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Old 12-16-2012, 09:03 AM
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Default Problems With 2 Daycare Families!

As most of you already know I went through a miscarriage last week. On Saturday December 8th I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage after I went to the ER for bleeding. I was 8.5 weeks pregnant when I found out that the baby had passed away at 6.5 weeks. Both my husband and I took the loss really hard. We had been trying to unsuccessfully conceive for 2 years prior. We were so beyond thrilled and excited when we found out that we had FINALLY conceived so you can only imagine the heartbreak when we found out we lost the baby.

Since we had found out over the weekend I decided I would try to open the daycare back up the following Monday. However, I found Monday to be really hard for me, especially being around the babies and I chose to close for Tuesday and Wednesday so I could have some time to emotionally heal. I had already booked Wednesday off as I have a doctor's appointment for an ultrasound to find out if I had passed everything. On Wednesday I found out I had not passed the baby yet. I was given a drug to try to induce a natural miscarriage at home and was told to come back in the next day so we could determine if everything had passed. If I didn’t pass everything I would have been scheduled in for a D & C on Thursday. My doctor told me to take the rest of the week off of work so I could deal with everything. I would for sure have to be off for Thursday as she had booked me in for another ultrasound to see where I was at and if I hadn't passed the baby I would go in for surgery that day. Friday was a day for my body to heal after taking the drug she had prescribed for me.

I ran into two separate issues with two of my daycare families during this time...

1. On Wednesday I texted all families and informed them of what was going on and that I would be closed for the rest of the week. One dcm that I was having previous problems with (see What is wrong with families!!??) responded with we don’t have to pay you for these days, right? I took immediate offense to this as dcm didn’t so much as wish me well, share her condolences or show any form of compassion prior to this response. I had been having lots of problems with dcm the week prior to this so I was already not very impressed with her to begin with and her response really got under my skin. In a situation where this was a family that I got along well with and had minimal problems with I know I would have felt a little different, although regardless I felt it was VERY rude to ask about finances in the situation I was in. I very much expected to have the conversation on Monday after everything was over with and being that families pay me monthly there was really no reason to find out that day as payment was already made so deductions to payment would not have been made until January's payment. Dcm's response only further finalized my decision that she was not the right fit for my daycare.

I have had the following previous issues with dcm:

