I have a mom who never leaves at pick up time at first it really wasn't a big issues maybe 15-20 minutes but now it is getting to be longer and longer. Yesterday she was here for an hour and 15 minutes all my other daycare child had left in this period of time and I finally had to grab my own child and say come on we have some running around to do. I am going on vacation starting on Wednesday next week over this time I am going to gate off a drop off pick up area in my room in hope that this will be an end to the extended pick up time. I need help writing a letter please help me put an end to this. I cannot get anything done in the afternoons and I also feel like I cannot have discussion with other parents at pick up because this parent is here listening to everything I say.

Thanks

Reply

I'm in the same boat, only I was tricked into it. The contract signed stated she would drop off at 730 and pick up at 430. Now, state law says that they can come in anytime and watch their child during care hours.

She gets off work at 330 and comes straight here. Here is what our typical end of day looks like with her...

"sally" : hello!
me: hi sally
sally: oh boy, so I really need shut off my facebook.......
sally: which reminds me, I have to figure out dinner
sally: speaking of, I am so looking forward to _____movie/book tonight (she then describes AGAIN the plot of whatever she is a fan of)
me: that's great, I'm sure its interesting.

She leaves at 430.

I ignore her and go about my daycare as though she is not there, literally I will WALK AWAY and not explain why... she then yells her conversation through the house so I can hear her.

I want to scream at her "not your buddy! i'm ignoring you! you don't get it!"

The only time she will leave is when I have purse in hand and kids in the car (what, you thought she took the hint when getting the kids shoes on and in the car? nope, she waits till i'm in the RUNNING CAR)...

this is the same parents who's child is 5 and not potty trained, won't get the child checked for mental disorders (she said her doctors are asking her to), and allows/laughs when her child throws things down stairs and destroys them. She says, oh boys will be boys, and "its just a phase for him". Meanwhile the child he turns into a 2 year old if he doesn't get his way (in front of his mom).

I do not allow it, and scold him. She'll quickly leaves when I do that too.

I'll take any advice.

I don't know how to stop it. But thankfully, I'll be terming this relationship at the end of summer. I just cant take it anymore.

Reply

"Hey DCM...I really like hanging out with you, and you know being cooped up with kiddos all day long, I long for adult company. But, some days, I have SO much to do at the end of the day, or I have to talk to other parents privately.

Can we work out some sort of "signal" for those days? That way, you won't feel bad that I'm ignoring you, and I won't feel like I'm going to hurt your feelings. "

Pick a signal...pull ear, or whatever.

I love it when my dcp's hang out a bit, but not every day.

Or, put her to work.

"Hey...if you've got time to hang out, I need help with...."

Reply

I love it! put her to work. There is always dishes! and vacuuming and mopping, and toy cleaning......oh the list is endless. Great idea!

Reply

These moms have to much time on their hands to be sitting around at someone else's home. If she is staying for an hour talking about adult business or whatever I would let her know it is disruptive to you all. I know state says they can drop by anytime they want, but to stick around for an hour talking? I could see if she just sat in a corner and observed, but even then it's awkward to have someone watching your every move. Not to mention when another parent comes and you need to speak to them about a problem you may have had with their child that day and she is there, it is a bit invasive to their privacy.
That mom should be taking her 5yo child home and working on PT. IMO

Reply

I seriously wasn't kidding...that is exactly what I would do.

I do not believe in sending out general letters to everyone because of one person's actions. I don't punish the whole group of children for one's naughty behavior, either. Honestly, though, I don't mind adult company most days, as long as it's productive. But, I have a small group and only deal with 3-5 families a day. I also live in a rural community. So, there might be times when I say "hey, if you put on a pot of coffee, I'll get snack ready, and we can all sit down together. I LOVE that aspect of FCC. Or, if I have my hands full and a parent is standing there, I'd ask for help in a non-direct care capacity. So, I wouldn't have a parent change another child's diaper, but I might ask them to grab the muffins off the counter or make a bottle. KWIM?

Some of you in bigger cities or with bigger groups might be wierded out by such ideas...you want your parents at the front door and no further. To me, though, NOT being a center and not wanting to have anything "center-like" in my program, this all goes hand-in-hand. KWIM? If I had a separate building, a big separate room with it's own entrance, or such, I might treat the whole thing differently, or maybe not.

Reply

When I do interviews I explain to the parents that I prefer quick drop offs and quick pick ups and if they need to discuss anything further then they may call me and we can schedule a sit down time after hours so that I can give the parent my direct attention. I also tell them at the end of the day I am ready to go home just like they are. If I need to tell them something about their child I will make it brief too. I don't want a parent hanging out while I am trying to take care of the children. It makes me uncomfortable- not because I have anything to hide or doing anything wrong, it just causes me anxiety of being judged by someone else. It's unnecessary. I am not here to conduct play dates. I am here to work. My focus is on the kids. I don't want to upset a parent from not giving them the attention that they think they should have. I wouldn't go into their work or school and do this.

