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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Baby Goes to Daycare Before Mat Leave Is Over?
KIDZRMYBIZ 03:01 PM 01-19-2015
I have a new baby 8wks that started this week. Much to my surprise, DCM tells me at his very first drop-off this morning that he will be here daily, 7:30-4:30, but she took a week's vacay and doesn't go back to work until next week. 
I don't know if I will ever get used to this generation of "parenting."
I don't know if I will ever get used to this generation of "parenting."
Controlled Chaos 03:14 PM 01-19-2015
Do you think she has post partum depression? I could have used a week alone after my last one, before the medication kicked in. Just a thought.
Heart 03:20 PM 01-19-2015
She may also be using that week to adjust to dropping off/not being around her newborn 24/7. I know a lot of moms that were absolutely useless for the first week that they were dropping off their child because they kept breaking down crying, worrying about the kid, leaving early to go pick up their child. So a week buffer where she can leave to go pick up the baby early if she wants, doesn't need to actually work and can go on an hour long crying jag, etc may make the transition easier on her.
And finally, even if it's just because she wants to, what's wrong with that? It's really annoying when you go back to work from being on maternity leave only to have people ask if you enjoyed your "vacation". Maybe she's going to sleep all day without having to worry about childcare to charge up her batteries considering how draining it is to care for a newborn in those early days (and especially those crazy early nights).
And finally, even if it's just because she wants to, what's wrong with that? It's really annoying when you go back to work from being on maternity leave only to have people ask if you enjoyed your "vacation". Maybe she's going to sleep all day without having to worry about childcare to charge up her batteries considering how draining it is to care for a newborn in those early days (and especially those crazy early nights).
Unregistered 03:24 PM 01-19-2015
If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
jenboo 05:07 PM 01-19-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
midaycare 05:11 PM 01-19-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
You said it!If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
nannyde 05:53 PM 01-19-2015
Be prepared for a lot of hanging out... dropping by unannounced and long drop off and pick ups.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
Shell 07:22 PM 01-19-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Be prepared for a lot of hanging out... dropping by unannounced and long drop off and pick ups.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
Be prepared for a lot of hanging out... dropping by unannounced and long drop off and pick ups.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
DaveA 03:24 AM 01-20-2015
I really don't see an issue with it. It's a transition not just for baby but mommy. When my son was born I got 2 days (and even that was treated like a gift from above by my Asst. Director 
). I know for the first few days I wasn't an effective teacher because my wife & kids were on my mind constantly. I felt like I was abandoning them. I could easily see needing a couple of days with some time to myself after 6 weeks of a newborn.
). I know for the first few days I wasn't an effective teacher because my wife & kids were on my mind constantly. I felt like I was abandoning them. I could easily see needing a couple of days with some time to myself after 6 weeks of a newborn.
Unregistered 04:30 AM 01-20-2015
I'm part of this generation of parents but really don't understand them. I chose to do daycare so I could be home and raise my child. So many others my age (I had dd at 19) would pawn their kids off with their parents to go out with friends etc. I'm a firm believer in raising your own child and not having someone else do it for you. If that were me I would be using every second of that vacation time to spend with my new baby. I could see if maybe she dropped off for an hour or two in the morning but all day? That's beyond.. I'm sorry but I really don't agree with everyone else on this.
Sugaree 04:49 AM 01-20-2015
I'm torn on this. I didn't do this, but I might have if my daycare had been closer to home.
Maybe not a full week, but maybe a day or two to see how the transition went. I can see where it would be nice to be available if say DS wouldn't take a bottle from someone other than me, or wouldn't stop crying, without having to leave work on my first day back. It would have also been nice to be able to have a day or two to catch up on emails so that I was prepared for what I was going to walk into after taking three months off.
To me, it's about work-life balance. Yes, the kiddo comes first, but at the moment I'm the sole breadwinner in my family (DH is in nursing school) so keeping my job is pretty important to my family's wellbeing.
What I did do was to start in the middle of the week rather than a Monday. Three days the first week, four days the next week, and then a full week.
Maybe not a full week, but maybe a day or two to see how the transition went. I can see where it would be nice to be available if say DS wouldn't take a bottle from someone other than me, or wouldn't stop crying, without having to leave work on my first day back. It would have also been nice to be able to have a day or two to catch up on emails so that I was prepared for what I was going to walk into after taking three months off.
To me, it's about work-life balance. Yes, the kiddo comes first, but at the moment I'm the sole breadwinner in my family (DH is in nursing school) so keeping my job is pretty important to my family's wellbeing.
What I did do was to start in the middle of the week rather than a Monday. Three days the first week, four days the next week, and then a full week.
Play Care 04:50 AM 01-20-2015
As a mom who was expected to head back to work after my mat leave, I did something similar. Not because I wanted "me" time or because I was tired. I felt as though it would be in everyone's best interest if baby started going before I had to go back in case things came up. In my case this worked out well, as I was unhappy with the care that dd was receiving (and realized that the caregiver was operating illegally
)
That said, hopefully mom *is* just taking some time for some r & r, because if she's going back home and crying for hours, you might be looking for another child
) That said, hopefully mom *is* just taking some time for some r & r, because if she's going back home and crying for hours, you might be looking for another child
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:36 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Do you think she has post partum depression? I could have used a week alone after my last one, before the medication kicked in. Just a thought.
Nope. DCM is doing well, and looks fabulous. You would never know she had a baby just 8 weeks ago, or ever!Do you think she has post partum depression? I could have used a week alone after my last one, before the medication kicked in. Just a thought.
Heart 07:41 AM 01-20-2015
I hate the idea that the only good parents are the ones who want to be with their child 24/7. I love my son dearly but I also enjoy my alone time, and time I spend with my husband as just a couple, and time I spend with friends. I didn't suddenly lose everything that makes me, me, only to be replaced by the title of "mommy" when I had him. And that doesn't make me love him any less. I think it's perfectly healthy for children to grow up knowing their parents have identities and lives outside of being parents. The insinuation that parents (especially mothers, funny how dad never gets held to this standard) who don't want to spend every waking moment with their child love or care for them less are judgmental and reeks of mommy wars. It's hard enough being a parent in this economy and world without having people judging you as inferior for every single move or decision you make.
