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Old 01-20-2020, 08:01 AM
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Default How Do I Let It Not Bother Me?

Logged out just in case!

I hate that I'm like this, but I have a hard time not bringing work stuff "home."

I had a dcm make some weird comments and it bothered me pretty much all weekend! I had a new dck start last week and dcm always makes comments when someone new starts. "Oh, we're gonna have a full house." I told her I was so excited because I'm going to have every spot filled next month.

She acted so...weird about it. Like negatively. Like she was upset that I'm going to be full. This dcm was my first client and she acts like she's the one that started my daycare. She always says "we" and "we're" when talking about my daycare and it drives me bonkers.

There's other parents who say weird things sometimes, but this one annoyed me all weekend.

As I'm typing this out, I realize how dumb this sounds, but do you have any advice for ignoring comments from parents? I know parents say careless things sometimes, but if I don't learn to let things go, I'm going to hate my job pretty soon!
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Old 01-20-2020, 08:59 AM
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Valerie928 Valerie928 is online now Member
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I have a dc mom that says something derogatory at least once a month. She is naturally crass. It always gets to me. But now I just fire back, subtlety of coarse, something derogatory because I just don't care anymore what this mom thinks. I have had their kid for over 2 years now. I am to the point where I am hoping they leave. But ya, I just ignore and fire back when necessary.
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Old 01-20-2020, 09:03 AM
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I think it is perfectly normal to react that way to a person who is being inconsiderate and rude. You have to decide how much power you want to give this person. Does she have the power to ruin your whole day? No!! She is miserable, you donít have to be .
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Old 01-20-2020, 09:23 AM
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A lot of things families do bother me. I have a hard time concealing my disdain lately, so I probably would have said something along the lines of "is that a problem for you?". Because honestly, I'd really want to know if it is and go from there.

It's not uncommon in our business to take things personally and read into the intent of what some clients do/say. No matter how hard we try to stay professional, this type of business IS personal because we deal with children and their well being. It's just inevitable to have it feel personal. How you react to it, well that's kind of tough to figure out sometimes.

I think the only comfort is to know that there is a point after so many years (and bad experiences) that you tend to let a lot of things slide of your back because you know there will always be "those" kind of people and they are replaceable. IF you want them to be.
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Old 01-20-2020, 10:24 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
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Who says this parent is purposely being inconsiderate and/or rude? Her perspective is much different than a provider's perspective so I never assume someone is being purposely rude or inconsiderate. If they are rude/inconsiderate, it may not be purposeful or even something they are aware they are doing.

I also don't support the idea of being rude or inconsiderate back. If it was right to live by the saying "an eye for an eye" we'd all be blind.

Thinking in those terms ^^ is what allows me to not let things get to me.

I allow others to own their thoughts and perspectives and never take them personally unless they specifically say so.

Opinions do not define your reality and everyone's journey is different so if a comment or something said bothers you, ask for clarification. Ask what they meant by what they said.
It helps understand where the person is coming from and as we all know, daycare parents rarely understand this side of things so in my eyes, it's impossible for them to say something rude/inconsiderate when they don't truly understand.

Usually rude/inconsiderate comments are ignorant and ignorant means lacking knowledge or awareness in general so when comments are made that you feel could be inconsiderate/rude, take the opportunity to clear the air.

Ask for clarification (so you know if you need to punch them in the throat ) or if they simply need "educating" about something. kwim?

That frame of mind is how I don't let things bother me.
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Old 01-20-2020, 11:20 AM
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284878 284878 is online now
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My siblings recently did something that really hurt me. I was super upset and didn't know if I should say something or not.
I asked DH for advice, and he said "they have no idea that they even hurt you" which is the truth. If I had said something, I most likely would have to explain to them what they did that hurt me. Then continue to explain why I was hurt and so forth. I decided that it was too much work and I'd just never offer to help again.

The we / we're that annoys you could be her way of always talking inclusive. Pay attention and see if she only uses we, they, or us vs him, her nouns.
Or the next time she says "she is going ........" Repeat it back to her by saying "we are going..... That sounds like fun" (if you want to add, "when do we leave?"). Let her be annoyed, because she won't want you to come along.

