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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Have Any DPs ever Put Their Own Kids In A Different Daycare?
Soccermom 03:43 PM 05-14-2013
Hi Just wondering if anyone has ever placed their own children in a different daycare other than their own in home daycare for a few days or mornings a week.

I wonder this because my son is WAY overly attached to me and extremely shy. He will socialize with my daycare kids but will not socialize with anyone outside our home. He hides from the kids who try to play with him at the park and gets really upset if a child tries to sit next to him at playgroup.

My mother suggested I place him in a daycare center a few mornings a week to give him some independence and help him build the confidence he will need to eventually start school. But my MIL disagrees and says that shyness is part of who he is and that pushing outside of his comfort zone may create an even bigger problem.

The whole reason I started an in home daycare was to give my children the benefits of daycare while still receiving the comfort of being at home but I am beginning to wonder if maybe Mother knows best here...
Any thoughts?
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turkey 03:56 PM 05-14-2013
I don't have a big speal for you, But I will be looking into sending my child to another daycare center/ provider at least once a week to help with independance and give me a bit of a break. I know others who have mentioned the same thing
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mnemom 04:14 PM 05-14-2013
You got to do whats right for you. I would not do that though. I agree with your MIL. He is probably just a shy reserved kid, and the transition will probably be hard on him and you. He is still little and has plenty of time to work on socialization outside his comfort zone. I would hate to stay hom eand have my little one being taken care of elsewhere.
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cheerfuldom 04:19 PM 05-14-2013
I would not do that, unless its the summer before he starts kindy and you are still struggling with it. It would be a rare center that would have the ratio and the patience necessary to gently transition a super shy child to care. He may "adjust" because kids are resilient but it may not be in a gentle or age appropriate way. I would not push a child to socialize, especially a child under 4.
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littlemissmuffet 04:47 PM 05-14-2013
I would never ever put my child in daycare. I am so against having my own child in daycare that I started daycare YEARS before she was ever even born so I would have an established business and be able to be her primary caregiver.

My sister runs a daycare, so my daughter might go there very part time once she is older (I used to care for her daughter and son too) - but my immediate family (and hub's immediate family) are the only people we trust/would trust her with.
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preschoolteacher 05:29 PM 05-14-2013
I personally would not do it. One of the reasons I'm starting a daycare is so that my son does not have to go to daycare elsewhere!

I agree that your son's shyness is probably part of who he is. If you want to help him overcome it, it probably would be a lot easier for him (and he'd be more successful) if you arranged times for him to play and be around other kids while you are still there. (At places outside of your home and with new people.) That way he can try new things, and he can have confidence knowing you are there to help him if he gets overwhelmed. How old is he anyways? Any younger than 3-3.5 and I wouldn't even worry, I think a lot of shyness younger than that age can be outgrown (although the child may still be reserved).

I think a very shy child might find the transition to another daycare as very abrupt. Some kids need to actually be taught how to go say hi to other kids, to ask them if they can play, and so on. Unless the daycare provider you find is very willing to coach your son and help guide him through these new social skills, chances are his time spent in the daycare may be upsetting for him and he might not learn anything from it.
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Leigh 06:02 PM 05-14-2013
I would probably not enroll my child in another daycare just for socialization, but only YOU know what's best for your own child. I DO send my son to a family daycare that I know and trust for an occasional day when I have other things going on (court date, doctors' appointments, etc.). He loves going there.
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AmyKidsCo 08:10 PM 05-14-2013
No, but my boys have had "Grandma Day" every Friday beginning at preschool age. (My parents live 3 doors down from us)

How old is your son? I personally wouldn't worry about it until preschool age. Children are supposed to be attached to their parents!
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SilverSabre25 08:23 PM 05-14-2013
That sounds like my daughter. She was/is always very slow to warm up to new people and new situations, or even familiar people/situations. I have always let her be, trusting that she would get comfortable in her own time and space.

And you know what? She's getting there, bit by bit. She's 5.5 and I've had to push a bit here and there but she's doing great. She's in kindergarten and that has done a lot for her, but mostly, it's just maturity and a really secure attachment.

She never went to preschool besides here. She started school a year early (tested for early entrance). She is very kind and generous...and slow to warm up. And it's fine.

It can be hard for us as parents to grit our teeth, close our mouth, and just give our children the support they need to figure themselves out, but it's valuable...for them as well as us.

Trust your son. If he's acting like that, then he's saying that he is slower to transition and warm up, more cautious about new things, needs more time to get into something. And that's okay! When the time comes for him to start school, he will do fine...even if it takes a few weeks for him to warm up and settle in.

And in trusting him, and giving him the time and space he needs, you will help him build a foundation of trust and self confidence that will be valuable for him as he grows. You'll also give him the chance to trust his instincts about things...which will also be valuable to him as he grows.

