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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>New Here...Looking For Some Advice. (Sorry, Long)
Daycaremomma01 07:12 AM 04-24-2019
Hi! I’m new here...stumbled upon the site looking for related advice.
Please bare with me as a bit of backstory is needed.

I provide in my home care to several children. Here’s the kicker - they’re all related to me in some way (I know this isn’t something a lot of providers are willing to do)
I have 3 kids of my own, DS is almost 8, and my DD’s are 6 and 2.
I keep my nephew part time, and have a couple older kids that hang with us for 15-30 mins after school.
I keep a cousins 3 kids, they are almost 2, just turned 3, and 4. 6:30am-6pm, 5 days a week. (These are the kids/parents I need advice on)
So, I watched these kids before, for over a year. Dcm pulled them from me (one weeks notice) because her brothers girlfriend offered to watch them in their home cheaper. I was mad, but very understanding.
Fast forward almost a year and she calls asking if I would be interested in keeping them it’s not working with her brothers GF. Initially I was reluctant, but after talking to DH, decided I would agree to keep them but no special discount or anything.
I let her know I could/would, that it would be $20/day per kid. She then said she couldn’t afford that, and was going to look into a couple daycare centers (I know local prices, if she can’t afford the prices I gave her, she can’t pay for daycare - cheapest for 3 kids in the area would cost her at least $30/day/kid)

After a couple weeks she let me know that she wasn’t able to find a center with 3 openings that was affordable. Asked if I could start keeping them a couple weeks out. I agreed, and made sure she was aware of several things that I had dealt with with them before that I wouldn’t this time around:
1) She would have to send a lunch for each child - all three are very (VERRRRYYYY) picky eaters, and I’m not spending my paycheck on groceries to cater to them just to end up sweeping of off the floor. I explained my reasoning to her, she was understanding, no problems. (Except the kids still refuse to eat, but I offer it to them so...)
2) Pick-Ups after 6 would be charged a late fee - before her mother would pick up the kids most days and was always late. (Her mother doesn’t live far from me...one day I sent my husband to the local store to grab some milk and her mother was at home! But didn’t get here to p/u kids until almost 7pm) I told her if they weren’t picked up by 6pm, automatic $10 fee for that day - which, IMO isn’t enough, I know many people charge by the minute per child.

Fast forward to the Friday before they were to start, she lets me know the 3 yr old will be going to preschool and that he will need to ride the bus from my house at 10am and to my house in the afternoon. (So now, I have to drop everything and get this child on the bus -which comes any time between 9:45 and 10:30am) and she asks about payment for him since he will only be here from 6:30a-10a and then 3:30p-5:30ish. I agreed to $10/day for those day (M-Th)

So, the first 2 weeks went great. No complaints, no issues.
Week 3, dcd decided to keep the oldest home with him that week because he was on 3rd shift (more or less to save them $100 on childcare costs).
Week 4, dcd is on 2nd shift and decides to bring all 3 kids later - again, trying to save on costs. (I’ve agreed to charge half day if kids are dropped off after 12 or picked up before 12) He brings them at 12:30 and as he hands me their bags says “oh you’ll need to feed them lunch” (my nephew and youngest dd had already had lunch and we were getting them ready for naps) so, I fed them lunch, got everyone off our routine/schedule, and only charged for half a day for them.
Week 5, dcd is back on 1st and mom dropped off at 6:30am, and the oldest screams and throws a fit wanting to go with dad. Of course, the other two start in on a fit as well. Took close to an hour to get everyone calmed down and happy. The oldest pouted all day. Come time for lunch, he said he didn’t want to eat. I offered him everything he was packed anyways and he refused. I told him he didn’t have to eat, but he was going to sit at the table with everyone else until lunch was over. He looked at me and said “I’m going to make myself throw up”. I just figured it was an empty threat. Nope, after I wouldn’t let him get up, he gaged himself and thew up everywhere - I called and made mom come pick them all up and she said “he has a sensitive gag reflex and the drainage he’s been dealing with makes him puke sometimes”
Week 6(last week), dcd was back on 3rd and kept oldest with him. Everything was good, all week.
Week 7(this week): Dcd is off. I took Monday off due to a death in my family. Yesterday, when mom dropped them off, the oldest threw a fit and had everyone else upset. Mom texted later in the day asking if he ever cheered up, I told her he calmed down, but was still pouting. She said dcd was going to come get him (just after lunch time) and I told her if he came to pick one up, he had to take all 3 because the younger two would get upset. So, he never showed up.
Today, she texted at 7am to tell me dcd would be bringing them to me sometime today...so I can pretty much guarantee he will bring them after lunch, with soaked diapers, hungry and tired, and I’ll be left to deal with them being unnecessarily cranky and upset because they’re off their routine (younger two do great, all the time, unless the oldest gets them upset).

