Never before have I had to send someone home for behavior, but today I had no choice... I am at a loss as to what to do with this child. I try to be very proactive with the kids in my care and we focus on SEFEL, use natural consequences, and relaxation techniques but I can not get this child under control. I have never seen such disregard and disrespect from a 4 year old.

A little back story: This is his 3rd week in care and he is here full time throughout the day. His brother (7) and sister (10) are before and after care but will be here for summer care. The child care provider they are coming from was reported to CPS for the way she was treating the children (last straw was a disagreement with the CP and the 7 year old, and she ended up grabbing him by the back of the head and poured his apple juice in his face). I hear all the time from these kids about the crazy things she would say and how she handled them. The youngest (my trouble child) tells me all the time about how Ms. S hates him forever.

I think a lot of his issues are stemming from that care but I don't know how to help at this point. He's become SO disruptive and I'm really just at a loss. The behaviors he shows that get him in trouble include hitting, pushing, calling names, yelling at DD and the babies for getting too close to him, refusing to share and then taking toys or hitting the child involved, disrespect for our toys and rules... the list goes on and on...

I can see that a lot of his problems happen when he gets too excited, but if I see things are getting out of hand I will stop the group and we will all take deep breaths. He refuses and will plug his ears and say "I don't have to. I'm not going to listen to you" and then will turn his back or kick or throw something. Any time I invoke a natural consequence for his actions he flips. Refuses to calm down or sit on the couch. He wont talk about it. He says I'm not the boss and he doesn't have to follow the rules. He will run away from me and basically NOT acknowledge that he has done something wrong. He knocks things over in anger and tries to break things. Today he was getting into it with dd (2) at lunch and I moved her to a different table and then he proceeded to taunt her. So I moved his table 4 feet back and put the his chair on the opposite side (so that he wasn't facing her) and said he needed to eat his lunch quietly and he refused to sit down and just went crazy. Screaming at everyone, telling me to shut up and he hated me and that he didn't want to come back here, and that he doesn't need to listen to me.

I don't know what to do. I then had to tell him he needed to sit on the couch to calm down because that behavior is unacceptable but he refused. I am not about to grab him and force him to do anything but I have no idea how to handle this situation. Completely passive aggressive. I had to text his mom and tell her he needed to go home. He had both babies crying bc of the stress and pushed everyones nap time back an hour because he was being so disruptive while he was waiting to be picked up. It lasted up until the very last second before his uncle picked him up. Has any one had experience with this? We are a very happy environment and I've never seen such negativity from a child. I hate to term this family because his brother and sister love it here but what am I supposed to do? Am I approaching it wrong? I try to be proactive and we talk about our feelings and I encourage the kids to get involved in their own problem solving but some things I just can't tolerate. Disrespect is one of them. It's affecting every one else here and its just devastating our days.. I need help!!! I've never been a big Time-Out person but I don't know what else to do... but then again, I can't even get him to sit for that....

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sounds like he needs some tough love...

I would not be giving in with so many chances and redirection at the age of 4. NO 1,2,3 counting. It's one and done.

we all know that not every form of consequence works for every child. I have some that sitting and thinking for a few minutes works and then some that it does not. I have some that have to sit on a ball and bounce until their little heart is content.

At this age, I would get a hula hoop....YOu hit, you sit... He will remember this rhyme. IF he gets up or out, you restart his time. you only say. you hit, you sit each time. Or you made a bad decision and walk away.

Lunch time I would have him sit in a different room until everyone is done and then he can come and eat his lunch alone. I don't stand for that type of behavior.

Lastly, I would tell mom that you will give her a call each time he acts up and you can't control him and she can come deal with it. I bet you how mom deals with his behavior will change. I had to do this with one of my favorite clients and she was draw dropped when I called her to tell her to come and take care of it. It started to become a daily thing and I siad, I love you, but if this continues we have to cut ties. Well that lasted all of 3 days and the child all of a sudden had a 180 change.

