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Unregistered 10:16 AM 10-15-2013
So this is actually school related. I didn't know where else to turn for answers.

This happened last Wednesday. The elementary school my (kindergartener son) goes to has a before and aftercare program which is run by the YMCA right at the school. They are a different entity than my school obviously. We have to use this in order for him to be able to go to school due to the hours we both have to work to function. I run a daycare in my home and my husband is a banker. I don't have any other options other than to send him to this program and my worst nightmare has happened.

Upon my husband picking my son up last Wednesday the head of their program at the school pulled him aside and told him that they caught a 5th grader trying to put my son's hands in his pants in a sexual way. This happened the day before his 6th birthday none the less. The woman who informed him of this was not sure if she was even supposed to tell us this but she did anyway because she is a parent and knew how she would feel. My husband told her that we were going to be making some calls (including the principal) and she said that she understood...which is a relief. She said that she did immediately discuss it with him briefly.

I called him and he responds as if he has to recall what happened which was astonishing to me. And initially he started off as if it happened on their watch under their program so it was their program and they have their own protocol which was baffling to me because this child is still under the same roof as my son for 10 hours of the day. I just can't understand how he thinks something that happened under his roof is not his responsibility...whether it was under his supervision or not, it happened. He ended up calling me back after talking to the program lead again and she let him know our concerns and he apologized and looked a little closer at the daily schedules of both kids but said that the program is responsible for anything outside of that. I explained that I have concerns that this child could be doing this to other kids...whether it be at the school or in his own home or family, and that a 5th grader had to learn that from somewhere. He should not even have that in his mind at this point. He said that was something that we should not be "assuming".

I'm SORRY BUT BS! That is a cop out.

My husband and I have been trying for almost a week now to get a meeting set up and for one excuse after another we have not heard anything. The school said that we can meet with the program but they have taken the measures to ensure that my child will not interact with this child and my child will be supervised. (Hopefully that follows through all the way through JUNE.)

I have made 5 phone calls. 2 to the lead and 3 to her manager and we have not had a response for a meeting set up but I was told today the lead should be getting one set up with us sometime tomorrow through Friday. I am convinced that they are watching out for my son a little closer. The lead does seem attentive to my son and three of the ladies there have all said that they would adopt him if they could because he is better than their own kids. But from what they have told us, they have only "suspended" this other kid from the program and it sounds like he is back already.

They had my husband sign a new handbook today which they were distributing to everyone. He signed it without even reading it. Which I am upset with. Because of my job I feel like I'm pushed out of the loop because they are only talking with my husband and not returning my calls. He is pushing them for a sit down with both of us though so that we know what is going on.

My primary concern is that they are reporting this. They keep telling us that they can't tell us anything but I'm wondering if we should report it just to ensure that it is reported. I honestly have a feeling like they are not. The lead had said to him when she first told him this that they have been watching him because he seems to have these odd attachments to the smaller kids and it was "creepy" which is how they caught him doing this to my son in the bathroom.

I just want to cry. ... and I have... but I just don't know what else to do. I'm just so angry.



I have been trying to wrap my head around this.
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Maria2013 10:23 AM 10-15-2013
I'm very sorry this has happen to your son

I really don't know their protocol but I would report it myself
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Unregistered 10:24 AM 10-15-2013
Should I report this even if they will tell me that they have? I feel like I can't trust whether they will because we have had to reeeeally fight to get this meeting set up. I feel like they are trying to sweep it under the rug.

The director (not the lead) wanted to fix it all in a 5 minute phone call by telling me "don't worry we have this handled. we are taking measures to ensure their safety" and that is basically it. She wouldnt' answer any of my questions for "security reasons".
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Maria2013 10:26 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Should I report this even if they will tell me that they have?
that is for you to decide, are you going to be given any proof that they have and are you going to be satisfy with their ways?
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NeedaVaca 10:31 AM 10-15-2013
You are calling and not getting calls back nor has a meeting been set up! Yes, if this were me I would be calling everyone I could think of until this was properly dealt with. I would call the corporate YMCA office as well, they have to deal with this and not just sweep it under the rug!
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Unregistered 10:39 AM 10-15-2013
The lead was out for personal reasons Thursday afternoon through Monday. My husband was assuming based on the way she was dressed it was a court or divorce thing because she was dressed a lot nicer than she normally is and her boss said she had some personal things going on. Her boss treated me over the phone like I was being ridiculous.

My husband seems to think that the lead understands but she is going through some things as well right now.... and the school obviously is just pointing fingers and trying to stay out of it other than the scheduling. Overall the feeling that I'm getting is that they all think having a meeting is a waste of their time because they "have this handled".
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Unregistered 10:40 AM 10-15-2013
but they don't want to answer questions... and I'm supposed to be ok with that.
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butterfly 10:40 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Should I report this even if they will tell me that they have? I feel like I can't trust whether they will because we have had to reeeeally fight to get this meeting set up. I feel like they are trying to sweep it under the rug.