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:48 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
Yep, judgement is tough, so make the choices that won't be negatively judged.If she's nursing, it might also help her get the hang of pumping. The judgement as a mother is tough- if you're not around your kid every waking hour, you're horrible, and if you are- you're a helicopter mom. Can't win.
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I'm part of this generation of parents but really don't understand them. I chose to do daycare so I could be home and raise my child. So many others my age (I had dd at 19) would pawn their kids off with their parents to go out with friends etc. I'm a firm believer in raising your own child and not having someone else do it for you. If that were me I would be using every second of that vacation time to spend with my new baby. I could see if maybe she dropped off for an hour or two in the morning but all day? That's beyond.. I'm sorry but I really don't agree with everyone else on this.
Thank you. That is exactly how I felt. I think it would be sensible to EASE IN, use just a FEW hours daily, or even just TWO full days or something, but not all day, every day. He is a newborn! Their first! He will be here 45-50 a week, every week, for the next 5 years of his life! Why in the world give up this precious last week? I'm part of this generation of parents but really don't understand them. I chose to do daycare so I could be home and raise my child. So many others my age (I had dd at 19) would pawn their kids off with their parents to go out with friends etc. I'm a firm believer in raising your own child and not having someone else do it for you. If that were me I would be using every second of that vacation time to spend with my new baby. I could see if maybe she dropped off for an hour or two in the morning but all day? That's beyond.. I'm sorry but I really don't agree with everyone else on this.
It was a first for me, and I guess it shocked me. I am surprised that so many of you disagreed with me. Eh, different strokes for different folks.
KIDZRMYBIZ 07:55 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Be prepared for a lot of hanging out... dropping by unannounced and long drop off and pick ups.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
These were ones that emphasized how much research they did finding a daycare, checking me out, and asking (and I allowed them to) to come hang out for 1 1/2 hours one day to "observe."Be prepared for a lot of hanging out... dropping by unannounced and long drop off and pick ups.
Or...
You got a me time parent.
I think they feel like they made such an excellent choice, and that maybe DCB couldn't be in better hands...even their own!
I think it's a me time parent. Kiddo will be here open to close, every day I'm open. That I am used to, I just didn't think it would ever start with a cut-short maternity leave. It's a good thing she didn't realize I can actually start babies at 6-weeks, or he'd probably have been on his 3rd week here already.
Heart 07:55 AM 01-20-2015
It's not the personal parenting philosophy that I disagree with, it's the lack of support for the needs and choices other parents make that may be different from our own.
My best friend is the kind of parent who spends 24/7 with her son. He's nearly 2 years old and she has never been apart from him for more than a couple of hours here and there. I'm not that type of parent, and the first time I left my son overnight with his grandparents was when he was 2 months old so I could go attend a wedding in another state. But somehow both of us don't judge one another because our children are different, we as people are different, our families and situations are different, and at the end of the day, both of our children are deeply loved, cherished, and well cared for.
So it's not about whether you personally would want to spend 24/7/365 with your child, it's about whether you can have that need but acknowledge that other parents and children may have different needs and that is perfectly legitimate. I don't disagree with your parenting philosophy or choices, I disagree with the negative judgments at anything that's different.
My best friend is the kind of parent who spends 24/7 with her son. He's nearly 2 years old and she has never been apart from him for more than a couple of hours here and there. I'm not that type of parent, and the first time I left my son overnight with his grandparents was when he was 2 months old so I could go attend a wedding in another state. But somehow both of us don't judge one another because our children are different, we as people are different, our families and situations are different, and at the end of the day, both of our children are deeply loved, cherished, and well cared for.
So it's not about whether you personally would want to spend 24/7/365 with your child, it's about whether you can have that need but acknowledge that other parents and children may have different needs and that is perfectly legitimate. I don't disagree with your parenting philosophy or choices, I disagree with the negative judgments at anything that's different.
permanentvacation 07:57 AM 01-20-2015
There's a chance that the mother wants to be home, available if there's any problems with the baby adjusting to going to daycare.
However, over the past few years, I have gotten more and more parents who show no interest in being with their child. They ask what my hours are, and when I tell them that I am open from 6 am - 11 pm, so I need to know from them what hours they work and therefore what hours they need daycare, they then ask me, 'Well, what's the longest I can leave him there?"!!! I've had parents call and say they need daycare from 6am-6pm. NO THEY DON'T! You know they don't really need daycare that long. They just know that many daycares are open 6 -6, so they want to leave their kids in daycare all 12 hours! I've had many parents come in Monday mornings and say, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" as they shove their child towards me. I couldn't tell you how many parents have asked me if they can have another family member or friend bring their child to daycare and pick their child up from daycare everyday for a week or even TWO WEEKS because they want to go on vacation without their child!
I don't understand these so-called parents either. I really think if we offered to raise their child day and night and give their parents visiting hours, the parents would actually take us up on it!
However, over the past few years, I have gotten more and more parents who show no interest in being with their child. They ask what my hours are, and when I tell them that I am open from 6 am - 11 pm, so I need to know from them what hours they work and therefore what hours they need daycare, they then ask me, 'Well, what's the longest I can leave him there?"!!! I've had parents call and say they need daycare from 6am-6pm. NO THEY DON'T! You know they don't really need daycare that long. They just know that many daycares are open 6 -6, so they want to leave their kids in daycare all 12 hours! I've had many parents come in Monday mornings and say, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" as they shove their child towards me. I couldn't tell you how many parents have asked me if they can have another family member or friend bring their child to daycare and pick their child up from daycare everyday for a week or even TWO WEEKS because they want to go on vacation without their child!
