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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Tell Me if I'm Being Unreasonable
CountryRoads 07:20 AM 10-21-2019
Dcb3.5 has never told me has to use the potty. Mom swears that he uses it at home, and she knows he does not use it here. She tried sending him in underwear a few months ago and he had an accident. She stopped mentioning it up until recently. I should add that I have caught her in several lies, so I never believed that he was trained at home.
Everyday it's "you better uses the potty", "you have to use the potty today or you don't get a treat", etc.
He will only use it, and maybe only 75% of the time, if I tell him to sit. He has never told me he has to go. Every diaper change, he is wet.
Dcm shows up this morning and said he was in underwear all weekend. She sent him in underwear today. I'm not very optimistic, but we'll see. Dcm said "I figured if I don't put him in underwear it's never going to happen because he's being stubborn about it here."
My policy is very clear on potty training that he must be trained at home first with parents, then I will assist here. It also says the child must stay in pull-ups until he/she has shown to be potty trained at daycare. I should've spoke up, but I figured I should believe her when she said he was in underwear all weekend.
She told me she packed extra underwear and 2 pairs of pants. But, of course, if he has even 1 accident, he will be going in pull-ups.
Should I wait to see if he has an accident then send her a reminder of my policy? How should I handle this?
Everyday it's "you better uses the potty", "you have to use the potty today or you don't get a treat", etc.
He will only use it, and maybe only 75% of the time, if I tell him to sit. He has never told me he has to go. Every diaper change, he is wet.
Dcm shows up this morning and said he was in underwear all weekend. She sent him in underwear today. I'm not very optimistic, but we'll see. Dcm said "I figured if I don't put him in underwear it's never going to happen because he's being stubborn about it here."
My policy is very clear on potty training that he must be trained at home first with parents, then I will assist here. It also says the child must stay in pull-ups until he/she has shown to be potty trained at daycare. I should've spoke up, but I figured I should believe her when she said he was in underwear all weekend.
She told me she packed extra underwear and 2 pairs of pants. But, of course, if he has even 1 accident, he will be going in pull-ups.
Should I wait to see if he has an accident then send her a reminder of my policy? How should I handle this?
Cat Herder 07:30 AM 10-21-2019
You should always enforce your own policies. If they are not important enough to have, then don't have them. 
It undermines your professionalism.
Second, he is pretty old to not be potty trained so I understand the frustration for both of you. How many times per day is he being taken to the potty as part of the daily schedule? Is he behind in other milestones? Has she told you of her plans for preschool attendance, yet?
Pull-ups over his cloth is not an unreasonable compromise.
It undermines your professionalism.Second, he is pretty old to not be potty trained so I understand the frustration for both of you. How many times per day is he being taken to the potty as part of the daily schedule? Is he behind in other milestones? Has she told you of her plans for preschool attendance, yet?
Pull-ups over his cloth is not an unreasonable compromise.
CountryRoads 07:38 AM 10-21-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
You should always enforce your own policies. If they are not important enough to have, then don't have them.
Second, he is pretty old to not be potty trained so I understand the frustration for both of you. How many times per day is he being taken to the potty as part of the daily schedule? Is he behind in other milestones? Has she told you of her plans for preschool attendance, yet?
You should always enforce your own policies. If they are not important enough to have, then don't have them.
Second, he is pretty old to not be potty trained so I understand the frustration for both of you. How many times per day is he being taken to the potty as part of the daily schedule? Is he behind in other milestones? Has she told you of her plans for preschool attendance, yet?
Every diaper change I ask him if he needs to go potty. So, around 9:30, 11:45, after nap (around 2:30), and before he goes home (5:00). He is wet every time. I don't think he is behind on any milestones. We just had a 3 day weekend last weekend, and I really hoped she would work on it with him. But, instead she sent him to his grandma's house. I don't have an answer for why he would be "100% trained at home" (mom's words) but not trained at all here. He's been with me since he was 6 weeks old.