THis child has aged out, but comes to me every school closing and I love her to death......

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We do the " you hit, you sit" but he wont sit. He will run from me and say he doesn't have to...

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I hate to be this skeptical but are you sure the previous provider was actually guilty of doing what's been shared with you?

The way you describe him acting is textbook Oppositional Defiance Disorder....and along with that can come loads of outrageous lying......

I just don't want you to get sucked into believing he's the victim if indeed he was the downfall of another provider's career.

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The other kids seem to have the same opinion of her but it has crossed my mind...

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Hopefully him having to go home will have a big impact on the parents. I think you did the right thing. I'd be afraid that the other parents would consider leaving because their children are in such stressful conditions if it doesn't stop.

Do you have a resource/referral agency you can call? We have one that will send out experts to observe and give recommendations.

I agree that if he can't sit at lunch with the others then he eats alone after they are finished or before they begin.

If he won't sit when you ask him then tell him "If you don't sit now then you'll have to sit when your parents come to pick up and they can wait for you." Warn them ahead of time. Or pick one of his favorite activities/toys and tell him if he doesn't sit then he can't have/do his favorite thing for the day.

Laurel

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Most people don't have the tools to effectively deal with a child who has ODD. It's not unusual after loads of built up frustration to ultimately escalate to yelling, punitive punishments and heaps of outright anger.

You yourself can feel the shift after just three weeks, going so far as to have to send him home, something you've never had to do before! And it's obvious your group is picking up on the extreme negativity as well. I know exactly how that feels, it's literally palpable!!!


If I were you I'd either:

1.) Put together a pretty substantial plan with the parents that will address the issue.....in writing lay out with them what is acceptable and what you will call them to pick up for. Outline how many chances will be given and what will happen when they run out. Best case scenario, do in tandem with option 2.)

2.) Require they get him a behavioral assessment and follow through with all recommendations (like therapy, which I believe he likely needs to start sooner rather than later or he'll never overcome this mentality in life).

3.) Term immediately. Kids with ODD who are not assessed and treated will be toxic to you and the rest of the kids in your care. They will reduce your program to rubble unless you are really equipped to handle them.

You should emphasize to these parents that at this point it doesn't matter how he came to be this way, all that does is that he gets the help he needs from here on out.


Any Early Childhood Intervention program will get him rolling in the right direction. You can call your county licensor to get the parents a phone number if they're not sure where to start.


Don't take no for an answer and don't feel guilty if you find it's too much for you to handle. There is zero shame in respectfully declaring to them that he needs more help than you can provide....especially because of the sketchy nature of what happened with the last provider.

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Term, seriously.

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My dd was diagnosed with ODD when she was 6. She's now 13. Between that and the whole teenager ordeal, she's enough to send me into the depths of craziness sometimes!

If you need help or suggestions, please pm me and I'll do the best I can to help!

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He needs his own adult. It's not safe to have him in your home without an adult just for him who is trained to manage violent children. He needs to be where he is funded for one to one care and the environment is SAFE for him when he physically acts out. It's not fair to him to have him at your house. You aren't equipped to manage his special needs.

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School psychologist told me that ODD is a term they came up with to label children that used to be called BRATS.

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can ask why you would plan for following a plan of action as if the child was diagnosed with some disorder??


I am not trying to start anything here, I am just asking because I am having a hard time with the whole label and diagnose thing....

It seems like I deal with a lot of parents that would rather label their child with some disorder than just Parent their child....

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While for some that might be true I do think that for most there's far more to it than that.

Sort of like how 100 years ago those with neurological disorders were all just declared mentally challenged or possessed and locked up in state psychiatric hospitals.

Evolution is (usually) a good thing in that regard

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No one is labeling, just drawing some parallels based on all the similarities.

Which is why the recommendation was to set up a behavioral contract, get a behavioral assessment, or as many have suggested - just term.