Trust.
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mainemomma 10:02 PM 05-14-2013
OK...going a bit against what everyone else here...I am military mamma and don't have the opportunity to have a break ever...let alone have a family member care for my children..ever...so with that being said I personally probably would put my child in another daycare if I felt it would really benefit him - I have a daycare to be home with my children and help them get a good start to life....mama knows best...if you feel he/she would benefit then I would do it...if your hesitant than chances are your trying to please someone else's wish's..

P.S I am jealous of ANYONE that has family to help with their kidos :/
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mom2many 11:18 PM 05-14-2013
Nope. All 3 of my kiddos were home with me until they started kindergarten. I could never have put them in daycare...that would defeat the purpose of me staying home and wanting to be there for my kids!

They were in Sunday school and from that experience I knew they would do well once they started school.

I wanted my own kids to benefit from what I offered and I could never have sacrificed that special time we had! They obviously got what they needed because they were in the gifted program from the get go and continued to be honor students through out their time in school.
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Play Care 03:08 AM 05-15-2013
I didn't send my kids to another day care, but I did send them to a traditional preschool when they were 4. I felt it would be nice for them to have the opportunity to meet friends outside of day care, plus K is all day here and I didn't want it to be a huge shock when they went from being home with mom to being in school all day.
They both LOVED preschool, and both have said more than once they wished they could go back
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bunnyslippers 04:39 AM 05-15-2013
I sent my older son to a 1/2 day preschool the year before kindergarten. My youngest son will be attending a full day preschool in the fall, but I am closing next month. I wouldn't have sent them to another daycare if I were still open, though.

What if you tried sending your child to Sunday School, or a gymnastics class, or some other toddler activity that allows him a brief time away from you, but that doesn't require him leaving during daycare hours?
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itlw8 04:49 AM 05-15-2013
Do you attend a church with a Sunday School ? That hour each Sunday works wonders for separation.

No I did not so a different Preschool but in Cub Scouts I was a leader and we quickly moved ds to a different den. He thrived and so did my den
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:41 AM 05-15-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
You got to do whats right for you. I would not do that though. I agree with your MIL. He is probably just a shy reserved kid, and the transition will probably be hard on him and you. He is still little and has plenty of time to work on socialization outside his comfort zone. I would hate to stay hom eand have my little one being taken care of elsewhere.
I agree with this.

Plus, being "shy" or introverted when it comes to new people is typically part of a person's temperament ... so if he's pretty reserved when it comes to new people in your presence then he'll likely be pretty reserved when it comes to new people outside of your presence (and he'll be anxious because the person who grounds him and helps him feel safe won't be there).
I never enjoyed meeting new people when I was younger and I still don't particularly enjoy it now. I don't seek out that experience. I can handle it, but it isn't something that sounds fun or enjoyable to me.
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crazydaycarelady 06:32 AM 05-15-2013
I did not send mine to another dc (although it would have been nice to have a break from my own little turkeys!) but I did send them to preschool for 2-3 mornings a week the year before kindergarten.
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jokalima 06:40 AM 05-15-2013
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
Hi Just wondering if anyone has ever placed their own children in a different daycare other than their own in home daycare for a few days or mornings a week.

I wonder this because my son is WAY overly attached to me and extremely shy. He will socialize with my daycare kids but will not socialize with anyone outside our home. He hides from the kids who try to play with him at the park and gets really upset if a child tries to sit next to him at playgroup.

My mother suggested I place him in a daycare center a few mornings a week to give him some independence and help him build the confidence he will need to eventually start school. But my MIL disagrees and says that shyness is part of who he is and that pushing outside of his comfort zone may create an even bigger problem.

The whole reason I started an in home daycare was to give my children the benefits of daycare while still receiving the comfort of being at home but I am beginning to wonder if maybe Mother knows best here...
Any thoughts?

I have not but thought about like a million times, have people suggested to me that I should do it, and i heard about a provider in my area that does it. It is diff. for my son to be here with me and he acts up all the time and is the bully of the group, so I have been thinking about enrolling him in the schools district preschool for a while, even though I really hate the Idea of him being in the public School district but I am getting new kids, babies and I am worried about how he will be around them, so i think the best is for him to be away for a few hours a day.
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slpender 07:06 AM 05-15-2013
How old is your child? Is there any evening activities you could enroll him in?

I have the same issue with my daughter she is 2 1/2 this fall I will be looking into dance class and soccer.

She will still be home with me during the day but will have time on her own in the evening.
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Blackcat31 07:13 AM 05-15-2013
How old is your DS?

I put my DS in a summer camp type daycare when he turned 4.

I don't run my child care out of my own home so to me having a daycare is just the same as going to any other job outside of home.