I don't understand these so-called parents either. I really think if we offered to raise their child day and night and give their parents visiting hours, the parents would actually take us up on it!
Controlled Chaos 08:04 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Heart:
It's not the personal parenting philosophy that I disagree with, it's the lack of support for the needs and choices other parents make that may be different from our own.
My best friend is the kind of parent who spends 24/7 with her son. He's nearly 2 years old and she has never been apart from him for more than a couple of hours here and there. I'm not that type of parent, and the first time I left my son overnight with his grandparents was when he was 2 months old so I could go attend a wedding in another state. But somehow both of us don't judge one another because our children are different, we as people are different, our families and situations are different, and at the end of the day, both of our children are deeply loved, cherished, and well cared for.
So it's not about whether you personally would want to spend 24/7/365 with your child, it's about whether you can have that need but acknowledge that other parents and children may have different needs and that is perfectly legitimate. I don't disagree with your parenting philosophy or choices, I disagree with the negative judgments at anything that's different.
It's not the personal parenting philosophy that I disagree with, it's the lack of support for the needs and choices other parents make that may be different from our own.
My best friend is the kind of parent who spends 24/7 with her son. He's nearly 2 years old and she has never been apart from him for more than a couple of hours here and there. I'm not that type of parent, and the first time I left my son overnight with his grandparents was when he was 2 months old so I could go attend a wedding in another state. But somehow both of us don't judge one another because our children are different, we as people are different, our families and situations are different, and at the end of the day, both of our children are deeply loved, cherished, and well cared for.
So it's not about whether you personally would want to spend 24/7/365 with your child, it's about whether you can have that need but acknowledge that other parents and children may have different needs and that is perfectly legitimate. I don't disagree with your parenting philosophy or choices, I disagree with the negative judgments at anything that's different.
you, I like you.
Controlled Chaos 08:36 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Yep, judgement is tough, so make the choices that won't be negatively judged.
Thank you. That is exactly how I felt. I think it would be sensible to EASE IN, use just a FEW hours daily, or even just TWO full days or something, but not all day, every day. He is a newborn! Their first! He will be here 45-50 a week, every week, for the next 5 years of his life! Why in the world give up this precious last week?
It was a first for me, and I guess it shocked me. I am surprised that so many of you disagreed with me. Eh, different strokes for different folks.
The thing is, there is no "judge free" choice. I would not have made the same choice as your dcp (I don't think) but there is always someone who will disagree. One set of of inlaws loathes us raising our children in a religion. Another set of my children's grandparents will never forgive us for having children before being married in the church. I friend pities my children for not getting to co sleep. Another friend will never understand my choice to not breastfeed well into toddlerhood. Yet, another thinks I should have thought of my career more when weighing my decision to retire from teaching middle school. And these are my friends lol. Yep, judgement is tough, so make the choices that won't be negatively judged.
Thank you. That is exactly how I felt. I think it would be sensible to EASE IN, use just a FEW hours daily, or even just TWO full days or something, but not all day, every day. He is a newborn! Their first! He will be here 45-50 a week, every week, for the next 5 years of his life! Why in the world give up this precious last week?
It was a first for me, and I guess it shocked me. I am surprised that so many of you disagreed with me. Eh, different strokes for different folks.
I am a part of this generation of parenting. I don't always agree with my peers but I will usually defend them, because I have NEVER been at the store without someone making a judgmental comment about my children (ages 1,3 & 5). Seriously, every time. Why is she sucking her thumb? Where are his socks? She is wearing a boy shirt! His face is dirty. It never ends.
Play Care 09:07 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
The thing is, there is no "judge free" choice. I would not have made the same choice as your dcp (I don't think) but there is always someone who will disagree. One set of of inlaws loathes us raising our children in a religion. Another set of my children's grandparents will never forgive us for having children before being married in the church. I friend pities my children for not getting to co sleep. Another friend will never understand my choice to not breastfeed well into toddlerhood. Yet, another thinks I should have thought of my career more when weighing my decision to retire from teaching middle school. And these are my friends lol. I am a part of this generation of parenting. I don't always agree with my peers but I will usually defend them, because I have NEVER been at the store without someone making a judgmental comment about my children (ages 1,3 & 5). Seriously, every time. Why is she sucking her thumb? Where are his socks? She is wearing a boy shirt! His face is dirty. It never ends.
The thing is, there is no "judge free" choice. I would not have made the same choice as your dcp (I don't think) but there is always someone who will disagree. One set of of inlaws loathes us raising our children in a religion. Another set of my children's grandparents will never forgive us for having children before being married in the church. I friend pities my children for not getting to co sleep. Another friend will never understand my choice to not breastfeed well into toddlerhood. Yet, another thinks I should have thought of my career more when weighing my decision to retire from teaching middle school. And these are my friends lol.
I am a part of this generation of parenting. I don't always agree with my peers but I will usually defend them, because I have NEVER been at the store without someone making a judgmental comment about my children (ages 1,3 & 5). Seriously, every time. Why is she sucking her thumb? Where are his socks? She is wearing a boy shirt! His face is dirty. It never ends.
KiddieCahoots 09:17 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
These were ones that emphasized how much research they did finding a daycare, checking me out, and asking (and I allowed them to) to come hang out for 1 1/2 hours one day to "observe." I think they feel like they made such an excellent choice, and that maybe DCB couldn't be in better hands...even their own!
I think it's a me time parent. Kiddo will be here open to close, every day I'm open. That I am used to, I just didn't think it would ever start with a cut-short maternity leave. It's a good thing she didn't realize I can actually start babies at 6-weeks, or he'd probably have been on his 3rd week here already.
What I hear is not so much the debate on different parenting styles, so much as what op is picking up on.These were ones that emphasized how much research they did finding a daycare, checking me out, and asking (and I allowed them to) to come hang out for 1 1/2 hours one day to "observe."
