Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>So frustrating! So Sad!
dcm 01:12 PM 04-04-2014
Just opened our day home a month ago...three kids myself and one on the way! My kids are my world!!!
New dcb (9 months old) started this week. His dad works away for a month and then comes back home for only a week. He came back last night.... so why is his kid here???!!!!!!! The child is still an infant in my eyes, they grow up so fast, and after a month, I'm sure a lot about him has changed, so as I said...WHY NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD??!!! Does he even care or did the condom just break!!
I just feel so bad for the child, he never sees his dad!
Maybe he needed one day to just rest, fine, but this child get's picked up at the last minute before we close, and I bet anything, the mom will pick up at the same time, while dad sits on his a** at home!!
New dcb (9 months old) started this week. His dad works away for a month and then comes back home for only a week. He came back last night.... so why is his kid here???!!!!!!! The child is still an infant in my eyes, they grow up so fast, and after a month, I'm sure a lot about him has changed, so as I said...WHY NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD??!!! Does he even care or did the condom just break!!
I just feel so bad for the child, he never sees his dad!
Maybe he needed one day to just rest, fine, but this child get's picked up at the last minute before we close, and I bet anything, the mom will pick up at the same time, while dad sits on his a** at home!!
cara041083 01:23 PM 04-04-2014
Unfortunately, you will see this time and time again. It does make me sad, but you will see all kinds of things that will make you wonder why people even have kids. All you can do is make sure each and every child is loved in your home while they are there. 
to you and good luck with your new business!
to you and good luck with your new business!
Blackcat31 01:52 PM 04-04-2014
Save yourself a ton of stress and confusion and do not expect your clients to share your values in that regard.
If they valued the same things you did, they would be child care providers or SAHM's and not be dropping their children off to you or someone else.
Welcome to the forum!
If they valued the same things you did, they would be child care providers or SAHM's and not be dropping their children off to you or someone else.
Welcome to the forum!
Starburst 02:45 PM 04-04-2014
Well, not everyone understands the value of spending time with their children at a young age. There are some people that only have kids either because their partner wants kids, because their family wants them to have kids, or because they see it as the next step in their relationship or as a status symbol (men tend be more guilty of the latter in those cases). And of course, some times it's just unplanned and they think they are just "dealing with it." And there are also people who do want kids but prefer to hang out with them more when they are older and they can do more activity things to bond with them rather than caregiving bonding (which they may not realize is the foundation of the bond);so in those cases they may start trying to bond more when they are old enough for little league or ballet (but this doesn't mean that it will work; especially if a secure attachment is not established).
Of course, DCD may not fit into any of those categories and there are multiple other factors to take into consideration for DCD's choice for today. Do you charge for the spot or for when they actually attend (if so do you offer a certain amount of free sick days or personal days)? Chances are they probably figured they are paying you anyway and maybe he needed to run errands, or do some things around the house, or maybe he just wanted to rest and didn't think much about it. Or maybe he and DCM wanted to go to lunch or something alone. A good relationship between the parents {whether they are together or not} is the best gift a parent can give their child.
But overall, unfortunately, not all parents understand that (as my psychology teacher put it): Once you become a parent you need schedule your life around your child; not try to schedule your child around your life.
Of course, DCD may not fit into any of those categories and there are multiple other factors to take into consideration for DCD's choice for today. Do you charge for the spot or for when they actually attend (if so do you offer a certain amount of free sick days or personal days)? Chances are they probably figured they are paying you anyway and maybe he needed to run errands, or do some things around the house, or maybe he just wanted to rest and didn't think much about it. Or maybe he and DCM wanted to go to lunch or something alone. A good relationship between the parents {whether they are together or not} is the best gift a parent can give their child.
But overall, unfortunately, not all parents understand that (as my psychology teacher put it): Once you become a parent you need schedule your life around your child; not try to schedule your child around your life.
Starburst 02:47 PM 04-04-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Save yourself a ton of stress and confusion and do not expect your clients to share your values in that regard.
If they valued the same things you did, they would be child care providers or SAHM's and not be dropping their children off to you or someone else.
But if everyone did do that, there would be no need for child care businesses.Save yourself a ton of stress and confusion and do not expect your clients to share your values in that regard.
If they valued the same things you did, they would be child care providers or SAHM's and not be dropping their children off to you or someone else.
Blackcat31 03:10 PM 04-04-2014
Originally Posted by Starburst:
But if everyone did do that, there would be no need for child care businesses.
Exactly. But if everyone did do that, there would be no need for child care businesses.
llpa 04:09 PM 04-04-2014
Originally Posted by cara041083:
Unfortunately, you will see this time and time again. It does make me sad, but you will see all kinds of things that will make you wonder why people even have kids. All you can do is make sure each and every child is loved in your home while they are there. to you and good luck with your new business!
