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Old 08-11-2009, 07:46 PM
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Unhappy Want to start a daycare - hubby objects

Hi there!

I am a mommy to an almost 3 year old and 8 mo pregnant. I was laid off from my work at home corporate job of 4 years, 3 weeks ago. Now that I'm forced to look for employment outside of the home I am SHOCKED at daycare rates.

So I did some math, I calcuated that if I was to earn the same salary at a job away from home, after daycare for two kids, I would make the same amount of money then if I stayed home and cared for 4 kids in a home daycare. To me it makes more sense to stay at home, taking care of my kids plus a few extra kids and be able to tax deduct things from a business. Besides, my heart will be ripped out to miss my new baby's first milestones!

Being that I'm laid off and pregnant, now is the perfect time to get all my paperwork together, get the house in order, attend any licensing classes, apply for license etc before I start accepting kids in Nov. after a short mat leave after baby.

However, at the mere whisper of daycare to my hubby, he is TOTALLY against it! He thinks his house will become a MAD HOUSE! I don't understand where that is coming from??? Our little girl is precious, but is very active and being she's approaching 3 she tests, but we are both very firm and consistent with positive parenting so things are handled calmly and swiftly. I'm thinking that he is imagining 3-4 kids of various age ranges just like her having meltdowns and running all over his house causing a roucous.

Of course, I would NOT let that happen! I already have a plan for operating hours 7:30 - 5 pm (he would not be home any of those hours, he'd be commuting and working), I've defined the areas of operation (NOT the whole house), and I have an idea of a routine (I currently do a routine with our daughter whenever I am home, well now all the time).

I'm only taking a few kids in and I have found that when I've watched a few other kids in the neighborhood this summer, when they are all together and occupied with a task that they all model each other's behaivor. Also, I'm planning to have a wide range of ages, not just all a certain age, I'd like to have another baby and toddler and other up to 5 years within the state limits.

The change in my DD since I've come home have been amazing! Less tantrums, more naps and I'm much more relaxed now without the stress of working. Even my hubby notices it but yet he is still hanging onto the idea that I will get another job. Honestly the idea of another job gags me. I feel at home being 'mommy' and I like working with kids. I mean I have to make breakfast, lunch, and snacks already no big deal to set out more plates. I have to give my DD structured activities and book reading, coloring, crafts, why not have someone else for her to play with and get paid!

Can any of you please tell me your spouse's perspective of having a small daycare in the home? Is it really that much of a bother? Especially when we're talking only 3-4 more? I just don't see the point in my getting a job to pay someone else to care for my kids when I can make the same take home amount with my own small daycare.

HELP!!

Deena
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  #2  
Old 08-11-2009, 09:28 PM
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I would not be able to run my highly structured home childcare business if my husband was not 100% on board.
Only 3 or 4 more on top of a 3 year old and an infant is quite a chunk if you are not used to it and you are going to need emotional support not "I told you so". Ick, especially if he's pissy about it which he will be because it is his home also and it WILL carry over into his life.

You may (and this is a maybe) be hard pressed to find families that can fit into the 7:30 to 5 range of hours. Most providers I know either open at 6 or close at 6. I have turned away many families because I don't open until 7:30. If I closed at 5 instead of 6, I would have no clients.

Unfortunately your daughter's behavior may take a nose dive once she starts to have to compete with a bunch of other children (new sibling included) for mommy's very limited attention. Your attention will be a scarce resource and it will be competed for. Three is such a volatile age in the first place, just a new sibling is going to be rough on her. My daughter is 6 and is much better than when I started but she still sometimes gets upset if I cuddle another child in her presence.

Running a home childcare goes way beyond operating hours and you are going to end up working at least 50 a week. At the LEAST. I know for a fact that I would not be able to do it if my husband was not there to pick up some of the slack.

I think it was a good idea coming to this board for input. If at all possible I would look into talking to other home providers in your area and seeing if they'll let you hang out for a bit to see what 5 or 6 children of varying ages can be like (try to find one with 2 infants and watch the fun while they are trying to change diapers within state guidelines). Also, children are children and they will throw fits and they will have meltdowns and they will pee on your floor and they might wipe poop on your bathroom wall and.... All they things you don't think you will allow to happen, probably will happen.