She has mentioned preschool. She told him that if he goes potty he can go to school every once in a while (it's for 3 hours a day, 2 days a week.)
Blackcat31 07:40 AM 10-21-2019
Any time you waive, disregard or bend your policies you are telling parents your policies are negotiable.
If you don't want to continue having to defend your policies you need to stand behind them.
This child might very well be trained at home but not at daycare. Totally common. However, being trained in daycare is YOUR goal and if he simply wets because he's wearing a Pull-up, then he isn't trained. A fully trained child does not pee in a Pull up just because he's wearing it.
I have a couple of DCK's who wear Pull ups and neither of them pees in them. It's just an excuse that throws most providers off.
If you don't want to continue having to defend your policies you need to stand behind them.
This child might very well be trained at home but not at daycare. Totally common. However, being trained in daycare is YOUR goal and if he simply wets because he's wearing a Pull-up, then he isn't trained. A fully trained child does not pee in a Pull up just because he's wearing it.
I have a couple of DCK's who wear Pull ups and neither of them pees in them. It's just an excuse that throws most providers off.
284878 10:46 AM 10-21-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Any time you waive, disregard or bend your policies you are telling parents your policies are negotiable.
If you don't want to continue having to defend your policies you need to stand behind them.
This child might very well be trained at home but not at daycare. Totally common. However, being trained in daycare is YOUR goal and if he simply wets because he's wearing a Pull-up, then he isn't trained. A fully trained child does not pee in a Pull up just because he's wearing it.
I have a couple of DCK's who wear Pull ups and neither of them pees in them. It's just an excuse that throws most providers off.
I have a foster boy that just started, DCM says he was potty trained by the other foster family. Other family trained him to strip and sit on the toilet backwards. He can't hold his pee well enough and starts before he hops on the toilet. My rug, and his clothes get wet everytime. Cw (caseworker) makes him wear a pull up to visit, sometimes it dry when he removes it but not always. The more I send him to the be bathroom, the more he wets things. Any time you waive, disregard or bend your policies you are telling parents your policies are negotiable.
If you don't want to continue having to defend your policies you need to stand behind them.
This child might very well be trained at home but not at daycare. Totally common. However, being trained in daycare is YOUR goal and if he simply wets because he's wearing a Pull-up, then he isn't trained. A fully trained child does not pee in a Pull up just because he's wearing it.
I have a couple of DCK's who wear Pull ups and neither of them pees in them. It's just an excuse that throws most providers off.
DCM says sometimes he puts his under and pants on backwards. He did it because backwards because no one took the time to show him how to do it right. Now that I showed him, he gets it right.
But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet?
I feel he would wet less on my rug and his clothes if he sat properly. (He is 3 and we use the toilet with built in potty ring only, no stool to get on with but could add one. Potty chair is also optional to add if needed.)
Blackcat31 10:58 AM 10-21-2019
Originally Posted by 284878:
But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet?
Many of the boys I've had in care sit the same way.But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet?
WHEN they switch to forward sitting and/or standing is individual for each one of them.
Some ready before others so I guess that's not much help but there is definitely no one size fits all in this area of development.
I hear you though on the amount that doesn't get INTO the toilet.
jenboo 11:31 AM 10-21-2019
Originally Posted by 284878:
I have a foster boy that just started, DCM says he was potty trained by the other foster family. Other family trained him to strip and sit on the toilet backwards. He can't hold his pee well enough and starts before he hops on the toilet. My rug, and his clothes get wet everytime. Cw (caseworker) makes him wear a pull up to visit, sometimes it dry when he removes it but not always. The more I send him to the be bathroom, the more he wets things.
DCM says sometimes he puts his under and pants on backwards. He did it because backwards because no one took the time to show him how to do it right. Now that I showed him, he gets it right.
But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet?