1. Expecting me to hand feed dcb 3 bottled during the 9 hours that he would be in my care. (Dcb is 13 months old) This was taking me upwards of 1.5 hours through out the day because he was so slow to drink his bottles. I was not aware of dcm's intentions to have my feed dcb 3 bottles in a daycare day prior to his first day of attendance. I usually do my best to transition each child into my care with minimal changes to their current lifestyle but this was just a bit too much for me. I couldn't comfortably fit three thirty minute feedings into a 9 hour daycare day while being able to meet the needs of all the other children. I emailed dcm the first week and told her that the 3 bottle feedings per day were not working out for me and that I needed her to give dcb the first bottle at home prior to coming, I would give him the second one prior to nap and then dcm could give him the third one at supper. I also asked her to please work with dcb at home to hold his own bottles as I wouldn't be able to continue to hold his bottles for him here for much longer. Dcm had never tried to get dcb to hold his own bottles at home as she said she enjoyed doing it herself. Within 2 weeks from enrollment I had dcb holding his own bottles here. Dcm did agree with my requests and our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
2. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that someone had grabbed dcb the day before as there was a hand mark on his arm. I immediately check dcb’s arm which had a quarter size rash looking area (similar to rub burn). Dcb is also not walking at this time and doesn’t leave my sight.I found the accusation from dcm to be unacceptable and I feel I did the right thing in the situation by checking dcb's arm in front of dcm and there was no mistake that the quarter size rash like area DID NOT resembled a hand mark. Dcm agreed with me at that time and our daycare relationship was ok.
3. Dcm come in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he had chocolate cake the night before so he doesn’t have to be excluded.This is the first time in my 6.5 years of running a daycare that a family has blamed an illness symptom on food. I have had illness symptoms blamed on teething which I have clearly outlined in my contract that I will not tolerate. I was taken back by this and agreed to take dcb BUT IF HE HAD ONE RUNNY POOP HERE HE WOULD BE SENT HOME FOR THE DAY. Dcb didn't have runny poop he had soft bowel movements. Our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
4. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he drank too much milk over the weekend so he doesn’t have to be excluded.Being that the first time dcm had pulled the illness symptom is caused from food bit and dcb indeed did not even have runny poop I did the same as the last time. I accepted dcb in BUT IF HE HAD ONE RUNNY POOP HERE HE WOULD BE SENT HOME FOR THE DAY. Dcb didn't have runny poop he had soft bowel movements. Our daycare relationship was ok at this time.
5. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has goopy eyes but her doctor told her it’s just his eyes draining from a cold so he doesn’t have to be excluded. His eyes were COVERED in goop.I made a mistake of taking dcm's word on this issue. I had never heard of draining eyes from a cold and I felt that if dcb had already seen a doctor then it should be ok. I also didn't want to make it seem like I didn't believe dcm. However, that evening I got a text message from dcm asking me if I was aware that another boy that attended my daycare on a VERY part time basis had pink eye. I was not aware of this. The dcb had attended on Tuesday that week and his eyes were clear. That was the only day he had attended so I was not overly concerned. After telling dcm "no I wasn't aware but dcb was not here with any symptoms this week and only came on Tuesday" dcm made the comment that maybe that was why dcb's eyes were becoming more red. This was when I told dcm that she had to take dcb to the doctor and get him checked out again and bring me a doctors note with diagnosis and treatment plan. Dcm back tracked and said "oh no his eyes are just draining from a cold so there is nothing to worry about" this was when I felt that maybe dcm had been keeping the actual diagnosis from me. I told dcm that I would need a doctor’s note with diagnosis before dcb could return to care. Three times she told me that he didn’t need a doctors note because she had already taken him to the doctor and his eyes are nothing to worry about. Finally she agreed to take him. It wasn't until this situation that our daycare relationship started to go down hill. I do not appreciate being told no when it comes to my policies. I do expect families to follow my policies at all times with no argument. The following day dcm texts me and says dcb will not be attending because he was coughing all night but his eyes are fine. I told dcm to please bring the doctor’s note on Monday when she returned next.I felt dcm was trying to get out of bringing me the doctor's note and this threw up another red flag for me. That Monday (which was the last day I was open prior to taking time off for the miscarriage) dcm walks in and practically throws dcb at me and says she is late for work and here is the doctor’s note and runs out the door. I get dcb undressed and then open the note to see that all it stated was “dcb can return to daycare” NO DIAGNOSIS!!At this point I knew I would no longer be able to care for dcb. I had clearly requested a note with diagnosis and treatment plan and dcm didn't listen to my request. However, this was the Monday after I was diagnosis with a missed miscarriage and I felt I had so much on my plate as it was I didn't want to add a confrontation or termination to the mixture as well. I told myself I would take care of it the very next time that dcm broke a policy or disrespected me. I told dcm in the future I would need diagnosis and treatment plan on all doctor’s notes but because dcb’s eyes were now clear I would let it go this time. By Tuesday night both of my eyes were infected...coincidence?

Would you have termed dcm after her rude response to me needing to take time off for medical reasons? Since I had told myself that I would term dcm the next time she broke one of my policies or disrespected me I felt that this was the last straw. I would not have termed dcm just based on this situation.

I also DID NOT charge families for the 4 days I had to take off last week.

