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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Nannyde and Others Help Please!!
MommyMuffin 05:33 PM 08-09-2011
I have a 2 yo DCB starting next month and he has never been in daycare before. In am email his mom mentioned that she is able to stay as long as needed for the adjustment.

I am sure that having his mom here would be worse for his adjustment and my dcks act up when a parent is here.

I am trying to write her and tell her how I dont want her to stay because it causes my dcks to go wild???

How do I word it?
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Michael 07:08 PM 08-09-2011
Until Nannyde or other members post here I included a link to our "Lingering Parents" tag: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...gering+parents
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Sugar Magnolia 08:25 PM 08-09-2011
I'd word it like this....

"You mentioned in your email that you would be available to stay longer if necessary. While I do appreciate the offer, it has been my experience that during the first few days, the child often adjusts much more quickly and easily to daycare if the parents make drop offs as quick and "matter of fact" as possible. A brief hug and a smiling wave and "bye-bye, see you later" is best, even if they cry a bit. 2 year olds are amazingly adaptable, and while all children are different, any crying or calls for 'mamma' last less than 5 minutes. During those brief minutes, your child will be calmy reassured and comforted. Much more often than not, an engaged 2 year old will not even notice, or be upset at all, that you are even gone. For these reasons, let's do a brief drop off. Since you are indeed available, I will definately call you if there is a problem and a serious concern with seperation anxiety, but I am fairly confident that drop off will go well with a short goodbye. Johny will be fine.".
Yeah. Definately discourage this. It truly IS harder on the parent (esp 1st time moms) than it is on the child. Drawn out drop-offs are....not good.
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MommyMuffin 06:25 AM 08-10-2011
Thank you so much for responding to my post. I know if she were to stay I would go coo coo!!!
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Cat Herder 06:27 AM 08-10-2011
I'd go with Sugar Magnolias letter, it is perfect.

I usually follow up quick drops with a text picture the first few days to put Mom's mind to rest before she gets to work.
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MommyMuffin 06:49 AM 08-10-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I'd go with Sugar Magnolias letter, it is perfect.

I usually follow up quick drops with a text picture the first few days to put Mom's mind to rest before she gets to work.
Good idea! I sent her the email and am waiting to see her response. I really hope she doesnt get pissed off.
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cheerfuldom 08:11 AM 08-10-2011
you really need to be upfront about it though because she is likely to hang around at pickups and dropoffs and start dropping in at random times and thats going to get old fast!
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nannyde 08:29 AM 08-10-2011
I would tell her that I don't have parents assisting with transitions. Tell her you appreciate her offer but it's actually easier on the other day care kids, you, and her child if you don't have additional adults around when helping a newbie adapt.

It's time to start planting the seed that there are others to consider. The other childrens adapting to having a new child and your adapting to the child and the management of the child with your crew.
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Meeko 10:52 AM 08-10-2011
I explain in my handbook that it is important that the children learn to look to ME for comfort when in day care. I am their caregiver during day care hours...not Mom.

I need to start to build a trusting relationship with the child as soon as possible. That's not going to happen as long as Mom is there "protecting" him/her from the "strange lady" I require a quick goodbye. Then I can set about calming fears and anxiety. The child learns that I am the comfort they can go to if they are sad that mom left.
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Pammie 10:56 AM 08-10-2011
Originally Posted by Meeko60:
I explain in my handbook that it is important that the children learn to look to ME for comfort when in day care. I am their caregiver during day care hours...not Mom.

I need to start to build a trusting relationship with the child as soon as possible. That's not going to happen as long as Mom is there "protecting" him/her from the "strange lady" I require a quick goodbye. Then I can set about calming fears and anxiety. The child learns that I am the comfort they can go to if they are sad that mom left.
Great response!!
Can I borrow it??
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MissAnn 11:54 AM 08-10-2011
Everyone gave such good replies....I have nothing to add but to encourage you to use all of the above advice.

I had a dad who would bring his son and another DC kid. The other DC kid walked right into my house with no problem. The dad and his son were out in the car.....crying....for 15 minutes. He then came in with his son....plopped himself on the couch and cried.....holding on to his son....bawling. I was embarrassed for him! I told the dad.....he is feeding off YOUR anxiety. You need to let him know this is a positive experience and that you will see him after work. Give him a quick goodbye and leave. The boy was 5 years old! Now, I talk to every parent about quick goodbyes and how they are better for ALL. If a parent makes a big deal out of "goodbyes"....what message does that send the child? That this is a big scary place? That the parents don't trust me? It's a huge set up for failure.....

But....you already know that....that's why you are nipping it in the bud! Good luck!
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littlemommy 01:23 PM 08-10-2011
I have a mom who now (after I told her to) does quick drop-offs. The problem now is she brings a toy, a cup of juice, and his blanket in his hands. She carries him (he's 2!) to the door and he cries as soon as I open the door. She sets him down with his stuff, and he throws a HUGE fit. Kicking, screaming, crying. She leaves right away, but I still wish he would get over this. Makes me nervous for how things are going to be after my maternity leave in January. My baby won't be able to sleep!

Would it be any easier on the kid if he walked in himself? She's never made him walk to or from the car. And when he comes with all of this stuff, he doesn't share because he's possessive of "his" things. Then I'm the bad guy when I put it away when mom walks out.
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Sugar Magnolia 04:49 PM 08-10-2011
Did you hear back from her? Curious how it turned out...
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Cat Herder 04:52 PM 08-10-2011
Originally Posted by littlemommy:
I have a mom who now (after I told her to) does quick drop-offs. The problem now is she brings a toy, a cup of juice, and his blanket in his hands. She carries him (he's 2!) to the door and he cries as soon as I open the door. She sets him down with his stuff, and he throws a HUGE fit. Kicking, screaming, crying. She leaves right away, but I still wish he would get over this. Makes me nervous for how things are going to be after my maternity leave in January. My baby won't be able to sleep!

Would it be any easier on the kid if he walked in himself? She's never made him walk to or from the car. And when he comes with all of this stuff, he doesn't share because he's possessive of "his" things. Then I'm the bad guy when I put it away when mom walks out.
Tell Mom his "things" need to stay in the car. Let her deal with his crying from the car to the door.

We can't control what they do with the child on their time, just ours.
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MommyMuffin 04:55 PM 08-10-2011
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Did you hear back from her? Curious how it turned out...
Havent heard back yet. When I sent her an email a week ago it took several days for a response so maybe she hasnt checked it yet.
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Meeko 07:58 AM 08-11-2011
Originally Posted by Pammie:
Great response!!
Can I borrow it??
Of course!
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Tags:changing of the guard, drop off, drop off behavior, drop off issues, drop-off, lingering parents
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