Most diagnoses start with a hunch. That's what gets people in to see the professionals.

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a heck of a thing to have to deal with as a provider. I raised a child who had it (still has it, but I no longer raise him).

I second the behavioral plan. If you'd like a copy of one I used, please PM your e-mail address and I'd be more than happy to send it to you so you could get an idea of what one provider used.

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got it!!!

I am having a huge issue with this whole LABEL thing right now that it's driving me NUTS.

Anytime a child does something that warrants a conversation with the parents, the parents always seem to try to find some disorder to smack on their kid.

I am from a country that does not have preventive medicine, so all of this ADD, ODD, and etc is all new to me. I don't understand any of it...

Most of the time children are very behaved here with me, but kids are kids and will have bad days. But to me it's just either a phase or a child being a child. TO parents its always something else???



Thanks for your response

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ODD and RAD are two I really struggle with even in toddlers. I've heard the horror stories from those who have parented a child with one (or both) of those diagnoses into their teens and all I can say is they must be saints.......it really doesn't get any tougher than that imho.....

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My friend's son has ODD and they ARE saints. I don't know how they get through the day sometimes. I watch him in the summer when they need someone and it's a tough week. He's 10 and it's like having 3 new clingy teething babies all start on the same day kind of hard. But he's wiggled his way into my heart and we get along well enough that my house is one of the few places he likes to go so I keep doing it.

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My oldest child is an adopted teenager with RAD and severe ADHD. Insert hair bursting into flames here, please.

I feel like I've barely survived after raising 1 with ODD for 5 years, having no children for 3 years, and then getting this kiddo. If I knew then what I know now, I'm not sure that I would have chosen the life I did. Brutal honesty. I know I could get flamed for it.

All of that to say, if it's a parenting issue then I'd term without a doubt in my mind. If the parents are willing to seek professional help for that child (whether he has ODD or not!) then I would consider working with them. I couldn't guarantee that it would last, but I would at least explore the option of not terminating care immediately.

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I get where you're coming from. The whole "my kid has gluten intolerance/celiacs disease or autism" train is certainly getting old (I'm sure especially so for those who are ACTUALLY dealing with those afflictions!)

That said, kids with ODD don't have good days in the traditional sense. Some may not be as bad as others but everyday is a serious struggle and challenge to manage.


Give a kid a bucket of candy, a puppy, a free pass to never have to return to school and a trip to Disney Land and they'll still find a way to turn the offer into the worst idea ever. Doesn't matter if inside they love all that stuff, they'll buck it anyway just because they can. Every opportunity is an opportunity to cause a ruckus.

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My oldest adopted daughter is also ODD and RAD. I would never judge someone for saying that if they had known then that they may have thought twice. I feel this way because not only do I have her I also have a adopted son who has PDD. It is a hard thing to deal with on a daily basis and someone who hasn't walked in your shoes will not know what we have to deal with. My daughter is now 14 and so in comes the hormones also. I know they didn't ask for the drugs and no prenatal care that these parents chose to do, but it is so hard and very draining.

Like the others have suggested tell the parents to get him evaluated and if it comes back that he does not have any disorders than that will be great but you will know that it is just behavioral and that the parents need to step up to the plate. If it does come back ODD then I would say term because you will not be able to give him and the other kids your all. He will take up most of your time.

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He was sent home again today because he would not cooperate. Obviously the mom is NOT happy but I don't know what else to do. I cannot have him disrupting our day so severely. He was keeping kids from napping and also getting ready for lunch and I could not control him. I FINALLY got him to sit down just as his dad was getting there to pick him up. Mom sends texts saying she can't keep having him sent home. I said I understood but I also can't have him disrupting everyone elses day and schedule, if he cannot participate in the activities of the day he can't be here. She responds that he will soon find out of he acts up he gets to go home and she can't have that. I don't know how to respond. Am I doing something wrong? I just cannot let him get away with that behavior and I can already see that it is affecting the other children... What do I do?