I feel he would wet less on my rug and his clothes if he sat properly. (He is 3 and we use the toilet with built in potty ring only, no stool to get on with but could add one. Potty chair is also optional to add if needed.)
I taught my DS to sit backwards too. 1. They feel more secure and don't feel like they are going to fall in. 2. He didn't understand how to push his penis down and would pee out of the toilet. I have a foster boy that just started, DCM says he was potty trained by the other foster family. Other family trained him to strip and sit on the toilet backwards. He can't hold his pee well enough and starts before he hops on the toilet. My rug, and his clothes get wet everytime. Cw (caseworker) makes him wear a pull up to visit, sometimes it dry when he removes it but not always. The more I send him to the be bathroom, the more he wets things.
DCM says sometimes he puts his under and pants on backwards. He did it because backwards because no one took the time to show him how to do it right. Now that I showed him, he gets it right.
But my question is how do I or should I change the way he sits on the toilet?
I feel he would wet less on my rug and his clothes if he sat properly. (He is 3 and we use the toilet with built in potty ring only, no stool to get on with but could add one. Potty chair is also optional to add if needed.)
After 1.5 years (3
5 years old) , he realized that he could stand up to pee
I might have cried a little... because his aim is usually off some.
Unregistered 11:52 AM 10-21-2019
Dear daycare providers, is it really a big deal to remind a kid to use the potty?
Any skill doesn't appear from nowhere. So, for the start, it is necessary to remind, a little later, the kid will start doing that without your reminding.
Any skill doesn't appear from nowhere. So, for the start, it is necessary to remind, a little later, the kid will start doing that without your reminding.
Josiegirl 03:13 AM 10-22-2019
Potty training is such a dilemma. First of all, who has the ultimate control? The kid, of course. If you push too hard they push back. If you don't push enough they usually do nothing. And every single kid is different with their personality; do they try to please the adults in their life, do they want to be a big kid like the others, do they want to act like a baby, are they handling fears or changes in their life by regressing, are they testing each adult differently. Consistency is so important in this matter. I've had dcks slowly train, then they come in on a Monday in underwear because magically they did great over the weekend. I secretly roll my eyes and go yeh, okay, we'll see how *this* goes. Sometimes it goes great, other times not so much.
As providers we all know the signs to keep watch for to indicate they're ready. But we also need to help guide them and keep them on task because we also know how distracting life can be for them. And as far as telling us they need to go, some kids just never do. How many times have you smelled something funky and you ask a dck if they pooped, no is their answer when clearly the evidence is in their diaper.
It's just a kid thing.
I also had in my policies that the parent has to make the initiative at home with good results, for a couple of weeks. But no underwear until they can go with no accidents. I think going back and forth with pull-ups and underwear confuses them so you need to be sure they can accomplish dryness the majority of the time. And I also think they need to be led to the potty if they're showing signs of needing it.
As I said some dcks are so good at it and some need to be helped along the way. I think it's difficult to have the consistency between home and dc that's needed to make the smooth transition.
Good luck with this child.
It was one of the things I loathed about dc.
I visited with a former dcm last night and she now has a dc of her own. She said she's got a dck who's learning to use the potty and 3x last Thursday he went in by himself, used it to poop, and made a complete mess of the bathroom. An experience like that can completely ruin your whole day. Yikes.
She's learning as she goes but I'm sure we've all had days like that.
And just remember our need germ warfare is #1 with this issue.
As providers we all know the signs to keep watch for to indicate they're ready. But we also need to help guide them and keep them on task because we also know how distracting life can be for them. And as far as telling us they need to go, some kids just never do. How many times have you smelled something funky and you ask a dck if they pooped, no is their answer when clearly the evidence is in their diaper.
It's just a kid thing. I also had in my policies that the parent has to make the initiative at home with good results, for a couple of weeks. But no underwear until they can go with no accidents. I think going back and forth with pull-ups and underwear confuses them so you need to be sure they can accomplish dryness the majority of the time. And I also think they need to be led to the potty if they're showing signs of needing it.