So...I have several questions.
1) how would you handle the oldest coming back after being with dad and upsetting everyone else?
2) how would you handle a child who purposely pukes because he didn’t get his way?
3) how Can I explain one drop off/one pick up very clearly, without sounding like a *badword*

Any helpful advice/suggestions appreciated.

The oldest is making me want to terminate.
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amberrose3dg 07:22 AM 04-24-2019
I do not know how to tell you this but I think you need to let them go.
First off the oldest is still there 6 plus hours going to pre-k that is not a half day! The other things is they should be paying you a set rate whether they drop off late or pick up early.
They are walking all over you. Let them take that mess to a different daycare. Why do they need to be in your care for nearly 12 hours 5 days a week? Is mom a dr or a nurse or something. Even with travel she is working over 50 hours a week and cannot pay you what your daily rate is. Get some clients that aren't family would be your best bet!
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CountryRoads 07:49 AM 04-24-2019
I would have to agree with the pp.

I used to watch my nephew and it ended up being a really bad situation. They took advantage of me and thought that my rules and policies didn't apply to them. Every time I had to enforce one of my rules, they would get mad and wouldn't speak to us. They ended up pulling him from my care. This was 6 months ago and our relationship recently got back to how it used to be - it caused so much tension for awhile.

I'm hoping you also have policies and a contract? You could try talking to them first and telling them that if things don't change, you will be have no option but to let them go. Then hope they understand and straighten up.
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Daycaremomma01 07:55 AM 04-24-2019
Originally Posted by amberrose3dg:
I do not know how to tell you this but I think you need to let them go.
First off the oldest is still there 6 plus hours going to pre-k that is not a half day! The other things is they should be paying you a set rate whether they drop off late or pick up early.
They are walking all over you. Let them take that mess to a different daycare. Why do they need to be in your care for nearly 12 hours 5 days a week? Is mom a dr or a nurse or something. Even with travel she is working over 50 hours a week and cannot pay you what your daily rate is. Get some clients that aren't family would be your best bet!
Mom works 9 hours, with an hour lunch. And we live a pretty good ways out, her commute is an hour with absolutely no traffic, so closer to 2 with traffic - she’s not one that brings her kids when she doesn’t legitimately need to. Dad works 8-16 hour shifts and also farms full time.
And the agreeing to half days and charging by the day vs a set rate regardless of whether they’re here or not was me. I just can’t charge them for services I’m not providing- I don’t take paid vacations or days off - if my kids are sick, I let her know and let her decide if she wants to expose her kids and she does the same - if one of hers is sick she lets me know what’s going on and let her know wether that child is allowed to come or not (I’ll do colds, but any kind of vomiting/poos is a no-go)
I don’t provide child care for the job, so to say - don’t get me wrong, the extra money is good and I wouldn’t do it for free but I do it because I’ve been in her position and had to work and needed someone I could trust to care for my kids.
I just need to explain to them that it’s hard on everyone when they disrupt our routine/schedule with the lunch time drops and not feeding kids prior and allowing the oldest to stay with dad when he can keep him without it coming across as controlling and straight up rude...
I did tell her straight up from the beginning that nap is from 1-3 and I would not accept drops during that time because my daughter and nephew are very light sleepers and very cranky toddlers if they’re woke up.
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Daycaremomma01 08:02 AM 04-24-2019
Originally Posted by CountryRoads:
I would have to agree with the pp.