2. Second dcf sends me an email on Friday and informs me that dcm will be picking up dcb(age 5) at 1:00pm on Monday and dropping him off at 2:15pm because he has a doctor’s appointment.This family has been with me for 3 years and is well aware that I DO NOT allow drop off's and pick ups during nap time which runs from 12:30pm - 2:30pm daily. I also was not going to make an exception to this rule on my first week back to work. For anyone on here that has had a miscarriage before you would know that you can feel very run down and super tired for weeks after a miscarriage (which is how I am feeling) and I did not want my break to be lost on Monday. I emailed dcm back on Saturday (which I rarely will do when I am off)When I am off I am unavailable. I will answer all emails/voicemails/text messages on my next business day. Dcm was aware of this and I actually just had it in my last newsletter in November as a reminder. I informed dcm that I felt it was important to me that I try not to disrupt my schedule as much as possible next week with everything I had just been through and as per contract dcb could be picked up at the latest of 12:30pm and dropped off at the earliest of 2:30pm. Dcm didn’t respond. Now this morning dcd called and left me a voicemail to call him.Again this family knows I am not available on the time's that I am off The only reason that I responded to dcm's email was because I had to take UNEXPECTED time off last week and dcm said that she was going to give me that information but then I closed. I feel that I have already gave dcf my response to their question and there is nothing more to discuss. How would you handle this situation?

I added more information into my thread as I feel that some of you may not of fully understood the situations for lack of information.
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:18 AM
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"I had just been through and as per contract dcb could be picked up at the latest of 12:30pm and dropped off at the earliest of 2:30pm. "

Remind them again at morning drop off tomorrow for the above statement. Just repeat,repeat. If she still goes against this, do you have a consequence in place ?
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Old 12-16-2012, 12:43 PM
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I really feel for you OP. I cant imagine what you have been thru. While my DH and I struggled with infertility, we didnt go thru a miscarriage and I am so sorry to hear what you have gone thru.

With that said, I hope I dont come off as too harsh in the following....

but I do think that you are expecting more from you DC parents and are taking their lack of compassion too personally. I know it is hurtful for sure and I am in no way agreeing with what they have done. However, as hard as this time is, I think you need to focus on separating what you are going thru and work towards maintaining professionalism. Do not expect any special treatment or compassion from your daycare families. If they give that, great and if they dont, you wont be so hurt and taken back by their behavior. Do not depend on the daycare families to support you emotionally during this time.

Follow your contract and get back on track with the daycare. If you feel you have to term someone, term because of failure to follow the policies, not because they were unsympathetic to your current situation. It does sound like you are not super strict with your own policies and that makes the parents feel like everything is up for negotiations. I know it is hard but you really have to be firm and consistent every time when things like payments, illness, communication come up.
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:07 PM
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Angry Some times I think parent's like should probably not even be parents!

I say just terminate her, she is so NOT worth it. She is causing you more stress than you need right now. It seems she has violated many of your rules. She cannot tell you that her son shouldn't be excluded, of course she would say that and come up with an excuse for everything, she doesn't want to miss work! But she needs to remember this is YOUR job, and it is your job to makes sure ALL of the children stay healthy and safe.

If you don't already have it in your contract put something about how YOU will determine weather a child is well enough to enter your program with a daily health check and If you think a child is ill to a point that they need a doctor that they will not be admidded into your program without a doctors not. also make it clear what you exclude for regardless of reasoning (fever 100+, vomiting, diarriah). Also if it is not in your contract put something about how parents are expected to pay weather their child attends or not, unless the parent gives a 2 week notice for a planned absents (vacation- but no more than a week with out pay) they are paying for a limited slot in your program. And you can decide if you want to charge if you have to close down due to illness or a family emergency (this situation can be considered either) I would say if it's only for a week (maybe two max) they still have to pay more than that they don't.

