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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trying Not To Be Rude-Parent Wants A Teacher Conference At Every Drop Off
Bookworm 09:32 AM 02-19-2015
This is the parent of my PT DCG-4. The one who wanted me to wait until they got there before we did any activities. Now, for the past month, she's been trying to have a conference about why DCG isn't doing any work, doesn't have any art on the walls and doesn't nap. All of these topics I have discussed with her several times. Well this morning, enough was enough. DCG isn't here todayfort mom called anyway to discuss why DCG didn't make a letter book yessterday. My Asst. Dir took the call and explained that DCG wasn't here when we made the book and that all the materials are in here folder if she wants to do it at home. That wasn't good enough for mom. Now she's demanding yet ANOTHER meeting with me and the Dir. We've had two already about the same thing.

I'm doing my best to watch my mouth but now I'm done. You guys already know that what I want to say will be very rude and I don't want to be offensive. Any advice/suggestions on how to keep the conversation polite would be welcome. I think that because this is the third or fourth time we've talked about this, any comments I may have would come across as rude or condescending. Thanks for your help.
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Thriftylady 09:37 AM 02-19-2015
Well IMO if you are at a center and have a director, it is time for the director to deal with this not a conference. Your director needs to school mom on the fact that activities can't just wait until her child gets there, because that disrupts the whole class. At this point you shouldn't be put in this situation.
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daycarediva 09:37 AM 02-19-2015
HERE is our SCHEDULE. Dcg needs to ARRIVE NO LATER than 9AM to participate. If she is late, we cannot repeat art/crafts/circle/story/gross motor/whatever.

Your director needs to tell her to stop wasting your time. This is all Moms issue because she isn't getting her there in time.
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KiddieCahoots 10:17 AM 02-19-2015
Does your center document meetings with minutes?

If so, maybe give dcm a copy to show the topics already discussed. And if she persists with asking for meetings on the same subject, kindly refer her back to previous meeting minutes.
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Shell 10:27 AM 02-19-2015
Yes to all of the above! Your director needs to step up here. There are times for activities based around when you have the most kids in attendance, snack, outside times, etc. You can't drop everything to wait for this child!
By the way, I've had parents like this when I worked in centers, and if it isn't one thing, it's another. Best of luck!
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Rockgirl 10:28 AM 02-19-2015
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
HERE is our SCHEDULE. Dcg needs to ARRIVE NO LATER than 9AM to participate. If she is late, we cannot repeat art/crafts/circle/story/gross motor/whatever.

Your director needs to tell her to stop wasting your time. This is all Moms issue because she isn't getting her there in time.
Yes--if it's that important to dcm, she can get dcg there on time.
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Blackcat31 10:29 AM 02-19-2015
ALL of the above.

1. Copy of daily schedule with CLEAR time frames. If she is not present at THAT time, there is NO make-up time planned.

2. The director should be taking care of this now at this point, not you. You have done YOUR job, now it's time the director did hers.

3. Copy of the previous meetings minutes with highlighted areas showing what has ALREADY been discussed.

4. NO OTHER OPTIONS. PERIOD.



That's how I would handle it. (well, I would probably handle it like you want to handle it but I know that's not very professional..... )
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Bookworm 10:58 AM 02-19-2015
I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?
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Thriftylady 11:07 AM 02-19-2015
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?
That is exactly what I would do. "Mrs. James, we have talked about this numerous times and I am not allowed to change the program here. All concerns regarding these issues from here on out should be directed to my director Mrs. Smith, who will be happy to discuss this with you.".

ETA: I would use this out if I had it, my only choice in home daycare is trying to nicely say "I could change this but I won't" LOL.
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Crazy8 11:24 AM 02-19-2015
can you turn it around to constantly inquire WHY dcg isn't there on time each day??? as a home daycare provider that is what I would do but not sure you can in a center. "Mom, from our many previous discussions you know we do crafts here at 9am. I know it means getting up earlier but we would LOVE to have Suzy do them with us, if you can just get her here at that time this wouldn't be a problem any longer." When mom flat out says she won't get her there at your craft time then that is her answer and her choice!!! End of discussion.
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Unregistered 11:33 AM 02-19-2015
It's her sick and twisted hobby; probably makes her feel powerful. I like to put the ball back in their court. She seems to favor the end-product activities, so while I was implementing the activity, I would put one to the side. Explain that she missed this activity, so you're sending it home to be done with mom. She can bring it back, finished, to hang on the wall. Keep asking her if they had a chance to get it done; you really need it for the wall.
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Blackcat31 11:38 AM 02-19-2015
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
I completely agree that my Dir should handle this for the final time. I am no longer willing to entertain her. Mom has been given the documentation you ladies have mentioned. She doesn't care. I almost feel like there's an underlying problem at home and mom is trying to blame us. I don't know. It's just weird that she is going on and on about the exact same things and gettitng the exact same responses. This is the definition of crazy. I'm putting this in my Dir lap tomorrow and she can deal with it. If mom tries to talk about this after the final meeting, should I just send her to my Dir?
Yep. "Sorry daycare mom but you'll have to talk to our director"

Rinse and repeat.


