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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Allow
hope 01:18 PM 03-14-2013
Do you allow parents to go in nap room or cubbie room freely? That room for me is in the back of the house and I recieve all supplies in the morning. Yet I have a DCM that every once in a while takes a stroll through my house and into that room in the afternoon at pick up. I have nothing to hide but it seems intrusive. There is no reason for her to wander into that room. I have asked each time if she needed anything and she just mummbles and walks away. I have had issue after issue with this mom, all dealing with her trust in me. I am so tired of having "talks" and then having her move on to yet another issue to deal with.
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mema 01:21 PM 03-14-2013
Nope. Mine all stay at the door unless there is a reason to come further.
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mrsnj 02:08 PM 03-14-2013
Ditto

I had a daycare mom tell me she needed to check her daughters diaper bin to see if she needed more. At the time I had another parent there as well for pick up so I let her go. I hear the 'diaper' mom opening doors and shutting them while I was talking with the other parent. Later I confronted the mother and she tells me that she wanted to make sure the rest of my house was "ok" (like she was expecting a tied up child or a dancer pole?)and that, as a paying parent, she had the right to go wherever she wanted if her child was in my house. I term'd her at the end of the convo. We defiantly had different views on personal space and trust.
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AnneCordelia 02:11 PM 03-14-2013
Nope parents don't wander my house. I let them know with 48 hours notice if they are short on supplies.
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EchoMom 06:55 PM 03-14-2013
No my parents don't wander around. Usually I meet them at the door/baby gate.

But sometimes I invite them in, send them to the playroom, etc. I do this when I know the house is looking particularly clean or I know that the kids are all being angelic and look cute at the moment and I want them to catch a "candid" moment.

I don't want anyone to ever feel like they're forbidden or I'm hiding anything, so when I know it's a good time to come in I try to make sure they do. That way when I DON'T want them in it doesn't seem weird like, Oh she never let's us come in, I wonder why?!"

I think of it like if I were the parent, I would CERTAINLY want the right to see any space my child was in. I woudln't think I'd have the right to be in any personal spaces, but I do think I would have the right to see my child's diaper supplies, playroom, nap area, etc.
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Patches 07:49 PM 03-14-2013
All my parents come in. BUT as soon as you open my front door...BAM! you're in the daycare. There's no entryway or anything. So they just come in. I have the hooks and sign in sheet right there when you walk in though so most of them tend to stay in that area but some will walk on through and I don't mind. Almost my whole first floor is the daycare room. My bedroom is right off of the daycare room and the door is always closed but I know I would have a HUGE problem with a parent going in there.
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frgsonmysox 07:55 PM 03-14-2013
I find it bizarre that you don't allow your parents in to see where their kids are! I wouldn't ever place my child in the care of someone that I couldn't see the area they are in!

My parents are free to walk into my home without knocking, in fact I prefer it. They are welcome to check in, any time, without notice. They are more than welcome to walk around the main floor of my home, where my daycare is located, and look at whatever they want.

I foster a very open and trusting relationship with my parents. One of my dads even hangs out for 30-60 minutes every day when he picks his daughter up. All of my parents trust me and know that they can check up anytime, which furthers our trust.
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hope 05:28 AM 03-15-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
I find it bizarre that you don't allow your parents in to see where their kids are! I wouldn't ever place my child in the care of someone that I couldn't see the area they are in!

My parents are free to walk into my home without knocking, in fact I prefer it. They are welcome to check in, any time, without notice. They are more than welcome to walk around the main floor of my home, where my daycare is located, and look at whatever they want.

I foster a very open and trusting relationship with my parents. One of my dads even hangs out for 30-60 minutes every day when he picks his daughter up. All of my parents trust me and know that they can check up anytime, which furthers our trust.
Maybe I didn't explain well enough.my daycare/playroom area is immediately when you walk in. This is where we hang out all day. My second floor has the kitchen and many times when parents come we will also be in there getting drinks or snacks. The supply room where I keep all diapers n back up clothes is in the back of my house. We do motto play in there. I fill the funniest not the parents. One child sleeps in that room in a pack n play. Her mother is the one that wanders back there. Now if she said to me "lil jane needs a diaper change before we leave" or "I'm going to take a few extra diapers with me, I forgot to pack my own bag" then I would this.k nothing of it. She has seen the room many times. So the only reason she walks through my whole home out of the play area is to be looking for something. And when i ask what she is looking for she ignores me n mummbles. I am not hiding anything. Parents here are free to walk around but for good reason.
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Angelsj 05:31 AM 03-15-2013
I have occasional overnighters. The mom goes upstairs to the nursery, gets them dressed and brings them back down.
Parents come in with a quick knock, and drop off or pick up. Sometimes they will pop up just outside the laundry room, because the kiddos were in there with me doing laundry, or on the back stair quiet area reading a story.

