The lovely all time question...

I have a new child who started several weeks ago. Well versed and communicates well. They actually bring a younger sibling with them. The younger sibling is doing well. The older child....O. M. G! Like seriously. Spoiled beyond the limits. Seems the child is held all day long. Refuses to play with the others. Demands. Won't stop screaming all day.... if she sees me as she demands I pick up all day long and cater to just her. I am so completely stressed out I cannot explain how horrible I dread their days. The child is only part time and I am doing a happy dance on non-days. Horrible. I have to place the child in a highchair to get anything done or they follow me around pulling on my clothes and screaming and demanding. NOT crying screaming. Like SCREAMING. WAY too old to act this way! I can get nothing done while they are in the room. I am trying my best to interview and replace. No takers yet.

I feel bad. I always hate giving notice to a parent due to a childs behavior. No parent wants to be there. So just when I have had enough, they come in all sorry and then I give cause I feel bad. But I KNOW this isn't good for business. My other parents are like WT-! Last week they showed an hour and half late!! During my bus drop off times. Do you all know what it was like to have a SCREAMING child at parent pick up and bus arrivals who is pulling at my clothes and trying to walk out the door? Like remotely? And when I said something to mom she couldn't understand why I would be upset. She kept saying she had 15 minutes. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I close in 15 min. YOU are an hour and 22 minutes late picking up your child at the agreed time!!!!! I was livid! All they say is sorry. Then the first two weeks they paid late. This week they drop off screaming kid, an hour early mind you, and says he forgot the money again. He arrives as I am sending my daughter out the door for the bus and three other parents are arriving. Says they want to pick up earlier today so they are dropping off earlier. Says he will bring payment later. Oh he did alright. AT BUS PICK UP TIME for my younger dc kids! So now I have the child screaming again cause dad showed....I have parents dropping off and a child waiting for the bus! OMG I was so stressed this morning I was shaking and had an upset stomach by the time I got everyone where they needed to be.

Should I pack them up and take the money loss and hope to fill later? Give them a two week notice? Say today is the last day? Or should I continue to interview and ride it out? I cannot keep doing this. But I have no takers to fill the positions either yet. I am trying. But not there yet.

AND how do I gently tell them "HELL NO!"? They are neighbors and so I will eventually see them at some point. How is a gentle way to say "Your kid is a brat and you are enabling it" without saying that? I would like to be able to pass their house and wave and smile without having to run the other way!!

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Hmmm, late pick ups, late payments, un-involved parents, hard-to-manage child behaviors....


Yeah, seems like a no brainer to me.

There isn't enough money in their pockets to pay me to deal with that....but then again, they pay late anyways so....

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Blackcat....LMAO I know...I know.

So how do I say it nicely?

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First way to solve the nonpayment issue, don't allow them to drop off without the money.

No pay, No play. Period. They can take their child to go get payment and come back with it.

As for them being off contract times, have they signed a contract regarding their start and end times? If not, I would make out a contract today. Charge late fees past their scheduled pick up times. Don't accept the child early.

If you can go without the income, term effective immediately.

According to the behavior of the children, either they are having a hard time with a new caregiver(what was their previous situation? Are they used to daycare?) I

I would definitely not be willing to accept this type of arrangement, I do not manage well when families make it hard for me to work and manage my day. I would have a firm talk, if they blow you off, term.

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oh and do I give them like notice and a date? Or just say done? (thinking done won't go over well for the neighbor issue)

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What does your contract say?

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Munchkin- I have tried talking to them. Last week when I was at the end of my rope I was CLEARLY upset. I told mom she was clearly an hour and half late. And her husband had not paid. And she owed xyz in late fees. And her child was demanding and screamed and needed help in their behavior. Mom was stuck on how could she be late if she still had 15 min. And blamed payment...again...on her husband. And then CARRIED the child all the way home!! I had another mom standing there with their mouth open watching them walk away while the other mom struggled with a stroller and a diaper bag and the screaming older child and then they turned to me and said how do you do this?! Now if the other mom understood my frustration and knew what I was saying WHY can't the actual mom? Sometimes...just sometimes, telling your child NO will not injure them! *sigh* They make it clear they won't change. Today they showed early, forgot payment and carried the child in screaming like a nut ball. I am at a loss on what else to try or say. I feel bad. I honestly do. But I don't know how to fix their problems.

And no. Gmoms watched the kids. Then mom has been home since. She just returned to work. They have never been in daycare and they seem to have no friends or family with children.

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Well it says I can term. But I am asking should I be nice and give notice or term on spot.

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EEK! I would just term. What's the point of being nice, they aren't being nice and not respecting you at all, as well as your checkbook?

If a family caused me this much stress, I would definitely be done.

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( I hope my original post didn't come off as snarky... I really do feel for you having to deal with this...)


I would give notice WITH strings... Give 2 weeks notice but if DCK's behavior becomes unmanageable during the day or her screaming has reached heights you simply cannot tolerate any longer that day, call for immediate pick up.

If they dont like that, they are free to leave now. Paying the final two weeks still of course...

Otherwise, I would be honest and tell them DCG's screaming is simply too much for you to manage and that you are not the right fit for her needs since it's clear she needs her own adult. Let them know it IS because of DCG's behavior. They need to hear it. Even if they don't listen. Im sure they'll hear it again...