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Term! It seems by mother's texts that she wants you to keep holding the "hot potato" while parents go on with their job's routine uninterrupted. Term before you become another "crazy daycare lady" in the stories this family will tell to the next daycare arrangement!

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How do I go about that? How do I approach her and the whole situation... I've never had to term any one before and definitely haven't had to deal with this type of behavior.

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Just keep saying “I understand" to all of her statements. She's going to take him out so let her. You are going to be forgotten two minutes after they pull out of your driveway the last time you give her a no. A few years from now she will look at you as just one of a lot of caregivers who have said no.

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I had in my contract a description of the different situations that would entitle me to term contract immediately... The child's behavior you're describing was in it.

I would write a termination letter stating that due to her child disruptive/aggressive behavior and for the sake of the other children safety/well-being, I could no longer provide care to ____. In effect from date _____.

It's very hard to term but this is not your problem to solve and these parents by now, and looking back at this child's history, are very aware about what's going on and that you might term.

This is my personal opinion and I think you are taking serious risks by keeping this child in your daycare.

Good luck!

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If you don't term him you could very well lose all your other families, it's hard to term someone the first time and I have rarely termed, the few times I have I was shaking from nerves but when it was done the relief was immediate!

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I'd tell her in person or on the phone that "I don't think this is working out with little Johnny. You can't have him coming home every day and I can't have him here with the behavior he is displaying. I think it is time we part ways. If you'd still like little Suzy and Matt to come after school and during the summer that would be great but I will understand if you don't. Sorry."

I've never termed anyone but I should have. It was for behavior also. I tried too hard and that was dumb. It made me miserable. Live and learn though. So I don't know about a letter. I guess if you do letters then give it to her if she comes again or mail it to her.

If I ever termed, I'd just tell them. No papers unless they requested one. I don't see the point as I don't have anything in my contract about terming. I feel like I can do it anytime I want. They wouldn't owe me any money except for the care I gave. I 'request' that they give me notice if leaving but don't require it.

Just my two cents...

Laurel

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Should I give her an official warning about his behavior and possible termination? In my contract it clearly states IN BOLD "I will discuss any serious behavior problems with you promptly and maintain a record of them in your Child’s file. If the problem persists, and we cannot work out a mutually satisfactory solution, I will have to terminate this Agreement.
INT_____" and also "I may terminate it if you violate the terms of the Agreement, and I will terminate it immediately if your Child persists in behavior which is harmful to others or to your Child or damaging to property. "

But how much time do you give for the behavior to improve? I don't expect it to be overnight but at the same time I can't have him interrupting our schedule so severely and I've never been shown such disregard and disrespect for authority and our property. Would you suggest he be evaluated? I think he should be but does that then open the door for me to have to deal with it until they can get him an appointment? I have already seen a change in my daughters behavior because of his. I really need suggestions.

I'm thinking about sending her a text along the lines of "I know that this is very frustrating for you guys, but if A***'s behavior does not improve next week I will have to terminate his care. I am willing to help him but if he is not receptive to that help then there's nothing I can do. I cannot allow him to disrespect our friends, our property, our rules, and also myself. We have a very positive care environment here and I can already see the effects of his behavior on the other children in care. As it is clearly stated in the contract if we can not come to an agreement or make any progress he will no longer be allowed to return. Hopefully we can see improvement on Monday, but be aware that if he does not cooperate, he will be sent home. I'm sorry that it has been such an inconvenience for you both this week, but I must think of our group and the care I am able to provide."

Too much? Feedback?

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I agree with the "green"... but just as a formality and I would also add the date the care terminates if no improvements. I do not believe there will be any improvement.

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If it were you which day would you give by? I don't think there will be improvement either but I don't know how much time I should expect...

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I have been doing this for 16 years plus. I kind of don't get all the strict contract things that a lot of providers do.

