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sharlan 10:17 PM 06-05-2011
Do you treat your own kids differently in front of your daycare kids?

A friend asked me this yesterday. She was telling me that her provider goes to the local coffee place daily to get herself a coffee drink, but doesn't get the dcks anything because it is "her treat". After school, she stops at McD's to buy her kids ice cream, but not the dcks because "they are her babies and they deserve a treat". The daycare kids are in the car while she enjoys her "treat" and they are in the car when her own kids enjoy their "treat".

As a provider how do you feel about this? As a parent, how would you feel about this?

Growing up, my girls knew that if they got a treat, so did the other kids. My kids had the same rules as the others, except they were allowed to retreat to their bedrooms whenever they wanted and they were allowed to go to friends' houses. Both not happening for the dcks. Otherwise, they all ate the same food at the same time and went to the same places.

My girls had a provider that took all of the school aged kids out for ice cream once a week. They would stop at a local Thrifty's drugstore and eat their treat before going back to the provider's house. The little ones had no knowledge of this. The older kids knew that if they told the little ones, the special treat would end.
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MyAngels 04:34 AM 06-06-2011
I would never allow any kind of special treatment for my own children (or anyone else for that matter). If one person gets something special, everyone gets it.
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daysofelijah 04:37 AM 06-06-2011
My kids get lots of priveleges the dcks do not get. The McDonald's ice cream in front of the dcks is really rude though. That seems mean. That I definitely would not do.
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nannyde 04:44 AM 06-06-2011
I don't eat in front of the kids something they can't have and either does my son.

She could have done all of that without the kids even knowing about it. You can give your kids special without it affecting your business.

NOT nice.
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lil angels 05:19 AM 06-06-2011
Wow that is a bit much. Ice cream in front of the others how rude!! I get it that her kids can do things different than the others but that is to much. My kids have to eat and do what the daycare kids do except for if it gets to be to much they can go to their rooms and play if they like. I don't even let my oldest have gum in front of the kids because I don't want them to have it. Mean!!!! Save that stuff for special family time in the evenings.
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Sunshine44 05:26 AM 06-06-2011
I treat my daughter a little differently because she is my daughter and she is the oldest. My dck's don't really understand what she is doing or eating at their ages right now. I would not take them all somewhere and let her get a special treat and eat it in front of the other kids, I'd buy them all something special. But at home, my kid can play in her room, eat what she wants for snack/lunch (depending on what I provide for her) and the other kids don't get that because their mom's pack their lunches. They only get what mom sends for them.
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mrs.meg 05:31 AM 06-06-2011
I do treat my kids differently, but not in front of the dck's. If I were the parent and that happened with other kids eating ice cream in front of the others, I would remove my child. That is very selfish and rude. The dck's are in the playroom when my children eat breakfast, and at naptime, my older girls get their snack before the others, but the other kids never know about it.
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meganlavonnesmommy 07:50 AM 06-06-2011
Definately very rude. I do treat my kids differently, but not when it comes to special treats. If my children get a treat, so do the other daycare kids. Kids dont understand why they cant have one too. I think its emotionally abusive to give your own kids treats, in front of the others and not give the other kids some too.

I do let my own kids do things the daycare kids cant. My own son gets to play outside with a neighborhood friend during naptime. And the daycare kids that dont nap have to stay inside. Both my kids get to play upstairs in their rooms if they want to. Daycare kids are not allowed upstairs. My son is allowed to eat breakfast whenver he wakes up, not at 7am with the rest of the kids. And my daughter gets special afternoon snacks that the other kids dont get. But that is because she has a food allergy, and most of the snacks I serve she cant have.

Other than that, they are all treated the same.
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dEHmom 08:09 AM 06-06-2011
I can just imagine how this woman treats the dck's.

If she's so bold to do the icecream/coffee treats in front of the other kids, she does NOT have a heart. Anyone who can do that is heartless and has no business being in childcare.

IF my children get a special treat, it's while the babies are asleep and don't know, or it's after the dck's leave. and I still feel guilty the babies didn't get it. But 12 m.o. don't need freezies, popsicles, or any other treats like that.
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youretooloud 08:37 AM 06-06-2011
My daughter had a few special privileges that the daycare kids didn't have. SHe woke up later in the day and would get her own breakfast, that was the only time she was allowed to eat in front of the kids. (she was also much older then too)

She was always allowed to go in her room to play, and often would take her friend in there, but the other kids couldn't go in.

Other than that, I'd never eat in front of them, or allow my child to have a treat in front of them. All the kids get the same thing no matter who they are.
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boysx5 08:40 AM 06-06-2011
I never let my kids have something the daycare kids can't have they wait until we go. I buy stuff for the daycare kids all the time I treat them like my own and enjoy doing that
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sharlan 08:41 AM 06-06-2011
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
My daughter had a few special privileges that the daycare kids didn't have. SHe woke up later in the day and would get her own breakfast, that was the only time she was allowed to eat in front of the kids. (she was also much older then too)

She was always allowed to go in her room to play, and often would take her friend in there, but the other kids couldn't go in.