But just remember "they have no idea that they just.... you."
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Old 01-20-2020, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
As I'm typing this out, I realize how dumb this sounds, but do you have any advice for ignoring comments from parents? I know parents say careless things sometimes, but if I don't learn to let things go, I'm going to hate my job pretty soon!
Rather than try to ignore comments, I try to hit them head on with as much humor as I can muster so that I'm not letting them bother me for longer than necessary. I had a dcm who reacted almost the same way yours did so I asked her if it bothered her that I was taking on an additional child. She told me it did bother her; she wanted me to stay small. I laughed and said, "I'm licensed for 6 kids! Most people would consider that to be very small!" She said, "I know; I just like it the way it is now; I don't want you to have any more kids." I told her, "To be honest, I like it the way it is, too, but I have to be able to pay my bills. I tell you what.... you pay for that open slot and I'll be happy not to take on an extra kid. What do you say? " She laughed as she walked out my door but never said another negative word to me about it again. Instead of being upset at her attitude all weekend, I ended up laughing about it. (Funny thing is, she ended up moving her child to a larger center 6 months after our conversation. So much for wanting small. )

I'd be annoyed at her use of "we" and "we're" if she were trying to dictate or negate my policies and I'd try to find a way to let her know it there's no "we" involved. (Nope! I'm going to have a full house and I'm really looking forward to it!) Otherwise I'd tell myself she's just in the habit of using the "Royal We" and try to ignore it because addressing her manner of speech wouldn't be worth embarrassing her or creating an awkward relationship between us.
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Old 01-20-2020, 12:59 PM
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Josiegirl Josiegirl is online now Member
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Life is short so I'd try to let it roll of my back. IF she had come right out and been downright disrespectful or rude I'd let her know. But with a comment like that, it's too easy to take it personally when it probably wasn't meant that way at all.
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Old 01-20-2020, 01:05 PM
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Msdunny Msdunny is online now Member
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I would be annoyed too, but as a woman married to a guy who is sometimes oblivious to how his comments come across as rude, let me give you the other side of this. She may have no clue that her comments seem rude. In her mind, she may think you would consider it endearing that you guys are 'in this together'. So the 'we' comments are her expressing a sort of solidarity with you. I agree that she shouldn't make them, but you will either have to address that or choose to overlook it. Unless she is trying to dictate policy, I would let those types of comments and concerns roll of me like water off a duck's back.
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Old 01-20-2020, 03:19 PM
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Thank you all for your input! I do need to learn to just be more "eh, whatever" about things.

I think the "we/we're" thing just bothers be so much because of who is saying it (and I don't like feeling that a dcp has any control of my business) She's been my client for over 3 years now and there's been lots of "what did she just say?!" moments.

Thank you for helping me see the other side!
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Old 01-20-2020, 03:51 PM
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Default Rude parents

This is my 34th year as a licensed provider. I have had so many rude comments made to me. If I fired back and ďput them in their placeĒ I wouldnít have stayed in business this long. Do you really want to stoop to their level?
I would respond by saying how wonderful it is that I am full. Anyone can write a bad thing on social media and ruin your referrals. Itís not worth it. I donít give them that power. Itís my business.
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Old 01-20-2020, 04:44 PM
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I wouldn't bother. First and foremost this is a business, and as such when it comes to these type of comments I would just let it slide, unless you want her gone, in which case I would just replace a family. This would be a worst case scenario, since, again, this is just a business. Take a money, smile, thank everyone for sharing their ltl ones with you and detach!
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Old 01-22-2020, 08:57 AM
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Once you are full and have a waiting list she won't be able to manipulate you as much. When clients are super easy to replace, they lose their power. Few like that and many comment on it. Don't take that personally.

I have one former DCM that posts pictures of her kids "first day of school" shots to my business page annually, for many years now (youngest in 10th grade, now), with the headline of "the original three". I had been in business well over 18 years before her kids were born, but she can't see the daycare photos from before her kid's enrollment date due to privacy settings.

Their worlds begin and end with them, let it slide off your back. Tomorrow is a new day.
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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