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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Handle DCM
Unregistered 09:46 AM 07-31-2013
I have had a 4 year old boy in my daycare for 9 months now. She arrives at 7:30 am (when I open) she will then sit in my rocking chair with her child and cuddle with him for 15 minutes every morning before leaving for work. We would talk while she did this. It is mostly her complaining about her life, husband, job and kids. I honestly am starting to feel more like a therapist than a provider! When it's time for her to leave he will cling to her and start to whimper/cry, she will get up and put him back on the rocker. She will say only X amount of days left until no more daycare. Mommy will come straight back after work to pick you up. Once she leaves he will pout for awhile then be fine the rest of the day. Some mornings are harder than others. Like today, I told him to get off the rocker and come eat breakfast. He refused and started to throw a fit and hit me because he didn't want to get up. I have had to push back breakfast the last 2 months because the mother insists on staying. At pick up she will stay another 15 minutes just talking and complaining again. The child will get his shoes on and run out the door. That was a huge problem for a long time! He would play in my backyard or front yard. Destroy stuff outside, bother my neighbors by ringing the doorbell and run away. I had a stern talking to the mother and child that he is not allowed to leave without a parent. She listened for awhile but went straight back to doing it. I would lock my doors so he couldn't get out and she would go and unlock it and let him out. I finally gave up the fight and made her sign a letter stating that she refuses to listen to my rule about children outside without a parent. Stating that if the child is hurt after she lets him out I am not liable. I am just so frustrated and at the end of my rope! I have talked to her about the rocking but she isn't listening to me! I have 2 kids starting school in 3 weeks and I can't afford to loose 3 children at the same time! Please help!
Cradle2crayons 09:52 AM 07-31-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have had a 4 year old boy in my daycare for 9 months now. She arrives at 7:30 am (when I open) she will then sit in my rocking chair with her child and cuddle with him for 15 minutes every morning before leaving for work. We would talk while she did this. It is mostly her complaining about her life, husband, job and kids. I honestly am starting to feel more like a therapist than a provider! When it's time for her to leave he will cling to her and start to whimper/cry, she will get up and put him back on the rocker. She will say only X amount of days left until no more daycare. Mommy will come straight back after work to pick you up. Once she leaves he will pout for awhile then be fine the rest of the day. Some mornings are harder than others. Like today, I told him to get off the rocker and come eat breakfast. He refused and started to throw a fit and hit me because he didn't want to get up. I have had to push back breakfast the last 2 months because the mother insists on staying. At pick up she will stay another 15 minutes just talking and complaining again. The child will get his shoes on and run out the door. That was a huge problem for a long time! He would play in my backyard or front yard. Destroy stuff outside, bother my neighbors by ringing the doorbell and run away. I had a stern talking to the mother and child that he is not allowed to leave without a parent. She listened for awhile but went straight back to doing it. I would lock my doors so he couldn't get out and she would go and unlock it and let him out. I finally gave up the fight and made her sign a letter stating that she refuses to listen to my rule about children outside without a parent. Stating that if the child is hurt after she lets him out I am not liable. I am just so frustrated and at the end of my rope! I have talked to her about the rocking but she isn't listening to me! I have 2 kids starting school in 3 weeks and I can't afford to loose 3 children at the same time! Please help!
If you are licensed, then tell mom that due to new licensing regulations, parents are only allowed long enough to drop off and pick up their children. No lingering.I have had a 4 year old boy in my daycare for 9 months now. She arrives at 7:30 am (when I open) she will then sit in my rocking chair with her child and cuddle with him for 15 minutes every morning before leaving for work. We would talk while she did this. It is mostly her complaining about her life, husband, job and kids. I honestly am starting to feel more like a therapist than a provider! When it's time for her to leave he will cling to her and start to whimper/cry, she will get up and put him back on the rocker. She will say only X amount of days left until no more daycare. Mommy will come straight back after work to pick you up. Once she leaves he will pout for awhile then be fine the rest of the day. Some mornings are harder than others. Like today, I told him to get off the rocker and come eat breakfast. He refused and started to throw a fit and hit me because he didn't want to get up. I have had to push back breakfast the last 2 months because the mother insists on staying. At pick up she will stay another 15 minutes just talking and complaining again. The child will get his shoes on and run out the door. That was a huge problem for a long time! He would play in my backyard or front yard. Destroy stuff outside, bother my neighbors by ringing the doorbell and run away. I had a stern talking to the mother and child that he is not allowed to leave without a parent. She listened for awhile but went straight back to doing it. I would lock my doors so he couldn't get out and she would go and unlock it and let him out. I finally gave up the fight and made her sign a letter stating that she refuses to listen to my rule about children outside without a parent. Stating that if the child is hurt after she lets him out I am not liable. I am just so frustrated and at the end of my rope! I have talked to her about the rocking but she isn't listening to me! I have 2 kids starting school in 3 weeks and I can't afford to loose 3 children at the same time! Please help!