I used to watch my nephew and it ended up being a really bad situation. They took advantage of me and thought that my rules and policies didn't apply to them. Every time I had to enforce one of my rules, they would get mad and wouldn't speak to us. They ended up pulling him from my care. This was 6 months ago and our relationship recently got back to how it used to be - it caused so much tension for awhile.

I'm hoping you also have policies and a contract? You could try talking to them first and telling them that if things don't change, you will be have no option but to let them go. Then hope they understand and straighten up.

I don’t have a contract, but I’ve talked to all my DCPs about policies. Initially, there was no issue, but since the oldest has been staying with dad he’s upsetting everyone with his fits in on the mornings he doesn’t get to go with dad.
I don’t mind him not being here, but it’s cauing issues for everyone when he is now.
I don’t mind the late drop offs (it allows me to get some house work done and get in bed earlier that night) but bringing them after lunch, after I’ve already fed the others and cleaned the kitchen has posed a problem and puts nap time off for everyone else. It’s just making my day harder than it has to be when he could drop off 45 mins earlier (but only wants to pay half a day) and it wouldn’t be an issue at all.
I wonder if I explain that if they drop off after 12, I assume the kids have ate lunch and if I’m told otherwise and feed them it still counts as a full day, if that would help resolve the situation....? Thoughts?
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jenboo 08:07 AM 04-24-2019
You said you weren't going to do anything special for them but that's still im seeing.

**not answers to your specific questions**
You need to create some policies and stick to them.
1. Tuition is based on enrollment, not attendance.
2. Late fee is $10 the first time, $20 the second and immediate termination the third.
3. If the bus pick up and drop off doesnt work for you, tell mom you can't accommodate it. Mom doesn't get to make that decision. It's your business.
4. Lunch time is from x until x. If children miss a meal time, they MUST be fed first before they arrive or they WILL be turned away at the door.

They are running the show and you are allowing it. You need to take your business back.
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Ms.Kay 08:09 AM 04-24-2019
Definitely agree with the above. I have had nieces nephews and grandkids. All signed contract.. same rules same pay. "Special " was up to my discretion. I cant emphasize enough to have all clients my for the spot....not on attendance!!!!!!!!!!! YOU are working....you deserve a paycheck too!!! Good luck
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sharlan 08:13 AM 04-24-2019
Take my opinion for what it is, my opinion.

You are allowing them to walk all over you. Relatives follow the same rules as everyone else.

Your daycare is a legitimate business, treat it as such. No one else will if you don't. Your cable co doesn't allow to to pay depending on how much you want it. You pay a set amount regardless of usage.

Charge a flat rate based on enrollment not attendance. Child that goes to preschool still takes up a space. You can't cover those hours with someone else. Child stays home with dcd, nice but he's still taking up a space you can't fill with someone else.

Child throws up, they all go home. It doesn't matter why he threw up.

Also, require payments before attendance on Monday. Charge before services are rendered.
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Ariana 08:31 AM 04-24-2019
Like everything in life behavior responds only to consequences. What are the consequences for the parents actions, nothing, so they will keep doing it. From here on out you need to let them know all of the things you are no longer willing to accept and then let them know the consequences if they do not comply.

Here is what we know, she looked all over Gods green earth for a cheaper daycare and could not find it so she need you more than you need her. Let her know your rules, the penalty for breaking the rules and you should be ok or she will go elsewhere (where though?! So she likely will listen). She probably left the other place because she didn’t like the rules.
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Daycaremomma01 10:10 AM 04-24-2019
I definitely need to type up some form of contract/agreement for parents and lay out all the details and expectations for them, the children and myself.