The director (not the lead) wanted to fix it all in a 5 minute phone call by telling me "don't worry we have this handled. we are taking measures to ensure their safety" and that is basically it. She wouldnt' answer any of my questions for "security reasons".
I'm sorry this is happening. I would report it whether they claimed to have already or not.

As a daycare provider yourself, I'm sure you realize the level of confidentiality and how delicately this situation needs to be handled. I don't necessarily blame them for not giving you more details - they have to protect the other family involved too. What if the roles were reversed? How would you handle this in your daycare? What if your son was the other child involved? How would you feel as his parent?

Are there any other options for your son after school? Taking the public transit to your daycare? Have a friend that could pick him up? Going home with another friend from school? I wouldn't want to leave my son there if I didn't feel comfortable with the way things are being handled.


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CedarCreek 10:40 AM 10-15-2013
If this were me and my son, he would be pulled immediately and I would report it myself as soon as I could get my phone!
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Shell 10:45 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
If this were me and my son, he would be pulled immediately and I would report it myself as soon as I could get my phone!

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Margarete 10:52 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:

Upon my husband picking my son up last Wednesday the head of their program at the school pulled him aside and told him that they caught a 5th grader trying to put my son's hands in his pants in a sexual way. This happened the day before his 6th birthday none the less. The woman who informed him of this was not sure if she was even supposed to tell us this but she did anyway because she is a parent and knew how she would feel. My husband told her that we were going to be making some calls (including the principal) and she said that she understood...which is a relief. She said that she did immediately discuss it with him briefly.
This is a serious problem. Would you even be informed if it happened again? It should be protocol to inform a parent of any moderate to serious injury to their child and this definitely qualifies.
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Willow 10:56 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
If this were me and my son, he would be pulled immediately and I would report it myself as soon as I could get my phone!


1.) There is an obvious lack of supervision
2.) Lack of concern for what occurred
3.) Lack of a clear plan to ensure it would never happen again
4.) Lack of clarity as far as the procedures for reporting this go so you as a parent can determine if they're sufficient
5.) If my son was victimized somewhere there is no way I'd send him back to the place he was hurt if I didn't have to

I became a licensed daycare provider so I could be here for my kids before and after school as well as on days off and during half days in kindy. Not criticising but I'm having a really hard time understanding the necessity of him being in outside care if you're home......more an I wonder thing than anything
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Unregistered 11:03 AM 10-15-2013
My day starts at 6:45 in the morning. I have families arriving when he has to be at school. I have no family that can help and no friends that attend that school or any others in the vicinity. I cannot take him out of school forever obviously. The other schools shuttle to this school's before and after care program so changing what we have to use is pointless.

He just turned 6 years old and we live next to a major highway. I live in the 2nd largest city in Indiana and there is no way I'm leaving a 6 year old on a street corner in a city where their are murders daily and kidnappings and molestings regularly. The closest bus drop off to his school is right in front of gas station and apartments where there were (a couple months ago) 6 child molesters living. His classes start at 8:15 when I have a full house and my husband has to be at work at 8:00.

His class gets out at 3:20 and my last child gets picked up at 5:30 and my husband gets off downtown at 5:00.


I cannot afford to hire an assistant. Especially right now because I'm losing one two months earlier than I had planned for to a preschool and I have a newborn coming at the end of November. One of my parents just had a baby this weekend. I can't quit them because I would be out two spots I would have to fill. They have been a good family.

I have no.other.options.


Secondly I don't need to know what the report says. i need to know that it was reported. At this point I don't really care about how the other family feels about that. Something is going on with that child for a reason that they are not dealing with.
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Unregistered 11:06 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Margarete:
This is a serious problem. Would you even be informed if it happened again? It should be protocol to inform a parent of any moderate to serious injury to their child and this definitely qualifies.

That is another thing that I worry about. Especially since we are having to push for this meeting.
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lovemykidstoo 11:07 AM 10-15-2013
A 5th grader doing this to your son who is not even 6 yrs old is terribly serious and needs to be handled because he may not be the first and he most likely won't be the last if this 5th grader doesn't get help. I would immediately report it to licensing and also the local police department. I think it is outrageous that they're not cooperating with you and avoiding you basically. If they don't want to talk to you, then I would have them talk to either licensing or the police. This is just sickening. I'm so sorry for you and your son. Keep us posted.
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spinnymarie 11:08 AM 10-15-2013
I would also report it, not because I think that they wouldn't, as they are mandated reporters as well, but because your point of view should be on that report.
I would continue to demand a meeting with the school as well as with the program, where each place hands you a detailed list of all the things they are implementing to make sure that this not only never happens to your son again, but also never happens to other children. Not that you will be able to know things that are going on with the other child, but you should at very least have a document of the things they are doing to keep your child safe. Adults in shared bathrooms at all times, children never left alone with other children, small children separated from older children through entire program. I wouldn't want my child even on the playground at the same time as that kid (or any older kid for that matter).
COntinue calling the supervisors of each person - the prinicpal has a boss, the lead of the Y has a boss, just keep moving up the chain until someone agrees to what you want. Be relentless.
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Unregistered 11:09 AM 10-15-2013
In Indiana I can have up to 6 daycare children outside of my own kids. I have 2 kids. By 8:00 I have a full house. How am i supposed to get 8 kids plus myself into my vehicle in car seats? All of my daycare kids are 4 and under (with exception of my son).
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WImom 11:09 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:


1.) There is an obvious lack of supervision
2.) Lack of concern for what occurred
3.) Lack of a clear plan to ensure it would never happen again
4.) Lack of clarity as far as the procedures for reporting this go so you as a parent can determine if they're sufficient
5.) If my son was victimized somewhere there is no way I'd send him back to the place he was hurt if I didn't have to

I became a licensed daycare provider so I could be here for my kids before and after school as well as on days off and during half days in kindy. Not criticising but I'm having a really hard time understanding the necessity of him being in outside care if you're home......more an I wonder thing than anything
Maybe they don't have busing and she can't pick him up with having the daycare.

Sorry you are going through this! Do you have ANYONE that could start bringing him home - another parent from school, a family friend, grandparent? Maybe offer to pay a little for gas/time. I would do anything to not have my child in that program.
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Willow 11:13 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My day starts at 6:45 in the morning. I have families arriving when he has to be at school. I have no family that can help and no friends that attend that school or any others in the vicinity. I cannot take him out of school forever obviously. The other schools shuttle to this school's before and after care program so changing what we have to use is pointless.

He just turned 6 years old and we live next to a major highway. I live in the 2nd largest city in Indiana and there is no way I'm leaving a 6 year old on a street corner in a city where their are murders daily and kidnappings and molestings regularly. The closest bus drop off to his school is right in front of gas station and apartments where there were (a couple months ago) 6 child molesters living. His classes start at 8:15 when I have a full house and my husband has to be at work at 8:00.

His class gets out at 3:20 and my last child gets picked up at 5:30 and my husband gets off downtown at 5:00.


I cannot afford to hire an assistant. Especially right now because I'm losing one two months earlier than I had planned for to a preschool and I have a newborn coming at the end of November. One of my parents just had a baby this weekend. I can't quit them because I would be out two spots I would have to fill. They have been a good family.

I have no.other.options.


Secondly I don't need to know what the report says. i need to know that it was reported. At this point I don't really care about how the other family feels about that. Something is going on with that child for a reason that they are not dealing with.

Sorry to be blunt but you do have options. Plenty of them. They're just not easy ones.

Move.
Change schools.
Tweak your hours.
Change careers.

I would do any/all of the above if thats what it took to keep my child safe. There is no way I'd live where murder, kidnappings and molestation was so prevalent, no way I'd put my business hours above the needs of my children, nor would I send them back to an school run daycare program where they had been victimized *especially* if they had not dealt with what happened in a way that was satisfactory to me as a parent.

I think you are overwhelmed and feeling powerless, thats understandable, but you do have options. They may not be ones you'd like, or ones that are easy to execute, but you sure as heck do.
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Unregistered 11:16 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by spinnymarie:
I would also report it, not because I think that they wouldn't, as they are mandated reporters as well, but because your point of view should be on that report.
I would continue to demand a meeting with the school as well as with the program, where each place hands you a detailed list of all the things they are implementing to make sure that this not only never happens to your son again, but also never happens to other children. Not that you will be able to know things that are going on with the other child, but you should at very least have a document of the things they are doing to keep your child safe. Adults in shared bathrooms at all times, children never left alone with other children, small children separated from older children through entire program. I wouldn't want my child even on the playground at the same time as that kid (or any older kid for that matter).
COntinue calling the supervisors of each person - the prinicpal has a boss, the lead of the Y has a boss, just keep moving up the chain until someone agrees to what you want. Be relentless.
One of the ladies from the program who is not in management said that she walks him down to class now and picks him up but his only happens on the days that she works. She apparently talked to his teacher (because the principal did not want to go into detail with the teacher) about what happened and the teacher offered to let him sit in class with her after school and he could play on the computers or read books, ect. The principal said that only one class is allowed in the bathrooms at one time. The teachers have to stand outside so that should not be an issue and they do not have recess at the same time. He said that they pretty much are at opposite ends of the school all of the time and made sure that their reading buddy program was not going to have both of them in the same class. So I feel confident on the school side that he has looked at all of that. ...not that I still don't have a knot in my stomach about it.

It's the care program I have the most concerns with. They said that this has never happened before so they are putting measures in place due to this situation. They of course are very cryptic about everything.
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Angelsj 11:25 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Sorry to be blunt but you do have options. Plenty of them. They're just not easy ones.

Move.
Change schools.
Tweak your hours.
Change careers.

I would do any/all of the above if thats what it took to keep my child safe. There is no way I'd live where murder, kidnappings and molestation was so prevalent, no way I'd put my business hours above the needs of my children, nor would I send them back to an school run daycare program where they had been victimized *especially* if they had not dealt with what happened in a way that was satisfactory to me as a parent.

