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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Parents Want To Potty Train Cold Turkey
Atroya 09:49 AM 02-19-2014
I have a dcm that just had a new baby. They are desperate to get the potty training with their 2.5 yr old dd by the time maternity leave is done. Just yesterday we discussed things, went over Nanndyde's potty training tips, and I thought we were both on the same page.

Today she shows up, after a dr appt yesterday for the baby, and says she talked to the dr about potty training. The dr told her that she potty trained all 3 of their kids by doing it cold turkey and dealing with the messes, and it worked within a few days. She wanted to try it this weekend, and send the dcg back to me after taking a 3 day weekend just in underwear. I tried to insist that she put her in a pull up over the top of the underwear, but she say the dr told her it would be a setback, so she is now insisting that she absolutely does not want to put her back into a diaper or pull up here once she is trained at home. This is two full time dck for me, the major chunk of my income. Do I give in and deal with the mess and constantly have to take her to the bathroom, or do I put my foot down and say we have to use the pull up for at least a week here. Right now the dcg really does not seem ready to be trained yet, makes no attempt here at telling me she has to go. This dcm used to work at a big daycare, says that is how they trained the 2yr olds there, put them in underwear and took them potty every hour. I told her I cannot do that here. I am worried I am going to loose these guys, but I also do not want to deal with the inevitable mess. We do not currently have a working carpet cleaner, so any mess will be almost impossible to thoroughly clean.
Maybe I should tell them if they buy me a carpet cleaner, that I will do it.
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Leigh 09:56 AM 02-19-2014
I would tell her that if she doesn't want DCG in a pull up at your home, she can keep DCG at home until she is accident free for 2 weeks, can tell you she has to go, and can hold it until you have time to take her. Otherwise, the pull up will be on at your home.

It is YOUR home-do you really want a child peeing and pooping all over it? Sounds like DCM is training for her own convenience-if the child isn't ready, she isn't ready.
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Blackcat31 10:00 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I would tell her that if she doesn't want DCG in a pull up at your home, she can keep DCG at home until she is accident free for 2 weeks, can tell you she has to go, and can hold it until you have time to take her. Otherwise, the pull up will be on at your home.

It is YOUR home-do you really want a child peeing and pooping all over it? Sounds like DCM is training for her own convenience-if the child isn't ready, she isn't ready.


I agree!

Plus being fully trained at home is 100% different than being 100% trained at daycare.

NOT fair of DCM to ask that of you.

Originally Posted by Atroya:
Maybe I should tell them if they buy me a carpet cleaner, that I will do it.

I would also ask her to swing by every few days and actually do the shampooing for you. Why should YOU do all the work?
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jenboo 10:00 AM 02-19-2014
This is my preferred method of potty training. I have had great success with it. But...I have never done it in a room with carpet. Yuck!

Maybe mention the issues with the carpet and that you have to keep everything sanitary for the other kids and your own family. Maybe they would be willing to get the plastic training pants?? They wont hold in a full pee but they will catch some and they don't absorb anything.

There is no way I would go with this method if I had carpet.
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LadyPearl 10:05 AM 02-19-2014
Oh helllll no! Not in my carpeted house! I think I have a mom who wants to start training dcb2 (just barely turned 2). He's not even close to being ready. We haven't had a conversation about it but I'm not dealing with that mess with him right now.
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Cat Herder 10:06 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:
The dr told her that she potty trained all 3 of their kids by doing it cold turkey and dealing with the messes, and it worked within a few days.

dr told her it would be a setback, so she is now insisting that she absolutely does not want to put her back into a diaper or pull up here.
I'd tell Mom to take the kid to the doctors office waiting room everyday until the kid is trained or the doctor eats crow. Let her put her money where her mouth is.

Paying for a medical degree does not grant one common sense.

DCM should know what works in centers with MULTIPLE providers and one age group does NOT work in someone elses home with one provider and mixed ages. The fact that she KNOWS how difficult it will be for HER with only two kids is WHY she is dumping her responsibilty on you to begin with.
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LadyPearl 10:11 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
The fact that she KNOWS how difficult it will be for HER with only two kids is WHY she is dumping her responsibilty on you to begin with.