My guess is that there is probably nothing going on at home. She (DCM) just likes attention. Sometimes that kind of parent likes having issues (or makes them up if there are none) just for attention.

I think NannyDe refers to this type of parent in her book. The parent wants you to do her. Her time, her issues, she's the focus of attention, it's all about her and her ability to keep an entire center and it's staff focused on HER.
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Bookworm 05:06 PM 02-19-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yep. "Sorry daycare mom but you'll have to talk to our director"

Rinse and repeat.


My guess is that there is probably nothing going on at home. She (DCM) just likes attention. Sometimes that kind of parent likes having issues (or makes them up if there are none) just for attention.

I think NannyDe refers to this type of parent in her book. The parent wants you to do her. Her time, her issues, she's the focus of attention, it's all about her and her ability to keep an entire center and it's staff focused on HER.
I believe you maybe right. But I also think she might want to pull DCG and is trying to make up a reason. If you want to pull, man up and do it. Don't nitpick us to death about it. Anyway, thanks again ladies.
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Starburst 05:26 AM 02-20-2015
Mom seems to want the full time super nanny treatment on a part-time group care schedule and budget. She doesn't seem to understand that the center has functioned well before her daughter was enrolled (possibly even born) and will most likely function more or less the same after she's long gone off to kinder.

Simple solution: if you want your daughter to participate in all the activities, bring her in at the time the center has their art activities or enroll her full time so she gets to do all the activities and interact with her school mates all day and never miss a thing.
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Laurel 08:03 AM 02-20-2015
I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel
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daycarediva 08:56 AM 02-20-2015
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel
I like the turn it around on her idea!

"Why isn't dcg arriving in time?"

"Oh it is so disappointing that she didn't participate in art. Why is she arriving so late?"

"We have X,Y,Z planned for next week. Can you make sure dcg gets here by 9 to participate?"
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Unregistered 09:21 AM 02-20-2015
I would tell mom that if she cannot get her daughter here on time then she WONT get to do activity end of story, if she doesn't like ur answer then she should find another provider that will accommodate her requests.
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laundrymom 09:27 AM 02-20-2015
"I know how you feel. Sally loves seeing her work on the wall with all her friend's projects. We really get excited when you bring her in time for creative arts. It's one of her favorite things to do. She does get a bit disappointed when you drop her off too late to participate but quickly moves past it to the next activity because she knows that sometimes you get her where early enough to do crafts."
Put the ball in her court.
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Crystal 12:35 PM 02-20-2015
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
This is the parent of my PT DCG-4. The one who wanted me to wait until they got there before we did any activities. Now, for the past month, she's been trying to have a conference about why DCG isn't doing any work, doesn't have any art on the walls and doesn't nap. All of these topics I have discussed with her several times. Well this morning, enough was enough. DCG isn't here todayfort mom called anyway to discuss why DCG didn't make a letter book yessterday. My Asst. Dir took the call and explained that DCG wasn't here when we made the book and that all the materials are in here folder if she wants to do it at home. That wasn't good enough for mom. Now she's demanding yet ANOTHER meeting with me and the Dir. We've had two already about the same thing.

I'm doing my best to watch my mouth but now I'm done. You guys already know that what I want to say will be very rude and I don't want to be offensive. Any advice/suggestions on how to keep the conversation polite would be welcome. I think that because this is the third or fourth time we've talked about this, any comments I may have would come across as rude or condescending. Thanks for your help.
I am curious to know if her part time status means she CANNOT arrive at regularly scheduled art time because she pays for and is scheduled to arrive later. If so, I would find a way to include her in some sort of art activity, as part of the experience of any ECE program is participating in art. I can certainly understand your frustration, but is there any way you can rearrange part of your daily schedule so that art time comes after another scheduled activity so she can participate? Now, if Mom is just getting there late, that's on her, but if she is scheduled for later in the day, I'd do my best to accommodate....for the child NOT for the Mom.