I say after one blow out (meaning #2 it leaks out of his diaper) baby is out until he has a doctor's note because diarriah can be caused by a virus and it can be contagious to other infants (due to weak immune systems) and is also a sign of dehydration- which if god forbid something happened while he was in your care you could be held responsible! Also it seems like she thinks that you have to follow her schedual because your watching her kid instead of her kid has to follow your schedual because he is part of a group care program. I would tell her "I am a child care provider and a business owner with a set schedule and a routine. It seems like my schedual doesn't work for you and many other daycares/fcc's around here have the same scheduals/routines. So I think you would be better off with a babysitter or a nanny- which I am NOT!" If she wants her child to be the main focus she can pay $10-15/hr instead of $100 for a 50 hour week. Parents need to know that if they are in your program they have to follow your rules- I'm not saying in some cases you can't accomidate their needs but it seems like she wants you to ignore the other kids (and their health/safety rights!) to take care of her child. Hence, she should NOT have her child in group care AT ALL! And honestly, she doesn't seem to care about anyone else's needs or feelings (your, other DCF's, other DCK's) when I bet she would be mad if you let another ill child in your daycare while her baby was their. So she should have to pay more if she wants to be the boss and set the rules. Sorry for the rant just parent's like this are so immature and selfish and do not realize how hard it is to run a daycare business- espessually when you have family/health issues going on!
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Angelwings36 View Post
As most of you already know I went through a miscarriage last week. On Saturday December 8th I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage after I went to the ER for bleeding. I was 8.5 weeks pregnant when I found out that the baby had passed away at 6.5 weeks. Both my husband and I took the loss really hard. We had been trying to unsuccessfully conceive for 2 years prior. We were so beyond thrilled and excited when we found out that we had FINALLY conceived so you can only imagine the heartbreak when we found out we lost the baby.
so sorry. We tried over two years before it finally happened, I can only imagine how horrid it would be to have lost the baby after all that. You are in my prayers.

Quote:
Since we had found out over the weekend I decided I would try to open the daycare back up the following Monday. However, I found Monday to be really hard for me, especially being around the babies and I chose to close for Tuesday and Wednesday so I could have some time to emotionally heal. On Wednesday I had a doctor’s appointment for an ultrasound to find out whether I had passed the baby or not. I had not passed the baby. I was given a drug to try to induce a natural miscarriage at home and was told to come back in the next day so we could determine if everything had passed. If I didn’t pass everything I would have been scheduled in for a D & C on Thursday. My doctor told me to take the rest of the week off of work so I could deal with everything. So I closed for Thursday and Friday as well.

I ran into two separate issues with two of my daycare families during this time...

1. On Wednesday I texted all families and informed them of what was going on and that I would be closed for the rest of the week. One dcm that I was having previous problems with (see What is wrong with families!!??) responded with we don’t have to pay you for these days, right? I took immediate offense to this as dcm didn’t so much as wish me well, share her condolences or show any form of compassion prior to this response.

I have had the following issues with dcm:

1. Expecting me to hand feed dcb 3 bottled during the 9 hours that he would be in my care. (Dcb is 13 months old) This was taking me upwards of 1.5 hours through out the day because he was so slow to drink his bottles.
2. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that someone had grabbed dcb the day before as there was a hand mark on his arm. I immediately check dcb’s arm which had a quarter size rash looking area (similar to rub burn). Dcb is also not walking at this time and doesn’t leave my sight.
3. Dcm come in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he had chocolate cake the night before so he doesn’t have to be excluded.
4. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has diarrhea but it’s because he drank too much milk over the weekend so he doesn’t have to be excluded.
5. Dcm comes in one morning and informs me that dcb has goopy eyes but her doctor told her it’s just his eyes draining from a cold so he doesn’t have to be excluded. His eyes were COVERED in goop. I told dcm that I would need a doctor’s note with diagnosis before dcb could return to care. Three times she told me that he didn’t need a doctors note because she had already taken him to the doctor and his eyes are nothing to worry about. Finally she agreed to take him. The following day dcm texts me and says dcb will not be attending because he was coughing all night but his eyes are fine. I told dcm to please bring the doctor’s note on Monday when she returned next. That Monday (which was the last day I was open prior to taking time off for the miscarriage) dcm walks in and practically throws dcb at me and says she is late for work and here is the doctor’s note and runs out the door. I get dcb undressed and then open the note to see that all it stated was “dcb can return to daycare” NO DIAGNOSIS!! I told dcm in the future I would need diagnosis and treatment plan on all doctor’s notes but because dcb’s eyes were now clear I would let it go this time. By Tuesday night both of my eyes were infected...coincidence?