Parents will only do what you allow them to do.
Put your foot down now. It's not moms fault. She's doing it because YOU allow it.
renodeb 10:00 AM 07-31-2013
I would have a talk with her and tell her that due to dc regulations you can not have any extra people on the premises. Let me make it c;lear that Im not an advocate of lying but it may just get her out! You could always pull the purse in your hands trick to get her out of your hair at pick ups. You could always post a notice saying something like "As a courtesy to neighbors and for the safety of all no child may leave with out an adult. Also put something in there about maintaining control of your child at all times.
Also you can usher thrm to the door and then lock it after they are out! Good luck!
Deb
Also you can usher thrm to the door and then lock it after they are out! Good luck!
Deb
Unregistered 10:08 AM 07-31-2013
You can start by getting rid of the rocking chair
craftymissbeth 10:12 AM 07-31-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
You can start by getting rid of the rocking chair
I feel it would be far better to be direct with dcm. Getting rid of the rocking chair may simply make the OP 's life more difficult and dcm mom will likely find another way to linger.You can start by getting rid of the rocking chair
Unregistered 10:16 AM 07-31-2013
That is correct! sometimes they refuse to accept subliminal messages
NeedaVaca 10:54 AM 07-31-2013
Just tell her...these pick ups and drop offs are becoming too disruptive to my day. From now on I will do the hand off at the door, in the mornings say your goodbyes outside and I'll take it from there. For pickups I will have him ready at the door for you.
nannyde 11:41 AM 07-31-2013
She's getting an hour a day of free “Do Me" every day. She gets to be the boss of you and gets free hosted child care for a full hour. At the end of the year she will get what is equivalent to five WEEKS of free day care and an adult to host her free of charge.
Can you imagine what a life changer it's going to be when you say no more? Can you see her having her kid alone five MORE waking hours a week? She's using your working for her as a way to avoid her life with him. She isn't hanging out for you. She isn't doing it for her kid. She's doing it for her.
Where else can she go hang out for free and have a person who is working give her that kind of time and her child unsupervised run of a business property. Believe me, if there was a comparable deal anywhere else she would not be using you.
That note you had her sign won't help you when the kid gets hurt on your property. Whoever insures him isn't agreeing to him running around unsupervised on the property they are insuring. They don't care what the Mom says is ok. They care about where the money is going to come from to pay for his care. They will go to your homeowners insurance to get the money.
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. When he is on your land you are responsible for his safety. Doesn't matter if the Mom doesn't sue you. What matters is the law to protect your freedom and the insurers who protect your wallet.
Can you imagine what a life changer it's going to be when you say no more? Can you see her having her kid alone five MORE waking hours a week? She's using your working for her as a way to avoid her life with him. She isn't hanging out for you. She isn't doing it for her kid. She's doing it for her.
Where else can she go hang out for free and have a person who is working give her that kind of time and her child unsupervised run of a business property. Believe me, if there was a comparable deal anywhere else she would not be using you.
That note you had her sign won't help you when the kid gets hurt on your property. Whoever insures him isn't agreeing to him running around unsupervised on the property they are insuring. They don't care what the Mom says is ok. They care about where the money is going to come from to pay for his care. They will go to your homeowners insurance to get the money.
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. When he is on your land you are responsible for his safety. Doesn't matter if the Mom doesn't sue you. What matters is the law to protect your freedom and the insurers who protect your wallet.
Familycare71 01:54 PM 07-31-2013
Originally Posted by nannyde:
She's getting an hour a day of free “Do Me" every day. She gets to be the boss of you and gets free hosted child care for a full hour. At the end of the year she will get what is equivalent to five WEEKS of free day care and an adult to host her free of charge.
