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LeslieG 07:11 AM 01-09-2014
I have a 2 year old boy who has been with me for almost one month now and he is a great kid!
However, just recently (pretty much started this week), he has been clinging to his mom and crying during morning drop offs. His mom and I try distracting him with different activities, but that hasn't been working very well. So eventually I just have to take him from his mom and hold on to him as best I can (he's kicking and screaming in my arms) so his mom can get on the other side of the gate and leave. Then literally 3 seconds after the door shuts it's like he flips a switch and he's happy, talking and ready to play.
Any advice for how to handle this daily situation? Will it get better on it's own, or should I be doing something differently? I really need help… I dread drop off every morning now.
However, just recently (pretty much started this week), he has been clinging to his mom and crying during morning drop offs. His mom and I try distracting him with different activities, but that hasn't been working very well. So eventually I just have to take him from his mom and hold on to him as best I can (he's kicking and screaming in my arms) so his mom can get on the other side of the gate and leave. Then literally 3 seconds after the door shuts it's like he flips a switch and he's happy, talking and ready to play.
Any advice for how to handle this daily situation? Will it get better on it's own, or should I be doing something differently? I really need help… I dread drop off every morning now.
Brooksie 07:28 AM 01-09-2014
Have her drop and run. Shorten the time she is there. I have a dcb who does that to mom because she clings to him and draws out her drop off and then of course his reaction makes her want to stay longer and she feeds into it. Have her walk in, sign him in and leave. Quick kiss and thats it.
Kimskiddos 07:34 AM 01-09-2014
I agree, very quick drop off. If dcm is worried I'll take a picture of child once they have calmed down and text it to Mom. Really helped my nervous dcm once she realized that child was calm before she made it out of the driveway.
Blackcat31 07:44 AM 01-09-2014
If he stops immediately after mom leaves then her AND you being in the same room is the issue.
I would instruct mom to say her goodbyes in the car, give hugs/kisses on the way to the door, open door, hand him to you and immediately walk away.
The QUICKER the drop off, the better.
The less hoopla you and mom make about transitioning, the better.
Try that for a few days and see if he gets better.
Some kids simply can't handle the anxiety and stress that drop offs bring and when you do the whole song and dance of trying to distract (but mom is still present) it only adds to that anxiety.
I would instruct mom to say her goodbyes in the car, give hugs/kisses on the way to the door, open door, hand him to you and immediately walk away.
The QUICKER the drop off, the better.
The less hoopla you and mom make about transitioning, the better.
Try that for a few days and see if he gets better.
Some kids simply can't handle the anxiety and stress that drop offs bring and when you do the whole song and dance of trying to distract (but mom is still present) it only adds to that anxiety.
cheerfuldom 11:07 AM 01-09-2014
if mom is worried about it, I would send her a texted short video of him playing and calm right after she leaves.
have her drop off and walk away immediately. SHE is not helping. if distracting and activity is going to work, it will be you doing that and her leaving quickly that will make it happen. Have her hug and kiss at the front door before coming in and then once she gets inside, drop off and leave. no sad faces, no "mommy will be back later" and all the coddling and cooing.
have her drop off and walk away immediately. SHE is not helping. if distracting and activity is going to work, it will be you doing that and her leaving quickly that will make it happen. Have her hug and kiss at the front door before coming in and then once she gets inside, drop off and leave. no sad faces, no "mommy will be back later" and all the coddling and cooing.
LeslieG 06:04 AM 01-13-2014
Thanks for all the advice ladies! So okay… how do I politely suggest that she just drops and leaves? I don't want to act like I know what's best for her child, because I would bet that it is hard to leave your crying child. But today's drop off was a NIGHTMARE!! I can't take it anymore!
Should I give her an article about it, or just say something to her?
Thanks
Should I give her an article about it, or just say something to her?
Thanks
Lil'DinoEggs 06:08 AM 01-13-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If he stops immediately after mom leaves then her AND you being in the same room is the issue.
I would instruct mom to say her goodbyes in the car, give hugs/kisses on the way to the door, open door, hand him to you and immediately walk away.