It doesn't bother me. This is a big house. I would rather they just come find us.
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Angelsj 05:35 AM 03-15-2013
Originally Posted by hope:
Maybe I didn't explain well enough.my daycare/playroom area is immediately when you walk in. This is where we hang out all day. My second floor has the kitchen and many times when parents come we will also be in there getting drinks or snacks. The supply room where I keep all diapers n back up clothes is in the back of my house. We do motto play in there. I fill the funniest not the parents. One child sleeps in that room in a pack n play. Her mother is the one that wanders back there. Now if she said to me "lil jane needs a diaper change before we leave" or "I'm going to take a few extra diapers with me, I forgot to pack my own bag" then I would this.k nothing of it. She has seen the room many times. So the only reason she walks through my whole home out of the play area is to be looking for something. And when i ask what she is looking for she ignores me n mummbles. I am not hiding anything. Parents here are free to walk around but for good reason.
Sounds like there is more to this than wanting to keep an eye on the areas her child is in. You do kinda have to wonder what she is looking for. And opening and closing cupboards would be a little weird for me. Like looking in my fridge...nothing to hide, but that is a little weird.
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snbauser 05:40 AM 03-15-2013
Not usually but we have an open floor plan so you can see pretty much the entire downstairs when you walk in and we don't use the upstairs for daycare at all. Most don't come past the cubbies but some will occassionally wander further in if we are talking while we are waiting for their child to finish cleaning up or something. Doesn't bother me. Now going through cupboards and stuff would bother me.
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Holiday Park 06:38 AM 03-15-2013
Originally Posted by EchoMom:
No my parents don't wander around. Usually I meet them at the door/baby gate.

But sometimes I invite them in, send them to the playroom, etc. I do this when I know the house is looking particularly clean or I know that the kids are all being angelic and look cute at the moment and I want them to catch a "candid" moment.

I don't want anyone to ever feel like they're forbidden or I'm hiding anything, so when I know it's a good time to come in I try to make sure they do. That way when I DON'T want them in it doesn't seem weird like, Oh she never let's us come in, I wonder why?!"

I think of it like if I were the parent, I would CERTAINLY want the right to see any space my child was in. I woudln't think I'd have the right to be in any personal spaces, but I do think I would have the right to see my child's diaper supplies, playroom, nap area, etc.
This is what I do and how I feel about that too.
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LK5kids 06:53 AM 03-15-2013
I have always welcomed parents in but both times I have offered ch. care. The first time i did child care parents came to the back door. I had added an addition on the back of my house. I didn't want parents walking through my house! This was my families personal space the day care kids never used.

Now we have bought a house just for ch. care. Of course they come right in. I would never meet parents at the door and expect them to not venture in.

For me it's a happy medium. If kids are at the rice table and a parent comes I love for them to come in and see what we are doing. On the other hand, no it would be weird for them to go to the back do the house and wander around. If they started opening doors and cupboards I'd freak out! It would feel really weird!