I think you are overwhelmed and feeling powerless, thats understandable, but you do have options. They may not be ones you'd like, or ones that are easy to execute, but you sure as heck do.
I would add "home school" to that list of options. You don't have to make a life long commitment to do it for this year.
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KidGrind 11:30 AM 10-15-2013
Did anyone call the police?
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lovemykidstoo 11:33 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
Did anyone call the police?
that was my question
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Unregistered 11:34 AM 10-15-2013
As far as I know they did not but they did not tell us anything until my husband picked him up. Apparently it happened before school started that day.
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CedarCreek 11:38 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
Sorry to be blunt but you do have options. Plenty of them. They're just not easy ones.

Move.
Change schools.
Tweak your hours.
Change careers.

I would do any/all of the above if thats what it took to keep my child safe. There is no way I'd live where murder, kidnappings and molestation was so prevalent, no way I'd put my business hours above the needs of my children, nor would I send them back to an school run daycare program where they had been victimized *especially* if they had not dealt with what happened in a way that was satisfactory to me as a parent.

I think you are overwhelmed and feeling powerless, thats understandable, but you do have options. They may not be ones you'd like, or ones that are easy to execute, but you sure as heck do.
I cannot agree with you more.

This is super serious and I know the options available are tough but leaving him there is dangerous, IMO.

And, I would worry that my son would think I wasn't protecting him if I left him there and he had to see that kid everyday. Imagine what that would do to his self worth.
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KidGrind 11:43 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
As far as I know they did not but they did not tell us anything until my husband picked him up. Apparently it happened before school started that day.
As a parent, I would make a police report. As soon as I learned of any inappropriate behavior, I would've call the police.

It may have happened on their watch. Yet a parent's watch is 24/7. A police report should be made.
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se7en 11:48 AM 10-15-2013
Have you called the school counselor about this ? She is also a mandated reporter. I wonder if the boy who assaulted your son was spoken to, plus we're his parents spoken to ? I think your son should get some counseling. Maybe you can close daycare for a few days, or have a high schooler come in to help out for 2 hours in the afternoon, and you can go to school to get your son. High School girls ( or boys) would love to make 20 a day to help out for a little while. How much do you pay for him to go to the after school program ? Also, I am sure someone in his school comes home your way. Ask the principal about that. There should be some way for him to get safely home . Good luck. Your little boy comes 1 st.
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Blackcat31 11:53 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by CedarCreek:
I cannot agree with you more.

This is super serious and I know the options available are tough but leaving him there is dangerous, IMO.

And, I would worry that my son would think I wasn't protecting him if I left him there and he had to see that kid everyday. Imagine what that would do to his self worth.
Leaving him somewhere you don't feel is safe lends a bad light on your parenting choices....kwim?

No one in licensing/law enforcement etc will take you serious if you say,
"My child was sexually abused but he still attends."

Makes you kind of look unsure of the whole thing.

Honestly, if you are trying to pin down the director or the person who should be handling this, I would close my daycare and march my tushie down there and raise a huge stink until I got the answers I wanted.

I would refuse to leave until someone addressed your questions, the protocol for this type of situation and got some sort of satisfaction as to the action they will be taking in regards to this.
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Willow 11:56 AM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
As far as I know they did not but they did not tell us anything until my husband picked him up. Apparently it happened before school started that day.
They knew all day and didn't notify you until he was picked up that evening???????
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Unregistered 12:06 PM 10-15-2013
What a horrible situation! I am so sorry! I would seriously look into homeschooling your son. That is the best option.

Or you could walk everyone to the bus stop in the am and walk everyone to the bus stop in the pm. This is what I do. Yes it can be a little bit of a pain. But it is a good work out! I have a step 2 choo choo wagon. You can add extra trailers, as many as you need! So you can get all your daycare kids to and from safely.
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preschoolteacher 12:07 PM 10-15-2013
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds horrible. I really feel for you--it sounds like there is a lot of stress in your life right now. I know you can't just quit your job--few people can afford to do that--but I bet that you started doing home daycare in order to be there for your son. Most people choose to be home daycare providers out of their child's best interests. Now, if your home daycare is getting in the way of providing for your child's best interest (aka making sure he's in a safe after-school program), it is time to rethink what's going on.

First, I'd report it. As a mandated reporter, you have the obligation to. Who knows if this boy will be abusing other children? And this boy--he's possibly being abused himself. Reporting it may give him the help HE needs, too.

I'd figure out another care situation for my son. The fact that no one knew whether or not they should tell you what happened, and that no good plan has been put together to protect your son, is seriously concerning.

What about homeschooling for kindergarten? Just an idea. I plan to homeschool my son, so I'm very pro-homeschooling, but not everyone likes it.

Can you drop families so you are able to pick-up and drop off your son at school? Cut back on expenses at home to be able to afford this?

