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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Lurking Newbie with Problem
Unregistered 11:23 AM 06-17-2010
I have been keeing a 2 year old dcg now for four months. She's a sweet child and a pleasure to have. Her mom is another story. Lately she's been angry and I haven't a clue until she revealed she discovered she's a ******* and wants a divorce but dh won't have it. I keep my mouth shut b/c I don't want to force my views on anyone and silence is golden. Yesterday she picked up dcg at 4:30. I began tidying my home and my dd needed me to help her organize her closet. My dh arrived home around 6 and started getting ready for a guys night with some college buddies. They were going to shoot pool and hang out. He turned up the stereo (not too loud as to disturb but loud) and had rap playing. It wasn't vulgar rap just Summer Time by Will Smith. He jumped in the shower and I hear my doorbell ringing. I leave dd and hurry downstairs and it's the dcg mom. She goes, "is that rap music?"

I am puzzled as to why she is at my door and look at the driveway where dcg is in the car on the drivers side smiling and dancing. I ask her what does she want? She goes on to say she needs to talk to me with her arms crossed. I tell her fine but since it's 100 degrees to take dcg out of the hot car. She huffs and lets her out then starts telling me I play rap music when the kids are there which I do not. I have tons of children music and I cannot stand most rap anyway. She goes on to say my dh looks at her in an uncomfortable manner. I am shocked b/c I know for a face she does not know or have ever seen my husband. She insists he looks at her like he's undressing her so I ask her to describe my dh please. She goes he's white with blonde hair and brown dark eyes. I don't reply b/c my dh is filipino and black. What's the point in arguing with a liar? There is a dcd that fits the description but he is friendly and not that type of man. Anyway she complains my teen son is rude b/c he doesn't speak and walks by her. That's when I got angry. My son is a good kid who stays out of the way when these kids are here. I told her to get off my property and leave my life in peace. She takes out her cell phone and calls 911 to tell them I'm threatening her. I go inside and try to calm myself down but I can't.

The police arrived and was very angry with ME at first until they started asking more questions. When my dh came outside to see what was going on the cop said, 'Who is this guy?" When I informed him my dh he looked at her like she was crazy. Finally the officer told me "ma'am go inside and enjoy your evening. i'm so sorry."

I look out my window and he talks to her a long time and she is yelling then crying. I don't know what her problem is but today she shows up with dcg like nothing happened but called a few minutes to say "we will continue where we left off yesterday before you got me in trouble with the law."

I am not a coward but this woman has a history of violence and I don't want to put my family in harm. I can take it but not them. They are innocent. I am innocent too but she doesnt' believe me.

Thanks in advance- Bea.
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nannyde 11:34 AM 06-17-2010
You took the kid back the next day?

Oh not good.

Tell her you are done today and be done with it.
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jen 12:01 PM 06-17-2010
Holy crap! You need to break this off ASAP. Tell her whatever you think will best appease her, but get her out!
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Daycare Mommy 12:17 PM 06-17-2010
D: I would have told her to get off my property this morning if I answered the door at all. No WAY would I have taken her daughter again! Terminate! Get some adult witnesses for pick up time if possible and be outside when she gets there if you can. The more witnesses the better.
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tmcp2001 12:25 PM 06-17-2010
I completely agree with the pp's - terminate in writing immediately. And definately, DEFINATELY have another adult or two with you when she comes back. She sounds like a real piece of work and you are right to not put your family at risk for this.

Good luck to you! Let us know how it ends!!
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misol 12:45 PM 06-17-2010
I can't believe that she had the balls to bring dcg back the next day!! I am in agreeance with the other posters. Have the termination letter in hand when she arrives this afternoon! DO NOT even let her in your home. At pickup time, have dcg ready and waiting at the door with all her belongings. When she comes hand her the letter first and say this is dcg's last day of care. If you need to communicate with me for any reason, please do it in writing. That is all you need to say. Close the door and that's it. Good suggestion by the other posters to have an adult witness present if you can.