Boundaries are important, especially so if your ch. care area is in the main part of your house.
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frgsonmysox 12:14 PM 03-16-2013
Originally Posted by hope:
Maybe I didn't explain well enough.my daycare/playroom area is immediately when you walk in. This is where we hang out all day. My second floor has the kitchen and many times when parents come we will also be in there getting drinks or snacks. The supply room where I keep all diapers n back up clothes is in the back of my house. We do motto play in there. I fill the funniest not the parents. One child sleeps in that room in a pack n play. Her mother is the one that wanders back there. Now if she said to me "lil jane needs a diaper change before we leave" or "I'm going to take a few extra diapers with me, I forgot to pack my own bag" then I would this.k nothing of it. She has seen the room many times. So the only reason she walks through my whole home out of the play area is to be looking for something. And when i ask what she is looking for she ignores me n mummbles. I am not hiding anything. Parents here are free to walk around but for good reason.
Yes, thats a bit different than I was thinking, and definitely odd! It seems quite fishy and like she is looking for something to ding you on!
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youretooloud 12:16 PM 03-16-2013
I don't let them go to the family part of the house. But, they can come in and see the daycare part of the house any time they want...sometimes the kids want them to see what they have, or can do, or made. Sometimes we are out back, and the parents have to come all the way through.
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mbullette 11:05 AM 03-17-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
I find it bizarre that you don't allow your parents in to see where their kids are! I wouldn't ever place my child in the care of someone that I couldn't see the area they are in!

My parents are free to walk into my home without knocking, in fact I prefer it. They are welcome to check in, any time, without notice. They are more than welcome to walk around the main floor of my home, where my daycare is located, and look at whatever they want.

I foster a very open and trusting relationship with my parents. One of my dads even hangs out for 30-60 minutes every day when he picks his daughter up. All of my parents trust me and know that they can check up anytime, which furthers our trust.


I have an open door policy also. Some of my parents come on their lunch hour and take their child to the park or on a walk. All of my parents know just to come in and they are welcome to walk around the main level. I have nothing to hide and all of my families trust me and have respect for me and my home.
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nannyde 11:42 AM 03-17-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
I find it bizarre that you don't allow your parents in to see where their kids are! I wouldn't ever place my child in the care of someone that I couldn't see the area they are in!

My parents are free to walk into my home without knocking, in fact I prefer it. They are welcome to check in, any time, without notice. They are more than welcome to walk around the main floor of my home, where my daycare is located, and look at whatever they want.

I foster a very open and trusting relationship with my parents. One of my dads even hangs out for 30-60 minutes every day when he picks his daughter up. All of my parents trust me and know that they can check up anytime, which furthers our trust.
I would loose every client I had if they found out I was allowing a parent to hang out for an hour every day when their kid was in the house. Holy Buckets

I think my licensor would have a problem with that too. Anyone around the kids that much would need to have security checks and training.

I also wouldn't even work for someone who wanted to do that. I want to work for parents that can't wait to get the heck out of here and be alone with their kids. They don't want me involved in their family time.

I don't allow parents in the playroom. If I make any major changes in the play room I invite them to come see about it. When they interview they do three interviews and see all the day care areas. After that it's front door only. I don't want the extra parent conferencing time for a hang out and I don't want to have parents parenting under my roof. It would be too stressful for me and too much of a liability to have them in the house for hours a week.

I would never allow my child in a day care that allowed a day care dad to hang out for an hour while my kid was in the house and you wouldn't hire a provider who kept the parents at the front door. Complete opposite but that's what makes this job so great. Do what works for you and find parents that fit into what you like.
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Leanna 01:04 PM 03-17-2013
My families don't knock or anything either - they know to just come right in. My house also has no entryway or mudroom so they walk right into "daycare." Most parents bundle their little one up right there in the living room area but sometimes they need to use the bathroom or their child wants to show them something in the playroom which is downstairs. The only area of my home which is not "daycare" is my two kids' bedrooms and my own bedroom (the doors of which are always shut). While I do not mind at all parents checking out all other areas of the house, I would be a little hurt if they took it upon themselves to go into the bedrooms. (Although I have invited one mom to nurse in my bedroom because she wanted some privacy.)
As for parents "hanging out" I don't understand the concept lol. Don't they have jobs to be at? I've had nursing moms come on their lunch breaks to nurse and cuddle and my moms and a few dads might hang out for 15 minutes or so at drop-off and pick-up, but for the most part the kids are comfortable with arrival and the parents are eager to get home after a long day.
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frgsonmysox 01:43 PM 03-17-2013
Like I said, most of my families are military families. A lot of the time their spouses are deployed for long periods of time. The dad I was talking about is dual military family. He works incredibly long hours, all the time, and his wife is on a 7 month deployment to a war zone. He likes the adult interaction, and we get along really well. I've even made him dinner to take home a few times. I have that kind of relationship with most of my families. I like that we are on friendly terms. At pay time nearly all of my families have paid me MORE than what is owed to me because they want to give me a little tip.
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nannyde 03:45 PM 03-17-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
Like I said, most of my families are military families. A lot of the time their spouses are deployed for long periods of time. The dad I was talking about is dual military family. He works incredibly long hours, all the time, and his wife is on a 7 month deployment to a war zone. He likes the adult interaction, and we get along really well. I've even made him dinner to take home a few times. I have that kind of relationship with most of my families. I like that we are on friendly terms. At pay time nearly all of my families have paid me MORE than what is owed to me because they want to give me a little tip.
See I would think that a parent that works really long hours and is flying solo as a parent would want to use his precious few hours of awake time with his child being WITH his child alone. He would be the last parent I would allow to stay in my home with his child, knowing how little time he has alone with his kid. Kids NEED to be with their PARENTS and they NEED time to be HOME.