Making huge changes like this are SO HARD. But it seems to be the time to do something.
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butterfly 12:11 PM 10-15-2013
How much do you pay for him to attend here? I'd put that money towards paying someone to bring him to and from school.
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slorey 12:15 PM 10-15-2013
I assume you are paying for the before/after care program? Is it possible to find someone who would be willing to transport your son to and from school and pay them what you are paying the ymca? It seems to me like you need to remove him from that program immediately! They have not addressed your concerns as a parent and have not set up a plan to prevent this sort of thing from happening again! If it were my child I would do everything in my power to make sure he didn't have to attend that program ever again!
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MarinaVanessa 12:30 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
They knew all day and didn't notify you until he was picked up that evening???????
This was alarming to me as well. I as a parent would have been fuming if I had not received a phone call immediately. And regardless of whether or not the program handled everything wrong or made me feel satisfied that things were properly handled and explained I would have called CPS, licensing, the school itself and the police the first chance I got.

Police have special task forces with trained officers (or can call some in to help) that can interview your son to find out more about what happened without being invasive or leading. And one thing I learned from CPS during a mandated reporter training (a class I took where CPS facilitated it) is that you should never assume or believe that someone else reported it, always report it yourself even if someone else said they did it or will do it.

Also who's to say that they did or didn't report it or reported it right away or not? If the program just wasn't equipped with proper training and didn't know what to do in this situation then CPS and licensing will make sure that they fix this issue so it doesn't happen again.
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JenNJ 12:33 PM 10-15-2013
1. Call the police and file a report.
2. Report it to your child services entity in your state.
3. I would be contacting a lawyer to get answers. Enough already. They are avoiding you.
4. Pull him. Hire a teenager to walk him home from school, let familes go so you can do it, or homeschool him. There must be other options. Try care.com for a sahm who picks up her own kids there and would drop him home.
5. Counseling for your son. Asap.
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daycare 01:11 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
1. Call the police and file a report.
2. Report it to your child services entity in your state.
3. I would be contacting a lawyer to get answers. Enough already. They are avoiding you.
4. Pull him. Hire a teenager to walk him home from school, let familes go so you can do it, or homeschool him. There must be other options. Try care.com for a sahm who picks up her own kids there and would drop him home.
5. Counseling for your son. Asap.
I Agree with this. My son is in the same exact situation but I refused before and after school care so I hired someone to drop him off and pick him up.

I sorry this is happening to you it's every mothers nightmare.
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Unregistered 02:00 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by butterfly:
How much do you pay for him to attend here? I'd put that money towards paying someone to bring him to and from school.
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
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Blackcat31 02:02 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
I understand what you're saying but honestly, this situation is somewhere you trust?

I'd put my trust in a complete stranger before I allowed my child to attend a facility where I KNOW he has been abused.
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daycare 02:05 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
I would call and ask the school. This is how I found mine. This woman actually has a childcare and Does school pick up/drop off. She does not live too far fromme and I pay her very well to pick him up and drop him off 4 days a week. I probably pay her more to do this than I would pay for him too attend the on school care, but I refuse to have my son go to a before or after school program.

You need to get out there start talking to people and see what options there are.
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daycare 02:05 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
I would call and ask the school. This is how I found mine. This woman actually has a childcare and Does school pick up/drop off. She does not live too far fromme and I pay her very well to pick him up and drop him off 4 days a week. I probably pay her more to do this than I would pay for him too attend the on school care, but I refuse to have my son go to a before or after school program.