I have two pages that I call Parent/Provider Agreement. It just has the bare bones like my hours, holiday/fee info, what they should bring, illness policy, etc. I have them sign it but I don't think of it as a legal contract although it might be. Two of my provider friends who have been doing it for years also have the same sort of thing. My friend calls hers "Guidelines" and has only about a list of 10 things on it and it is one page. It has nothing about termination, etc. Her parents don't even sign it. I think the way she puts it is the way I think. These are my rules and basically if you don't like them, leave. If you break them, I ask you to leave. We are both reasonable and will give them time to find someone else unless it is something severe. I don't think she has ever termed anybody either though.

I know of no law that says I have to do anything as far as accepting a client or asking them to leave. Our daycare laws seem pretty strict considering what I read here yet we can make our own business decisions as long as we are following our laws. We don't have to do anything like give reasons (although we probably will), give them a chance to work on the behaviors, etc. We don't even have to give them notice.

I'm a little confused as to why one would need a legal contract if it even is legal. I've heard that even with contracts a judge can override it so what is the point? Just wondering....not criticizing in any way.

In our little world here, it is either our way or the highway ...although we are fair and reasonable about it.

Laurel

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Well, shame on that school psychologist. While some children have perhaps been misdiagnosed with ODD, it is a very real condition with very real impacts on a child's quality of life. I hate to hear professionals make such a hurtful statement.

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This is tricky... To give time for improvement when you already made your decision that this contract is over!!

I understand you want to honor every line in your contract and you don't feel comfortable terming immediately, but even if you only give 1 week it can be tricky... Whenever you do not send the kid home for behavior, parents will take that as an improvement... It happened to me. Parents will ignore most of the bad “reviews” and hold on to that one thing that wasn't so bad. And that will make you even more uncomfortable to term when the date comes... Do you really want to put your self through that?? (I call it “riding a dead horse”)

If you think you still want to go ahead with the formality of giving time... I would not give more than a week... and usually parents expect 1 month...

Sorry for not sounding very helpful... somethings there is no easy way out!!

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I sent her the message and tole her I would do my best to work with him through the week but if I do not see a drastic improvement in his behavior by next friday he will not be allowed to return. Also that if he doesn not cooperate on any of those days he will be sent home. Fingers crossed she doesn't flip.

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And if she does, that warrants an immediate termination.

If my child's behavior was so off the wall he was being sent home, I would have already been looking for other care.

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I haven't gotten a response from her, but she was very quick to respond earlier... I am printing the notice out and giving it to her this afternoon when she picks up the other kids, just in case she tries to say she never got it.

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Parents with horribly behaved children WILL flip if they are unable to acknowledge how severe their child's behavior this. Sometimes it is to your face, and sometimes it is to other people. This parent has not acknowledged how severe her child's behavior is.
Although my child with RAD doesn't appear to have any issues to people like his friend's parents when he visits their homes (wish it was that way at home!! love rad!!!!!! ) I will readily acknowledge how incredibly difficult he is. If he was difficult away from home, I would even moreso acknowledge how difficult he is and be understanding of others who are suffering because of his behavior. If someone said something to me about his behavior I would not flip. I know the issues he has. I deal with them daily. But, I am trying to FIX the things that need fixing and that is the difference.

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And this is why I watch infants to age 4, and then I send them off to preschool!!

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She said her and her husband are going to talk about what to do with him when she gets home, but that the children may not be returning... At this point, I'm not even going to bug her for the 2 weeks she would owe for the other 2 kids. Just happy to be a little less stress free. I'll figure the money issue out later. Already have an ad place for their spots.

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You did the write thing Things can only get better now. I know too well the burnout one can get from holding on for too long to the "wrong fit"...