Excellent point!!!
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Second Home 10:24 AM 02-19-2014
There is no way I allow underwear until the child is accident free for 2 weeks , a pull up at nap time is fine if they tend to have accidents then .

I have had to wash too many accidents in my 10yrs , even with hard wood floors you still have to keep all the other kids occupied while you clean up the child and the mess .

I had 1 parent who went cold turkey over my winter vacation , he came ba k and had to have a pull up for the 2 weeks just to be sure , and he had no problem with it .
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Atroya 11:07 AM 02-19-2014
I am going to maintain my backbone and tell her she has to have a pull up over the underwear until she is accident free here for 2 weeks. I can always go work at McDonalds if I have to if they quit over this. LOL. We even discussed yesterday how this dcg has a tendency to have really mushy poops(they keep insisting on giving her big cups of juice!)...I do not want to deal with that mess. She even wanted to know if she sent her in really thick pants that would be absorbent if that would be better. I told her no, that pee tends to run down their leg and make a puddle. LOL

Another thing I am going to mention to her is that dcg is having trouble dealing with the transition of having a new baby sister, throwing bad tantrums for mom, etc. This is not exactly the ideal time to also throw in potty training on top of that.
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Atroya 11:08 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I'd tell Mom to take the kid to the doctors office waiting room everyday until the kid is trained or the doctor eats crow. Let her put her money where her mouth is.
Love this!
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daycarediva 11:18 AM 02-19-2014
Why can't she be in a pull up over the underwear? she still gets the yucky wet sensation, without the mess on your carpet? It's a VERY reasonable solution.


I have allowed a thick cloth trainer and plastic training pants before with parents going cold turkey. AFTER a successful full 3-4 days at home with MINIMAL accidents, the ability to hold it to go AND initiating when they need to go.
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Shell 11:22 AM 02-19-2014
Agree with the posts about pull up over underwear. I had the same situation with a dcg, and was dreading dcm making a big deal about pull ups being a step backwards. However, I was firm in the policy, and she was totally understanding. I mentioned how I once had a child go BM in underwear and how it stained the carpet and hallway, and how I couldn't let that happen again, especially with little ones that crawl around on the floor. After letting her know it was for health and sanitary reasons, she was agreeable. Fortunately, dcg took immediately to potty training, so she was out of the pull up within the 2 week period.
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thetoddlerwhisper 11:24 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:
This is my preferred method of potty training. I have had great success with it. But...I have never done it in a room with carpet. Yuck!

Maybe mention the issues with the carpet and that you have to keep everything sanitary for the other kids and your own family. Maybe they would be willing to get the plastic training pants?? They wont hold in a full pee but they will catch some and they don't absorb anything.

There is no way I would go with this method if I had carpet.
i agree with this 100percent. this is how i potty train but only after im seeing readiness and some pottying
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Leanna 11:24 AM 02-19-2014
It is a common rule of thumb NOT to begin potty training when the child is dealing with any major life changes (new daycare, moving, divorcing parents, NEW SIBLING, etc.). It is way too much or them to handle at once!!!

Parents always say "I don't two in diapers!" Don't they realize having one in diapers and a new potty-trainer is MORE difficult lol?
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butterfly 11:33 AM 02-19-2014
I agree with all the comments!

except... I did want to share about one little dcg (almost 3 at the time) that I have. Her parents decided over a weekend that the kid would no longer wear diapers. Showed up at my house with undies. I thought to myself, "oh here we go." I agreed to try it but gave the usual spiel about sanitation and my policy. The kid - prior to wearing underwear - had NEVER once peed at my house in the potty. NEVER once asked to go potty. NEVER once told me when she was wet. But amazingly she stayed dry with undies on . She had it in her head that she was ready and apparently she was. I was expecting the absolutely worst nightmare and was preparing myself to have to term this family over it, but it ended up being a non issue and to this day she has only ever had a couple of accidents and these were when we were outside playing and the clean up was very easy.