Other than that, I'd never eat in front of them, or allow my child to have a treat in front of them. All the kids get the same thing no matter who they are.


That's understandable, the kids had already been fed. #1 rule in my house, NOBODY eats until the littles are fed.

It's also understandable to keep your kids' rooms offlimits. Mine were allowed to let the others into their room IF they wanted, but otherwise the bedrooms were offlimits.
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laundrymom 09:47 AM 06-06-2011
I would be honest with your friend. I'd tell her she can either confront her provider and ask why she would be so rude to her young dayfriends or I would terminate and be sure she knew why. My kids do get treats and privileges that the others don't. But they never see hear or smell any. It's just plain bad manners.




Originally Posted by sharlan:
Do you treat your own kids differently in front of your daycare kids?

A friend asked me this yesterday. She was telling me that her provider goes to the local coffee place daily to get herself a coffee drink, but doesn't get the dcks anything because it is "her treat". After school, she stops at McD's to buy her kids ice cream, but not the dcks because "they are her babies and they deserve a treat". The daycare kids are in the car while she enjoys her "treat" and they are in the car when her own kids enjoy their "treat".

As a provider how do you feel about this? As a parent, how would you feel about this?

Growing up, my girls knew that if they got a treat, so did the other kids. My kids had the same rules as the others, except they were allowed to retreat to their bedrooms whenever they wanted and they were allowed to go to friends' houses. Both not happening for the dcks. Otherwise, they all ate the same food at the same time and went to the same places.

My girls had a provider that took all of the school aged kids out for ice cream once a week. They would stop at a local Thrifty's drugstore and eat their treat before going back to the provider's house. The little ones had no knowledge of this. The older kids knew that if they told the little ones, the special treat would end.

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Blackcat31 10:44 AM 06-06-2011
My kids got no special privileges. I was probably a lot tougher on them than the dck's because I knew they were raised a certain way and I had specific expectations for them as their parent. However, I do give "treats" out to some dck's and not others when it is deserved. If one child earned a treat, it doesn't mean everyone gets one too. I don't put a sticker on everyones reward chart just because Billy went potty.....kwim?

I do not feel that is rude or mean because in real life we do not all get raises because someone else did.
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daycare 10:51 AM 06-06-2011
I do treat my son differently than the other DCK. My son did not ask for me to have a DC so I don't think that he should be under lock and key of DC rules for over 50 hours a week.

I sneak in a little extra stuff here and there. He can go to his room when he want and sometimes will allow for him to take a special treat to the family room and veg by himself. I also allow for my 3 year old to hang out with my older two kids 13 and 15 in the game room that was especially built for my teens. The DCK are not allowed to go in that room, as it is in the garage and not part of my DC..

I would never give a treat to my child in front of the others. I think that is teasing and sad.

I also allow for my son to go down an hour later for nap, because this is our only alone time together throughout the whole day. He sleeps in his room which is right next to the DCR so it works out ok.....
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WImom 10:57 AM 06-06-2011
When mine where here in my childcare I treated them like all the other kids. Now that they are school age they have a choice. Stay out of the daycare and do your own thing or join us but then your getting what we have for snack, etc.

They have to choose in the morning and stick with it.
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DCMom 11:02 AM 06-06-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My kids got no special privileges. I was probably a lot tougher on them than the dck's because I knew they were raised a certain way and I had specific expectations for them as their parent. However, I do give "treats" out to some dck's and not others when it is deserved. If one child earned a treat, it doesn't mean everyone gets one too. I don't put a sticker on everyones reward chart just because Billy went potty.....kwim?
I agree. When I moved the daycare exclusively to the basement, then they got to be upstairs alone, hang in their rooms, watch something 'non-daycare' tv, have something different for lunch, etc. BUT they also were 8 and older, had grown up in daycare and certainly knew my expectations of them in relationship to the daycare kids. They would never even THINK to eat an ice cream treat in front of the daycare kids. That is just mean and meant to hurt feelings.

As a mom, I would be pissed that my kids were being subjected to that and I would be looking for a new provider.

Treat others the way that you would like to be treated, it's as simple as that.
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dEHmom 11:24 AM 06-06-2011
i keep thinking of that commercial that's on tv for the insurance company or something, where the kid asks for icecream and the guy says no, but a new kid comes in and gets some.
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e.j. 11:40 AM 06-06-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
A friend asked me this yesterday. She was telling me that her provider goes to the local coffee place daily to get herself a coffee drink, but doesn't get the dcks anything because it is "her treat". After school, she stops at McD's to buy her kids ice cream, but not the dcks because "they are her babies and they deserve a treat". The daycare kids are in the car while she enjoys her "treat" and they are in the car when her own kids enjoy their "treat".

As a provider how do you feel about this? As a parent, how would you feel about this?