This exactly!! Love them the best you can while you have them! Unfortunately, you will see this time and time again. It does make me sad, but you will see all kinds of things that will make you wonder why people even have kids. All you can do is make sure each and every child is loved in your home while they are there.
to you and good luck with your new business! good luck with your new dayhome!!
crazydaycarelady 06:11 PM 04-04-2014
I wouldn't judge. Maybe the dad was tired, maybe he had a doctors appt, maybe he had a long honey-do list since he has been gone for a month.
dcm 08:53 PM 04-04-2014
As I expected, Mom picked him up at the last hour. Don't get me wrong, we give him the best care to the best of our ability, but it's still not the same, we are not his Mom or Dad, we don't love him like they do, or are supposed to at least. I'm not saying that they don't love him.....I understand that maybe he did indeed have a honey-do list waiting for him after a month. Dad could have dropped him at daycare, started on that list, but he ALSO could have come and picked his son up a bit early, IMO!!!
All I'm saying is it's sad, IMHO, where some people place their priorities. I know myself, when I'm old (hopefully) and it's the end, I don't want to remember the honey-do list...how many times my husband mowed the grass or how many times I changed a lightbulb....I would like to remember how many smiles I put on my kids' faces
Just sayin' is all.
We have another DCD, that comes two hours before we close, EVERYDAY!!! He's always dressed up proper in his business suit...he could go home and change, relax by himself for a bit, but NO, he values his time with his children, so he comes straight from work to get them. I know if I was a child still, I'd wish I had a dad like this, rather than the dad that only sees me for a week at a time, for only two hours a night before my bedtime!
All I'm saying is it's sad, IMHO, where some people place their priorities. I know myself, when I'm old (hopefully) and it's the end, I don't want to remember the honey-do list...how many times my husband mowed the grass or how many times I changed a lightbulb....I would like to remember how many smiles I put on my kids' faces
Just sayin' is all. We have another DCD, that comes two hours before we close, EVERYDAY!!! He's always dressed up proper in his business suit...he could go home and change, relax by himself for a bit, but NO, he values his time with his children, so he comes straight from work to get them. I know if I was a child still, I'd wish I had a dad like this, rather than the dad that only sees me for a week at a time, for only two hours a night before my bedtime!
Starburst 08:37 AM 04-05-2014
Originally Posted by dcm:
As I expected, Mom picked him up at the last hour. Don't get me wrong, we give him the best care to the best of our ability, but it's still not the same, we are not his Mom or Dad, we don't love him like they do, or are supposed to at least. I'm not saying that they don't love him.....I understand that maybe he did indeed have a honey-do list waiting for him after a month. Dad could have dropped him at daycare, started on that list, but he ALSO could have come and picked his son up a bit early, IMO!!!
All I'm saying is it's sad, IMHO, where some people place their priorities. I know myself, when I'm old (hopefully) and it's the end, I don't want to remember the honey-do list...how many times my husband mowed the grass or how many times I changed a lightbulb....I would like to remember how many smiles I put on my kids' faces Just sayin' is all.
We have another DCD, that comes two hours before we close, EVERYDAY!!! He's always dressed up proper in his business suit...he could go home and change, relax by himself for a bit, but NO, he values his time with his children, so he comes straight from work to get them. I know if I was a child still, I'd wish I had a dad like this, rather than the dad that only sees me for a week at a time, for only two hours a night before my bedtime!
Were not saying that your wrong for having your personal values or your own ethic code of parenting. But I'd also like to add that it's also not fair to compare DCD1 to another daycare dad either, that's the other daycare dad's business. Maybe other DCD never really thought about going home to change before picking up DCB or maybe he just figured that he didn't want to go back out once he got home (it may be more about convenience rather than values) or if you have contract hours and his contract ends after a certain time, he wants to pick up on time to avoid a late pick up fee. Just because they pick them up early doesn't mean they necessary spend more quality time with them, for all you know DCD2 might just stick the kid in front of the TV until mom gets home or until bed time (this is a very common trend today). Again not saying he does, just remember that every family unit is different and that some things work for some families while other things work for other families, just like staying home with your children works for you but not necessarily for the families you watch for.As I expected, Mom picked him up at the last hour. Don't get me wrong, we give him the best care to the best of our ability, but it's still not the same, we are not his Mom or Dad, we don't love him like they do, or are supposed to at least. I'm not saying that they don't love him.....I understand that maybe he did indeed have a honey-do list waiting for him after a month. Dad could have dropped him at daycare, started on that list, but he ALSO could have come and picked his son up a bit early, IMO!!!