Can you imagine what a life changer it's going to be when you say no more? Can you see her having her kid alone five MORE waking hours a week? She's using your working for her as a way to avoid her life with him. She isn't hanging out for you. She isn't doing it for her kid. She's doing it for her.
Where else can she go hang out for free and have a person who is working give her that kind of time and her child unsupervised run of a business property. Believe me, if there was a comparable deal anywhere else she would not be using you.
That note you had her sign won't help you when the kid gets hurt on your property. Whoever insures him isn't agreeing to him running around unsupervised on the property they are insuring. They don't care what the Mom says is ok. They care about where the money is going to come from to pay for his care. They will go to your homeowners insurance to get the money.
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. When he is on your land you are responsible for his safety. Doesn't matter if the Mom doesn't sue you. What matters is the law to protect your freedom and the insurers who protect your wallet.
She's getting an hour a day of free “Do Me" every day. She gets to be the boss of you and gets free hosted child care for a full hour. At the end of the year she will get what is equivalent to five WEEKS of free day care and an adult to host her free of charge.
Can you imagine what a life changer it's going to be when you say no more? Can you see her having her kid alone five MORE waking hours a week? She's using your working for her as a way to avoid her life with him. She isn't hanging out for you. She isn't doing it for her kid. She's doing it for her.
Where else can she go hang out for free and have a person who is working give her that kind of time and her child unsupervised run of a business property. Believe me, if there was a comparable deal anywhere else she would not be using you.
That note you had her sign won't help you when the kid gets hurt on your property. Whoever insures him isn't agreeing to him running around unsupervised on the property they are insuring. They don't care what the Mom says is ok. They care about where the money is going to come from to pay for his care. They will go to your homeowners insurance to get the money.
Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. When he is on your land you are responsible for his safety. Doesn't matter if the Mom doesn't sue you. What matters is the law to protect your freedom and the insurers who protect your wallet.
. Agree 100%!
Starburst 02:39 PM 07-31-2013
If she has 15 minutes in the morning and an extra 15 minutes in the afternoon to talk to you about her life, she is brining him too early. I suggest a change in contract hours, if she is the first one there and no one else shows up for a while, tell her these are your new hours and that you will not open the door before "new time" or will charge an early fee. The late fee should also apply and go into effect if she is there more than 3-5 minutes, the clock starts whenever she arrives and doesn't look like she is going to leave soon (or gets in the rocking chair). And the late fee that goes up until she leaves your property (including your yard and driveway) with her child, anytime a daycare kid is on your property it is still a liability.
Possibly revamp your policies and make sure parents understand that during daycare hours you are on a tight and busy schedule while you are 'on the clock' and it is not an appropriate time for you to chat. If they would like to have more than a minute talk to you about issues concerning their child's overall well-being or anything related to the child care contract/policies or care provided in the child care home (not their marriage, job, or life issues that are not related to the child), they can set up an appointment to talk to you after hours/during lunch (only 1/2 hour) either after hours at your home (without the child present) or on the phone, If they abuse that privilege then you can probably start charging them in the future for actual child care related conferences or charge them for overtime for that call if it gets off track. You are not her friend, her social worker, nor her therapist. You are a professional child care provider whose main concern is the safety and well-being of her child while he is in your home.
If she continues breaks your rules regarding her child's safety or behavior when she is still present, look into enforcing a "3 strikes" system with both written and verbal warnings (put in the child's file) and/or a probation period (1 to 2 weeks) with a list of conditions that must be met by the end of the probation period and must continue after words to avoid a breach in contract.
Possibly revamp your policies and make sure parents understand that during daycare hours you are on a tight and busy schedule while you are 'on the clock' and it is not an appropriate time for you to chat. If they would like to have more than a minute talk to you about issues concerning their child's overall well-being or anything related to the child care contract/policies or care provided in the child care home (not their marriage, job, or life issues that are not related to the child), they can set up an appointment to talk to you after hours/during lunch (only 1/2 hour) either after hours at your home (without the child present) or on the phone, If they abuse that privilege then you can probably start charging them in the future for actual child care related conferences or charge them for overtime for that call if it gets off track. You are not her friend, her social worker, nor her therapist. You are a professional child care provider whose main concern is the safety and well-being of her child while he is in your home.