You need to get out there start talking to people and see what options there are.
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MarinaVanessa 02:11 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
Anyone else has got to be better than a place that is not willing to communicate or cooperate with you when your child is sexually assaulted by another child.
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Brustkt 04:20 PM 10-15-2013
I would report it immediately!
I would pull my child out immediately...homeschool while you find another alternative! Is Kindergarten even mandatory in Indiana? I don't think it is in Illinois.
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Brustkt 04:30 PM 10-15-2013
I would report it immediately!
I would pull my child out immediately...homeschool while you find another alternative! Is Kindergarten even mandatory in Indiana? I don't think it is in Illinois.
Why don't you call the school superintendent and the YMCA director?
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daycaremom76 05:48 PM 10-15-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
1. Call the police and file a report.
2. Report it to your child services entity in your state.
3. I would be contacting a lawyer to get answers. Enough already. They are avoiding you.
4. Pull him. Hire a teenager to walk him home from school, let familes go so you can do it, or homeschool him. There must be other options. Try care.com for a sahm who picks up her own kids there and would drop him home.
5. Counseling for your son. Asap.
I couldn't agree more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously if someone (child or adult) sexually assulted your child you need to contact the police right away!!! You are your child's only advocate and you need to advocate for your child! You can't rely on someone else "taking care of it for you" Also, can't your child ride the bus to school??? My kids both road the bus to school, their bus stop used to be up the street and it was a PITA to lug 8 daycare kids to the stop with me so I contacted transportation and had the bus stop moved, they were actually really nice about it since I had a daycare. If that isn't an option then see if he can catch a ride with a neighbor child and just give them money for gas each week. If you are that seriously worried about your child then putting him back in the same situation every day isn't a good thing, what are you going to do if it happens again????
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Unregistered 06:27 PM 10-15-2013
1 don't send child to school anymore, home school for now
2 report to police
3 report to licensing
4 take child for an examination
5 follow up
Most likely the school and after school are lying to you, they already are handling this incident all wrong
Take mattes in hour own hands, I know its not easy, but your child comes first .
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MotherNature 07:10 PM 10-15-2013
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would definitely make a police report since they're not communicating well with you. I love how they 'can't give you details'. Um...why not??!!! Your son was victimized.. They BETTER spill the beans & tell you what's going on. That's ridiculous. Also..they let this unreported all day? I'd find some other options real quick. Also- someone asked if kindergarten is mandatory in Indiana.. not real sure, but I homeschooled my eldest for kindergarten, so maybe that's an option for you.
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BABYLUVER 07:41 PM 10-15-2013
I'd pull him. Surely there are other options, maybe in home child cares that transport, or perhaps you can get off earlier to pickup or take a late lunch and use it to pickup/drop off at new daycare. I would not ever leave my children in an environment like this where nothing's being done. It's one thing for the kid to have done something (because you cannot predict what other CHILDREN will do) and then someone follow up and deal with it. It's an entirely different thing to try to hide it, not tell you immediately what's up etc. I would call CPS with a quickness, file a police report and press charges. I believe you mentioned 5th grade? That's a 10yo and in our state, one can be prosecuted for assault, regardless of what "type" at that age and/or their own parents can be as well if it's found that the child is doing this out of neglect of an underlying situation. Worse yet, the parents may be the ones exposing him to such things or know who is and aren't addressing it appropriately, and your reporting this incident can get HIM out of a situation that he needs to get out of so he does not victimize any other children. Situations like these are not black and white, but honestly if you're in a dangerous area, can you move? You say you have NO ONE and thus that leads me to believe you have no family or friends that can support you, so what do you have to lose by leaving that behind and starting in a better place? Heck, I'm in Colo and plenty of places for rent and cheap, surely other states are similar or even other cities in your own state. If you have any housing assistance, it'll transfer to wherever you go. Don't get me wrong, if you decided to make a big move like that, you would want to do your research. But don't ever settle, especially not when it comes to your children. Your first step, though, is to get your son AWAY from people who are completely clueless AND trying to minimize what has happened by not calling you right away. UNACCEPTABLE.

To start: REMOVE HIM
if you intend to stay where you're at, find other centers in the area and ask if they do buses from school to daycare. Some may do it at a small extra fee
Try to find another parent that lives near you who would be willing to help (background check 'em)
Ask the school for recommendations of providers or a list
Move away from the ghetto area you are in and find somewhere else. It's not easy, but you may just have to take a small risk (and maybe lose a LITTLE bit of money to gain a LOT of peace of mind)
Forego kinder if it's not necessary in your area, home school after work (and bring to trusted daycare during work)
If you must do kinder, find another school like a charter school even if that means you drop off and pick up the kid
Try an in-home kinder program rather than a daycare center if possible
LOTS OF OPTIONS.

Keeping your son at that place isn't one of them. You know it's not. Please trust your heart.
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blessed mom 08:15 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
1 don't send child to school anymore, home school for now
2 report to police
3 report to licensing
4 take child for an examination
5 follow up
Most likely the school and after school are lying to you, they already are handling this incident all wrong
Take mattes in hour own hands, I know its not easy, but your child comes first .

Umm...they are MANDATED REPORTERS!!! They have to report it! I would so report it to all agencies and I would pull him!!! It does not sound like they are taking this seriously and that is my first concern! I would not be surprised if they did not report it!! It would be one thing if it happened and they were apologetic, giving you feedback on all the steps they have taken. Assuring you that they never leave that child alone with any children...etc. Sounds more like a cover up. Report it all to be on the safe side and to protect other children. I'd pull him as well.
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My3cents 10:20 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Leaving him somewhere you don't feel is safe lends a bad light on your parenting choices....kwim?

No one in licensing/law enforcement etc will take you serious if you say,
"My child was sexually abused but he still attends."

Makes you kind of look unsure of the whole thing.

Honestly, if you are trying to pin down the director or the person who should be handling this, I would close my daycare and march my tushie down there and raise a huge stink until I got the answers I wanted.

I would refuse to leave until someone addressed your questions, the protocol for this type of situation and got some sort of satisfaction as to the action they will be taking in regards to this.
yeap and police should have been called asap- witness should have been questioned. Call your daycare parents and tell them you need a personal day maybe two-

Why can't you ask someone in his class to give him a ride home after school, other parents transport- even if you had pay them, and or taxi- My kid would be home with me if I was home doing daycare and not going to afterschool y program.