One way I have avoided this type of issue is by having the art center open all day with free access to open-ended art materials so the children have all day to participate in art if they so wish.
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Controlled Chaos 01:09 PM 02-20-2015
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I wonder what would happen if you were to say "She doesn't have a paper on the wall because she wasn't here when we made it." Then I'd say "I'm a little curious why you always ask when you know the answer. Why do you do that?" Or: "Do you realize you always ask me why her work isn't on the wall when you already know it is because she isn't here in time to make one? I am wondering why you continue to ask."

When she says "I just want her to make one" then say "Well you'll have to get her here on time then. Why doesn't she get here on time?"

I think I would try the "I'm really curious why you keep asking" routine.

Or I might just smile and say "You know why."

Laurel
Amazing. I love this
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Blackcat31 01:32 PM 02-20-2015
Originally Posted by CoachingForQualityImprovement:
I am curious to know if her part time status means she CANNOT arrive at regularly scheduled art time because she pays for and is scheduled to arrive later. If so, I would find a way to include her in some sort of art activity, as part of the experience of any ECE program is participating in art. I can certainly understand your frustration, but is there any way you can rearrange part of your daily schedule so that art time comes after another scheduled activity so she can participate? Now, if Mom is just getting there late, that's on her, but if she is scheduled for later in the day, I'd do my best to accommodate....for the child NOT for the Mom.

One way I have avoided this type of issue is by having the art center open all day with free access to open-ended art materials so the children have all day to participate in art if they so wish.
This mom is not limited to certain times. Here are the previous posts by OP about this situation. These posts have more info...

Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Once again, one of my PT parents is complaining about their child never having art on the wall. This is not the parent who wanted us to wait until they showed up to start class. This parent comes in around 10:00-10:15 on the days they come. By then, we're done for the day and time moving into free play or other activities. I found out from my director that mom is getting upset that DCG never has any art displayed or sent home. My Director knows what's up and explained, again, about the schedule and the limited time we have in the morning. Well, that wasn't acceptable. This morning, mom came in with attitude to talk about the schedule. I told her, again, that due to the limited amount of time, painting is done between 8-9 am and anything else is done after 9:30. She asked if we could wait until DCG gets there and I told her that it might not be possible but depending on the project I could save hers until after nap. I couldn't tell if she was ok with my suggestion because she just walked out of my room.

I am done with parents complaining about stuff they have the power to change. Mom could easily have DCG here at or before 8am. She doesn't want to because she says it's too early to get up. I do feel bad that DCG has nothing to show mom what she did that day. But at the same time, I'm not rearranging my schedule for someone who may or may not show up that day. I'm getting sick and tired of the same complaints constantly and I feel like I'm punishing DCG because of mom. If any of you have been in a situation like this, please tell me how you got through it. I welcome all opinions and advice.
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Daycare, every suggestion you gave I already do. The schedule is posted outside my room next to the door and inside the door so she sees it coming and going.
Good Life, I have a space on one of the walls just for them to put up any art that they've done. The art center is always stocked and available to them all day.
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Ok, this is the same mom who wants me to schedule all field trips around DCG's PT schedule. After the last talk, we thought it was over. WRONG! Today she came in complaining that DCG is missing all of the learning and activities in the mornings. Mom doesn't drop off until 10:30-11:00 and we're done by 10:15 at the latest. I sent her to my Director to discuss it. My Director told me 30 min ago that she just got off the phone with the owner and we are meeting with him Monday morning.

What else does this woman want? We can't completely accommodate her with her current schedule. A schedule she has been offered to adjust many times but refuses. I don't know what she expects to happen but we'll see. Would any of you change your daily schedule for her? I send whatever we do home but I guess she doesn't want to have to do it. Am I the one being unreasonable?
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Ok, final update. Mom is not happy. When she came in for the meeting she had a smug look on her face like the battle was already won. The Owner asked her to explain the issue. She told him about the unfairness of scheduling field trips on DCG's off days and how DCG is never on time for lessons because I start too early. So then he asked my Director what solutions did she offer. She told him that mom has the option of changing days or meeting us there. As far as lessons go, she told him that mom was asked several times to bring DCG earlier but she refused. The Owner then asked mom why she is refusing everything. Mom told him that she lives on the other side of town but works near the center and that is too much back and forth. He told mom that he understood her reasons but because she has been given multiple choices and she refused them all, there's nothing more to discuss.

