Daycare.com Forum
Kabob 06:03 AM 09-20-2013
So I tried searching on this but haven't much luck finding relevant results...
Anyway, I have a new dcg that is 2 yrs old. She is great except for a sharing issue. Mind you, I know this is to be expected but it leads to a lot of trouble here in daycare. In this case, she claims everything as hers and will literally stockpile toys for herself. If the other kids try to join in playing with her, she will scream "no" or "mine" and melt down. If she moves on to another toy and someone picks up a toy she previously played with, she will run across the room screaming "mine" and snatch it away and melt down crying when I intervene. She is very much about asserting control. If I try to explain that we share at daycare or we take turns she will repeatedly say no before I get the words out. If I show her how to share or wait she will scream. If I offer her a new toy or toy that is exactly the same as the one she wants she will say no. If I give that toy a time out she melts down. I offer understanding and choices but invariably she escalates to crying. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for her to understand that daycare toys get used by everyone? I don't necessarily expect her to share from day 1, but at least allow the other kids to play without her constantly screaming at them for touching something she played with 2 hours ago. She has been in other daycares since she was a baby and she is very verbal so I'm hoping she is just adjusting. What can I do to help her feel less like she needs to fight for everything?
Anyway, I have a new dcg that is 2 yrs old. She is great except for a sharing issue. Mind you, I know this is to be expected but it leads to a lot of trouble here in daycare. In this case, she claims everything as hers and will literally stockpile toys for herself. If the other kids try to join in playing with her, she will scream "no" or "mine" and melt down. If she moves on to another toy and someone picks up a toy she previously played with, she will run across the room screaming "mine" and snatch it away and melt down crying when I intervene. She is very much about asserting control. If I try to explain that we share at daycare or we take turns she will repeatedly say no before I get the words out. If I show her how to share or wait she will scream. If I offer her a new toy or toy that is exactly the same as the one she wants she will say no. If I give that toy a time out she melts down. I offer understanding and choices but invariably she escalates to crying. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for her to understand that daycare toys get used by everyone? I don't necessarily expect her to share from day 1, but at least allow the other kids to play without her constantly screaming at them for touching something she played with 2 hours ago. She has been in other daycares since she was a baby and she is very verbal so I'm hoping she is just adjusting. What can I do to help her feel less like she needs to fight for everything?
Blackcat31 06:12 AM 09-20-2013
Here are a couple threads about sharing/toy hoarders....maybe they have some info/tips/tricks to getting her to share.
I am not implying that she is a hoarder, but your comment about her stockpiling toys made me think of discussions we've had before here about kids who do that or for kids who fixate on one specific toy.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...=toy+-+hoarder
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...sharing+-+toys
I am not implying that she is a hoarder, but your comment about her stockpiling toys made me think of discussions we've had before here about kids who do that or for kids who fixate on one specific toy.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...=toy+-+hoarder
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...sharing+-+toys
caregiver 06:43 AM 09-20-2013
I also have a DCG, who is 2 years old and she does the same thing. She will grab toys from others and I will try and explain to her about sharing, but she still keeps doing it. I have had many talks with her parents and they are trying to work with her at home also, but she is a only child so sharing at home isn't something she is learning at home much.
I know it is that age also, but it does get frustrating and trying to get her to understand about sharing is not working so good at this moment.
So I also would love some advice on how to handle this.
I know it is that age also, but it does get frustrating and trying to get her to understand about sharing is not working so good at this moment.
So I also would love some advice on how to handle this.
TwinKristi 01:35 PM 09-20-2013
I have one of those too. He literally had 2 balls, was riding a ride-on scooter toy and someone tried to use a Cozy Coupe (1 of 3) and he flipped out. Everything is "mine" and he's always taking toys from other kids. It's frustrating but mom isn't receptive to anything at all. He has a 4yr old sister who isn't good at sharing either so I don't think it's enforced at home. He's only here til the end of the year so the preschool can have fun with that one.
Josiegirl 05:18 PM 09-20-2013
You know the Toddler Creed? Fits some of mine to a T. Even(no, especially) my dcg who will be 3 in December. She can leave something on the floor and heaven forbid if anyone picks it up an hour later. It's HERS! She was playing with it! And her recent habit of simply taking things because she wants it. Trying to nip that one in the bud.
So I have no advice, just empathy.
Buy quality earplugs. 
At one of my workshops recently, they were giving advice to have enough of your dc's favorite toys so they don't need to share. I almost did a 'roll your eyes' at the instructor. It doesn't matter if a child has 19 of something, she'll still want that 20th thing the other child has. Who writes these books???
So I have no advice, just empathy.
Buy quality earplugs. At one of my workshops recently, they were giving advice to have enough of your dc's favorite toys so they don't need to share. I almost did a 'roll your eyes' at the instructor.
It doesn't matter if a child has 19 of something, she'll still want that 20th thing the other child has. Who writes these books???
spud912 09:53 PM 09-20-2013
Yep . . . my dd, aged 2.5 years old, is exactly this 
! She is a hoarder, everything is "hers" and she screams bloody murder when anyone comes within 10 feet literally. She also screams "no" when I suggest cleaning up.
It sounds mean, but whenever I see her making a "connection" with a daycare item, I purposely make her share it with someone else. Note I said "daycare;" she has a room full of similar items that are specifically hers...she just has to go into her room and play with them in there. We also have some MagnaTiles here that she recently became obsessed with and I designated her a specific color and the other colors are for anyone else. She is not to touch the other colors. As far as cleaning up, I use different redirection techniques and rinse and repeat. It's exhausting, but I know they grow out of it eventually.
! She is a hoarder, everything is "hers" and she screams bloody murder when anyone comes within 10 feet literally. She also screams "no" when I suggest cleaning up. It sounds mean, but whenever I see her making a "connection" with a daycare item, I purposely make her share it with someone else. Note I said "daycare;" she has a room full of similar items that are specifically hers...she just has to go into her room and play with them in there. We also have some MagnaTiles here that she recently became obsessed with and I designated her a specific color and the other colors are for anyone else. She is not to touch the other colors. As far as cleaning up, I use different redirection techniques and rinse and repeat. It's exhausting, but I know they grow out of it eventually.
Kabob 07:29 AM 09-21-2013
Thanks for the links Blackcat! The hoarding one was exactly what I was looking for - found some interesting advice that I mixed together with great results yesterday. I've dealt with a couple very stubborn 2 year olds in the past but not as often in a daycare setting and never to the extent where literally everything I say is met with a "NO". I felt mean just letting her cry it out after simply saying "Oh dcg is sad/frustrated." And I guess I just wanted to know I wasn't making it worse. But yesterday went better after I made taking turns into a game with lots of praise and refused to let her collect items for herself. Lots of repeated reminders and praise. I'm used to stubborn 2 year olds but she was meeting me with constant melt downs. Literally if we switched activities, even if it was one she wanted to do, she'd throw herself down and cry. If I say I'm doing xyz she'd say "no" even if it had nothing to do with her. Just worried that something was up because she is going through a lot of changes at home.