The kids in my care are treated as though they're my own. I can't imagine treating them any other way and I can't imagine how this woman could do this to the kids in her care and still be able to sleep at night. If my own kids got special treatment, it was after the day care kids went home - never in front of them. I've always thought it was important to treat my day care kids the way I would have wanted my kids to be treated in their day care. As a provider, I feel angry reading about it. As a parent, I would be livid. I wouldn't want my kids in anyone's care who thought this was an okay thing to do.
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jen 11:45 AM 06-06-2011
The McDonalds thing is way out of line, but I think the coffee is totally fine. Heck, I do that to my own kids! I also drink diet Coke during the day but I don't give pop to daycare kids or my kids. ALL the kids understand that it's "Jen's drink." I've never had a kid think twice about it.

I would never give my kids a "treat" in front of the other kids. Honestly, I think thats just mean.
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dEHmom 11:51 AM 06-06-2011
yes i agree, there are certain things i do or drink/eat that NO KIDS get. except my 3 yo son who will guzzle my coffee if i walk away from it.

but for treats and such, 1 kid would never get something the others didn't, and everything i give is always the same portion size too. no one gets 3 cookies and the other 2. kwim? of course older kids eat more lunch/supper than the babies do, but everyone eats until they are full.
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AmandasFCC 12:24 PM 06-06-2011
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
I would never allow any kind of special treatment for my own children (or anyone else for that matter). If one person gets something special, everyone gets it.
I agree, though I admit, when I stop at Timmies, it's for me and no one else Sometimes if I'm feeling generous I'll get them some tim bits but the vast majority of the time I just get a coffee for me.
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WDW 12:31 PM 06-06-2011
The coffee thing is kind of different from the ice cream thing. Personally, I don't transport my kids, and live in a small town, so any coffee I drink is from Mr. Coffee. But to me, the coffee is something that kids woudn't want... most kids anyway, so it's not that mean... plus NO kids get it. The ice cream.... that to me would be a reason to pull my child. M E A N mean.
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TBird 10:49 AM 06-07-2011
I don't think the coffee is an issue (I tell my own kids that coffee will put hair on their chests, LOL) but the ice cream...now that was just mean.

My own kids would be SO HURT if I treated them to ice cream in front of the daycare kids and didn't offer them any. As it is, my own kids will barely take a SNACK without feeding it to the DCK's!!! I believe in treating my kids but dang...it can be inconspicuous or wait until after 5:30 for heaven's sake!!!
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jen 11:07 AM 06-07-2011
Have you ever noticed that when we post anything that supports daycare parents and children that we never hear a peep from our unregistered daycare-hating guest? I just think it is so odd that whoever that is spends so much time on here berating providers, never comments on positive posts, says they will never use a home provider again, and yet continues to troll.

So weird.
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dEHmom 11:58 AM 06-07-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
Have you ever noticed that when we post anything that supports daycare parents and children that we never hear a peep from our unregistered daycare-hating guest? I just think it is so odd that whoever that is spends so much time on here berating providers, never comments on positive posts, says they will never use a home provider again, and yet continues to troll.

So weird.
yes it's just someone trying to rile us all up. i think the best course of action, is to completely ignore those. but EVERYONE needs to be on the same page, and ignore all of those rude unregistered posts that are meant to get us all worked up. maybe they will get bored and leave us all alone
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jen 12:26 PM 06-07-2011
I TOTALLY agree!
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Meyou 10:56 AM 06-09-2011
Welll.....I go through the Timmie's drivethru almost every morning after I drop my girls at school with two dcg's in the car and I usually just get myself a tea. However, they get a snack when we get home and I get timbits about once a week for them. They ask everyday, "Is today a timbit day??" haha

But overall....well behaved children get treats and naughty boys and girls don't get treats at my house. It doesn't matter if I incubated you or not.
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anabel 10:04 AM 06-11-2011
I do treat my kids differently to daycare kids, they are my kids and they are different! I treat them differently in that they have much more freedom than the children I care for, because this is their home and they have the full run of their own home whereas dck's do not. I love my dck's and treat them with great love, but my own children are just that, my own. I need them to know they are special to me, and different to the other children in our lives.

I would not, however, dream of giving my own children a treat like an icecream in front of my dck's and denying the other kids the same treat. That's just unkind. I treat my own a little differently, but I do not treat daycare kids unkindly just to make my own feel special. I make all the kids feel special.
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SilverSabre25 04:40 PM 06-11-2011
Originally Posted by daysofelijah:
My kids get lots of priveleges the dcks do not get. The McDonald's ice cream in front of the dcks is really rude though. That seems mean. That I definitely would not do.
This, exactly.

My DD's special privileges all happen out of sight and knowledge of the dcks. She does not nap, so she gets a lot of different treatment then.

The coffee is not a problem for me though, 'cause I drink Coke, coffee, etc sometimes and the dcks and even my own DD can't have them. I don't think it's a problem for kids to grow up understanding that sometimes grown-ups get treats that kids don't get.
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