I think they feel like they made such an excellent choice, and that maybe DCB couldn't be in better hands...even their own!I think it's a me time parent. Kiddo will be here open to close, every day I'm open. That I am used to, I just didn't think it would ever start with a cut-short maternity leave. It's a good thing she didn't realize I can actually start babies at 6-weeks, or he'd probably have been on his 3rd week here already.
That she believes this child will be in her care, whenever that child possibly can be.
To me that is sad.
Shell 09:18 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
There's a chance that the mother wants to be home, available if there's any problems with the baby adjusting to going to daycare.
However, over the past few years, I have gotten more and more parents who show no interest in being with their child. They ask what my hours are, and when I tell them that I am open from 6 am - 11 pm, so I need to know from them what hours they work and therefore what hours they need daycare, they then ask me, 'Well, what's the longest I can leave him there?"!!! I've had parents call and say they need daycare from 6am-6pm. NO THEY DON'T! You know they don't really need daycare that long. They just know that many daycares are open 6 -6, so they want to leave their kids in daycare all 12 hours! I've had many parents come in Monday mornings and say, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" as they shove their child towards me. I couldn't tell you how many parents have asked me if they can have another family member or friend bring their child to daycare and pick their child up from daycare everyday for a week or even TWO WEEKS because they want to go on vacation without their child!
I don't understand these so-called parents either. I really think if we offered to raise their child day and night and give their parents visiting hours, the parents would actually take us up on it!
We always joked at a center where I used to work, that if we were able to take them directly home from the hospital after birth, some would take us up on it There's a chance that the mother wants to be home, available if there's any problems with the baby adjusting to going to daycare.
However, over the past few years, I have gotten more and more parents who show no interest in being with their child. They ask what my hours are, and when I tell them that I am open from 6 am - 11 pm, so I need to know from them what hours they work and therefore what hours they need daycare, they then ask me, 'Well, what's the longest I can leave him there?"!!! I've had parents call and say they need daycare from 6am-6pm. NO THEY DON'T! You know they don't really need daycare that long. They just know that many daycares are open 6 -6, so they want to leave their kids in daycare all 12 hours! I've had many parents come in Monday mornings and say, "Thank God it's Monday, HERE!" as they shove their child towards me. I couldn't tell you how many parents have asked me if they can have another family member or friend bring their child to daycare and pick their child up from daycare everyday for a week or even TWO WEEKS because they want to go on vacation without their child!
I don't understand these so-called parents either. I really think if we offered to raise their child day and night and give their parents visiting hours, the parents would actually take us up on it!
Annalee 09:25 AM 01-20-2015
This topic will always be debatable and each side will have a logical solution that fits their own views....I have several children that come a few days a week and there are some that are here every time the doors are open and the pay is the same???? It can eat at you if you let, but am trying to not do that as much as I used to....just thankful I am full getting paid for every day! My friends outside of daycare ALL take their kids to daycare when they are off because, after all, we are paying....they are sure to tell me this which is why I conveniently am full when friends ask for daycare because I think it would irritate me more if it was someone i was around regularly I have stopped some of my frustration by taking so many more holidays and time off around slow times so I am not stuck here with one kid per say! 
I have stopped some of my frustration by taking so many more holidays and time off around slow times so I am not stuck here with one kid per say!
Unregistered 10:35 AM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Nope. DCM is doing well, and looks fabulous. You would never know she had a baby just 8 weeks ago, or ever!
This is incredibly unfair. From the outside- I looked great and was a wonderful, doting mother- hundreds of pics on Facebook, nursing like a champ, etc. No one- not even my husband- was aware of the horrible thoughts and dreams I was having. No one knew I was hallucinating that my daughter was talking to me, or that I fantasized about drowning her. I never cried, never seemed sad. No one had any idea until I saw my gyn and she asked if I enjoyed being a mother and I realized I didn't. I was in therapy a few weeks later and realized how severly, severly mentally ill I was. 4 years and a lot of therapy later, I'm very aware that PPD manifests in many, many ways.Nope. DCM is doing well, and looks fabulous. You would never know she had a baby just 8 weeks ago, or ever!
Controlled Chaos 10:52 AM 01-20-2015
I am sorry you went through that. 
My husband never noticed mine either. I was afraid to tell my friends because their kids attend my daycare and I didn't want them think I wasn't safe/healthy/capable of continuing a job I had to do for us to make ends meet. -sorry to highjack
My husband never noticed mine either. I was afraid to tell my friends because their kids attend my daycare and I didn't want them think I wasn't safe/healthy/capable of continuing a job I had to do for us to make ends meet. -sorry to highjack
Blackcat31 11:46 AM 01-20-2015
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Controlled Chaos 12:29 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Heart 05:34 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
So well said. Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
nannyde 06:37 PM 01-20-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
I'm not interested in why either BUT I think the provider should be prepared for extensive conferencing and unannounced visits, long drop off and pick ups. May be a me time parent who doesn't seize the opportunity but considering the age of the infant, that would be a bit odd. They don't normally shun their baby until they get a taste of freedom after returning to work.Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Unregistered 09:16 PM 01-20-2015
I see nothing wrong with what she's done. I was with my child all of my 6 weeks maternity leave and not even a few days after leaving my son to return to work I was rushed to the hospital from my job because I had a very bad anxiety attack that caused me to have convulsions. All because I left my son that morning. he was left with my aunt. She is my best friend, has 3 children of her own, has even raised me and my siblings and all of my cousins. And yet I was still a wreck leaving him even though I trusted her. I only worked 2 months and opened my own daycare to be with him.
If I had it to do over, I may have started leaving him a week before I went back to work. In order to help myself get used to being without him. Leaving your child is not easy even for a "me time" mommy as some of the no it alls put it.