Once my DS turned 4, he needed more socialization than what the mixed age group of daycare kids offered.

He also needed outside experiences with his peers and away from me

You need to do what works for you. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or did or didn't do. Only you know what works best for your family.
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Greenplasticwateringcans 07:34 AM 05-15-2013
All of my children when to group preschool for socializing...like puppies I needed a break from them, they needed a break from me, and they got to play with other 19 kids their same age for 6-9 hours/week. It wasn't a kindy prep preschool but a learn through play and arts one which exactly suited my childcare philosophy. It worked well for all of us.
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wdmmom 07:49 AM 05-15-2013
I did right before my daughter entered kindergarten. The daycare center up the road had a preschool program so I enrolled her. She was gone from 9am to 1130am M, W, F. It was only a semester. September - December. I had the option to enroll her January - May but chose to put her in an actual preschool at that time.

I think it really built up independence and she got to be around kids her age. (Only had a few babies in the daycare at that time.)

If you think it would be good for your child, than I say go for it!
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pandamom 08:07 AM 05-15-2013
I did...sort of. I got a job at our base childcare center. My boys attend there as well, but I'm not a teacher in their rooms. I started when they were 2.5 years old because like your lo, they screamed when anyone else tried to be near them. We even worked with Early Intervention for a few months prior and that wasn't helping any. I couldn't even go upstairs without them freaking out about the separation.

I tried doing things to socialize them- church nursery, weekly playgroups at my house, daily playground trips, etc. Nothing helped because I was always there with them.

WE're overseas in Europe so we have no one to step in and watch them for a few hours or anything.

My boys have flourished. They are building their social skills and are better in being away from us. It's even helped their language skills. It's sort of funny- our rooms are three in a row...I'm in room 4, younger twin is in room 5 and older twin in room 6. It works for us all.
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MNMum 08:25 AM 05-15-2013
My 3.5 yo goes to a different home daycare when I work on Fridays (usually about twice/month). He has two more years at home before kindy (October birthday). I've considered sending him to a 2 day preschool or a second day of daycare. My other children were not stuck at home all the time like he is, as I didn't do home daycare. And next year, he will be 4, surrounded by babies/toddlers. It is tempting. Right now he asks everyday, "What are we doing tomorrow", followed by an exasperated response when I tell him daycare. I think that is probably just a stage, but it makes me wonder. I guess my pressure is put on by him. He loves going to his other daycare.
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Soccermom 10:00 AM 05-15-2013
Thanks for all the great replies!
DS is 4 (Turned 4 in Feb.) and will only start kindergarten in 2 years because of his birthday. He still has a whole year at home with me and I just worry that the transition to school will be tough because he is so attached to me.
Today was his second day...he cried so hard when I left him. He was clinging to my neck with the strength of a python.
I felt terrible leaving him but as a DP I knew he would stop crying soon after I shut the door.
He wouldn't eat and didn't play with the other kids at all.
I don't know if I can do that again....

bunnyslippers - I really like your suggestion of an activity for him instead of daycare..that is something I am certainly going to look into thanks.
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MarinaVanessa 10:43 AM 05-15-2013
It depends on whether your child will be able to have a "safe" person to create a positive bond in the new daycare or not. Slow to warm children tend to get "lost" in large group environments with low staff/child ratios so I wouldn't go with a large center or large home daycare unless my child can have the opportunity to create a bind with an adult or child first. I'd slowly introduce my child to another daycare over time and stay with him until he felt secure enough otherwise I'd be worried that he will become more cautious.

Here's a link to a temperament tool for parents and their children. It's meant for infants and young toddlers but i have used it for my own DC kids and my kids and their ranges are 9 months to 8 years. The tool is a survey that asks about your temperament and the temperament of your child and then at the end it gives you suggestions on how to encourage and interact with your child. The suggestions can easily be modified to fit pretty much any child, you just have to change some of the activities to fit to be age appropriate.

IT3 Temperament Tool
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KDC 11:13 AM 05-15-2013
We sent mine to a church preschool and worked out transportation so they were only there for 2-1/2 hours, 2 days a week. This really helped. My kids are on the shy/reserved side and I'll be the first to admit, I'm on the over protective/hard to let go side, so it was an adjustment for both of us. I couldn't imagine sending my older son to Kindy without it. The transition from Preschool to Kindergarten wasn't that hard, but he had a really hard transition from kindergarten (1/2 days) to first grade (full days). My 2 cents, when they're in public school, there is not the same close personal bond as one might find in a home daycare- so I wouldn't say go small daycare vs. preschool atmosphere... small doses of what they're in store for might be good for them, as long as it's a trusted place and the ratio's aren't out of control.
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DaisyMamma 01:04 PM 05-15-2013
My child goes to a preschool.
She has a hard time sharing mommy and toys at home but does great there.
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