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  #1  
Old 03-26-2020, 05:41 PM
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Mcphee3 Mcphee3 is online now
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Default Feeling Beyond Bitter

I don't even know how many times I have started typing up a post about one of my dcg! 😩 Each time I start typing I get horrible anxiety thinking about the situation and then I just tell myself it's going to get better and now I tell myself hopefully there's an end in sight but I don't think I can do this anymore! I've had dcg for over 2.5 years, she's going to be 3 Monday and she has been the hardest child I have ever seen in my entire life! And I've been doing childcare since I was 11. When dcg was a baby she would scream and cry, I would do everything in my power to try and console her. She would scream so hard she would scratch up her face. Parents thought she had acid reflux, looking back I don't think that's what it was. As she got older things would get better and then they would get a lot worse and this has been going on for the last 2 and 1/2 years. She screams, hits whines and cries for literally everything! Even if I tell her to stop picking her nose. During the holidays her habit of choice was screaming at the top of her lungs for over 40 minutes! I have tried everything, quiet spot, time out chair, I even bought a book on strong-willed children. I honestly think she has FAS. (It's not like I can ask the parents.) She's an only child and dcp have made it clear she always will be. They are beyond clueless! She hits them, yells at them. If Mom tries to sing with her she tells her to stop and yells at her. She tries to do it to me but I just keep singing. She then becomes irate with me but I just keep singing, eventually she lets it go. My children adore her and love to play with her but for the most part she treats them like garbage. Yelling and bossing them. I have tried talking to the parents but it's very clear we're not even on the same book. They have mentioned that they're going to put her in preschool come August, so I can't help think I should just stick it out till then but every day I want to pull my hair out! Everyday she wakes up from her nap crying, it takes her forever to snap out of her after nap bad mood. She eats almost next to nothing, every meal is an ugly battle. At home she doesn't eat with the family and they just give her what she wants. I really think I'm more frustrated with the parents then with the child. Parents make me feel completely invalidated. She's first one here and last one to leave. Mom gets off of work at 10am. Father only sees her for 1.5 hours a day. I really feel sorry for her. I have given her exceptional care and I feel completely taken advantage of. Oh and did I mention, dcm terrifies me 😩
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Old 03-26-2020, 06:00 PM
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Do you work in a center or is this your home daycare? It sounds like this girl is just a bad fit for your business. You may just need to term. Sounds like an aweful lot of trouble.
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Old 03-26-2020, 07:50 PM
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I have a very small in home daycare and I've never termed anyone before. I'm so afraid the mom will drag my name through the mud. She has told me stories of how horrible her temper is and she's kind of involved in entertainment locally, so she knows a lot of people. I really believed that dcg was brought to me for a reason. I prayed and prayed about taking them on. I just want to do what's right and not be selfish.
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Old 03-26-2020, 07:53 PM
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I wouldn’t have made it past infancy with this child!

What does dcm do that terrifies you?

I’d give notice and be done. This doesn’t create a healthy environment for the other children, or you.
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Old 03-26-2020, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mcphee3 View Post
I have a very small in home daycare and I've never termed anyone before. I'm so afraid the mom will drag my name through the mud. She has told me stories of how horrible her temper is and she's kind of involved in entertainment locally, so she knows a lot of people. I really believed that dcg was brought to me for a reason. I prayed and prayed about taking them on. I just want to do what's right and not be selfish.
We have lots of threads regarding terming. Once you start taking control of your business it will become a much more enjoyable experience. It takes some backbone but the more you do it the better your environment. Use out tag search for things like Terminate or Backbone: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php
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Old 03-26-2020, 09:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Mcphee3 View Post
I have a very small in home daycare and I've never termed anyone before. I'm so afraid the mom will drag my name through the mud. She has told me stories of how horrible her temper is and she's kind of involved in entertainment locally, so she knows a lot of people. I really believed that dcg was brought to me for a reason. I prayed and prayed about taking them on. I just want to do what's right and not be selfish.
I wouldn’t worry about her saying things to people. If they know her well enough to take her at her word, chances are they’ve met her child, and seen the behavior. I would suggest informing your licensing rep if you do term, just to give a heads-up that there could be trouble.

August would be too long for me to deal with this. And what if she changed her mind about preschool, after you wait?