From what I'm reading in your other posts on the other thread about your openess with breastfeeding your baby and toddler at the same time when strangers are in your house....... It makes me wonder if that could be playing a part in his desire to hang out??

I have been on daycare boards for 15 years and have read the full archives of every board I have ran into. I've never heard of full breast out breastfeeding a providers own child during interviews. Not once in 15 years have I heard of that.

With your description of that and your description of his staying.. especially when he is SO pressed for non work time.. do you think it is possible that they are related to each other?

I hope you are safe and your kids are safe. I've been at this for a long while and have heard some really really scarry stories before where providers had Dad's that wanted to hang out and it turned out HORRIBLY. With that, your newness to home child care in your area, and your openess, I hope and pray he does not take advantage of your "openess".

I may vehemently disagree with your positions on these issues, but I am genuinely concerned putting all of these things together. Is your husband deployed too???
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Unregistered 04:19 PM 03-17-2013
I guess because some of my home is strictly my family's area, and not for daycare, I would be a little bothered by this. I have no issue with parent's coming into my daycare areas but they really don't need to be in any other part of my house. I have a split level home, so you either go up or down when you come in so that makes it easy to confine pick ups and drop offs to my entryway. Nothing to hide, just unnecessary for them to look around.
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AfterSchoolMom 04:49 PM 03-17-2013
I don't mind parents walking around the first floor of my house, because that's a "public" appropriate area. If they tried to go upstairs, where our bedrooms are, or if they started opening cabinets, that would be totally inappropriate!

I don't care for parents hanging around, either...mostly because it throws everyone out of whack, even older kids. I actually have the opposite problem, I have SA parents that want to sit in the driveway and honk and have their kids come out without touching base with me.
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youretooloud 04:55 PM 03-17-2013
I wouldn't want a parent hanging around for 30-60 minutes. But, my other daycare parents wouldn't mind if I did have him or her there. My parents trust me, and they trust my judgement. Nobody here is in the witness protection program, nobody is in danger of being kidnapped or killed by strangers or anybody.

If I had a parent I wouldn't want in my house, I wouldn't have them as clients.

I keep half of my house private, because it's private... maybe the beds aren't made or something...but, what is over there is nobody's business. However, they are free to come in and mingle with the other kids, and listen to their endless stories "Hey David's mom... guess what?" They know all these kids, they care very much about every single one of these kids. The kids are better for knowing these parents and interacting with them.

If you don't allow them inside, how do they know if you are doing something wrong? How do they know you don't have too many kids, or are keeping them hidden in the basement?

We insult parents who drop their kids off to homes with 20 kids inside because they either didn't know there were too many kids, or they didn't care. How could they know if the parents are not allowed past the door?
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nannyde 05:40 PM 03-17-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I wouldn't want a parent hanging around for 30-60 minutes. But, my other daycare parents wouldn't mind if I did have him or her there. My parents trust me, and they trust my judgement. Nobody here is in the witness protection program, nobody is in danger of being kidnapped or killed by strangers or anybody.

If I had a parent I wouldn't want in my house, I wouldn't have them as clients.

I keep half of my house private, because it's private... maybe the beds aren't made or something...but, what is over there is nobody's business. However, they are free to come in and mingle with the other kids, and listen to their endless stories "Hey David's mom... guess what?" They know all these kids, they care very much about every single one of these kids. The kids are better for knowing these parents and interacting with them.

