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Old 08-06-2013, 11:13 AM
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New dcg comes one day a week, for the past two months now. At the interview, I tell the parents that no toys from home are allowed, but a small stuffed animal is allowed at rest time only for comfort. They agree, and sign the contract. Dcg came in the first day with her bear tucked in her bag, and within minutes of dcm leaving, she was crying and pulling at the bag in an effort to get the bear out. I gave in ( I know) because she didn't know me, and she's little (15 months). Apparently at home she gets the bear all the time.
Gradually, I have been able to put the bear away when she is playing, and tell her that the bear is for rest time only. She was ok with this, until she went away for a week. Today, I guess her mom gave it to her on the walk in- I didn't even notice it. Once I did notice, I told her the bear needed to go back in her bag or in a crib to "sleep". Dcg still has a runny nose, cough, and is a little sensitive, btw, and I was cringing every time the bear touched the floor- figuring that all the germs were spreading everywhere I couldn't decide if I was being mean, so I told her the bear could stay out, as long as it was in a chair- I even let her buckle it in a high chair. She cried for a while, but was ok with this arrangement. It didn't last long, and I eventually had to take the bear away because she kept taking it out of the chair, but she has it now for rest time. My question is: would you stand firm and not allow the bear out under any circumstances, would you let her have it? or would you compromise since she is sick, and only comes one day a week?
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted by mrsmichelle View Post
New dcg comes one day a week, for the past two months now. At the interview, I tell the parents that no toys from home are allowed, but a small stuffed animal is allowed at rest time only for comfort. They agree, and sign the contract. Dcg came in the first day with her bear tucked in her bag, and within minutes of dcm leaving, she was crying and pulling at the bag in an effort to get the bear out. I gave in ( I know) because she didn't know me, and she's little (15 months). Apparently at home she gets the bear all the time.
Gradually, I have been able to put the bear away when she is playing, and tell her that the bear is for rest time only. She was ok with this, until she went away for a week. Today, I guess her mom gave it to her on the walk in- I didn't even notice it. Once I did notice, I told her the bear needed to go back in her bag or in a crib to "sleep". Dcg still has a runny nose, cough, and is a little sensitive, btw, and I was cringing every time the bear touched the floor- figuring that all the germs were spreading everywhere I couldn't decide if I was being mean, so I told her the bear could stay out, as long as it was in a chair- I even let her buckle it in a high chair. She cried for a while, but was ok with this arrangement. It didn't last long, and I eventually had to take the bear away because she kept taking it out of the chair, but she has it now for rest time. My question is: would you stand firm and not allow the bear out under any circumstances, would you let her have it? or would you compromise since she is sick, and only comes one day a week?
I think I would allow her to have it- if you don't want it dragged around maybe make her sit in order to have it- other wise it is put up... I am a lot less strict about loveys and pacifiers than most tho...
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:52 AM
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Eh, I think what you did was fine. I allow "loveys" from home but they stay in their bags until quiet time. To me, loveys are not "toys" to play and share they are child specific. And I refuse to spend my day tracking them down because the child insists on "Linusing" the object around. If a child is so ill that all they are capable of doing is laying on the couch and holding their comfort object, then they shouldn't be here anyway, KWIM?
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:54 AM
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Eh, I think what you did was fine. I allow "loveys" from home but they stay in their bags until quiet time. To me, loveys are not "toys" to play and share they are child specific. And I refuse to spend my day tracking them down because the child insists on "Linusing" the object around. If a child is so ill that all they are capable of doing is laying on the couch and holding their comfort object, then they shouldn't be here anyway, KWIM?
Very valid point...
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:55 AM
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I don't allow loveys at all unless you are an adopted child (as the attachment issues that stem from that are a totally different ballgame and I completely understand being an adopta-mama myself...). Even then, they have to bring a brand new one that stays here.

When I cut out personal blankets and loveys our sickness rate dropped DRASTICALLY. I would never, ever go back.

If you have a rule about loveys and where they go, stick to it.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:00 PM
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My rule is a duplicate stuffy that stays here. I wash it and store it with their bed. It doesn't travel back and forth and I don't get the frantic " we forgot bear at your place hubby is on his way to pick it up" calls at bedtime.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:11 PM
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I would just tell mom no bear and leave it in the car. What looks like attachment is really escalation and fixation. Release her from it and she will de-escalate and attach to your world. She is blocking your world by putting the bear in between herself and yours.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:16 PM
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We have "share toys" and "loveys" here.

Share toys are toys you bring from home to SHARE. If you can't share it, it goes up and you don't get to bring it again. The children put their share toys into the share basket up on a high shelf as soon as they walk in in the morning and they stay there until "share time" (a time during free play when the share toys can be out). No loveys allowed at share time, if you can't share it, it is not a share toy.

By share I mean that whoever has a toys gets to play with it as long as they want, but if they put it down and go onto another toy someone else can get it and keep it as long as they want. With share toys each child can only have 1 at a time (no hoarding). They can ask a child who has a toy if they can have it when they are done to get next "dibs" but they cannot rush that child. If a toy is in REALLY high demand we will sometimes set a timer for 3-5 minutes and take turns that way.