so anyways, hoping this is a miracle case with you too...
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Blackcat31 11:38 AM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by thetoddlerwhisper:
i agree with this 100percent. this is how i potty train but only after im seeing readiness and some pottying
It was my preferred method of training my OWN children too but I would NEVER in a million years expect my provider to do this WHILE caring for other children.
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Atroya 11:39 AM 02-19-2014
I sooo much wish I could show her this thread and all of your responses.
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TwinKristi 11:58 AM 02-19-2014
This is actually my preferred method too and it's actually hard to accomplish with a DC. Pull Ups actually DO create set backs and it's confusing for them. I would compromise to pull ups at nap but if she just has accidents all day I would tell them it's a sanitation issue in a daycare not a choice. And in a center there are multiple adults to help watch kids if someone has to clean up an accident. At your home there is only one person and all the kids you're trying to keep out of someone else's bodily fluids. No bueno!
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Crazy8 12:05 PM 02-19-2014
what she is describing is actually my preferred way of potty training. Trained all 3 of my kids this way and recommend it to my dcf's when they talk about starting to train. But I also require them to take a full week off to do it if they choose to train this way. I have had many children come back after that week fully trained - its absolutely possible. Unfortunately in recent months/years I am finding parents just don't want to put in the effort and kids are coming back not trained or they don't get past day 3 before giving up (the parents, not the kids). Then training drags on for weeks. I like the "potty boot camp" method much better.

I don't like pull ups, its a glorified diaper. I would give mom the chance to train this way but make her understand it will require more than 3 days and put your foot down to the rules of when the child can come in wearing underwear.
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Crazy8 12:07 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It was my preferred method of training my OWN children too but I would NEVER in a million years expect my provider to do this WHILE caring for other children.
I trained all my own kids this way WHILE running my daycare but it absolutely needs to start at home. My own kids each took 4-7 days before I would say they were truly trained.
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Blackcat31 12:25 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I trained all my own kids this way WHILE running my daycare but it absolutely needs to start at home. My own kids each took 4-7 days before I would say they were truly trained.
I trained my youngest this way too WHILE doing child care.

.....but as weird as it sounds, the ick factor in regards to body fluids/waste is easier to manage or deal with when it is your own kid.

We called it the 3 day/$100 method.

Takes average of 3 days and costs about $100 for carpet shampooing supplies
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Leigh 12:25 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It was my preferred method of training my OWN children too but I would NEVER in a million years expect my provider to do this WHILE caring for other children.
Exactly. Asking someone else to do this in their home is asking too much, IMO. I will do it in the summertime when we are outdoors most of the day, but diapers go back on when we come in the house.
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My3cents 12:34 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It was my preferred method of training my OWN children too but I would NEVER in a million years expect my provider to do this WHILE caring for other children.


but by all means do this at home every chance available.
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blandino 12:49 PM 02-19-2014
Cold turkey is also the method we prefer. However, she can start that on a Friday night - and take care of those first few horribly messy days at home.

I stipulate, if a child is showing success at home - then they can wear training pants to daycare until they are accident free for two weeks.
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Atroya 12:56 PM 02-19-2014
She does not want training pants of any kind, even worn over the underwear.
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nannyde 02:47 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:
She does not want training pants of any kind, even worn over the underwear.
She's bullying you. Her "in" is the Doctor because she believes what the doctor says is the law. That's where you need to go with this.

Tell her that you are happy to consult with her Doctor and if the Doctor is willing to finance the professional cleaning it will take to do his method and be willing to replace carpeting and furniture should she have an accident you will reconsider. Ask for a consent to be signed giving you permission to speak to her Doctor to see if he is willing to fund this attempt. Tell her that you would love to have all new furniture and professionally laid new carpeting so if she could convince her Doctor to put his money where his mouth is you are game. If the Doctor isn't willing is she? As long as she is willing to pay for professional cleaning and replacement you should have a new living room set and new carpet in a couple of days. If she believes this system will work she should not BALK at all about paying for whatever damage there will be because with her system there shouldn't be any.