If you don't allow them inside, how do they know if you are doing something wrong? How do they know you don't have too many kids, or are keeping them hidden in the basement?

We insult parents who drop their kids off to homes with 20 kids inside because they either didn't know there were too many kids, or they didn't care. How could they know if the parents are not allowed past the door?
I have four 100% compliance UNANNOUNCED inspections from 3 different inspectors in the last five years. I also have a perfectly clean RN license and current criminal, child abuse records check AND national fingerprinting for my RN license.

They can check my references with clients who have 8+ years of recent and current care.

I think that should be enough.
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melilley 07:07 PM 03-17-2013
My daycare room is like Patches'-right when you open the front door, it's my living room. I have a baby gate that is in the doorway that leads to my hall or dining room. My parents are allowed to walk in without knocking-many times I am preparing breakfast in the morning and can't get right to the door. None, well all but 1 of my parents come in any farther than the playroom. In fact, they leave their shoes on and won't walk on the carpet so they stay right at the entryway and drop off or pick up their children there. I wouldn't care if they walked in and around anyways. We have a semi-open floor plan and I do use the rest of my house with the exception of my daughter's room (we have a ranch) and I only use my room for naps every once in a while (I do not allow them in my room. They do look at tours just because I do sometimes use it as a nap room and It's clean then..lol). I do have one mom who does occasionally sit in my living room and breast feeds her son before she goes, but I always ask if she wants to, it doesn't bother me and she will only do it if no one else is here (her preference).
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mom2many 07:44 PM 03-17-2013
I have a very small 4'x4' tiled entry way that is totally open to my living room. Parents MUST come in, so they do not block the doorway and I have never had an issue with a parent "roaming" my home.

It would be nice to have a huge entryway to simply hand kids off, but my home daycare is not like this.

Several of my bedrooms are used for napping and parents have always been respectful of my home and do not venture down the hallway into them unless I invite them to do so.

All of my families get to know one another and no one has ever had any negative issues with any of the parents coming into my home to pick up their child.

I understand why people are cautious, but in almost 27 years I can say I have not had one single problem, whatsoever from allowing a parent to enter my home for pick or drop off.

Licensing can only do so much in their "random spot check inspections" and I feel the parents should have access daily to their child's environment to ensure that it's safe & clean and that it's consistent with the type of place they want them to be in.

Not long ago, I read about a home daycare having guns in the napping rooms and another where they had too many kids and had them stashed in back rooms napping in car seats...as a mom and now grama, this totally freaks me out! I always want parents to feel reassured and know what kind of atmosphere their child is in.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 08:22 PM 03-17-2013
This thread has given me many things to consider and think about, so thank you for sharing all of your perspectives.
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Lyss 08:51 PM 03-17-2013
I have nothing to hide but I expect my parents to RESPECT my home and my privacy.

I have an open door policy and the parents are completely welcome to walk right in, all do, and the doors to any area I use for DC are always open. They daycare area is right as you enter so it's not often an issue, I don't show our private rooms/bedrooms/garage during interviews because the children are not allowed there.

If we are out back or playing in the extra playroom I have no problem with parents walking through the house to get to where we are (I put notes up if we're out back) and I also don't mind if parents need an extra diaper or something and grab it out of the storage area but I keep doors closed to our private rooms and if a parent was opening them I would address it immediately.

I also don't allow DCPs to hangout, not because I don't like them or care but because my family needs time as well!! I just say if they want to hangout they have to have background check. I know 2 of my parents would not be happy if they found out another parent was hanging out as they are very particular about other people around their children. I also should add that most of my parents don't know on another, they all have different drop off and pick up times so even though they are picking up within 20 mins of each other they rarely cross paths.
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Meeko 07:00 AM 03-18-2013
I used to have an "open" home. I am a friendly person and was happy for parents to come and hang out, wander around etc.

I used to have a dad who came and hung out here. Clean cut, well-spoken, friendly, polite.......and oh.....just happened to be convicted child rapist.