On top of all this, the children are never the biggest problem. Parents are the biggest pain. You'll encounter some really great ones (hold on to them tightly) but a majority will put you right on the bottom of their priority list and treat you like the indentured servant they think you are. They will be the main reason you have to loose a child, because they can't be bothered to pay you or are just using you until they can find a cheaper solution to their childcare needs.

PS. Since I was so horribly negative... I'm burnt out and need a vacation.
It's a wonderful idea to have a specific area of your home dedicated to childcare. Scheduling is also extremely helpful in keeping things running smoothly and making the children comfortable. If you can get your husband on board, go for it, because for all the negatives I listed above, I love the children in my care and I have some really great parents and I can't see myself doing anything else (but my husband supports this decision).
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Old 08-11-2009, 09:50 PM
GretasLittleFriends GretasLittleFriends is offline
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Have you laid out your feelings, point blank? Have you told him of the specific calculations? Every point you have explained in this thread you need to explain to him in great detail.

I can completely understand him not wanting to come home to a wild zoo every evening. He may just want to come home, put his feet up and relax. The thought of coming home to a house that was filled with children all day usually includes the image of toys scattered from one end of the property to the other including the odd nooks and crannies inside the house. Then to think that in order to play with his own children he's going to have to help clean up and take care of the stuff leftover from the day...

I personally believe the benefits of being a stay at home mom far out weigh the down points of opening your home to other people's children.

My hubby supports and actually encouraged the start-up of my business. However, I feel he's a little biased. His mom did daycare for over 20 years while he was growing up. One of his sisters also did daycare. Needless to say he's WELL aware of the little benefits.

Get your husband on the bandwagon soon. I hate to break the bad news to you, but to be licensed by November may be a challenge. Some counties/states licensing programs are ridiculously slow. It took me almost a year, NO FAULT OF MY OWN, to get my license.

Oh, and congrats on the baby!!
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Old 08-12-2009, 08:10 AM
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Hi there!

thanks to you who posted a response! I'm definately gathering as much info as I can from previous in-home daycare that I used with my DD (although we are out of state now).

I used to work in a daycare when I was in college in the infant room, it was a ratio of 1:4 so I had 4 babies 6 wks to 6 mo to care for. Honestly I didn't think it was that bad, I LOVED that job. Now it was the older kids, the afterschool bunch that drove me insane!

My Dd does exceptionally well with a group of others, she models their behavior and at the daycare she was before I was laid off (home daycare) she never cared when I held a baby, she was jealous that she couldn't! She's always been very independent and not cuddly. Not that won't change once her new brother arrives, but I don't 'coddle' my babies. While there is a good amount of time to hold and snuggle I don't do it all day. I never did with DD and I don't plan on it with this one either. I had a routine with her that gave us all sanity and I plan to do the same.

This of course is not to say I'm nieve to think that adding a small group to the house won't be hectic, I know there are ups and downs. I've been the shoulder to cry on many times from my past providers regarding non-payment, pushy parents etc. They probably should not have opened to me like that, but I keep my mouth shut and just listen and I could tell they needed it! I got some good advice from my former provider, she said to Interview the client not the other way around and to never let the thought of losing money worry me if I have to let a child go due to the child or the parent. She said its not worth the money!

Actually around here 7:30-5 pm is pretty standard. I live in a more affulent neighborhood where most of the moms are teachers, or they stay at home but put their kids in daycare (weird I know but apparently going to the gym, social clubs and running errands are more important). Plus women like me who worked out of their home but needed some type of near full-time situation found the hours just fine. There are also alot of part-time workers around here so they might work 9-3 or something. I guess it is different everywhere you go. I live around alot of business owners too. Plus I guess that is my niche, I'm looking for 3-4 people not the world, at least right now! I could probably extent to 5:30 pm and be okay.

I appreciate the second poster's response regarding my husband's vision. I'm pretty sure that is what he is thinking because when we've had the neighbor boy my DD's age over we just let them play and we did not make them clean up (something that is a ritual here) so there was stuff everywhere. But I don't plan on letting the kids run the house. Circle time, craft and activity time at tables, free time but when its over, clean up we go.