Would you have termed dcm after her rude response to me needing to take time off for medical reasons? I knew questions about payment would come up eventually I just didn’t find it appropriate to ask in that moment and not even share condolences or wish me well?
well you can't make people care about you or your life. People usually are wrapped up in their own life to give a care for anyone else. While that speaks volumes of her character that alone isn't grounds to terminate but all the very disrespectful stuff you mentioned certainly is. I find it of ut most importance that my handbook cover all possible scenarios. That's why it is a BOOK! Everything is in there literally. I talked in length on a forum like this to get an idea of what I could expect from clients. I tend to trust others, but not in bussines. I cover my 6! Go over your policies with a fine tooth comb and make adjustments, if needed. I would out right tell this dcm how you feel. Put it in a letter and print it, have her sign the copy you keep on file (I keep everything on file, signed with proof she received it. You can post it here for help and suggestions, I would.

Quote:
2. Second dcf sends me an email on Friday and informs me that dcm will be picking up dcb(age 5) at 1:00pm on Monday and dropping him off at 2:15pm because he has a doctor’s appointment. I emailed dcm back on Saturday (which I rarely will do when I am off) and informed her that I felt it was important to me that I try not to disrupt my schedule as much as possible next week with everything I had just been through and as per contract dcb could be picked up at the latest of 12:30pm and dropped off at the earliest of 2:30pm. Dcm didn’t respond. Now this morning dcd called and left me a voicemail to call him. I have in my contract that I will not take calls, texts, emails over my time off, the only reason that I responded was because I had to take unexpected time off last week and dcm said that she was going to give me that information but then I closed. I feel that I have already gave dcf my response to their question and there is nothing more to discuss. How would you handle this situation?
go ahead and let dad call you. State in a firm and flat tone 'As stated in my handbook pickups and drop offs for appointments will be before x and after y. If you can't respect my policies feel free to find care somewhere else.' If they try to drag it on let them know the conversation is over and you're hanging up now. Click!
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Last edited by MamaG; 12-16-2012 at 01:54 PM. Reason: Fix my reply
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:12 PM
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My entire reply is mixed in with above quote, sorry!
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Last edited by Michael; 12-16-2012 at 01:28 PM.
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:29 PM
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My entire reply is mixed in with above quote, sorry!
Can you go back and edit it? Just highlight and make your new comments bold.
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Old 12-16-2012, 01:56 PM
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Can you go back and edit it? Just highlight and make your new comments bold.
I had tried to put my replies to each section in italics but it just made it all italics. Is that better?
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Old 12-16-2012, 04:51 PM
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First I am so sorry for your loss and everything you are now having to go through. (((HUGS)))

As far as your questions, I think you are just fishing for a reason to term a mom you really should have termed before any of this happened.

I would term her as soon as you are financially able to and just tell her that you don't feel like your program is the right fit for her and leave it at that. It sounds like that is the case considering everything you listed.

I wouldn't be too upset with her not offering any sympathies to you. The venting thread on this forum board is evident enough that many parents/clients are unable to see anything from someone else's perspective and see things only from the viewpoint of how it affects them.

In regards to the dad and the pick up/drop off during the day, what is the reasons for the DCB's doctor visit? Most times when kids see a doctor, they are sick. I exclude for imms too so any child in my care seeing a doctor would not be allowed in care that day. I also only allow one drop off and one pick up per child per day. NO EXCEPTIONS.