Say the word DOCTOR over and over and over again in this discussion. If she is going to use "doctor" then you must use "doctor". Every attempt to protect your property and your time is being shut down with the word "doctor" in it. So now... put the word "doctor" in every solution you have.

The "doctor" gave her free advice. Now the "doctor" needs to pay.
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Atroya 03:54 PM 02-19-2014
I was hoping you would comment on this Nannyde! What really irks me is that I gave her a copy of your potty training letter to parents, and she had agreed to go with the diaper/pull up over the underwear while hear, agreed that it made sense. One comment from the doctor, and it all went out the window. I told her I would think about it, and I have, and I am not giving in on this. If she tries to bring up the doctor I will use your idea. A friend of mine who knows a lot of daycare providers in our small town say she thinks most, if not all, of them have the same sort of policy.

Another thing I thought about while picking up kids from school today is what if she has an accident in my car!! It will ruin my carseat. Sometimes when picking up kids it takes a good 20 minutes by the time I run to 2 schools and wait for the busses to arrive at one of them. I need to be 100% positive she will not have an accident during that time!! I am going to mention that to her also.
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LadyPearl 05:08 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


.....but as weird as it sounds, the ick factor in regards to body fluids/waste is easier to manage or deal with when it is your own kid.
So true! I cringe at the messes of dcks but my kids don't bother me.
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NoMoreJuice! 05:21 PM 02-19-2014
3DayPottyTraining.pdf

Not sure if that attached properly, but maybe you can email that to her and tell her good luck? I have had MANY MANY success stories come from that program. But the key is to have the parent do it at home. In my contract, I offer a free unpaid day off(Monday or Friday) to my parents who choose to do it.

I did it one time with a dcg that was like a niece to me...works like a charm. But no way could I have done it during the week with other kids around!
Attached:
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daycare 05:56 PM 02-19-2014
I had a parent insist that their 20 month old was ready to rumble. OK fine, I'll prove to you that she is not ready.

I made dcp bring me 6 changes of undies . Undies first and pull up over, she didn't want it that way, I just did it my way anyways. The kid went through all of the undies the first day. I bagged them up and handed them over. I said I need 6 more. So the next day dcm shows up, no undies. I said well I can't potty train her without them. DCM said that when they got home she put her in undies and went through the other pack that night. DCM didn't have time to wash them. END OF STORY. This dcg did not PT until she was over 3......

has she even started it yet? Maybe you are just over thinking this right now. DCM may try the docTOr method and find out for herself that she is not ready. Then again, never say never....... my oldest PT in 2 days.....the BC method......
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Atroya 08:05 PM 02-19-2014
She has not started the he cold turkey thing yet. She has been working on it with her. Dcg will accurately respond yes or no if questioned if she has to go potty, and I have been doing this also. However, at least here, she does NOT voluntarily say she has to go potty, she has to be asked. She is also a sneaky pooper, she gives absolutely no signal of any kind that she is even pooping. She does not go to a spot, she does not bend over, squat down, grunt, make a face, nothing. It just ends up being a surprise. I do NOT want surprise poops with no diaper or pull up, she usually has messy poops due to them giving her juice all the time.

I was wondering the same thing.. maybe when she starts doing it, they will find out she wasn't so ready. But I guarantee you that they will both be watching her like a hawk when they do it(dcm told me she would have to have dcd help her(hmmmm...where's my help?), and be asking her and taking her every hour...then turn around 3 days later and tell me she is good to go, and I will have to deal with the aftermath.

Question: I need these people, because in my community, people are not lining up for daycare. If they left, it could take a long time to replace them, and I cannot afford that. I also cannot afford new carpet, so is there a middle ground you guys can think of that could make them happy, and limit the mess for me?
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Cradle2crayons 08:25 PM 02-19-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:
She has not started the he cold turkey thing yet. She has been working on it with her. Dcg will accurately respond yes or no if questioned if she has to go potty, and I have been doing this also. However, at least here, she does NOT voluntarily say she has to go potty, she has to be asked. She is also a sneaky pooper, she gives absolutely no signal of any kind that she is even pooping. She does not go to a spot, she does not bend over, squat down, grunt, make a face, nothing. It just ends up being a surprise. I do NOT want surprise poops with no diaper or pull up, she usually has messy poops due to them giving her juice all the time.

