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Old 03-11-2020, 09:29 AM
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Default No Connection

Does anyone else feel like they don't "connect" with their kids? I have 2 that I enjoy and am excited to see in the morning, but I have no emotion for the rest of them. I feel like a terrible provider. Even the ones who I enjoy, if they didn't return tomorrow, I wouldn't miss them.

A provider a few miles away will have sleep overs, have kids over in the evening to help plant her garden, will take them shopping on a Saturday, etc. I have NO desire to do anything like that.

Am I the only one? Maybe I'm in the wrong profession?
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Old 03-11-2020, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by gumdrops View Post
Does anyone else feel like they don't "connect" with their kids? I have 2 that I enjoy and am excited to see in the morning, but I have no emotion for the rest of them. I feel like a terrible provider. Even the ones who I enjoy, if they didn't return tomorrow, I wouldn't miss them.

A provider a few miles away will have sleep overs, have kids over in the evening to help plant her garden, will take them shopping on a Saturday, etc. I have NO desire to do anything like that.

Am I the only one? Maybe I'm in the wrong profession?
I'm a long-timer in FCC so in the beginning,I did offer twice a year after-daycare events, usually a cookout or pizza and homemade ice cream for families in my care. But now to meet the QRIS requirements on this, I offer something during the day so when my day is over, it is completely over with no daycare expectation from clients. This works better for me as even though I "offer" most don't attend during the day....and works for them because they are too busy or not interested in my QRIS report card anyway.

When I first began this way of thinking, I felt guilty, too, but the guilt is long gone now

I just want to do daycare and be with my own family and doing what makes me happy!

My child care program is a business....simply a business!
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Old 03-11-2020, 10:37 AM
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I do a lot of the things the other provider you mention does, but I don't even like some of the kids I have cared for over the years.

Some kids just rub me the wrong way, it is perfectly normal and I still do my job to the best of my ability. Loud, rude, obnoxious adults are also born as infants. Whiny, helpless, manipulative ones, too. Nurture rarely, if ever, wins over nature.

Sometimes I do those type of events because I need them. I would be perfectly happy to never leave my home if I did not make myself connect and socialize.

Sometimes I do them because I have several slots opening soon. Don't let the other provider make you doubt yourself. You don't know her motives.
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Old 03-11-2020, 10:44 AM
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I don't. I care about them in the sense that I want them to be happy and grow and learn. And I provide an environment for them to do that to the best of my ability. And that's it.

I dont think about them on the weekends. I dont care if their parents like me. If they uenroll, I dont miss them.

I used to come on here making passionate bleeding-heart posts about kids but not anymore. And I feel like a way better teacher than I was then.

Last edited by Hunni Bee; 03-11-2020 at 10:45 AM. Reason: Typos
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Old 03-11-2020, 10:56 AM
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I think this is the one thing my husband doesn't understand about me. I love kids - in the generic, 'kids are cool' kind of way - but I don't necessarily love every individual kid. I have my favorites, but I wouldn't be heart broken if they left. I think he feels as if I am going to be really sad if one of my kids leaves or I have to ask the family not to return. Most of mine leave when it is time for Kindergarten, and I'm REALLY done with them by then. I am kind and loving to them. But they are my job and there will be others I like, too.

He's usually more upset when one leaves than I am!
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Old 03-11-2020, 10:57 AM
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Out of about 40 kids I've had come/go, I've only really connected with 2.
Same with their parents too. I've only actually liked 3. Funny how 2 out of 3 are from the same families too.

I remind myself daily to look for good qualities in a few, so that I don't find myself building resentment for the bad behaviors.

It's just business. It may feel personal for some providers but it's ok to not let it be personal, if you know what I mean.
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Old 03-11-2020, 11:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
I don't. I care about them in the sense that I want them to be happy and grow and learn. And I provide an environment for them to do that to the best of my ability. And that's it.

I dont think about them on the weekends. I dont care if their parents like me. If they uenroll, I dont miss them.
This. Between my center days and home daycare I've cared for hundreds of kids. I enjoy it, have a good bunch currently that I like, and can't even gripe (too much ) about the parents. But this is my job, end of story. I think I'm a better teacher because I'm detached and don't get particularly close. That doesn't mean I can't be caring or don't take pride in running a good program. It simply is a fact to me that I do this first and foremost to fit the needs of my family- be those needs financial, desire for flexibility, having 1 parent home when my kids were younger, etc. As mercenary as it sounds the day I meet these needs by being in my shop full time DCPs get the "I'm closing" letter.

Don't think you're somehow "less caring" of a provider because you do things your way.
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Old 03-11-2020, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by DaveA View Post
This. Between my center days and home daycare I've cared for hundreds of kids. I enjoy it, have a good bunch currently that I like, and can't even gripe (too much ) about the parents. But this is my job, end of story. I think I'm a better teacher because I'm detached and don't get particularly close. That doesn't mean I can't be caring or don't take pride in running a good program. It simply is a fact to me that I do this first and foremost to fit the needs of my family- be those needs financial, desire for flexibility, having 1 parent home when my kids were younger, etc. As mercenary as it sounds the day I meet these needs by being in my shop full time DCPs get the "I'm closing" letter.

Don't think you're somehow "less caring" of a provider because you do things your way.
I think we become a better teacher when we reach this "step" in our career because "we" are happy with our career choice. It is much easier to "enforce" policies when we believe in ourselves and our practices. Many of us spend countless hours for educations, workshops, trainings, planning, etc. so YES, we are business owners and proud of it. The less clutter we have with attachment, the better!
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Old 03-11-2020, 11:53 AM
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Over the years, I've been lucky to have some really great kids in my care. (I've also had a few I couldn't wait to say good bye to!) Most leave my care taking a piece of my heart with them. At first I miss them when they're gone and think about them when something comes up that reminds me of them but I don't obsess over them or feel sad that they're not still with me. Kids grow up and move on and I'm good with that.

As much as I love them, I don't feel the need to have sleep overs, go shopping with them or have them stay after hours to help plant our garden. I enjoy them while they're here with me during work hours but am happy to wave good bye at the end of the day.
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