If he is seeing a doctor for something not related to illness, I would simply do what others suggested and state your policies about no pick ups at that time and stand your ground. Anytime someone tries to argue, I simply let them know they need to turn in their notice if they are planning to leave. Then smile big and let them decide what they want to do.
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Old 12-16-2012, 05:57 PM
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Would you have termed dcm after her rude response to me needing to take time off for medical reasons? I knew questions about payment would come up eventually I just didn’t find it appropriate to ask in that moment and not even share condolences or wish me well?
Honestly, no I wouldn't have termed dcm for her response to you. It was rude and inconsiderate but when you work with the general public, you will run into that kind of thing from time to time unfortunately. It would have been nice had she expressed some sympathy and understanding but apparently, she isn't capable of thinking past her own nose. I would put her on probation for breaking your rules, though. I would let her know she needs to clean up her act and give her a deadline for doing it. Any further rule breaking would get a termination letter from me.


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Originally Posted by Angelwings36 View Post
Now this morning dcd called and left me a voicemail to call him. I have in my contract that I will not take calls, texts, emails over my time off, the only reason that I responded was because I had to take unexpected time off last week and dcm said that she was going to give me that information but then I closed. I feel that I have already gave dcf my response to their question and there is nothing more to discuss. How would you handle this situation?
I would return his call but I would remind him that I don't usually respond during time off. They may have a legitimate reason for needing an exemption from the normal rules. If they are normally respectful of the rules, I would hear them out and then make a decision as to whether I wanted to bend the rules a little for them this one time.

Just wanted to add that I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope most of your families are being supportive.
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Old 12-16-2012, 06:00 PM
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First off...i never, ever allow a parent to tell me if their child doesnt need to be excluded. I am the one that calls the shots. It is MY decision to allow a child in...even with a doctors note. No one dictates who can come into my home but me. This mom would have been terminated many, many weeks/months ago.

As for the other family, keep in mind that because you are going through a difficult time...so might they...financially. If the rolls were reversed, would you be able to find alternate care AND afford it for a whole week? Be thankful they aren't packing up and finding someone else. I know some of my clients would if I took an unscheduled week off.
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Old 12-16-2012, 08:24 PM
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As for the other family, keep in mind that because you are going through a difficult time...so might they...financially. If the rolls were reversed, would you be able to find alternate care AND afford it for a whole week? Be thankful they aren't packing up and finding someone else. I know some of my clients would if I took an unscheduled week off.
This is exactly why I do not charge if I have to close for personal reasons. I can't imagine paying for care at two places. On such short notice I can't imagine them finding care anywhere but a center.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:54 AM
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I really feel for you OP. I cant imagine what you have been thru. While my DH and I struggled with infertility, we didnt go thru a miscarriage and I am so sorry to hear what you have gone thru.

With that said, I hope I dont come off as too harsh in the following....

but I do think that you are expecting more from you DC parents and are taking their lack of compassion too personally. I know it is hurtful for sure and I am in no way agreeing with what they have done. However, as hard as this time is, I think you need to focus on separating what you are going thru and work towards maintaining professionalism. Do not expect any special treatment or compassion from your daycare families. If they give that, great and if they dont, you wont be so hurt and taken back by their behavior. Do not depend on the daycare families to support you emotionally during this time.

Follow your contract and get back on track with the daycare. If you feel you have to term someone, term because of failure to follow the policies, not because they were unsympathetic to your current situation. It does sound like you are not super strict with your own policies and that makes the parents feel like everything is up for negotiations. I know it is hard but you really have to be firm and consistent every time when things like payments, illness, communication come up.
I do not feel that my policies are up for negotiation. I did explain further in my original post what I had done in each situation where dcm was not following my policies.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:57 AM
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Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
First off...i never, ever allow a parent to tell me if their child doesnt need to be excluded. I am the one that calls the shots. It is MY decision to allow a child in...even with a doctors note. No one dictates who can come into my home but me. This mom would have been terminated many, many weeks/months ago.