I had no idea until one day I started to run checks on my clients after being encouraged to do so at a state training class. Mr. Nice was a monster in disguise. Even his wife didn't know about his past. He kept the fact he was a registered sex offender hidden from her. His daughter spilled the beans to my son and I one day and we called the authorities. He is now in prison for abusing her too.

I will NEVER allow daycare parents to hang out in my home again. They see it all at interview. They can call licensing at any time and check my record. Licensing come twice a year. USDA come 4 times a year. They always find a perfect home.

If a parent doesn't trust me, then they need to go elsewhere.
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nannyde 08:14 AM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by mom2many:
Licensing can only do so much in their "random spot check inspections" and I feel the parents should have access daily to their child's environment to ensure that it's safe & clean and that it's consistent with the type of place they want them to be in.
I don't know how licensing inspections are where you are but here they are very in depth. They are even MORE in depth if the hours roll by and they don't find any violations. It takes a long while before they surrender and walk away from the inspection.

Two of the three inspectors I've had have twenty plus years of experience inspecting in my county. They know more in five minutes than a parent would know in five years. They are trained to inspect and they are trained to know which providers are hiding stuff and which ones are putting there best foot forward every day to comply.

A parent with a couple of weeks or month of experience parenting doesn't have a CLUE of the licensing regulations. They think about THEIR child and what THEY get when their kid is on your clock. That's what they are after and they should be.

They can't possibly understand the magnitude of over 500 points of compliance in 12 pages of regulations. They don't even really GET it when you tell them you got a 100 percent. I wish they really KNEW how crazy difficult that is to do once much less four times in a row unnanounced.

Two inspections ago the DHS would send a copy of the twelve page (both sided) compliance check to the provider. I showed the parents what I received back from them to show I had met every single one. I have AWESOME smart wonderful parents and not a one of them sat and read thru the twelve pages. They just want the bottom line... did you pass?
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mom2many 09:27 AM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't know how licensing inspections are where you are but here they are very in depth. They are even MORE in depth if the hours roll by and they don't find any violations. It takes a long while before they surrender and walk away from the inspection.

Two of the three inspectors I've had have twenty plus years of experience inspecting in my county. They know more in five minutes than a parent would know in five years. They are trained to inspect and they are trained to know which providers are hiding stuff and which ones are putting there best foot forward every day to comply.

A parent with a couple of weeks or month of experience parenting doesn't have a CLUE of the licensing regulations. They think about THEIR child and what THEY get when their kid is on your clock. That's what they are after and they should be.

They can't possibly understand the magnitude of over 500 points of compliance in 12 pages of regulations. They don't even really GET it when you tell them you got a 100 percent. I wish they really KNEW how crazy difficult that is to do once much less four times in a row unnanounced.

Two inspections ago the DHS would send a copy of the twelve page (both sided) compliance check to the provider. I showed the parents what I received back from them to show I had met every single one. I have AWESOME smart wonderful parents and not a one of them sat and read thru the twelve pages. They just want the bottom line... did you pass?
Well it sounds like your state handles things much different. Here in CA they come about every 3 years and I have heard about licensed family dc homes that have some pretty appalling things happening in between visits.

I have a one page safety checklist. CA is not very good about putting anything in writing and leave it up to the analysts to interpret what is okay or not and this even varies from county to county within the state!

Personally I would NEVER trust a CA state licensing agency to ensure a facility is safe at face value... there are WAY too many inconsistencies!
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frgsonmysox 12:24 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
See I would think that a parent that works really long hours and is flying solo as a parent would want to use his precious few hours of awake time with his child being WITH his child alone. He would be the last parent I would allow to stay in my home with his child, knowing how little time he has alone with his kid. Kids NEED to be with their PARENTS and they NEED time to be HOME.

From what I'm reading in your other posts on the other thread about your openess with breastfeeding your baby and toddler at the same time when strangers are in your house....... It makes me wonder if that could be playing a part in his desire to hang out??

I have been on daycare boards for 15 years and have read the full archives of every board I have ran into. I've never heard of full breast out breastfeeding a providers own child during interviews. Not once in 15 years have I heard of that.

With your description of that and your description of his staying.. especially when he is SO pressed for non work time.. do you think it is possible that they are related to each other?