I was wondering the same thing.. maybe when she starts doing it, they will find out she wasn't so ready. But I guarantee you that they will both be watching her like a hawk when they do it(dcm told me she would have to have dcd help her(hmmmm...where's my help?), and be asking her and taking her every hour...then turn around 3 days later and tell me she is good to go, and I will have to deal with the aftermath.

Question: I need these people, because in my community, people are not lining up for daycare. If they left, it could take a long time to replace them, and I cannot afford that. I also cannot afford new carpet, so is there a middle ground you guys can think of that could make them happy, and limit the mess for me?
Middle ground = parents negotiating YOUR policies for THEIR agendas = heckkkk naw!!!

My advice... Be firm on your policy... Cave on this and it will be the beginning of the end...

If you feel they will pull because you don't cave, start advertising to replace...
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Rachel 01:05 AM 02-20-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It was my preferred method of training my OWN children too but I would NEVER in a million years expect my provider to do this WHILE caring for other children.
Yup. My ds is going to be 2 in August. I know it's a bit young, but I will probably try over my August break (2.5 weeks off) and see how he does. He needs to go to someone else next year (their rules ), so if he does well in August I will be happy to send him. If not I don't see me being able to PT him until he is almost 3 and I really don't want to wait that long if I can help it. But I would never send him to another provider unless he was actually trained!
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nannyde 05:37 AM 02-20-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:
She has not started the he cold turkey thing yet. She has been working on it with her. Dcg will accurately respond yes or no if questioned if she has to go potty, and I have been doing this also. However, at least here, she does NOT voluntarily say she has to go potty, she has to be asked. She is also a sneaky pooper, she gives absolutely no signal of any kind that she is even pooping. She does not go to a spot, she does not bend over, squat down, grunt, make a face, nothing. It just ends up being a surprise. I do NOT want surprise poops with no diaper or pull up, she usually has messy poops due to them giving her juice all the time.

I was wondering the same thing.. maybe when she starts doing it, they will find out she wasn't so ready. But I guarantee you that they will both be watching her like a hawk when they do it(dcm told me she would have to have dcd help her(hmmmm...where's my help?), and be asking her and taking her every hour...then turn around 3 days later and tell me she is good to go, and I will have to deal with the aftermath.

Question: I need these people, because in my community, people are not lining up for daycare. If they left, it could take a long time to replace them, and I cannot afford that. I also cannot afford new carpet, so is there a middle ground you guys can think of that could make them happy, and limit the mess for me?
The only middle ground is you provide the diapers. Will it be cheaper for you to keep the kids and loose ten bucks a week providing diapers?

You can keep her in diapers until right before she leaves. Have her sit on a cleanable surface until mom arrives and scoot her out the door.
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Maria2013 06:01 AM 02-20-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:

Today she shows up, after a dr appt yesterday for the baby, and says she talked to the dr about potty training. The dr told her that she potty trained all 3 of their kids by doing it cold turkey and dealing with the messes,
the Dr doesn't run your daycare and has absolutely NO say so...tell her she can follow her dr advise at home on her own time
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sally 08:16 AM 02-20-2014
I had to deal with this last week. My dcmom decided to finally try to pt her 3 1/2 year old boy. She took a week off to start at home and said by Friday he was finally catching on a little. I told her he needed plastic training pants over his underwear. She threw a huge fit but I wouldn't budge. She did pick them up but again they both had a fit about it. Her having to put dc boy in them and dc boy having to wear them. They can have pee and poop messes all over their house if they want But I refuse to have some kid piddling all over my house. He wakes up wet in the mornings and at nap. Will pee in the potty great the rest of the time but refuses to poop in the potty. I used my backbone and it was great!
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Starburst 02:21 PM 02-22-2014
Well, the DC lady I used to work for said that she potty trained her daughter somewhat the same way during a weekend, but I think that it was a three day weekend and that they stayed in the bathroom all day with no disruptions (no phones, no tvs, only books about using the potty).