As for the other family, keep in mind that because you are going through a difficult time...so might they...financially. If the rolls were reversed, would you be able to find alternate care AND afford it for a whole week? Be thankful they aren't packing up and finding someone else. I know some of my clients would if I took an unscheduled week off.
I did not charge families for the 4 days that I had to take off due to a miscarriage. I think it's awful that you think that I should be thankful they aren't packing up and finding someone else over me taking 4 days off to deal with a miscarriage. If families can't understand that things come up that are out of a providers control (this was not something I expected or planned for) then they are not a good fit for me to begin with.
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Old 12-17-2012, 07:24 AM
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Last year, I was hospitalized suddenly for a week, and almost lost my vision completely. I was laying in a hospital bed, texting my dcfs about the situation in a group text. One of the dcms then called me on my cell phone and said, without any hesitation, "Should we be looking for another day care?" I was beyond shocked, and my feelings were incredibly hurt. I thought it was the most insensitive thing ever.

I did not end up going blind, and I kept this family until the end of the year. It did sour my feelings towards them for the rest of the year.

If you truly can't see how to move past the insensitive treatment, you should probably end the working relationship.
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Old 12-17-2012, 07:33 AM
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Last year, I was hospitalized suddenly for a week, and almost lost my vision completely. I was laying in a hospital bed, texting my dcfs about the situation in a group text. One of the dcms then called me on my cell phone and said, without any hesitation, "Should we be looking for another day care?" I was beyond shocked, and my feelings were incredibly hurt. I thought it was the most insensitive thing ever.

I did not end up going blind, and I kept this family until the end of the year. It did sour my feelings towards them for the rest of the year.

If you truly can't see how to move past the insensitive treatment, you should probably end the working relationship.
I'm glad that someone else understands how I felt in that moment. I know that I can't make my personal problems my families problems but I do expect to be treated in a humane way. If I found out someone else was dealing with a medical condition the first thing that would come out of my mouth is, "I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this." I think it's just appropriate social skills and general respect. I couldn't imagine asking a question that could potentially cause that person more stress during the time they were dealing with whatever it was they were dealing with. To me that is wrong. Dcm knew I would be open again on Monday and payment wouldn't be fixed until January 1st regardless so she had plenty of time later to inquire about the payment. Although dcm's comment is not my only reason for wanting to term it was enough to help me make the final decision that she didn't belong in my program.
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Old 12-17-2012, 10:56 AM
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I'm glad that someone else understands how I felt in that moment. I know that I can't make my personal problems my families problems but I do expect to be treated in a humane way. If I found out someone else was dealing with a medical condition the first thing that would come out of my mouth is, "I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this." I think it's just appropriate social skills and general respect. I couldn't imagine asking a question that could potentially cause that person more stress during the time they were dealing with whatever it was they were dealing with. To me that is wrong. Dcm knew I would be open again on Monday and payment wouldn't be fixed until January 1st regardless so she had plenty of time later to inquire about the payment. Although dcm's comment is not my only reason for wanting to term it was enough to help me make the final decision that she didn't belong in my program.
I do understand. As I'm sure everyone else does too. It's just we have had the pleasure of working with selfish cold hearted parents way more often then you (it seems) and expect nothing less then this kind of rude response. We have already learned this lesson. It's not shocking, unexpected, or against my policies. You can't fix stupid. I ignore stupid tho and gladly terminate stupid also. But then I have a policy that I can terminate for any reason or no reason without advance notice if I so choose.
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Old 12-17-2012, 11:49 AM
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I do understand. As I'm sure everyone else does too. It's just we have had the pleasure of working with selfish cold hearted parents way more often then you (it seems) and expect nothing less then this kind of rude response. We have already learned this lesson. It's not shocking, unexpected, or against my policies. You can't fix stupid. I ignore stupid tho and gladly terminate stupid also. But then I have a policy that I can terminate for any reason or no reason without advance notice if I so choose.
I'm sorry I didn't mean for my comment to come off as in no one else understood, that was not what I was getting at, at all. I also don't know that that you have worked with "selfish, cold hearted parents" way more often then me I just think the difference between us is even though I expect at times to get a rude response to certain issues I do not accept it. I would always find it shocking as to me it's not appropriate behavior. I would not allow one of my children to act in an inappropriate social manner so I would not tolerate an adult parent doing the same. I also have a policy where I can term families if they are not following my policies themselves, disrespecting me, treating me inappropriately or harassing me if I choose. As I said previously I realize that I can’t make my personal problems my families problems but I do expect to be treated appropriately at all times and this means WITHOUT RUDENESS as well. All of my other dcf’s showed me compassion, sympathy and empathy during this difficult time for me. I was wished well, emotionally supported by other dcm’s that went through the same thing as well as one dcd and told to take as much time as I needed for myself from all families. When I opened this morning all of my families where extra kind to me and concerned with how I was doing. I did not expect all of this a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” was suitable. Or an “ok no problem” would have also been acceptable to me when I informed families I needed to close. I did not personally choose for this to happen it was something that happened to me that I could not control and I did feel bad for taking the time off, which my families are aware, but I sure would not expect to be treated inappropriate due to my inability to control the circumstances I was in.