I hope you are safe and your kids are safe. I've been at this for a long while and have heard some really really scarry stories before where providers had Dad's that wanted to hang out and it turned out HORRIBLY. With that, your newness to home child care in your area, and your openess, I hope and pray he does not take advantage of your "openess".

I may vehemently disagree with your positions on these issues, but I am genuinely concerned putting all of these things together. Is your husband deployed too???
Um, no? He hangs out because we are friends and we get along. He enjoys having adult conversation and so do I.

Did you know.....

-You can be a man and be friends with a woman with nothing wrong going on?

-You can be a nursing woman with male friends and they aren't your friends because you are nursing?

-Nursing is not sexual to many many people, most people.

-A woman can be friends with her daycare childs dad and NOT have something bizarre as the reason?

-ALL of my friends have seen me nurse, I'm very open about it and I've been nursing NONSTOP for 9 years. I never cut one off before another begins so I always have a nursing child and will for the next 5 years or so at least. My friends like me for more than just my rack. I have a great rack, truly, but thats not why people are friends with me.

-DCD in question has never looked at me anywhere but my eyes. His wife used to nurse their child and therefore he is also pro nursing.

-Not all dads are perverts.
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youretooloud 12:36 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
I have a great rack, truly, but thats not why people are friends with me.
Sigh...enjoy that now. One day it will all be over.
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frgsonmysox 01:09 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
Sigh...enjoy that now. One day it will all be over.
I know it But then I'll get them lifted and be good for a few more years!
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nannyde 01:43 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
Um, no? He hangs out because we are friends and we get along. He enjoys having adult conversation and so do I.

Did you know.....

-You can be a man and be friends with a woman with nothing wrong going on?

-You can be a nursing woman with male friends and they aren't your friends because you are nursing?

-Nursing is not sexual to many many people, most people.

-A woman can be friends with her daycare childs dad and NOT have something bizarre as the reason?

-ALL of my friends have seen me nurse, I'm very open about it and I've been nursing NONSTOP for 9 years. I never cut one off before another begins so I always have a nursing child and will for the next 5 years or so at least. My friends like me for more than just my rack. I have a great rack, truly, but thats not why people are friends with me.

-DCD in question has never looked at me anywhere but my eyes. His wife used to nurse their child and therefore he is also pro nursing.

-Not all dads are perverts.
Okay fair enough. You are in it not me. I wouldn't allow any of what you are describing but we run completely different gigs.

I see you answered the breast feeding part but I don't see your answer to why you would allow someone who works REALLY long hours away from his kid to use his precious awake time with his kid hanging out at your house?

How does that work with your AP dealio? You said you draw parents into your business with AP and they really like it. Where's the "parent" part of attachment parenting in hanging out for hours a week with your day care provider and kid as opposed to doing a quick pick up and get to gettin the attachment on with your kid?

What you describe is very confusing to me. It just doesn't mesh with your other posts. The babywearing... extended breast feeding... AP lovin... and then a parent who works REALLY long hours while the Mom is deployed (so he's flyin solo) and you are OK with them being with YOU to visit and hang out after the kid has been in day care for long hours.. instead of the kid being home??????????
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frgsonmysox 02:15 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
Sigh...enjoy that now. One day it will all be over.
I know it But then I'll get them lifted and be good for a few more years!
Reply
frgsonmysox 02:22 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Okay fair enough. You are in it not me. I wouldn't allow any of what you are describing but we run completely different gigs.

I see you answered the breast feeding part but I don't see your answer to why you would allow someone who works REALLY long hours away from his kid to use his precious awake time with his kid hanging out at your house?

How does that work with your AP dealio? You said you draw parents into your business with AP and they really like it. Where's the "parent" part of attachment parenting in hanging out for hours a week with your day care provider and kid as opposed to doing a quick pick up and get to gettin the attachment on with your kid?

What you describe is very confusing to me. It just doesn't mesh with your other posts. The babywearing... extended breast feeding... AP lovin... and then a parent who works REALLY long hours while the Mom is deployed (so he's flyin solo) and you are OK with them being with YOU to visit and hang out after the kid has been in day care for long hours.. instead of the kid being home??????????
As a military spouse I can't tell you how EXHAUSTING it is to fly solo. We are still expected to do so much and every few months our lives get up rooted. He drops her off here around 3:30 am. She goes back to sleep until 7-8:30 and then he picks her up between 12-2. So he has the whole afternoon and evening to spend with her.