The QUICKER the drop off, the better.
The less hoopla you and mom make about transitioning, the better.
Try that for a few days and see if he gets better.
Some kids simply can't handle the anxiety and stress that drop offs bring and when you do the whole song and dance of trying to distract (but mom is still present) it only adds to that anxiety.
I concur. I have a three year old who is having major separation anxiety away from mom. They live in my building. They told me he is excited to see me, talks about me, but as soon as they get off on my floor he starts screaming. So, I picked him up at his door. He was all smiles and "bye mom" when he got to my apartment he became upset but no where near as bad. The next day I couldn't meet them so they brought him to me. He was screaming from the elevator but his recovery time was quicker.If he stops immediately after mom leaves then her AND you being in the same room is the issue.
I would instruct mom to say her goodbyes in the car, give hugs/kisses on the way to the door, open door, hand him to you and immediately walk away.
The QUICKER the drop off, the better.
The less hoopla you and mom make about transitioning, the better.
Try that for a few days and see if he gets better.
Some kids simply can't handle the anxiety and stress that drop offs bring and when you do the whole song and dance of trying to distract (but mom is still present) it only adds to that anxiety.
lovemykidstoo 06:17 AM 01-13-2014
Originally Posted by LeslieG:
Thanks for all the advice ladies! So okay… how do I politely suggest that she just drops and leaves? I don't want to act like I know what's best for her child, because I would bet that it is hard to leave your crying child. But today's drop off was a NIGHTMARE!! I can't take it anymore!
Should I give her an article about it, or just say something to her?
Thanks
I have had this happen numerous times. I tell the parent that I know it's upsetting for both the parent and the child and I have a way to eliminate all the stress. I call it the "football pass". I open the door, the parent gives me the child, I close the door. I immediately take a picture of the child when they're happy (which is typically immediately) and send it to the parent. That way they can see that in 2 minutes their child is fine. Just tell them that you understand it's so hard for her as well and that you can make her feel better by sending her a pic. I haven't had any parents upset by that at all.Thanks for all the advice ladies! So okay… how do I politely suggest that she just drops and leaves? I don't want to act like I know what's best for her child, because I would bet that it is hard to leave your crying child. But today's drop off was a NIGHTMARE!! I can't take it anymore!
Should I give her an article about it, or just say something to her?
Thanks
SunshineMama 06:34 AM 01-13-2014
I went through this with a 3 year old recently. I talked to the mom about telling the child before drop off exactly how drop off was going to occur (Mommy is going to give you 1 hug and 1 kiss, then she is going to go bye bye). The first day the girl cried worse (as expected), but by the 3rd or 4th day, she was fine. The day she didn't cry, I immediately got a sticker out and let her put it on a calendar. She hasn't cried since. The child just needed to know what was going on, and the mom needed guidance on how to do the exact same thing so the child knew what to expect. The stickers reinforced a good drop off.
LeslieG 06:55 AM 01-13-2014
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
I went through this with a 3 year old recently. I talked to the mom about telling the child before drop off exactly how drop off was going to occur (Mommy is going to give you 1 hug and 1 kiss, then she is going to go bye bye). The first day the girl cried worse (as expected), but by the 3rd or 4th day, she was fine. The day she didn't cry, I immediately got a sticker out and let her put it on a calendar. She hasn't cried since. The child just needed to know what was going on, and the mom needed guidance on how to do the exact same thing so the child knew what to expect. The stickers reinforced a good drop off.
Love the sticker chart idea! Thank you!I went through this with a 3 year old recently. I talked to the mom about telling the child before drop off exactly how drop off was going to occur (Mommy is going to give you 1 hug and 1 kiss, then she is going to go bye bye). The first day the girl cried worse (as expected), but by the 3rd or 4th day, she was fine. The day she didn't cry, I immediately got a sticker out and let her put it on a calendar. She hasn't cried since. The child just needed to know what was going on, and the mom needed guidance on how to do the exact same thing so the child knew what to expect. The stickers reinforced a good drop off.