I had to go back and edit out the last paragraph as I realized MamaG was not the person that made the comment that I was referring to. Sorry for that.
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Old 12-17-2012, 12:06 PM
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I'm sorry I didn't mean for my comment to come off as in no one else understood, that was not what I was getting at, at all. I also don't know that that you have worked with "selfish, cold hearted parents" way more often then me I just think the difference between us is even though I expect at times to get a rude response to certain issues I do not accept it. I would always find it shocking as to me it's not appropriate behavior. I would not allow one of my children to act in an inappropriate social manner so I would not tolerate an adult parent doing the same. I also have a policy where I can term families if they are not following my policies themselves, disrespecting me, treating me inappropriately or harassing me if I choose. As I said previously I realize that I can’t make my personal problems my families problems but I do expect to be treated appropriately at all times and this means WITHOUT RUDENESS as well. All of my other dcf’s showed me compassion, sympathy and empathy during this difficult time for me. I was wished well, emotionally supported by other dcm’s that went through the same thing as well as one dcd and told to take as much time as I needed for myself from all families. When I opened this morning all of my families where extra kind to me and concerned with how I was doing. I did not expect all of this a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” was suitable. Or an “ok no problem” would have also been acceptable to me when I informed families I needed to close. I did not personally choose for this to happen it was something that happened to me that I could not control and I did feel bad for taking the time off, which my families are aware, but I sure would not expect to be treated inappropriate due to my inability to control the circumstances I was in.

The reason why I commented on your original post was because your comment regarding the fact that I should be thankful that families didn’t pack up and leave because I took a week off of work. Honestly, I should not have to feel guilty or worried to take 4 unexpected days off for medical reasons which also means I shouldn't have to be concerned with being thankful that families didn't pack up and leave over the 4 unexpected days I had to close due to a miscarriage. It happens and when it does I expect to have GOOD families that understand the circumstances I am in. I guess it is situations such as these that help “some” providers weed out some ugly parents.
I never said that you should be lucky they didn't leave. And I do not except the behavior but since I need money I don't terminate based on what I think is a selfish comment. I ignore it and raise above it. I would have turned it around on her.
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Old 12-17-2012, 12:09 PM
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I never said that you should be lucky they didn't leave. And I do not except the behavior but since I need money I don't terminate based on what I think is a selfish comment. I ignore it and raise above it. I would have turned it around on her.
Yes I am sorry I realized afterwards that you were not the persont that made that comment, so sorry for that. I also wouldn't have terminated just based on dcm's comment, however, as someone else did say it likely would have made me feel cold towards dcm moving forward if I did keep her and eventually I likely would have been looking for reasons to term her so I didn't have to see her everyday, kwim? In what way would you have turned it around on her?
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