In the military your friends become your family. My kids call my friends Aunt and Uncle. He and my husband, myself, his best friend (who's daughter is starting this summer when she is born) and his wife all get along really well. We have become FRIENDS. If he leaves 30-60 minutes after he picks her up its because he's venting about the awful hours he works, we are talking about deployments, military stuff, ect.

On his days OFF he STILL has to go into work, and on those days he takes his daughter. He could bring her here, but he takes her instead. He is very hands on with her, and when he comes to pick her up she is in his arms the entire time. AP is a principle. It doesn't mean you can't have friends, alone time, or time with other adults.

He's AP with his daughter and wanted a provider who would do the same.

Do you think all us AP moms do is spend time with our children all day?Until my baby is 16 months or so I don't leave them for any big length of time, but I STILL need my alone time, or time with other adults to just talk.
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Meeko 02:42 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
As a military spouse I can't tell you how EXHAUSTING it is to fly solo. We are still expected to do so much and every few months our lives get up rooted. He drops her off here around 3:30 am. She goes back to sleep until 7-8:30 and then he picks her up between 12-2. So he has the whole afternoon and evening to spend with her.

In the military your friends become your family. My kids call my friends Aunt and Uncle. He and my husband, myself, his best friend (who's daughter is starting this summer when she is born) and his wife all get along really well. We have become FRIENDS. If he leaves 30-60 minutes after he picks her up its because he's venting about the awful hours he works, we are talking about deployments, military stuff, ect.

On his days OFF he STILL has to go into work, and on those days he takes his daughter. He could bring her here, but he takes her instead. He is very hands on with her, and when he comes to pick her up she is in his arms the entire time. AP is a principle. It doesn't mean you can't have friends, alone time, or time with other adults.

He's AP with his daughter and wanted a provider who would do the same.

Do you think all us AP moms do is spend time with our children all day?Until my baby is 16 months or so I don't leave them for any big length of time, but I STILL need my alone time, or time with other adults to just talk.
I so get the military thing! Extended family. We did 20 years in the Air Force. Do you live on base? When my husband was deployed (Desert Storm era) I didn't even want to LEAVE the base because of the feeling of home and family it gave me while he was gone, considering MY extended family are in the UK.

Thanks to your husband for his service by the way
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frgsonmysox 02:57 PM 03-18-2013
We lived in base housing for 7 years, and then we finally bought a home. We live, literally, 1 street over from base housing. Military family is such an important thing, especially during times of deployment. My dad was gone for 9 months in desert storm (EOD AF), and left with only a few hours notice. Then he went back after for 7 months to "clean up". The kids I grew up with, my moms friends kids, were my cousins, and my best friends to help me through the time as a child.

Thank your husband for me too
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youretooloud 03:10 PM 03-18-2013
Originally Posted by frgsonmysox:
I know it But then I'll get them lifted and be good for a few more years!
YES! Don't let anybody talk you out of that either!
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KDC 03:18 PM 03-18-2013
I have an open concept house, you can see my family room from the entrance, it's divided by a baby gate. IF the parents TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES, which seems to be a problem (girls in their fancy winter boots, or ignorant DCD's that don't remove their footwear drive me insane!) and i do speak up! They are more than welcome to see what we're all up to. If we're in the lg. playroom, they'll get a text and let themselves in and either yell down or come visit. I have no issues with them seeing where they play or interact, as long as it doesn't interrupt their schedules. I often want to spy on my kids interacting at school, I think it's only natural for My kids have been with me a long time, all the kids know the other parents (go to every b-day party in 5 years for each of the kids -- many socialize now without the kids, lol!)

- I do feel they need to respect some boundaries though, as this is still my home. Don't go through my refrigerator
- Don't pick up or 'care' for another child
- If your child is here, and you're here... my rules come first. If I said you're not allowed to open the front door without an adult, that means you cannot let your child answer or open the door. period.
- don't tell me how to do my job (they wouldn't, just if they did, I wouldn't like it

I also send video's quite regularly with kids interacting with other kids and activities. It's nice to be a fly on the wall sometimes
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