Anyone willing to copy/paste something I can go by?
I don’t have internet access on my computer to download a file I can alter to meet my own needs/wants.
I’m a very anal person when it comes to documents and it will take me a week or two to type it up how I want it because it will have to be organized.
So far I’ve come up with a few topics to be sure to cover:
1)Payments
2)scheduled/routines (& why it’s important for the kiddos and myself)
3)naps
4)lunch’s
5)pick-up/drop offs (the importance’s of one pick up/drop off)
6)illnesses
7)general guidelines/rules
8) time off/sick days (for myself and parents/kids)


Not necessarily in that order.
Anything I’m forgetting?
Anything I don’t have listed that you’ve put in your agreements that would be beneficial to have?

Another question I have is how do I go about giving this to parents? I’ve already talked to my SIL, and she says “heck yes! Send it to everyone!” She agrees that it’s a good idea (her son is my nephew that I keep, and she’s a stickler for rules and has been an awesome DCP) She also doesn’t like when he sons routine is messed with because he becomes a cranky butt.
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LittleExplorers 11:12 AM 04-24-2019
How I would handle is is let them go. You run a business, they don't run you. They didn't follow the rules the first time and you took them back so they are not going to follow your rules no matter if they are in writing or not. Fill their spots with someone who appreciates you. Tough love is what this family needs in my opinion. I will not loose money for another family to save money. No exceptions.

There are a few websites with policies you can look at if you Google daycare forms.
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Mom2Two 12:41 PM 04-24-2019
Originally Posted by Daycaremomma01:
So...I have several questions.
1) how would you handle the oldest coming back after being with dad and upsetting everyone else?
2) how would you handle a child who purposely pukes because he didn’t get his way?
3) how Can I explain one drop off/one pick up very clearly, without sounding like a *badword*

Any helpful advice/suggestions appreciated.

The oldest is making me want to terminate.
1. I would think about if I really want this family or not. They are living their life the way they see fit. Does it work for you or not? I do charge by attendance, but I have a minimum charge per pay period.

2. I charge a body fluid fee for significant body fluid clean ups at my house. Otherwise many people just don't care if their child is peeing on my carpet or puking on my sofa.

3. Put it in your contract. If you want them to pay attention, you will probably need to associate a consequence with it that you are prepared to follow through on, such as simply not letting them walk through your front door after they leave the first time.


Originally Posted by Daycaremomma01:
I just can’t charge them for I’m not providing-

Remember that you are providing more than watching over their kids. Even all that flexibility you do is costing you time and convenience.

I don’t take paid vacations or days off - if my kids are sick, I let her know and let her decide if she wants to expose her kids and she does the same - if one of hers is sick she lets me know what’s going on and let her know wether that child is allowed to come or not (I’ll do colds, but any kind of vomiting/poos is a no-go)


I don’t provide child care for the job, so to say - don’t get me wrong, the extra money is good and I wouldn’t do it for free but I do it because I’ve been in her position and had to work and needed someone I could trust to care for my kids.

It's nice that you have empathy for them, but remember that a healthy, assertive, person values their own needs, not just other peoples. An aggressive person always puts themselves first. A non-assertive person is a doormat, which (sorry) is what you are being.

I just need to explain to them that it’s hard on everyone when they disrupt our routine/schedule with the lunch time drops and not feeding kids prior and allowing the oldest to stay with dad when he can keep him without it coming across as controlling and straight up rude...
I did tell her straight up from the beginning that nap is from 1-3 and I would not accept drops during that time because my daughter and nephew are very light sleepers and very cranky toddlers if they’re woke up.
Unless you plan to constantly be explaining and doing push back, you need to have written policies and a contract, and enforce them. The items that belong in a contract are items that have a fee associated with them.
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Mom2Two 12:43 PM 04-24-2019
Originally Posted by LittleExplorers:
How I would handle is is let them go. You run a business, they don't run you. They didn't follow the rules the first time and you took them back so they are not going to follow your rules no matter if they are in writing or not. Fill their spots with someone who appreciates you. Tough love is what this family needs in my opinion. I will not loose money for another family to save money. No exceptions.

There are a few websites with policies you can look at if you Google daycare forms.

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