If you are licensed, it might also be a good idea to call your rep and give her a heads up on the situation...just in case.

Is it at all possible that this nutcase was drunk or high? I guess not if the cops didn't take her away. Did dcg have to witness all of this?

Hopefully your clients pay in advance and she doesn't owe you any money.
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Unregistered 01:02 PM 06-17-2010
I don't know if she was drunk or high. I couldn't tell. I tried calling DCM at work but it went back to voice mail. My sister is coming over b/c she doesn't want me to be alone with this woman and will serve as witness. I can't believe this woman. I didn't even tell my dh the full story b/c he is stressed at work and wants to enjoy his home without day care parents harassment. A short while ago the dcg said "my mommy beat you." She has never said this before so I don't know if she is making it up or if the mother said something perhaps in front of her? I asked her what did she mean by that but she just repeated, "my mommy beat you bad." Why would beating me solve anything? I've never encountered this before in my six years of providing care.
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Greenshadow 01:08 PM 06-17-2010
OMGOSH, You took her back?! Wow. I wasnt expecting an ending like that! There's no way in hell I would have let that woman walk across my threshold EVER again!! Wow.
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AmandasFCC 01:38 PM 06-17-2010
Yeah write up a termination letter pronto stating that due to her unstable display yesterday you are forced to terminate care to protect the children, your family and YOURSELF. What a nutjob!
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fctjc1979 01:44 PM 06-17-2010
I would make sure you document your side of the story and the fact that she dropped her kid off to you today. If you have any more dealings with her at all - DOCUMENT. Any police reports will back up your statements but it's always good to have documentation of other things that the cops were not there for. Document dates and times of any phone calls, text messages, face-to-face encounters, and comments that the dcg makes if she's old enough (probably not though since she's only two). Write down what was said to you, what you said back, and if anyone else was present to witness it.
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MarinaVanessa 02:10 PM 06-17-2010
Terminate. Immediately. Enough said.
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originalkat 02:41 PM 06-17-2010
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa:
Terminate. Immediately. Enough said.
Ditto Ditto Ditto
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grandmom 03:53 PM 06-17-2010
Get the cops' names and any report they filed. Document document document.

If when you terminate, she gets mad, she could easily make an accusation against you. With CPS, you will be shut down immediately. And your family will go through h*** till it's cleared up.

Never let her back in your home. This is a daycare's WORST NIGHTMARE.

Protect your family now.
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professionalmom 08:21 PM 06-17-2010
#1 - the cops knew you were innocent and being harassed, from the way they handled it, so get the report from them.
#2 - Make sure you have accurate documentation of her signing in and signing out for today.

If she goes to CPS, all you have to do is hand over a COPY of the police report that shows that SHE harassed you and that she obviously trusted you enough to bring her child back the next day.

Have witnesses there at all times during pick-up & term ASAP. Maybe you can even get a restraining order against her. Check into what is needed in your state. Things like intimidation, threats (saying that you two would continue that conversation today), etc. are all that may be necessary.

Then, if she does go to CPS, that's one more thing you can produce to show that she is merely being retaliatory. I almost went for the RO against a former client who was verbally abusive and frankly, scared the daylights out of me.
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misol 08:45 PM 06-17-2010
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I don't know if she was drunk or high. I couldn't tell. I tried calling DCM at work but it went back to voice mail. My sister is coming over b/c she doesn't want me to be alone with this woman and will serve as witness. I can't believe this woman. I didn't even tell my dh the full story b/c he is stressed at work and wants to enjoy his home without day care parents harassment. A short while ago the dcg said "my mommy beat you." She has never said this before so I don't know if she is making it up or if the mother said something perhaps in front of her? I asked her what did she mean by that but she just repeated, "my mommy beat you bad." Why would beating me solve anything? I've never encountered this before in my six years of providing care.
Wow, DCG said that? That is insane. The only thing that I can come up with is that the mom has a mental health issue.

So how did things go at pickup today?
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