This is no offense to anyone that works for the Y aftercare programs.......

but have you ever seen the program for yourself? I have and I was mortified with how it was run. Kids running around, too noisy for any child to get homework done, very much so a lack of adult supervision, anyone in and out of the school, kids watching kids, makes a bus station where people are waiting for a ride look like a palace, overall not run very well, with kids just wishing to go home. I have had clients come to me because of these issues with their kids. This is what I saw at my schools after program, I am not saying they are all like this- I was in disbelief because of all the rules etc that I have to follow and the chaotic mess that was going on which seemed like no rules applied. Free for all.

I agree that you have options and maybe just maybe you are in too much shock at this second to react and do something, but if I were you I would be getting on the ball and doing something prompto! I would start with reporting it to the police, principal, head of the program, superintendent of the school, human services and anyone else that would listen to me and I would want answers and be removing my child from that program.

make sure to update us with how you make out- Completely agree with Bcat on this and have a cry fest later, react and do something now- you might save this from happening to someone else and you need to protect your kid!
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My3cents 10:24 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
This was alarming to me as well. I as a parent would have been fuming if I had not received a phone call immediately. And regardless of whether or not the program handled everything wrong or made me feel satisfied that things were properly handled and explained I would have called CPS, licensing, the school itself and the police the first chance I got.

Police have special task forces with trained officers (or can call some in to help) that can interview your son to find out more about what happened without being invasive or leading. And one thing I learned from CPS during a mandated reporter training (a class I took where CPS facilitated it) is that you should never assume or believe that someone else reported it, always report it yourself even if someone else said they did it or will do it.

Also who's to say that they did or didn't report it or reported it right away or not? If the program just wasn't equipped with proper training and didn't know what to do in this situation then CPS and licensing will make sure that they fix this issue so it doesn't happen again.
I am shocked they waited until pick up to tell you this- you need answers. Remember you are your child's biggest advocate!!!
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My3cents 10:28 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.
Find someone!!! Your trusting him with what now?

Taxi service? I would go for another mom or grandmother- or hire someone to stay with your kids while you go get him. Something.....do something, call the school, his teacher and find out who else transports their kids, or get a wagon and take your kids to get him at the bus stop. Do something........ who? You!
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My3cents 10:32 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by daycaremom76:
I couldn't agree more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously if someone (child or adult) sexually assulted your child you need to contact the police right away!!! You are your child's only advocate and you need to advocate for your child! You can't rely on someone else "taking care of it for you" Also, can't your child ride the bus to school??? My kids both road the bus to school, their bus stop used to be up the street and it was a PITA to lug 8 daycare kids to the stop with me so I contacted transportation and had the bus stop moved, they were actually really nice about it since I had a daycare. If that isn't an option then see if he can catch a ride with a neighbor child and just give them money for gas each week. If you are that seriously worried about your child then putting him back in the same situation every day isn't a good thing, what are you going to do if it happens again????
yeap, just use the word unsafe.......ask the stop to be moved closer to you and then do what you have to do to go and get him. Call the bus company and request this. OR, ask an older trust worthy kid to walk him home- Remedy the situation, just don't become complacent because you feel you have no options.
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My3cents 10:39 AM 10-16-2013
as much as I see where you all are coming from with home school. Please keep in mind that not everyone wants to home school, is the best fit for the child etc.....

Every child should have the right to go to school and be safe! I do hold the school accountable because this is happening within school walls. If a school is going to offer out this type of programming then it should make sure it is upheld to the highest standards as the school should be.

I am not anti home schooling, but for some that is not the best answer, or choice.

I do agree with do something!!! Stop the excuses and act now, demand some answers and want nothing more then solutions.

Best-
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Suttgirl 10:42 AM 10-16-2013
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
A 5th grader doing this to your son who is not even 6 yrs old is terribly serious and needs to be handled because he may not be the first and he most likely won't be the last if this 5th grader doesn't get help. I would immediately report it to licensing and also the local police department.
This was my immediate thought - this child needs some help. Schools now lack the resources to offer significant help. Call it in. Are there any dc centers that transport to your child's school? Or can you contact another parent in your child's class that you could pay $20 a week to transport? If you spend a significant amount of time stressing about your child's safety, then it is worth it to find other options. I have a friend that has arrangements with a parent to drop off and pick up her child in exchange for a discount on childcare.

Ultimately it is our job as parents to be advocates for our children. And you calling this in may end up getting the 5th grader some help. Good luck to you. This is a hard situation to have to handle. I'm sure you have already had some good conversations with your child about physical boundaries and what to do if someone tries to touch you I appropriately.
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Unregistered 07:09 AM 10-17-2013
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
I would add "home school" to that list of options. You don't have to make a life long commitment to do it for this year.
Couldn't find Willows post she quoted but since this was an after school program and not in actual school another option is looking into another after school program or even another home daycare provider that can pick him up and watch him until your husband can pick him up. You ca also look into seeing if he can get a taxi to pick him up at school and take him home; a girl I used I watch did this because I couldn't transport. Sometimes if you are a regulate customer they give you discounts. They also have to have background checks and you can request the same driver if that makes you feel more comfortable.
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Unregistered 08:05 PM 10-17-2013
My son was removed completely and I think we have found an alternative but will know more on that next week.

