I have a very sweet little dcg. But she tends to cry if you speak to her the wrong way or someone pulls on her shirt. I just asked her to please lay back down on her cot because quiet time isn't over yet. So she cries.
She gets coddled a lot so I'm wondering if it has made her extra sensitive or born that way.

Reply

I think we are born with certain traits.

Those traits become dominate based on which ones are nurtured more.

A child born a bit more sensitive to things than others may become HUGELY sensitive if the child's caregivers treat her in a certain way.
Thus "growing" the sensitivity.

So depending on which traits we are given by nature and which ones are nurtured more, the answer depends.

Reply

Oooh, I LOVE a good nature vs. nurture debate! I tend to believe any behavioral traits in a child are 25% nature and 75% nurture, but everyone has a different ratio that they believe in. Parents who have children that are total opposites tend to think that nature had a dominant hand, while daycare providers see "babied" children and are sure that nurture plays the bigger role. Very interesting either way.

Reply

I think the ratio between nurture vs nature also takes into consideration birth order.
I think there are LOTS of different variables that play into a person's overall tendencies, traits and personalities.

Reply

I agree that's there's both in play - and you can definitely, through nurture, develop/diminish someone's/a child's natural tendencies

Reply

Both, and there are so many variables!

Reply

I used to believe this too. My ratios changed after having my oldest dd. She is so much like my husband's sister, it's crazy. Not so much is how she looks, although she is built a lot like her, but in her likes/dislikes, personality, her interests, etc., even the way she speaks. The kicker is that my SIL passed away when DD was only 3 months old. She never met her aunt. So there is not environmental influence there. It's all genetic.

I do believe firmly in the environmental influence, but we have to give a lot of credit to nature, too.

Reply

I think a lot of things factor into this. I think some of this can be genetic since our biology and chemisty have a lot to do with our emotions. I also think that a child can learn to be needy if they are coddled too much.

Most kids are already born with a temperament type but I have seen naturally curious and inquisitive kids have their light burned out because of overbearing parenting and they no longer try things out on their own and become more reserved and I have seen naturally shy kids flourish when encouraged to try new things and are given some freedom.

I think both play a HUGE part in it.

Reply

I love this these debated too! Has anyone read the book "Sibling Effect"? Its about the role of birth order and family size in child development and personality- super interesting.

I agree with PPs, there are so many variables. Genes, socio economic factors, culture, birth order, whether they watch Dr. Who...the list goes on and on

Reply

I am soooo with you on this.

I have a kid that if you say anything to them at all its a 45 min meltdown sometimes screaming and crying...

I found that the DCM seems to be the key to the problem. he is by nature a sensitive kid, but she feeds into so much and tries to hang on in the morning setting off the day on the wrong foot. as soon as I told her you need to drop and go all of a sudden things turned around.

When the dck starts the melt downs I used to let dck go to the safe place to validate the feelings. but now that just starts a huge mess of allowing the kid to scream for an hour or more with a phone call home for pick up. I started telling the kid:

you are safe, you are not hurt, lets move on and we do fine. I hate that I have to do that, but if I don't it's guarantee 45 min tantrum/meltdown.

Reply

I was going to say the same thing as BC...again.....

Reply

I completely agree.
Now, the question is......... how do you tell the parent(s) that they are only making it worse??

Reply

I was a VERY sensitive kid as well but my parents did not coddle me. I was ridiculed quite a bit and although you'd think that would make me tough it actually made me more sensitive to criticism, especially from authority figures. At my house I was told what to do and how to do it 24/7 and if I didn't do it right there was something wrong with me. I remember being in preschool and I was so afraid to ask to go to the bathroom I peed in my pants. Grown ups terrified me because I couldn't trust them and they clearly hated me.

Don't just naturally assume it is from excessive coddling. I have a very sensitive DCB right now and I often wonder what it's like in their home. He can't do things for himself because they just do it for them because of impatience and not wanting him to screw it all up. He waits for me to give him instruction on everything.

Reply

So I have two dck that are siblings. They tackle, wrestle and are generally rough with each other. They are all giggles until someone gets hurt. when I tell dcm she informs me the never play like that at home. Why do I feel this is not the case? Is it just me?

Reply