A parent might think they have you tricked but they don't. I think most states have something to the effect of no one that has not had a back ground check, finger printed etc.... can be around the kids. I know this differs from state to state but for the most part its understandable. You could put in your policy book that you don't allow anyone in the daycare for more then pick up and drop off times that are to made quick and that you don't allow parents to hang out while your working. Yes parents are allowed to come in and pick up the children but not to stay for a lengthy amount of time, unless cleared by the state as a back up person.

I think I would just tell this parent bluntly. Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I need you to come and pick up your child in a timely fashion and not stay during working hours. If you don't feel comfortable saying this to her face to face. I would draw out a newsletter and have it aimed at everyone and if she didn't respond to that I would bluntly tell her.

For those of you that are comfortable with parents hanging around kuddo's to you and great that it works for you.

I know others are better at words then me but I would be blunt and just tell Mom.

My own issue is that I can be just as bad as the parents sometimes at talking because it is nice to talk to an adult from time to time after being with kids all day. I have reel myself in too.

Reply

It is not that I do not like the company or parent involvement but she is holding up our day. She picks up at 3:15 I still have other children until 5:30 I am still going about our preschool program and she is disruptive. I also cannot talk privately with other parents without her listening and making comments after they leave. It is to much.

Reply

I would feel uncomfortable giving a parent a signal to leave. An adult should know when to stay and when to go and if not I would just tell them in a nice way......... Can we make pick up time quick, I often have a lot to do and other kids to take care of and parents to talk with or call and places to go after work. I really can't have anyone at the daycare that is not on my clearance list and my clearance list is full at this time.

Reply

Any way to rearrange your pick up area to not include furniture? I have absolutely NO furniture in either of my daycare playrooms! I don't want kids climbing and I don't want parents getting the notion that it's ok to sit down and hang out.

I also tell families prior to enrollment that I spend almost an hour a day greeting families and saying goodbye. I don't offer entertainment for adults.

State law here also requires that we allow parents to have access to their children. And I do just that. But I also have it in my policies that a parent that comes by unscheduled means they are picking the child up too! I don't do but 1 arrival and 1 departure per family per day!

Reply

I am with you. I just don't care, but I also don't stop what I am doing. We just do our thing. If the parent wants to hang out and talk, fine, if not, that is ok too. Sometimes they just sit down outside with me and we let the kids continue to play while we chat, and not always about the kids.

I also do not have a problem putting a parent to work. I have handed many a broom or a trash bag to clean up a project or pick up papers.

Reply

I guess when it boils down to it, we all have to do what we are comfortable with. It's part of the whole "customer service" aspect of this job. Some of us have different services we offer, and that's just fine. If a parent doesn't like being gated at the door, they can choose another program.

I'm not saying one way is right or wrong. I'm saying it's consumer choice. I don't offer much of a "preschool" program. I don't write a curriculum, and I don't do formal assessments (unless I see red flags). Not because I can't, but because that is not the type of service I offer. I don't have "interest centers" (although most of what is in those centers is all available here). The children here learn a lot. They play, indoor and out. We take walks. I offer enrichment activities; we sing songs and read books, we bake, we cook, we paint and color and pound clay. Our day is somewhat structured, but there is no official curriculum.

If someone is looking for a preschool program, then they need to look elsewhere. But, if they are looking for a laid back, home daycare where they can sit and have a cup of coffee with their provider now and then, then this is the place for them.

Reply

All of the bolded are things that are present in my program. I agree with the sentiment that if they don't like it, it isn't the program for them. I would rather prick myself with a safety pin than sit down and drink coffee with many of the parents. There's only a few I can see myself truly being friends with after their children age out. They already consider me a friend but I do not do activities outside of my place with them.

I gate parents off. I have also had to tell a parent that they cannot come in and linger because they are not background checked by my licensing department or up to date on training and CPR and First Aid either. They took it well and still consider me their friend. It is extremely disruptive to my program to have a parent lingering and the other children's parents don't pay for me to have social time with the other parents for an extended amount of time in my program.

Reply

After this, I think a kind letter of sorts is in order. I don't mind the 10 minute chats, or even offering coffee (IF kids are napping, which they never are, or I have no other children besides the one/two) but I don't think the dcb's mom will respect my time because she obviously hasn't so far.

I think I'll address to everyone but then only give the newsletter to her.....all the other parents do a quick pick up.

to the OP, I would recommend just going about your business. Although my dcb's mom is comfortable being interrupted and ignored, your dck's parent may not be. If I was the parent, I would get the message to not linger around if a provider flat out ignored me and walked away to care for kids or clean (in fact, they have!). Worth a try. The way I see it, your uncomfortable with them lingering, walking away will be uncomfortable at first but at least there is a possibility of it working.

Perhaps my "hello" sounds too inviting....Is there some wording that would be less "come and stay into my home"?

Reply

I've made letters "to everyone" that were only given to one or two families before. It works extremely well.

Reply