As far as not getting her lessons, he asked me about the class schedule. I showed him and explained to him that every class is more or less on the same schedule but adjusted for age. I also explained that I get off early so I start earlier (9:15-9:30) and we're done by 10:00-10:15 depending.

It went about how I expected it to go. This parent is one for the books. The Owner told my Director that mom might pull but not to worry about it. I'm glad that mess is over.

He then asked mom what did she expect from me. She said I should wait until DCG gets there. The look on his face was pricless. I think he was shocked. He told her no. I have other children to think about and it's not fair to them. He told her he understands her concerns but because she's not willing to work with us, there's nothing he can do. Mom thanked him for his time and left.

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Crystal 02:04 PM 02-20-2015
Awww...thanks BC. I didn't know there were previous threads about the same issues.
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Meyou 05:01 AM 02-21-2015
I think you should make a giant sign that says, "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU DCM!!" Then don't speak just point to the sign during the meeting and anytime she asks after that.

I'm a jerk, I know. I hope your director can sort it all out. She sounds like a real piece of work.
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Bookworm 07:46 AM 02-21-2015
The whole situation frustrates me because I've never had a parent like this in my 12+ years at my center. DCG does get to do some art projects. I do try to look out for her. But it's not enough for mom. On Monday, my Dir will talk to her for the final time. and will give mom the option to either: 1- come earlier or 2-pull her. I'm hoping for #2.
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Laurel 01:50 PM 02-21-2015
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
The whole situation frustrates me because I've never had a parent like this in my 12+ years at my center. DCG does get to do some art projects. I do try to look out for her. But it's not enough for mom. On Monday, my Dir will talk to her for the final time. and will give mom the option to either: 1- come earlier or 2-pull her. I'm hoping for #2.
Well good, I'm glad the director will handle it. Let us know what happens. Inquiring minds wanna know.....

Laurel
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Hunni Bee 02:00 PM 02-21-2015
I had this parent last year. He would not bring his daughter until 11:30/12 and then usually was back to pick up by 4. Um, sir, you do realize that time frame encompasses lunch, nap and pm snack, right? He kept complaining that she had no work and we then started putting the materials in her folder, which he always "lost" or didn't have time to do. They also were basically drop in and frequently didn't show up for a week or longer. We were always late for field trips waiting for them to show up.

Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.
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Bookworm 06:22 PM 02-22-2015
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
I had this parent last year. He would not bring his daughter until 11:30/12 and then usually was back to pick up by 4. Um, sir, you do realize that time frame encompasses lunch, nap and pm snack, right? He kept complaining that she had no work and we then started putting the materials in her folder, which he always "lost" or didn't have time to do. They also were basically drop in and frequently didn't show up for a week or longer. We were always late for field trips waiting for them to show up.

Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.
Ok, that's ridiculous. Why is dad upset? He made DCG's schedule. If she is drop in only, why should he expect DCG to have art on the wall.
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Unregistered 06:17 PM 02-23-2015
Any update
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Hunni Bee 07:42 PM 02-23-2015
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
Ok, that's ridiculous. Why is dad upset? He made DCG's schedule. If she is drop in only, why should he expect DCG to have art on the wall.
She wasn't actually drop in, he just could "not get her to get up and get going" or "she wasn't feeling well" so often that she was absent more often than not. I guess he expected us to sit and do it with her at nap time or rearrange the schedule like your DCM.
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AmyKidsCo 07:23 AM 02-24-2015
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
Our director wasn't as tough and supportive as yours though, and numerous times we had to make it ourselves or have another child do it for her because they (admins), too, demanded she have work up in the wall.

Sooo much fun.
That's crazy! Way to tell the child that she doesn't matter...
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Bookworm 09:13 AM 02-25-2015
Sorry I took so long with an update but today was DCG's first day back. My Dir gave mom her two choices. Come earlier or pull her. Mom chose to stay. My Dir told her that this is a conversation that won't happen again. She then gave mom 2 WEEKS of art projects and writing practice that mom refused to take out of DCG's folder. Mom was asked if she is so concerned about DCG missing out on everything, why is 2 weeks worth of work still in her folder. She said that mom hemmed and hawed for a while and left the office. Mom came to my room to tell DCG bye and made the comment about DCG finally getting to do a project with her friends. I told mom that because we were on a two hour delay this morning, we had a late start. If we'd opened regular hours we would have already been finished and DCG's would have been in her folder. She gave me a weird look as I continued to smile at her and wished her a good day. Glad that's over. By the way, her drop off time was 10:36. Thanks for the advice and for listening, Ladies.
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