Not a good fit.

If you simply can.not tolerate her screaming any longer and can afford the gap in income, term now. Life is too short to listen to someone else's child screech all day.

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I agree with the advice you've gotten so far. I would just term and be done tbh. Think of how this affects you (and I know because I've been there) and how it affects your group. Then give them their notice and do your happy dance.

You are being nice by bringing the issues to their attention. With or without notice. I don't think you'll be the first one to tell them, or the last.

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How to do it nicely? Why? It's business. This client isn't working for you. She's not being nice to you. I learned in the past that sometimes we have to just come straight out and make a good business decision even if it does mean an angry ex-client, because no matter how nicely you try to do it, she's still going to be upset. If you think you can handle another week or 2, you could give her time to find another provider, BUT only if she's paid up to date. No money, no drop off.

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being that it is your neighbor, I can see why you are so concerned on how you do it so that it does not create discomfort.

I would call both parents for a meeting. I think face to face is more professional.

DCP,

I strive to create a successful environment for all of the children in my care. Environment is everything to a child. Over the years, I have had children who just don't seem to fit into our environment and in the best interest of the child, I have had to ask them to move on.

Since sally has been here, she has been struggling to adapt to our program. She spends most of her day scream crying, which is very hard on her and the rest of us here. It really seems like she is not happy.

We really want for each child to be happy when they are here and able to create a foundation of life long learning.

However, I don't feel that this is the right place for Sally. she just doesn't seem to be happy here and I don't want any child to be here and not gaining anything from our program.

I really care about Sally and want what is best for her, I really think that a different environment would be a better fit for her.

Sadly, the last day that I can provide services for sally is xyz date. Please understand This was a very difficult decision for me to have to make, but in my heart I know it is what is best for her. Your family is amazing and I hope that you understand that "we" both the provider and parent needs to work together to make sure we make our decisions that are in the best interest of the child.

Here is the number for our resource and referral. They can help you to find a new provider.

Sorry I rambled on...but maybe this might get you started.

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Exactly! I agree with bc

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This is very good except the part about 'your family is amazing'
IF you think you could last another 2 weeks I'd give her the notice. BUT tell her if she finds care earlier than that, you'll refund any unused monies(normally I wouldn't but thinking maybe that would help push her out the door quicker). PLUS list the times they are NOT to d/o or p/u due to inconvenience(bus times), tell them you need to receive all money owed and they are not to be late or early again. Or it will be immediate dismissal. Lay down the law for the final 2 weeks so that maybe they're at least bearable for you. As for the screaming dck, walk away, ignore, walk away, ignore. OR tell dcm if she screams over x minutes, you'll be calling for pick-up.
I don't know, it's tough when a dcf is so difficult in many many ways. I'd want to do what's right but at what cost, ya know?
I assume she's over the trial period already?

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My contract states that if I am not paid the contract is null and void and I can term at any point. I would term neighbour or not.

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The cleanest way to do it is to terminate for non-payment. There are a lot of problems with this family but giving them a laundry list of grievances will make it too easy for them to convince themselves that YOU are the problem.

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And to maintain a friendly neighbor relationship you can say something like "I just simply can't afford to work for free. I'm sure you understand."

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lol I was going for the gold....
Being that these people are their neighbors, I would really go out of my way to make sure things end on a good foot.
When I want people out of my program, I do all that I can to make it their idea. I plant the seed with talking to them about it every day until they get tired of hearing it. They like to be the one to break up with me. No one wants to be broken up with.

Someone say to me before, don't $hi* where you eat. Nothing would be worse than having to come home to a neighbor that you have tension with. SO OP let this also be a learning lesson not to provide services with your neighbors.

3 types of people that I don't provide services for
friends
family
neighbors

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LOL Although I would say I agree...I currently watch or have watched a good 6-7 neighbors and most have turned out fantastic. I still have two left here actually and they are the best. I thought the same thing though. This is my second crazy neighbor issue in about three months. LOL! And I agree on them breaking up. It does make it easier when there is a mutual agreement on everyones part rather than me being the baddie.

Well I did it!! Mom was actually very nice about it. Said she more than understood. That she knew the child was a handful and was trying to make changes at home (But.....clearly she was not successful) Said maybe they would work on it for a year and try again next year. (That would then fall into fixing the other issues which I opted to not bring up like the late payments and hours etc. I didn't want to attack and bringing those up as it was mute compared to the child themself) I did tell her the baby was sweet and if she found it hard to place her I would keep her but I understood that she would likely want them together. Thats when she said the gmom who would take them was in the hospital and wouldn't be available for a few weeks. *sigh* The marshmallow in me wanted to cave ....I could feel it melting.....but I held strong. I did! I did! I just kept remembering this morning over and over and over. Thur is the last day. I have to say. Although I am not happy with not replacing them yet and missing the money, I am sooooooooooooo relieved! Thanks everyone for the support. I really needed it. <3

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wow hugs to you and great job. You grew an instant backbone, that is so awesome.

glad you stood your ground. trust me when I tell you, good things will come to those who wait.

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Time to do a happy dance!

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