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Old 01-16-2020, 11:11 AM
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Default Mom Wants to Call the Shots

Ok, so I was desperate for a teacher’s schedule as I have children of my own and that is what works best for my family. A few months ago I took on a family that falls into a teachers schedule however, mom wants to call the shots and I’ve lost my backbone and am building resentment.
I think my desperation for that schedule is what allowed me to get myself into this. I should have run when mom brought a laminated list of rules she would like followed disguised as “helpful hints”. They were desperately searching for a new dc asap because their last person bailed unexpectedly and left them high and dry...I’m starting to see why.

As it turns out, he is a difficult baby that cries when he is put down and just seems to need more attention than I can give in a group setting. I thought the longer I had him I care he would become better adjusted. But he’s not. I’m struggling (partly my own fault) and I’m still getting texts from mom every morning telling me when baby will be ready for his nap, though I have been following baby’s cues over moms “suggestions” and have been honest with her about that. To which she responds with how “stubborn” baby is.

I think part of the reason I am struggling is we are going through a few big changes within the family and it’s just a lot on my plate right now. I feel like getting out of the house would help tremendously, even for a story time at the library for the toddlers, one of which is mine.

I pitched the idea to mom and she is not comfortable with baby going out without her or hubby. I respect that. However, I need to also respect my limit and I am recognizing I need to get out but I can’t! In all fairness, when we initially interviewed field trips were not on my radar and not worth the amount of work I’d have to put forth. Now I’m willing to put in the hard work to save my sanity and feel some refreshment. I have one other child that I watch and story time has been okay’d by his mom and she was excited about it.

Ideally, I would need to find a replacement before I termed but it is just getting difficult to put up with. I know I am a lot to blame because of my “flexibility “.

How do you all deal with not being able to get out of the house? What would you all do in my situation- other than having a backbone and telling them they need a nanny from day 1 😉 I would love some other perspectives and any hints on how to make things a bit more bearable while i ride out my wait to replace.
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Old 01-16-2020, 11:41 AM
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What I personally would do is let them go. Sometimes kids just don't adjust, no matter what techniques we use or how much time goes by. It's usually best to phrase this as "best for the child's wellbeing and stress level" to find alternate care.

Or

You can tell her that you are restructuring your daycare program and since she is opting out of travel, you will unfortunately need to terminate the contract on X date.

That of course, leaves you open to her changing her mind and being "ok" with traveling now. So, take that into consideration.

If you want to give her the option to comply first, then I would start by writing down what you would want to say.

For instance:
"Mom, I wanted to touch base with you about Joey as well as our working relationship. I have mentioned that Joey is having a hard time adjusting. Over the last couple months, it hasn't seemed to improve. I have been doing X and X to try and remedy the situation. In my experience, it may help if you do X. (Short goodbyes, less checking in and let you focus on the day)
In regards to our conversation about traveling during the day: I have decided to restructure my program and our daily activities will include traveling by care. This won't be optional to stay enrolled. I completely understand if you and your husband decide that my program would no longer meet your needs due to this. If that is the case, I would need your formal written notice by X. I can certainly give you some referral options as well. If you decide that day travel is something you would see value in, the release form is due by February 1st to continue enrollment.
Thank you for your understanding."
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Old 01-16-2020, 01:23 PM
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In the future, don't ask. I will be starting story time x date. I will need x form signed. If you do not wish for your child to attend, you must find alternate care during that time and tuition will still be due.

Ultimately, it sounds like the family isn't a good fit. A parent texting my daily how to care formtgeor child would not work for me. In the beginning week or two, maybe. After that, you trust me and my judgement or you don't.

Hugs. I hope you find the changes you need.
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Old 01-17-2020, 06:00 AM
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Thank you both. Great advice. I am planning on terming as soon as I get a replacement and in the future be more assertive and tell rather than ask.
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Old 01-17-2020, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LittleExplorers View Post
In the future, don't ask. I will be starting story time x date. I will need x form signed. If you do not wish for your child to attend, you must find alternate care during that time and tuition will still be due.

Ultimately, it sounds like the family isn't a good fit. A parent texting my daily how to care formtgeor child would not work for me. In the beginning week or two, maybe. After that, you trust me and my judgement or you don't.

Hugs. I hope you find the changes you need.
Yep that is what I was thinking. Make them find care for when you go to storytime.

As for your question, I opt not to do fleid trips, I felt that there was to much liability and do not have a problem with staying home every day. However if I lived in town, I would be more likely to go on walking trips but would be very choosey where I went.

I also experienced this with a teacher parent, she sent so many notes, there was a note on his cereal and bottles. She had him on a strict schedule of eat play sleep and sent me a baby daily form to use on the first day. (It was the same form that I used)
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Old 01-18-2020, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
Yep that is what I was thinking. Make them find care for when you go to storytime.

As for your question, I opt not to do fleid trips, I felt that there was to much liability and do not have a problem with staying home every day. However if I lived in town, I would be more likely to go on walking trips but would be very choosey where I went.

I also experienced this with a teacher parent, she sent so many notes, there was a note on his cereal and bottles. She had him on a strict schedule of eat play sleep and sent me a baby daily form to use on the first day. (It was the same form that I used)
Egads, how long did she last? Or did she ease up and get better?

I think it would be difficult keeping a parent who called the shots as much as the OP's does. I've had some who've tried but usually things got discussed and got better. I cannot recall having any that didn't agree to local outings though. If I'd've wanted to sign up for story hour, it would've been accepted(and LOVED) by everybody.
OP, does dcm not trust you or is she a 1st time parent? I hope you're able to replace quickly if that's what you're waiting for because your mental health is truly important! If getting out of the house helps that, then that's what you should do! Honestly, I think I'd cut my expenses drastically and give her notice to keep myself happier and less stressed. You said he also cries a lot; that would be hard for a provider to deal with day in day out but also the other children there must get stressed out? And how does that affect everything else in your daily life? I found stress trickled over into everything and everywhere.
Is infant care in demand in your area; hope you get the word out that you have an opening and can make it happen! Good luck to you!
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Old 01-18-2020, 10:48 PM
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I thoroughly go over my handbook with parents, it’s their responsibility to be flexible with that. Not the other way around. Now it sounds like you are making changes from when they enrolled. I like how someone suggested that you say you are doing this, if this is not a fit you will need to find alternate care for that time.

I get needing time out. Most of the time taking the kids out is way more stressful than it is worth. Do you have anyone that you would trust to come work for you a couple hours a week. That’s what I do, and it’s amazing to get to run my errands without my kids or even meet my husband for a lunch date. anyways just a thought, then you aren’t dealing with car seats and keeping a group of children under control in public.
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Old 01-19-2020, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
Egads, how long did she last? Or did she ease up and get better?

I think it would be difficult keeping a parent who called the shots as much as the OP's does. I've had some who've tried but usually things got discussed and got better. I cannot recall having any that didn't agree to local outings though. If I'd've wanted to sign up for story hour, it would've been accepted(and LOVED) by everybody.
OP, does dcm not trust you or is she a 1st time parent? I hope you're able to replace quickly if that's what you're waiting for because your mental health is truly important! If getting out of the house helps that, then that's what you should do! Honestly, I think I'd cut my expenses drastically and give her notice to keep myself happier and less stressed. You said he also cries a lot; that would be hard for a provider to deal with day in day out but also the other children there must get stressed out? And how does that affect everything else in your daily life? I found stress trickled over into everything and everywhere.
Is infant care in demand in your area; hope you get the word out that you have an opening and can make it happen! Good luck to you!
She was a short term (4 months), so I just finished the contract.
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