Loveys are soft toys that go straight into the nap mats until nap time. Some of our kids bring them from home each day and some leave a lovey here all the time. Either way they go straight into that child's nap mat bag and stay there until nap time. Loveys are NOT shared ever, and not ever played with either. They are just a comfort object for nap time only.

The ONLY exception is a very new, young child (first couple of days, but we wean off as quick as possible). I allow them to keep their share toy and/or lovey when they come in, but as soon as they drop it and get interested in anything else I scoop it up behind them and put it where it goes (usually this happens w/i a few minutes of d/o, but after parents leave). Sometimes they see it and want it back but I just explain that share toys go up until share time and loveys sleep in our nap mats until nap time. After a few days of this they usually "get it" and just put it up when they come in like the rest of the kids

I know lots of providers don't allow toys from home at all but this is what works for us!
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Familycare71 View Post
I think I would allow her to have it- if you don't want it dragged around maybe make her sit in order to have it- other wise it is put up... I am a lot less strict about loveys and pacifiers than most tho...
This is me also!! Except if the child leaves it in the middle of the floor all the time. Generally blankets are always put away....I hate them strewn all over.

I allow one toy from home at a time...it is purposeful. I have in my contract that they are allowed one item at a time, I will determine if it is safe and appropriate. They do not have to share it. My philosophy is they must share EVERYTHING here and this gives them a personal item and helps bridge home and center.

I state if they decide to share they must share with everyone and not single out kids who can or can not see it. I also decide if it goes in their cubby. I have a teeny problem here and there, but I value this, so no biggie.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:26 PM
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I think you need to decide if you want toys or you don't want toys. this way its not confusing for child or parents. I don't allow any toys, blankets yes but I put them in the playpen away from the children.

the problem I found was that toys and blankets and loveys start to inhibit play. I had one who wanted to bring a twin size blanket here. It was gross but mom would let him (I took it away) but I watch how this blanket wouldn't let the child play, all he wanted to do was cuddle with it, cover himself up with it, no one was allowed to touch it. It was a nightmare. I started handing it back to mom when she came (and it smelled too)
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I would just tell mom no bear and leave it in the car. What looks like attachment is really escalation and fixation. Release her from it and she will de-escalate and attach to your world. She is blocking your world by putting the bear in between herself and yours.
She is a sweet little girl, but she is home with grandma the other days of the week, and she doesn't socialize much while she is here. I agree she is fixated, and if it went away, she might come out of her shell a little bit.

I am a softie when it comes to the little ones, so I think I might need to talk to mom about either leaving it at home, or it goes straight into the nap room.

I once had an almost 3 year old that walked around with a blanket and pacifier all day long because his parents couldn't get him to leave the house without it. I used to take it away immediately, but the parents would hide one in his bag, and dcb would find it. The parents weren't on board, and the mom would say, "I don't see what the big deal is" and literally pop the pacifier in his mouth in front of me I had to term them (for a number of reasons).

Last edited by Blackcat31; 08-06-2013 at 12:32 PM.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:30 PM
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Still trying to navigate my way around this page- sorry for any reposts!
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
I think you need to decide if you want toys or you don't want toys. this way its not confusing for child or parents. I don't allow any toys, blankets yes but I put them in the playpen away from the children.

the problem I found was that toys and blankets and loveys start to inhibit play. I had one who wanted to bring a twin size blanket here. It was gross but mom would let him (I took it away) but I watch how this blanket wouldn't let the child play, all he wanted to do was cuddle with it, cover himself up with it, no one was allowed to touch it. It was a nightmare. I started handing it back to mom when she came (and it smelled too)
This little girl walks up to kids and adults alike and hands them the bear (and then cries when they take it). It seems to be her way of introducing play, and if she didn't have it, we could probably work on better socialization skills that would be beneficial.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Familycare71 View Post
I think I would allow her to have it- if you don't want it dragged around maybe make her sit in order to have it- other wise it is put up... I am a lot less strict about loveys and pacifiers than most tho...


Also, once she is doing something else, I'd just put it in her bag till naptime.

Laurel
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsmichelle View Post
She is a sweet little girl, but she is home with grandma the other days of the week, and she doesn't socialize much while she is here. I agree she is fixated, and if it went away, she might come out of her shell a little bit.

I am a softie when it comes to the little ones, so I think I might need to talk to mom about either leaving it at home, or it goes straight into the nap room.

I once had an almost 3 year old that walked around with a blanket and pacifier all day long because his parents couldn't get him to leave the house without it. I used to take it away immediately, but the parents would hide one in his bag, and dcb would find it. The parents weren't on board, and the mom would say, "I don't see what the big deal is" and literally pop the pacifier in his mouth in front of me I had to term them (for a number of reasons).
When you have both parents and child fixating and escalating over the “comfort" items it causes chaos. If a kid is that attached they usually have a parent who is even more attached. You just have to decide if you want to host their chaos.
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