If she continues breaks your rules regarding her child's safety or behavior when she is still present, look into enforcing a "3 strikes" system with both written and verbal warnings (put in the child's file) and/or a probation period (1 to 2 weeks) with a list of conditions that must be met by the end of the probation period and must continue after words to avoid a breach in contract.
Starburst 02:59 PM 07-31-2013
Oops double post, please discard.
Patches 03:18 PM 07-31-2013
IMHO, you should talk to mom and tell her straight up that if she can't follow your rules (no child walks out the door without a parent, quick drop offs and pick ups) then her child cannot come back. I know you said you said you can't afford to lose him but SHE is running YOUR business and that's not right.
Unregistered 07:52 AM 08-02-2013
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
wahmof3 08:02 AM 08-02-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
WOW! I would have termed on the spot and not even looked back. Good for you telling her to get out. Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
I am so done with some of these parents
JoseyJo 09:08 AM 08-02-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
What!!!! Psycho much? Good thing you found out and got rid of her before she could get even more crazy!Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
daycare 09:22 AM 08-02-2013
is there a full mooon?? really? People have been acting so KRAZY lately......even my teens have been a little fruit the loops.....
Sorry that you got put through this. I have learned the hard way that we have to set the tone from the start. Don't let parents start out doing things that you will not be ok with.
I hope that you are feeling better now that this has stopped, but I would not be ready to expect a visit from licensing.
TGIF.............
Sorry that you got put through this. I have learned the hard way that we have to set the tone from the start. Don't let parents start out doing things that you will not be ok with.
I hope that you are feeling better now that this has stopped, but I would not be ready to expect a visit from licensing.
TGIF.............
Familycare71 09:26 AM 08-02-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
. Good for you!!! Maybe getting fired will be her natural consequence for bad behavior! Ain't NOBODY got time for THAT!!!
Yes- I would call licensing and give a heads up they may get a call and be ready
Happy Friday!!!!
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:36 AM 08-02-2013
Holy moly donut shop! What a nice reality check for her that she is not the boss of someone elses business.
Like a previous poster said, ain't nobody got time for that. Respect is a two way street and she needs to keep it moving.
Like a previous poster said, ain't nobody got time for that. Respect is a two way street and she needs to keep it moving.
Starburst 05:33 PM 08-02-2013
Originally Posted by Familycare71:
. Good for you!!! Maybe getting fired will be her natural consequence for bad behavior! Ain't NOBODY got time for THAT!!!
Yes- I would call licensing and give a heads up they may get a call and be ready
Happy Friday!!!!:D
. Good for you!!! Maybe getting fired will be her natural consequence for bad behavior! Ain't NOBODY got time for THAT!!!Yes- I would call licensing and give a heads up they may get a call and be ready
Happy Friday!!!!:D
Definitely! If she is crazy enough to think she can report you because she decides to show up way too early every morning to your home baby him and whine about her life and waste your time while you have things to do while prepping for the day, she may be capable of doing something crazy...er. But WOW! That's awesome that you told her off and kicked her out. No one who threatens you or constantly breaks the rules of your home and business should be allowed in your house! It's people like her that are the reason why rules (and laws) have to be continuously reviewed and adjusted.
Cradle2crayons 05:50 PM 08-02-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!
Call your licensor ASAP and report what happened. This woman is psycho enough to report for nothing and even though you've done nothing wrong, it's a huge hassle for them to come out. At least they'll have a heads up.Horrible week! I talked to the mother again about the issues and how they need to be fixed. She cursed at me and left. Came back the next morning and went back to old ways. I kindly reminded her that she needs to stop and you won't be able to do this when the child goes to school. She got extremely upset and said that if I try to enforce this "rule" that she is going to report me. I asked what does she think she's going to report?! She said that you are not allowing me to see my child while in your care and I will let them know that this makes me think you are doing something illegal. They will then come to your house and investigate you. I then lost it. I told her to get out of my house and don't ever come back! She was then extremely apologetic and said she can't miss work today or she may get fired. I said no one threatens me like that. Get out of my house and don't come back. It stinks about the money and I really like the child but I'm done!