As I said some dcks are so good at it and some need to be helped along the way. I think it's difficult to have the consistency between home and dc that's needed to make the smooth transition.
Good luck with this child.
It was one of the things I loathed about dc. I visited with a former dcm last night and she now has a dc of her own. She said she's got a dck who's learning to use the potty and 3x last Thursday he went in by himself, used it to poop, and made a complete mess of the bathroom. An experience like that can completely ruin your whole day. Yikes.
She's learning as she goes but I'm sure we've all had days like that.And just remember our need germ warfare is #1 with this issue.
CountryRoads 07:28 AM 10-22-2019
He did good yesterday. He would try and nothing happened. He held it all day until pick up.
This morning, dcm brings him in and he peed his pants. She changes him and put underwear back on him. I would've put a pull up on. Curious as to how many accidents you allow or is reasonable until you put a pull up back on?
This morning, dcm brings him in and he peed his pants. She changes him and put underwear back on him. I would've put a pull up on. Curious as to how many accidents you allow or is reasonable until you put a pull up back on?
Blackcat31 07:33 AM 10-22-2019
Originally Posted by CountryRoads:
He did good yesterday. He would try and nothing happened. He held it all day until pick up.
This morning, dcm brings him in and he peed his pants. She changes him and put underwear back on him. I would've put a pull up on. Curious as to how many accidents you allow or is reasonable until you put a pull up back on?
One. Why should he be allowed to pee at your house without it being contained? He did good yesterday. He would try and nothing happened. He held it all day until pick up.
This morning, dcm brings him in and he peed his pants. She changes him and put underwear back on him. I would've put a pull up on. Curious as to how many accidents you allow or is reasonable until you put a pull up back on?
ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry.
Snowmom 07:38 AM 10-22-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
One. Why should he be allowed to pee at your house without it being contained?
ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry.
Agree! One. One. Why should he be allowed to pee at your house without it being contained?
ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry.
I control the environment here. Parents DO NOT GET A SAY in my policies. Ever. The child has not demonstrated they are ready (by the lack of readiness signs), so they are not ready in this environment. I don't care what is done or shown at home. I care about here.
CountryRoads 08:03 AM 10-22-2019
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
One. Why should he be allowed to pee at your house without it being contained?
ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry.
One. Why should he be allowed to pee at your house without it being contained?
ONE accident and back in Pull-ups until two full weeks dry.
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
Agree! One.
I control the environment here. Parents DO NOT GET A SAY in my policies. Ever. The child has not demonstrated they are ready (by the lack of readiness signs), so they are not ready in this environment. I don't care what is done or shown at home. I care about here.
That's what I was thinking. Agree! One.
I control the environment here. Parents DO NOT GET A SAY in my policies. Ever. The child has not demonstrated they are ready (by the lack of readiness signs), so they are not ready in this environment. I don't care what is done or shown at home. I care about here.
Do they not understand that it's unsanitary to have a child pee his pants in daycare? That there are other kids around? That I don't want to throw away a cot bed because a child peed in it? That it's unfair to expect me to clean up your child's pee over and over?
I think she's embarrassed because he's not trained yet and is trying to force it. I don't know if this affects anything, but she always makes threats to him. This morning it was "you're not going to get to see grandpa if you don't use the potty." I know she doesn't do anything with him at home about it. There was a 3 day weekend last week and I really hoped she would've worked with it on him if she really thinks he's ready. But instead she sent him to grandma's house. She told me that last night he went poop in the potty and she was so proud of him and she thinks he's finally getting it. But...she's been telling me for weeks that he is 100% trained at home
Hence why I have a hard time believing her. I think I'm going to have to be blunt and tell her that he cannot come in underwear until he can verbally tell me he has to go here and consistently uses the potty as it's a sanitation issue.Sorry about the rambling, but this has become a very frustrating situation.