If I had it to do over, I may have started leaving him a week before I went back to work. In order to help myself get used to being without him. Leaving your child is not easy even for a "me time" mommy as some of the no it alls put it.
hope 01:56 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I see nothing wrong with what she's done. I was with my child all of my 6 weeks maternity leave and not even a few days after leaving my son to return to work I was rushed to the hospital from my job because I had a very bad anxiety attack that caused me to have convulsions. All because I left my son that morning. he was left with my aunt. She is my best friend, has 3 children of her own, has even raised me and my siblings and all of my cousins. And yet I was still a wreck leaving him even though I trusted her. I only worked 2 months and opened my own daycare to be with him.
If I had it to do over, I may have started leaving him a week before I went back to work. In order to help myself get used to being without him. Leaving your child is not easy even for a "me time" mommy as some of the no it alls put it.
We are all here discussing a topic with the goal of understanding other's view point. Name calling is uncalled for. Wish there were a time out for adults.I see nothing wrong with what she's done. I was with my child all of my 6 weeks maternity leave and not even a few days after leaving my son to return to work I was rushed to the hospital from my job because I had a very bad anxiety attack that caused me to have convulsions. All because I left my son that morning. he was left with my aunt. She is my best friend, has 3 children of her own, has even raised me and my siblings and all of my cousins. And yet I was still a wreck leaving him even though I trusted her. I only worked 2 months and opened my own daycare to be with him.
If I had it to do over, I may have started leaving him a week before I went back to work. In order to help myself get used to being without him. Leaving your child is not easy even for a "me time" mommy as some of the no it alls put it.
Rachel 03:28 AM 01-21-2015
Because we do easing in, usually the parents start daycare before they go back to work. Often I get kids who come only for a few hours in the morning so they are used to me and I am used to them before mom is at work and we just need to figure it out. Also I have one friend who always takes extended leave (6 months) but she starts her baby part time at 4/5 months (paying for a full time spot) because her kids have bad immune systems and she knows the first few months the baby will be home a lot and she would rather be over that hurdle before she goes back to work. She doesnt' leave the baby a full day though, just the morning, bottle, sleep, play a bit and home.
Unregistered 06:27 AM 01-21-2015
Shun their baby? Really?
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
Leigh 07:27 AM 01-21-2015
Thinking back, I remember all the things I had to do when my LO was a newborn. Of course, I had only 3 days notice of his arrival, but still, there is SO much organizing and shopping that I had to do. So much rearranging to make room for him, so many appointments to make (he had weekly appointments 100 miles away).
I imagine that this mom also has a ton of things to do at home, and if she's a first-time mom, I'm sure that she can't even imagine doing these things while her baby is home (I couldn't sleep when he did, I had to watch him sleep. I actually slept with my hand in his bassinet for about 2 weeks!). Just catching up on laundry, making a meal, taking a nap-I'm sure that this mom has plenty to get done before she goes back to work. I wouldn't think bad things about her for taking a week to get things done-it's scary having your first child, it's stressful, and it's a busy time.
I imagine that this mom also has a ton of things to do at home, and if she's a first-time mom, I'm sure that she can't even imagine doing these things while her baby is home (I couldn't sleep when he did, I had to watch him sleep. I actually slept with my hand in his bassinet for about 2 weeks!). Just catching up on laundry, making a meal, taking a nap-I'm sure that this mom has plenty to get done before she goes back to work. I wouldn't think bad things about her for taking a week to get things done-it's scary having your first child, it's stressful, and it's a busy time.
Controlled Chaos 07:31 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Shun their baby? Really?
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
Shun their baby? Really?
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
I wish DH would take me to a movie. He says they aren't good dates because we can't talk. I talk to him ALLLLL the time. I want to see a movie
KIDZRMYBIZ 08:23 AM 01-21-2015
What an interesting debate my surprised comment ensued. I was merely stating my surprise that the new DCF was choosing to begin FULL TIME (not a little bit here and there, mind you, but all day and all week) care for their itty-bitty guy. I will take it as a another statement as to how great of a provider I am, and leave it at that.
One parting note, though. It is an obvious reality of the world we now live in, full of children that were raised to have high self-esteem, and are now parents themselves. High self-esteem does not showcases itself in all the admirable character traits. It is these DCMs and DCDs lacking qualities like selflessness, self-discipline, respect for others, and humility that keep this forum alive.
Thanks for the chat. Over and out.
One parting note, though. It is an obvious reality of the world we now live in, full of children that were raised to have high self-esteem, and are now parents themselves. High self-esteem does not showcases itself in all the admirable character traits. It is these DCMs and DCDs lacking qualities like selflessness, self-discipline, respect for others, and humility that keep this forum alive.
Thanks for the chat. Over and out.
nannyde 08:41 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Shun their baby? Really?
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
Did you give up 12.5 % of your precious newborn maternity leave so you could have a week off WITHOUT your newborn before going back to work?Shun their baby? Really?
My son is 3. He goes to a center while I work. He is there for the least amount of time possible. He is my child.
Sunday I dropped him off at his grandpas so hubby and I could go to a movie. I dropped him off one day last month with an uncle so I could sleep off a horrible flu. Does that make me a me time parent? How about the fact that I'm leaving my son for a week next month while I go to mexico with girlfriends?
Its so hard to be a mother and other moms are so quick to judge. If you don't know someone's story, back off. And if you do....still back off cause its really not your business.
It's not that hard to be a mother. It's work... yes but it's not hard to care for one baby when you have running water, electricity, forced air heat, dishwasher, washer, dryer, automobile, food you don't have to raise, meat you don't have to raise, wood to chop, clothing you don't have to sew, medical care that doesn't take six month of your yearly income....
You're version of "hard" would have been hysterical to your foremothers.
We need to STOP saying this is hard and start having some appreciation for how VERY VERY good we have it now as mothers. We need to see to it that our BABIES are the beneficiaries of how easy we have it instead of ourselves. The sheer amount of time and lack of wear and tear on our bodies we enjoy now because of the hard work our predecessors did for us should net more time with our children and an appreciation for how fortunate we are to live and parent when we do.