But she was also the one who was able to handle the accidents because (surprise) HER child was in HER daycare and she could always change her right away and wash her clothes right away. She wasn't just expecting someone else to have to deal with the mess while watching several other children (which is something the mom and doctor aren't taking into account- only 1 of her at home but about 3 or more kids at daycare).
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Mom of 4 02:27 PM 02-22-2014
Originally Posted by Atroya:
I have a dcm that just had a new baby. They are desperate to get the potty training with their 2.5 yr old dd by the time maternity leave is done. Just yesterday we discussed things, went over Nanndyde's potty training tips, and I thought we were both on the same page.

Today she shows up, after a dr appt yesterday for the baby, and says she talked to the dr about potty training. The dr told her that she potty trained all 3 of their kids by doing it cold turkey and dealing with the messes, and it worked within a few days. She wanted to try it this weekend, and send the dcg back to me after taking a 3 day weekend just in underwear. I tried to insist that she put her in a pull up over the top of the underwear, but she say the dr told her it would be a setback, so she is now insisting that she absolutely does not want to put her back into a diaper or pull up here once she is trained at home. This is two full time dck for me, the major chunk of my income. Do I give in and deal with the mess and constantly have to take her to the bathroom, or do I put my foot down and say we have to use the pull up for at least a week here. Right now the dcg really does not seem ready to be trained yet, makes no attempt here at telling me she has to go. This dcm used to work at a big daycare, says that is how they trained the 2yr olds there, put them in underwear and took them potty every hour. I told her I cannot do that here. I am worried I am going to loose these guys, but I also do not want to deal with the inevitable mess. We do not currently have a working carpet cleaner, so any mess will be almost impossible to thoroughly clean.
Maybe I should tell them if they buy me a carpet cleaner, that I will do it.
Cold Turkey Potty Training Mom here.

When my kids were little, as SOON as they even hinted that there was a possibility they were ready, I stuck them in underwear. But this was me as a SAHM! I would never request that a DCP would allow for undies only until my kid was accident free for a week or more. It DOES work, but the kid HAS to be ready. If this were me NOW and I was a working-mom of a toddler, I would take that week off to do nothing but train, and then go from there. I would NOT feel it's sanitary for the child to be training in undies only outside the home.
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Scout 05:26 AM 02-24-2014
So funny, last week I decided to do this with ds. Now, if only I can find a few days we can stay home all day! I do like the pull up over undies. He is telling me more amd more to change his diaper when he pees sl I am going to run with it! We shall see because he has yet go sit on the potty but, did try standing Saturday.
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Atroya 03:01 PM 03-11-2014
I did not hear about potty training from dcm for a few weeks. Yesterday she comes in and says "GOOD NEWS! We had her naked the entire weekend, and she only had a couple accidents. She told us she had to go either while she was going or a few seconds before she started going!" How does that make her trained? It is a step in the right direction, but still not telling before she has to go.

She proceeded to then say that when they put her in underwear to go to the store she then peed, got busy after they got home,didn't say anything, and peed again.

WTH? Why would you even start one NAKED?! I can't imagine the mess for one thing. Then obviously you would have to transition them to wearing underwear.

Dcg still has not told me once that she has to go beforehand here. She will tell me after she poops or pees. Just for s&g I told mom to bring underwear today, and I would try underwear with diapers/pull ups this week, since they are so much thinking she is being potty trained by saying she has to go AS she is going. DCM did not argue about having something over the underwear this time. LOL, within an hour of her being here, she comes up to me and says she pooped...and boy did she ever. She did not tell me she had to go at all throughout the day. I asked her a few times and she did go for me, but I should probably not even ask her so she learns to say something beforehand....I think I jumped the gun offering to do it this soon.
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Tags:parental responsibility, potty trained - not
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