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  #1  
Old 05-11-2012, 12:04 PM
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Default Kid's Mom's neglectful - Mother's Day Card??

I have a small group of daycare kids and keep putting off having them do Mother's Day cards. I think mainly because one of my kids' mom's is neglectful of him. She has absoutely no interest in him. The dad is working on seperating and getting custody of him. I happened to see them out once and she wrapped her older daughter (maybe 5 yrs old) upside the head. I didn't see the child do anything wrong to deserve any sort of punishment - certainly not to be smacked upside the head.

The mother didn't even come to the interview. Not because she was busy at work or something. She just didn't care to come see who might be watching her child. She also has never cared to come meet me since I started watching him about a month ago.

So, do I have the kids make Mother's day cards and let this boy's dad decide whether to give his to his mom or just throw it away? I just feel weird having him make a loving card to someone that I know mistreats him and has no interest in him. I also assume that ( I know that if I were him, I would) feel upset about receiving a card that brings up what is supposed to be something that is sweet and loving that in his case is just upsetting.

What would you do? My kids start leaving at 4:30 I have to make a decision.

Last edited by permanentvacation; 05-11-2012 at 12:07 PM. Reason: added info
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by permanentvacation View Post
I have a small group of daycare kids and keep putting off having them do Mother's Day cards. I think mainly because one of my kids' mom's is neglectful of him. She has absoutely no interest in him. The dad is working on seperating and getting custody of him. I happened to see them out once and she wrapped her older daughter (maybe 5 yrs old) upside the head. I didn't see the child do anything wrong to deserve any sort of punishment - certainly not to be smacked upside the head.

So, do I have the kids make Mother's day cards and let this boy's dad decide whether to give his to his mom or just throw it away? I just feel weird having him make a loving card to someone that I know mistreats him and has no interest in him. I also assume that ( I know that if I were him, I would) feel upset about receiving a card that brings up what is supposed to be something that is sweet and loving that in his case is just upsetting.

What would you do? My kids start leaving at 4:30 I have to make a decision.
I would make it and just leave it at that...


BTW that stinks that someone would treat a child that way...My dad was horrible towards me as a child, but he is the only father I have and I still love him......

Last edited by daycare; 05-11-2012 at 12:09 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:08 PM
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I feel like all the kids should have the opportunity to make their Mom's a card for mother's day and that he should be able to join in on the card making. When the card goes home, who knows what will happen with it, but that's ok too.

Very sad to hear about his mother though

Last edited by Creek; 05-11-2012 at 12:09 PM. Reason: Clicked enter too fast!
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:10 PM
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I would not have the others make one and not let him make one too. I am considering whether to have the group make cards or simply not have anyone make cards at all.
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:10 PM
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If you feel this strongly about it, then perhaps this is something you should report. I don't know all of the circumstances, but if I felt that a Mom was truly neglecting (and perhaps getting "physical" with him as well) her child it would be my obligation to report it, as it is with ALL providers.
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:13 PM
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I agree with Crystal - reporting is hard but if you are 100% sure she is neglectful and witnessed abuse it will help the caring parent get custody.

I would not punish all the other Mom's because of one - Allow the child to participate in making a card just do not address it to Mom

So sad when I hear of things like this!!!
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:14 PM
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The father has already taken care of things regarding the mother's mistreating the little boy. She doesn't live with the father and boy anymore. She really doesn't have much of anything to do with her son now. I saw her smack the older girl (the girl is not this man's child) a few weeks ago and after that, the dad told me that they split up and he is working on getting custody of the boy. At the time that he told me about them splitting up, he didn't yet know that I saw them in public and witnessed her smacking the girl. I told him about that after he told me about them splitting up.
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:35 PM
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alter his card to be a general "i love you" type card and let him give it to whoever he wants. if he is too small to make the decision, just give it to his dad and dont say anything about mothers day.
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Old 05-11-2012, 12:38 PM
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I would let him make the card. Then politely tell dad at pick up that you made a card, of which he can choose who to give it to, or keep it at home. Maybe grandma is a great help/support and she would love the card.
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Old 05-11-2012, 01:18 PM
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Thank you all for your suggestions. I have decided to let everyone make a Mother's Day card. In regular elementary school, they make cards and gifts for their parents and if there are issues at home with that parent, the child and parent have to decide what to do with the gift. So, I am thinking of this situation as if he were in regular school. The dad will decide what to do with the card.
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Old 05-14-2012, 12:54 PM
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I am a foster parent. My foster child's parent is a poor excuse of a parent. I can't tell you the pain I feel my FC. No matter if I like the fact or not that this person is the mother and I don't. Clearly. I still feel it is the right thing to do to acknowledge the women on special days. Why- because maybe just maybe and I doubt it but just maybe the love, kindness, etc....that I show this women that I can't stand will pour over some day and she will reflect this to others, stop being selfish and turn life around to be the best parent she can possibly be. Let it begin with me. I doubt this will ever happen- but I have to hold onto hope otherwise I would completely lose it!!! I never expect it back because it is not there at all- I do for the right reasons of doing--- not the wrong ones. Hope this helps you-
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