I said "shun" and I meant it. Your examples aren't shunning. I am sure your son would rather travel with his mother than live his normal same ole same ole life while you vacation but your other examples don't rise to the level of child shunning we see every day in this business.
Unregistered 08:48 AM 01-21-2015
My son does travel with me. We do family vacations every six months to various locations. But thank you for
Stepping up on your soap box there. I find motherhood hard. Its beautiful. A blessing. And the most incredible thing. But its hard. And I stand by that. If you think it's easy, good for you. I'm genuinely happy for you.
Anyways. Mothers need to stop judging other mother's is the only point I want to make.
Stepping up on your soap box there. I find motherhood hard. Its beautiful. A blessing. And the most incredible thing. But its hard. And I stand by that. If you think it's easy, good for you. I'm genuinely happy for you.
Anyways. Mothers need to stop judging other mother's is the only point I want to make.
Unregistered 08:51 AM 01-21-2015
Also just adding.....no. Im in Canada. I got an entire year off with my son. I spent every single day with him.
But I'd never judge anyone for doing it differently
But I'd never judge anyone for doing it differently
nannyde 09:04 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Also just adding.....no. Im in Canada. I got an entire year off with my son. I spent every single day with him.
But I'd never judge anyone for doing it differently
So could you imagine only getting eight weeks and sending him to daycare at the seventh week so you can have a week off before going to work?Also just adding.....no. Im in Canada. I got an entire year off with my son. I spent every single day with him.
But I'd never judge anyone for doing it differently
Unregistered 09:10 AM 01-21-2015
Oh heck no. I would not. But if someone else does then that is their choice. That is the choice they made for their family.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys"
"Not my circus, not my monkeys"
nannyde 09:12 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My son does travel with me. We do family vacations every six months to various locations. But thank you for
Stepping up on your soap box there. I find motherhood hard. Its beautiful. A blessing. And the most incredible thing. But its hard. And I stand by that. If you think it's easy, good for you. I'm genuinely happy for you.
Anyways. Mothers need to stop judging other mother's is the only point I want to make.
How is it hard? Do you have to chop wood to heat the house so he doesn't freeze? Do you have to keep a wood stove going so you can boil water so you can bathe him and clean his dishes properly? You have to keep him safely away from that fire every second he's up and moving around?My son does travel with me. We do family vacations every six months to various locations. But thank you for
Stepping up on your soap box there. I find motherhood hard. Its beautiful. A blessing. And the most incredible thing. But its hard. And I stand by that. If you think it's easy, good for you. I'm genuinely happy for you.
Anyways. Mothers need to stop judging other mother's is the only point I want to make.
You have to supervise him while you are bent over in the garden raising the vegetables he needs? You have to keep him occupied while you milk the cow for his milk?
Seriously... how do you figure it's so hard to parent him?
We need to GET real and stop making this out to be so HARD that we need a break after having a few weeks of first time newborn care while we are supported on every avenue that we truly need to care for a baby.
Unregistered 09:16 AM 01-21-2015
I say it's hard. You say its not. That's OK. Difference of opinions. Different lives, different skills, different thoughts and theories.
I don't feel the need to justify my feelings.
I don't feel the need to justify my feelings.
Unregistered 09:24 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Did you give up 12.5 % of your precious newborn maternity leave so you could have a week off WITHOUT your newborn before going back to work?
It's not that hard to be a mother. It's work... yes but it's not hard to care for one baby when you have running water, electricity, forced air heat, dishwasher, washer, dryer, automobile, food you don't have to raise, meat you don't have to raise, wood to chop, clothing you don't have to sew, medical care that doesn't take six month of your yearly income....
You're version of "hard" would have been hysterical to your foremothers.
We need to STOP saying this is hard and start having some appreciation for how VERY VERY good we have it now as mothers. We need to see to it that our BABIES are the beneficiaries of how easy we have it instead of ourselves. The sheer amount of time and lack of wear and tear on our bodies we enjoy now because of the hard work our predecessors did for us should net more time with our children and an appreciation for how fortunate we are to live and parent when we do.
I said "shun" and I meant it. Your examples aren't shunning. I am sure your son would rather travel with his mother than live his normal same ole same ole life while you vacation but your other examples don't rise to the level of child shunning we see every day in this business.
I agree with you 100%Did you give up 12.5 % of your precious newborn maternity leave so you could have a week off WITHOUT your newborn before going back to work?
It's not that hard to be a mother. It's work... yes but it's not hard to care for one baby when you have running water, electricity, forced air heat, dishwasher, washer, dryer, automobile, food you don't have to raise, meat you don't have to raise, wood to chop, clothing you don't have to sew, medical care that doesn't take six month of your yearly income....
You're version of "hard" would have been hysterical to your foremothers.
We need to STOP saying this is hard and start having some appreciation for how VERY VERY good we have it now as mothers. We need to see to it that our BABIES are the beneficiaries of how easy we have it instead of ourselves. The sheer amount of time and lack of wear and tear on our bodies we enjoy now because of the hard work our predecessors did for us should net more time with our children and an appreciation for how fortunate we are to live and parent when we do.
I said "shun" and I meant it. Your examples aren't shunning. I am sure your son would rather travel with his mother than live his normal same ole same ole life while you vacation but your other examples don't rise to the level of child shunning we see every day in this business.
Blackcat31 09:31 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I say it's hard. You say its not. That's OK. Difference of opinions. Different lives, different skills, different thoughts and theories.
I don't feel the need to justify my feelings.
Why not? You felt the need to share an opinion...but then bow out when the "real" questions are asked.I say it's hard. You say its not. That's OK. Difference of opinions. Different lives, different skills, different thoughts and theories.
I don't feel the need to justify my feelings.
Parenting now days is NOT hard compared to generations before us.
We are a coddled, entitled and soft society.
I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".
AmyLeigh 10:02 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".
I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".