I agree with Michael—take control!
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Old 03-27-2020, 08:41 AM
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I'd term too. Too much stress and there's already enough of that going on right now. Keep your term reason short and simple. Don't give her any ammo at all for bad mouthing you.
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Old 03-27-2020, 11:58 AM
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If she talks about you and your day care, people who know her will consider the source. You've put yourself through hell for 2 1/2 years. It's time to give yourself and your kids a break. You're not being selfish; you're practicing self-care and teaching your own kids that it's okay not to put up with situations that aren't healthy for them.
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Old 03-27-2020, 01:03 PM
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Default Best for dcg

As well, it’s often been said on this site: no one can be all things to all people. If she hasn’t improved in all that time, she may need a different environment to thrive. You may be doing the best thing for her by cutting her loose to find a different setting.
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Old 03-27-2020, 01:22 PM
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Honestly, if she's causing you that much stress it's time to terminate.

I've been FCC for 25 years and never terminated until this past fall, and it was SO much better after I did.

When the Covid stuff started another family I'd been considering terminating withdrew. It's SO much less stressful now.

From now on I don't think I'll hesitate so much to term. If a family/child isn't a good fit, it's not a good fit. Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole doesn't work for anyone.
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Old 03-27-2020, 01:47 PM
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She actually has improved over time and that's probably the saddest part...to most people, dcg's good days would be too much but since I know how her bad days are I feel like it's a win but then I realize it's not even a draw. ���� What's even sadder is that she's better for me than she is for her parents. I have worked so hard to get her where she is now.
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Old 03-27-2020, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo View Post
Honestly, if she's causing you that much stress it's time to terminate.

I've been FCC for 25 years and never terminated until this past fall, and it was SO much better after I did.

When the Covid stuff started another family I'd been considering terminating withdrew. It's SO much less stressful now.

From now on I don't think I'll hesitate so much to term. If a family/child isn't a good fit, it's not a good fit. Trying to fit a square peg in a round hole doesn't work for anyone.
I definitely have learned my lesson going forward! I have never advertised for dck so I feel like the these kids/family's come to me for a reason. I was/still hoping that due to Covid they would stay home but of course not! I do need the money since most of my families are home.
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  #13  
Old 03-27-2020, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by PB&J View Post
As well, it’s often been said on this site: no one can be all things to all people. If she hasn’t improved in all that time, she may need a different environment to thrive. You may be doing the best thing for her by cutting her loose to find a different setting.
She actually has improved over time and that's probably the saddest part...to most people, dcg's good days would be too much but since I know how her bad days are, I feel like it's a win but then I realize it's not even a draw. What's even sadder is that she's better for me than she is for her parents. I have worked so hard to get her where she is now.
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Old 03-27-2020, 02:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Mcphee3 View Post
I definitely have learned my lesson going forward! I have never advertised for dck so I feel like the these kids/family's come to me for a reason. I was/still hoping that due to Covid they would stay home but of course not! I do need the money since most of my families are home.
Lesson #2.... if you are open, they WILL come!

The worst families will always be the ones that are never sick, never keep their kids home and rarely pick up early.
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Old 03-27-2020, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Mcphee3 View Post
What's even sadder is that she's better for me than she is for her parents. I have worked so hard to get her where she is now.
Another thing that saved my sanity was to never allow myself to work harder at correcting or corralling an unwanted behavior than parents do.

It's not fair to you or the child. Parents should always be their child's first and most important teacher.

I spent years devoting time and stress towards "fixing" a child's unwanted behaviors while the parents went merrily on their way as I did their hard work.

Then I got smart. (shortly after I joined this board )
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Old 03-27-2020, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Another thing that saved my sanity was to never allow myself to work harder at correcting or corralling an unwanted behavior than parents do.

It's not fair to you or the child. Parents should always be their child's first and most important teacher.

I spent years devoting time and stress towards "fixing" a child's unwanted behaviors while the parents went merrily on their way as I did their hard work.

Then I got smart. (shortly after I joined this board )
I am DEFINITELY learning this as well! I have been doing childcare for a long time but always on a smaller scale and I have noticed that kids and parents have CHANGED. All the kids I care for have some sort of special needs.
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