was an adherent and I stopped reading the article. Guess Iíll give it a second look. Iím all for parenting that ďprepares the child for the road, and not the road for the child.Ē... by whatever trendy title parents need to call it (ummm, maybe).
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Cat Herder 04:35 AM 01-22-2021
Felicity is far from the first and will not be the last. The rich have had different rules for as long as wealth was a thing. Meh.

Funny how the school admin that demanded and took bribes walked away.... Oh, yeah, it did not meet the prosecutor's agenda.

Magda Gerber is anything but trendy. Read some of her work and not the new podcasts, blogs, or tweets that bastardize her work for profit. You won't regret it.

I only referenced the article for the young folks in the room. Planting a seed and all that jazz.
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Doron 05:59 PM 01-27-2021
" Also I use the bouncy to keep them safe when we can't be right there to stop older infants from playing with baby. So while I would never use it as an all day placement I think there are good reasons to use them.
Exactly the main reasons as an Infant teacher in a classroom with 4-8 infants ages 6 weeks to 18 months. It is often for protection when attending to one child(diaper changing,feeding). I have put 6 month olds in an exersaucer and have put 16 moth olds in the pack and play with books or soft toys it is for safety. I still work on teaching safe interaction when I can be near.
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Ariana 06:30 AM 01-28-2021
I have followed RIE for many years but agree that balance is key. Itís mostly just about respect, treating your child like a whole person and love. Sure bouncies and exersaucers are not great but if you donít use these things and have no respect for your kid it wonít work! Itís not about the equipment in my opinion.

My parenting philosophy is quite simple: My relationship with my child is THE most important thing. Nothing else matters. So if I lay down rules and boundaries with this in mind, itís done respectfully. I take time to connect with them and treat them with dignity and respect like anyone else.
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Tags:community, confinement, educare, magda gerber, parenting, pendulum swing, resources for infant educarers, rie
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