My grandmother and great aunt had 11 and 17 children respectively. No maternity leave for them. If they were picking cotton when they went in labor, they had to finish their row before going into the house to give birth, then cook a meal for the entire family and some other laborers right after the baby was born. No mom's night out, no date nights with their dh's, no 'me' time. Yet they survived. G-ma lived 5 years longer than the doctors expected her to and G-auntie is still going strong in her 90's.
I'm concerned of what my generation and the next are going to be like in their golden years. We cannot deal with anything that requires much effort. We have it way too easy.
Leigh 10:06 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why not? You felt the need to share an opinion...but then bow out when the "real" questions are asked.
Parenting now days is NOT hard compared to generations before us.
We are a coddled, entitled and soft society.
I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".
What makes it hard is the guilt that some feel by leaving their child alone for 3 minutes, the fact that younger new mothers now have ZERO experience with kids-they never babysat, they never helped with siblings...they're going in blind. Part of what makes it hard is the ideal of what it takes to be a "good" parent. I think the #1 thing that makes it hard is the isolation after that first kid-your childless friends no longer invite you to do things with them, they don't understand how you can be so tired (even though you cleaned up 12 piles of puke in the 8 hours you should have been sleeping). And, of course, the demands for working moms-coming in early, finding backup childcare when your daycare is closed or your child is sick, putting in extra mandatory hours last minute when you're supposed to be picking up your child. Why not? You felt the need to share an opinion...but then bow out when the "real" questions are asked.
Parenting now days is NOT hard compared to generations before us.
We are a coddled, entitled and soft society.
I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".
There are lots of things that can be hard. My mother and grandmother did wonderful jobs raising their kids. In my grandmother's day, though, a young female relative would come spend a month or two with you after giving birth to help you out (watch kids, run errands, clean house). When my mom had us, her sisters and sisters-in-law were there to help after childbirth, too. Who was there for me? Noone. Not even my husband most of the time (because we were working opposite shifts). When my LO came, I was doing physical therapy for an injury 2-3 times a week. I couldn't even get my own sister to watch my son for the hour that I needed therapy (though I helped her with hers). I am not complaining, but putting it out there that things are different now, and people deal with different stresses. I don't know ANY mom who had the kind of support my mom or grandmother had after having kids. These days, family and friends just aren't there for you like they used to be-everyone is busy with their own busy lives.
If there were ONE thing that I think makes mothering hard, it's the need to go back to work when your child is only 6-12 weeks old. The need to earn a paycheck when you really just want to enjoy caring for your child. The hardest thing for me was dropping him off at daycare and thinking that I was letting someone else raise my child for me.
Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.
nannyde 10:28 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
What makes it hard is the guilt...
Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.
What makes it hard is the guilt...
Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.
But what is so hard that you have to have your kid away from you in order to be a good parent at times when you aren't working?
I don't agree with the guilt thing. I don't think it's very common and if it is... it is short lived because the truly guilty usually make a life change that allows them to DO In a way that the guilt is no longer an issue or it's very very short lived.
How many providers have parents that do not have their child in daycare when they are available to parent? I'm NOT talking about a few hours a year where they take a day for the couple to be together or a few afternoons a year when they get off early and run errands.
I'm talking about the vast... by far... percentage of time when the parents are not otherwise occupied with the work day... do they keep their children with them?
Guilty moms don't stay away a minute more than they must. Guilty Dads don't either.
nannyde 10:51 AM 01-21-2015
Leigh I otherwise agree and enjoyed your words.
Leigh 10:56 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
But what is so hard that you have to have your kid away from you in order to be a good parent at times when you aren't working?
I don't agree with the guilt thing. I don't think it's very common and if it is... it is short lived because the truly guilty usually make a life change that allows them to DO In a way that the guilt is no longer an issue or it's very very short lived.
How many providers have parents that do not have their child in daycare when they are available to parent? I'm NOT talking about a few hours a year where they take a day for the couple to be together or a few afternoons a year when they get off early and run errands.
I'm talking about the vast... by far... percentage of time when the parents are not otherwise occupied with the work day... do they keep their children with them?
Guilty moms don't stay away a minute more than they must. Guilty Dads don't either.
I think you're right that it is short-lived in SOME people. About half of my parents want their kids here open to close, every day. The other half will pick up early every chance they get, keep their kids home with them on their days off, and encourage grandma to pick up early when she can. I think that some people just had kids before they were ready to give up their "single" life...they still want to live like they did before they had kids. I just can't imagine why they don't want their kids with them, other than selfishness or that they don't know what to do with them.But what is so hard that you have to have your kid away from you in order to be a good parent at times when you aren't working?
I don't agree with the guilt thing. I don't think it's very common and if it is... it is short lived because the truly guilty usually make a life change that allows them to DO In a way that the guilt is no longer an issue or it's very very short lived.
How many providers have parents that do not have their child in daycare when they are available to parent? I'm NOT talking about a few hours a year where they take a day for the couple to be together or a few afternoons a year when they get off early and run errands.
I'm talking about the vast... by far... percentage of time when the parents are not otherwise occupied with the work day... do they keep their children with them?
Guilty moms don't stay away a minute more than they must. Guilty Dads don't either.
I have a friend who pays $60/week for part-time care (not with me) for her kid (4), and he attends 2-4 hours a week. He's ONLY at care when the parents' shifts overlap by 1/2 hour. I have encouraged her to leave him there longer just because he needs some social skills! She won't do it-she won't be separated from her kids for one minute longer than necessary. Her husband feels the same way. They are parents to six boys, and they cherish each of them.
I agree that the "new generation" of parents tends to be me-oriented. I think that they feel that they have to have it all, and see their children as another thing included in it. Personally, I tend to swing toward the other end of the spectrum, but I'm not so sure that's entirely healthy, either-I prefer being with my son to anything else in the world. I hate it when he goes to sleep at night because he's so peaceful and angelic that I want to pick him up and hold him. I take him with me everywhere I go because I enjoy his company. I don't see my friends enough because I don't like leaving him with sitters. That's probably not exactly healthy for me, either, but I don't want to miss a thing with him.