Filed a report with both DCS and the local police department. Officers have been at my home talking to my husband and son as well. They are starting an investigation on the family, the care program and the school.

I found out today from the care program that the boy was only supposed to be there for 3 more weeks as they were notified this morning that they were moving. I made sure to call the police immediately since NONE OF THEM have reported ANYTHING.

I have been sick to my stomach all day but I still honestly feel better.

I have a long road ahead of me and I think it's all going to hit the fan but I feel good about it.
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Unregistered 08:11 PM 10-17-2013
Oh no... I'm sorry I misspoke.

The care program did inform us that they did file a report with their insurance company but the stated that they have not filed anything outside of that.

Although I do believe the lead did (without the knowledge of her supervisor).
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Karena 10:26 PM 10-17-2013
I'm so sorry for your son and for you and your husband. I would report it on my own even if you know they have, no one has heard a report from you representing your son. I'm sure there's oodles of resources to use with young children too, to help talk to your son so he feels okay to stand up to someone older than himself and to tell someone. Again, I'm sorry. The good thing is that it was found out right away.
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Karena 10:35 PM 10-17-2013
oops, didn't read down far enough before posting; glad you reported it and have found alternate care!
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craftymissbeth 05:56 AM 10-18-2013
I wonder why they reported it to their insurance and not anyone else?


You did great and the right thing for your son and family.


I wish you the best of luck!! Keep us updated
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Familycare71 06:09 AM 10-18-2013
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I wonder why they reported it to their insurance and not anyone else?


You did great and the right thing for your son and family.


I wish you the best of luck!! Keep us updated

I hope the after school program and the school get into HUGE trouble for not reporting it!!!!
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countrymom 06:11 AM 10-18-2013
also report it to childrens aid and who ever regulates them Someone must regulate them. Go above the school principal and report what happened to anyone that will listen. also curiouse, why would they contact their insurance company.
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Unregistered 07:02 AM 10-18-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:

I hope the after school program and the school get into HUGE trouble for not reporting it!!!!
I do too. This is all baffling to me. It's like you put a "What not to do" book together and they followed it to a T.

I think the shock has finally worn off. I'm pretty much completely pissed off at this point and hurting for both kids. Such a strange feeling to hurt for a child who did this to my son but I'm worried for him. I'm just glad this is blowing up now and he hopefully gets help. It does not appear that they are messing around or sitting on this whih is the biggest relief I have had through all of this.

DCS has called me again this morning and told me they are having the other boy evaluated next week. They are also having me bring my son in for questions regarding what all has taken place with the boy.
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Familycare71 07:07 AM 10-18-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I do too. This is all baffling to me. It's like you put a "What not to do" book together and they followed it to a T.

I think the shock has finally worn off. I'm pretty much completely pissed off at this point and hurting for both kids. Such a strange feeling to hurt for a child who did this to my son but I'm worried for him. I'm just glad this is blowing up now and he hopefully gets help. It does not appear that they are messing around or sitting on this whih is the biggest relief I have had through all of this.

DCS has called me again this morning and told me they are having the other boy evaluated next week. They are also having me bring my son in for questions regarding what all has taken place with the boy.


And you should be pissed!!!
I totally get that you feel for the other child- he is obviously in need of help!
I too am grateful that the authorities are taking is seriously- because it is serious!
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Unregistered 08:46 PM 10-19-2013
Does anyone know... if this is a facility do they usually shut them down? Is it temporary or is it permanently?

I know if I failed to report in my home daycare I would lose my ability to have this business but I have been wondering ... what if it is a facility? Do they just require them to retrain and fine them... or fire the people and rehire? I'm kind of curious what will happen...

I am assuming that DCS is probably removing the child from the program and possibly the school for the safety of all the other children. I was curious though if the facility has to tell all the other parents what is happening. I think they all should know some how but for liability reasons we were instructed to let DCS and law enforcement to handle everything.
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Unregistered 09:25 AM 01-16-2014
My 4 year old child was being sexually assaulted by a 5 year old, from an unknown start time until mid Dec, when a teacher finally caught him. This was actually happening in the care of the YMCA. I'm struggling to get anything done, but I can tell you, don't give up. Call PD, CPS, CCL, Office of Consumer Affairs, Local News, etc.
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Lucy 11:17 AM 01-16-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My 4 year old child was being sexually assaulted by a 5 year old, from an unknown start time until mid Dec, when a teacher finally caught him. This was actually happening in the care of the YMCA. I'm struggling to get anything done, but I can tell you, don't give up. Call PD, CPS, CCL, Office of Consumer Affairs, Local News, etc.
This is a 3 month old thread. If the OP is still reading, is there an update?
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mjzzyzoff 12:59 PM 01-26-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:

I have no.other.options.
Depending upon your states regulations, homeschooling may be an option. You could at least do it just for now, and see if you can work out other arrangements in the future if you decided to send him back.

Things like this are why I homeschool.
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Tags:child abuse, cps, reporting - suspected abuse, sexual abuse
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