Anyway thanks for your responses, I will try to really speak from my heart, have all my I's dotted and T's crossed.

About licensing, here we don't have to have a license, I want one but if it is dragging on at least I can operate without it since I'm in the 'application' process, or will be after hubby agrees. I've already checked on that point and they said YES.

Just have to get hubby on board!

Thanks!
Deena
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Old 08-12-2009, 11:16 AM
laundryduchess@yahoo.com laundryduchess@yahoo.com is offline
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I have to agree with the others, its not an easy way to make income,.. and its hard on your home. Harder on your patience, and even harder for your children to get used to it. I was lucky to start before mine were born. So its all they have ever known. My DH fully supports me,... and yes, he works hard, comes home tired, but deals with it because he loves me more than he hates the inconvenience. Its wirth it to him to have me home, if our kids are sick, or out of school,.. ( Im also here for him when he gets sick , I think he really likes that, lol) But he trully knows it is my passion,...Im on year 19. . and he embraces it. My advice,.. really talk to your husband, be open, be honest,.. (it wont always be picked up by his coming home, it wont always be easy, and there may be whining on everyones part once in awhile) But,... YOU will be raising your daughter. Your new baby. Also,... my husband loves the day kids as much as I do,.... He sees them about 30 min when he gets home,... or if he has the day off. Its ok for him. But its something you and your hubby should come to terms with before trying,... Not everyone can do this job.
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Old 08-13-2009, 08:20 AM
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Default Re: Want to start a daycare - hubby objects

I agree with the other posters. Doing daycare is not the same as having other children over to play. My house used to be the neighborhood house, once I started daycare, I saw it was nothing like that. I know people who did/do daycare with a spouse not totally behind them and it doesn't work very well, while also taking a toll on the marriage/family. Not to mention, you need to remember, it is his house also and he might really not want to experience that.
In my state you can care for 4 without being licensed, but don;t forget, when your daughter gets older and wants friends over, they count in your #s. The other poster is so right, parents (some) can really make your life miserable, cause other unforsee problems......
Awhile back, there was a provider that posted on here whom was accused of molestation. These and other issues are very realistic possibilities. I think you shouldn't get licensed if you can avoid it. When "licensed" in my state, they can come for surprise inspections at any time during your business hours (they don't though), all kids (without a parent there) and including your own count in your #s (# of kids licensed for), you can't have daycare children there after hours (so if you close at 5:00 and a parent comes late, it's a write up and it happens). I used to do a daycare network, working with almost 100 providers and heard tons of experiences.
Your daughter might not be real cuddly, but child # 2 could be completely different and #1 could always change. It is different when other kids are there all the time. I would make sure to do a few things different for #1 & #2. After putting the others down at nap time, make sure to have "special" reading time just for them or maybe yours want to sleep with the others instead of their own bed.
We would go 1 to 2 times each year to a local hotel w/pool for a mini vacation. That was a very big thing, they loved it. We on ocassion even invted a friend for a little swim time (a short time) to keep it "our" vacation.
Well, I have to go, duty calls, as always.
Good luck.
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Old 08-14-2009, 06:52 AM
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mac60 mac60 is offline
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The other ladies said it all pretty well. It does change your life, and not always for the better. If I had to do it all over again, I would of never quit my job of 21 years and started daycare. Too much expense, no time off, dealing with parents and issues. I much prefer a 7 to 4 job where I can go home and be away from "my job". I am never away from it here, and I hate that. For those who have a separate room, that helps. While the tax deductions are great, I am also investing quite a bit right back into my business each week/month, for food, supplies, air conditioning, heat, dc insurance, etc, and yes, some of these you can write portions of it off, but not all of it. And what has hurt me the most in the past 2 years, is that my expenses have went up so much, and my income has stayed the same. Do you think a parent is going to offer you $5 more per week because food and expenses went up? NO. Parents only look out for themselves. I know I should of just raised my rates, but always have in the back of my mind.....will this piss them off?

It is a tough job and it does impact your family tremendously.

Last edited by Michael; 08-14-2009 at 09:24 AM.
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