Blackcat31 10:56 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
What makes it hard is the guilt that some feel by leaving their child alone for 3 minutes, the fact that younger new mothers now have ZERO experience with kids-they never babysat, they never helped with siblings...they're going in blind. Part of what makes it hard is the ideal of what it takes to be a "good" parent. I think the #1 thing that makes it hard is the isolation after that first kid-your childless friends no longer invite you to do things with them, they don't understand how you can be so tired (even though you cleaned up 12 piles of puke in the 8 hours you should have been sleeping). And, of course, the demands for working moms-coming in early, finding backup childcare when your daycare is closed or your child is sick, putting in extra mandatory hours last minute when you're supposed to be picking up your child.
There are lots of things that can be hard. My mother and grandmother did wonderful jobs raising their kids. In my grandmother's day, though, a young female relative would come spend a month or two with you after giving birth to help you out (watch kids, run errands, clean house). When my mom had us, her sisters and sisters-in-law were there to help after childbirth, too. Who was there for me? Noone. Not even my husband most of the time (because we were working opposite shifts). When my LO came, I was doing physical therapy for an injury 2-3 times a week. I couldn't even get my own sister to watch my son for the hour that I needed therapy (though I helped her with hers). I am not complaining, but putting it out there that things are different now, and people deal with different stresses. I don't know ANY mom who had the kind of support my mom or grandmother had after having kids. These days, family and friends just aren't there for you like they used to be-everyone is busy with their own busy lives.
If there were ONE thing that I think makes mothering hard, it's the need to go back to work when your child is only 6-12 weeks old. The need to earn a paycheck when you really just want to enjoy caring for your child. The hardest thing for me was dropping him off at daycare and thinking that I was letting someone else raise my child for me.
Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.
But see that is part of the issue. Previous generations weren't judged by other moms because they didn't put it all out there to be judged...and the NEED for a second income was not there. What makes it hard is the guilt that some feel by leaving their child alone for 3 minutes, the fact that younger new mothers now have ZERO experience with kids-they never babysat, they never helped with siblings...they're going in blind. Part of what makes it hard is the ideal of what it takes to be a "good" parent. I think the #1 thing that makes it hard is the isolation after that first kid-your childless friends no longer invite you to do things with them, they don't understand how you can be so tired (even though you cleaned up 12 piles of puke in the 8 hours you should have been sleeping). And, of course, the demands for working moms-coming in early, finding backup childcare when your daycare is closed or your child is sick, putting in extra mandatory hours last minute when you're supposed to be picking up your child.
There are lots of things that can be hard. My mother and grandmother did wonderful jobs raising their kids. In my grandmother's day, though, a young female relative would come spend a month or two with you after giving birth to help you out (watch kids, run errands, clean house). When my mom had us, her sisters and sisters-in-law were there to help after childbirth, too. Who was there for me? Noone. Not even my husband most of the time (because we were working opposite shifts). When my LO came, I was doing physical therapy for an injury 2-3 times a week. I couldn't even get my own sister to watch my son for the hour that I needed therapy (though I helped her with hers). I am not complaining, but putting it out there that things are different now, and people deal with different stresses. I don't know ANY mom who had the kind of support my mom or grandmother had after having kids. These days, family and friends just aren't there for you like they used to be-everyone is busy with their own busy lives.
If there were ONE thing that I think makes mothering hard, it's the need to go back to work when your child is only 6-12 weeks old. The need to earn a paycheck when you really just want to enjoy caring for your child. The hardest thing for me was dropping him off at daycare and thinking that I was letting someone else raise my child for me.
Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.
We, as a society choose to NEED that income. It's not a necessity. I am NOT talking about the exceptions as there is always exceptions to most everything. I am speaking in general.
Today's families "need" a second income to be able to afford the creature comforts and other things used in the great race to keep up with the Jones's.
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Leigh I otherwise agree and enjoyed your words.
ABSOLUTELY! Leigh I otherwise agree and enjoyed your words.
Leigh 11:00 AM 01-21-2015
To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
Annalee 11:09 AM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
The last few infants I have taken come from parents that genuinely care, but appear to not really know what to do with the child...I am not sure how to explain it. But during the interviews leading up to enrollment, they appear scared-nervous even if the child is in the carrier perfectly fine....Does that make any sense? I do feel they want what is best for their child but also want what they had before they had children as well...the best of both worlds and this is where the opinions on this thread begin to differ....I was raised by parents whom never left my 2 brothers and I. We went on vacations, played outside, did lots in the home because only dad worked and funds weren't that great but we have lots of wonderful memories....so when I had kids, they just fit into hubby and I way of life....I think many parents today don't know how to just let the child be a part of their life. Not everyone, before I get flamed, but some parentsTo clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
TaylorTots 12:26 PM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Here is my take on this...
I provide a service so that I can support my family.
Families buy my services so they can do __________.
That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.
I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.
No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.
No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.
No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.
The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:
Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?
That's pretty much all I care about.
The rest is not for me to judge.
We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.
Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.
This debate gets old.
NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.
Just be grateful that they do.
It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.
It's that simple.
Agree! Heck, when my parents go on maternity leave, their older siblings are REQUIRED to be enrolled in the program full time and I am clear I expect them every day that they would be here if the parent was working. 1) I do this for a paycheck and 2) I work my bum off to get all my kiddos on routines and rules, not to have parents muck them up for 2 months during maternity.
nannyde 04:18 PM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by Leigh:
To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
Good points but I think I would exchange the word bored to cry.To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.
Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.
Unregistered 04:39 PM 01-21-2015
Of course you would.
Leigh 04:42 PM 01-21-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Good points but I think I would exchange the word bored to cry.
LOL! And you would probably be right to-she flat out admits that she can't be alone with her kids because she can't handle them (they are AWESOME kids, and E.A.S.Y. to care for!).Good points but I think I would exchange the word bored to cry.