All I'm saying is it's sad, IMHO, where some people place their priorities. I know myself, when I'm old (hopefully) and it's the end, I don't want to remember the honey-do list...how many times my husband mowed the grass or how many times I changed a lightbulb....I would like to remember how many smiles I put on my kids' faces
Just sayin' is all. We have another DCD, that comes two hours before we close, EVERYDAY!!! He's always dressed up proper in his business suit...he could go home and change, relax by himself for a bit, but NO, he values his time with his children, so he comes straight from work to get them. I know if I was a child still, I'd wish I had a dad like this, rather than the dad that only sees me for a week at a time, for only two hours a night before my bedtime!
Your main concern in this should be making sure that DCB is safe when he is at your home and that you are paid for your services; As long as they are following your contract/policies and aren't abusing the child at home, there isn't much you can do to change the parents. As my ECE teacher say :"Many people go into this field because they love kids, but unfortunately kids come with parents."
NightOwl 10:06 AM 04-05-2014
DCM, I understand your position. As providers, we don't see what the parents are doing while we have their children and that allows our imaginations to run rampant. I understand that errands have to be taken care of, appointments attended, etc, but not every single day of the week.
I have had children in the past who were here literally from open to close. And because of the interview process, I knew what the parents did for a living, what their work hours were, etc. It can cause some resentment when you know the parent gets off work everyday at 2:30 and they don't pull into the driveway until 5:59. Yes, they are paying for my services and have me until 6pm, but it still makes me angry for their child.
I have a 10 month old in this very situation. He cries like a screech owl 80% of the day, dad gets off at 3pm, baby doesn't leave until 5:30 to 6pm. He just doesn't want to deal with the baby so he puts it off as long as he can. And at pick up, he comments how tired baby looks and must be ready for dinner and bed. So baby is put to bed every night no later than 7pm. Breaks my heart. Maybe he wouldn't cry like a screech owl if his parents paid him some attention?
I have had children in the past who were here literally from open to close. And because of the interview process, I knew what the parents did for a living, what their work hours were, etc. It can cause some resentment when you know the parent gets off work everyday at 2:30 and they don't pull into the driveway until 5:59. Yes, they are paying for my services and have me until 6pm, but it still makes me angry for their child.
I have a 10 month old in this very situation. He cries like a screech owl 80% of the day, dad gets off at 3pm, baby doesn't leave until 5:30 to 6pm. He just doesn't want to deal with the baby so he puts it off as long as he can. And at pick up, he comments how tired baby looks and must be ready for dinner and bed. So baby is put to bed every night no later than 7pm. Breaks my heart. Maybe he wouldn't cry like a screech owl if his parents paid him some attention?
NeedaVaca 10:42 AM 04-05-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
DCM, I understand your position. As providers, we don't see what the parents are doing while we have their children and that allows our imaginations to run rampant. I understand that errands have to be taken care of, appointments attended, etc, but not every single day of the week.
I have had children in the past who were here literally from open to close. And because of the interview process, I knew what the parents did for a living, what their work hours were, etc. It can cause some resentment when you know the parent gets off work everyday at 2:30 and they don't pull into the driveway until 5:59. Yes, they are paying for my services and have me until 6pm, but it still makes me angry for their child.
I have a 10 month old in this very situation. He cries like a screech owl 80% of the day, dad gets off at 3pm, baby doesn't leave until 5:30 to 6pm. He just doesn't want to deal with the baby so he puts it off as long as he can. And at pick up, he comments how tired baby looks and must be ready for dinner and bed. So baby is put to bed every night no later than 7pm. Breaks my heart. Maybe he wouldn't cry like a screech owl if his parents paid him some attention?
This is why I have contracted hours. Baby would be picked up by 3:30-4 at the latest...DCM, I understand your position. As providers, we don't see what the parents are doing while we have their children and that allows our imaginations to run rampant. I understand that errands have to be taken care of, appointments attended, etc, but not every single day of the week.
I have had children in the past who were here literally from open to close. And because of the interview process, I knew what the parents did for a living, what their work hours were, etc. It can cause some resentment when you know the parent gets off work everyday at 2:30 and they don't pull into the driveway until 5:59. Yes, they are paying for my services and have me until 6pm, but it still makes me angry for their child.
I have a 10 month old in this very situation. He cries like a screech owl 80% of the day, dad gets off at 3pm, baby doesn't leave until 5:30 to 6pm. He just doesn't want to deal with the baby so he puts it off as long as he can. And at pick up, he comments how tired baby looks and must be ready for dinner and bed. So baby is put to bed every night no later than 7pm. Breaks my heart. Maybe he wouldn't cry like a screech owl if his parents paid him some attention?
Cradle2crayons 11:17 AM 04-05-2014
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
This is why I have contracted hours. Baby would be picked up by 3:30-4 at the latest...
This is why I have contracted hours. Baby would be picked up by 3:30-4 at the latest...
same here. Parents have one hour after they clock out to pick up their kids. If I can take care of my errands with seven kids, they can do it with one or two. Just my opinion.