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I remember a kid like that. He threw something at one of the walls. I promptly grabbed him from behind, crossed over his little arms, sat down and crossed my legs over his to get him to stop kicking. He screamed and screamed and wiggled. It was very difficult to hold him but I just rocked him and told him that I know he was having a hard time and that I would help him, but he HAD to stop. He said he hated me, wanted me to go away, wanted me to basically to not exist. I told him he could hate me all he wants, I would NOT go away and I would not be letting him go until he calmed down and could behave himself. It was 20 minutes of pure heck! But, after he calmed down, I asked him if he knew why I did what I did (he was 4 1/2). He said no. I explained to him that I will NOT let him hurt anyone or our things. He said that he was doing it because he "just knows I will kick him out anyway" So basically he thought he didn't have to listen or respect me because everyone else pretty much didn't give him a chance. He came from 6 different daycares, one who was not nice and the others who didn't want anything to do w/ him. It was very sad.

To cut the story short, let's just say after this day, he never messed with me again. He also turned out to be my BEST dc kid and was very helpful and loved doing activities and helping the littles do things such as tying shoes for me or getting a diaper for me. He just didn't trust anyone cool would be there for him. That's why he acted out. I had him 4 1/2 yrs and we cried when they moved away. I hear from his dad every once in awhile an hear that he had a hard time adjusting when he moved but is doing well now.

Would some people object to what I did? Oh yes, but his parents did not. In fact, they were just happy that I even took care of the situation, he was not hurt in any way, and didn't kick him out like the others. Sometimes, you just have to do things differently for one kid than another. And this is what worked for us.

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I am also one of those parenting a child with ODD and lots of other really not so awesome abbreviations.

I also at one point years ago when the denial was lost.... Wondered if I had to do it again would I... Of course I would... But it's just a natural reaction in the grips of the roughest times.

I've dealt with with two other dck. With one, the parents were on board and were basically BEGGING their pedi to help. The other was in denial doe quite a while.

My advice is that if you can't get the parents on the same page, whether its ODD or potty training, you will get nowhere fast.

I give parents time to jump on board with me and if they don't, they have to go. If they agree to a behavior plan and really work on it with me, it works. If not, I can tell pretty quick.

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I don't have a problem with how you handled it but how did you watch the other children for the 20 minutes this was going on?

Laurel

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I agree. I tried for 9 months with one family and by the end of that, I really didn't like my job when that child was here. I was miserable.

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That's the reason I do behavior plans.i even have used them with my own daughter.

You give it x time frame. You type up the behavior plan or agreement and you and the parent signs. You be clear with the parent at the end of that month if certain goals are not met, care ends. And stick to it.

9 months is a long time to be miserable. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

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Her text to me this morning: "J**** and I have been talking and we are still trying to figure everything out. When we came to you we explained that Aiden will need some time and positive influence to deprogram from the last daycare. Daycare providers are with the children more than their own parents and it is important that you are able to help teach him good behaviors and help him grow. He is 4 years old and should be able to be controlled and taught. That is your profession. If he tells you he doesn't have to listen to you and you call me to pick him up he wins. It takes time for children to adapt to a new environment and you have thrown your hands up after 3 weeks. You said you were willing to help him. My question to you is are you giving up and should wwe move on? It doesn't seem like you want to work with A**** and that he is too much for you."

After much thought my final response has been: "Yes, you are right, this is my profession. And working with children who have challenging behaviors has always been a passion of mine and is my long term goal. But right now, with starting my business I need to be able to cater to a younger group, mostly infants. If I was able to only take 3 and 4 years olds (which hopefully, one day will be the case), I feel that I would be more able to meet his special needs. As of right now, when he is having his outbreaks, I am unable to meet the physical needs of the other children in my care, just because I am trying to keep him from hurting himself, our property or others at Sprouts. I think that an older age group and more one on one care would be greatly beneficial to him. Trust me, I really care for him and if I could have just him throughout the day I would. I truly want to be able to help him, but I still need to be able to meet needs of others in my care and when he is throwing his fits, I have infants that are being kept up from their naps, and kids that are waiting to be fed that cannot do it themselves. At this point, with the extremes of his behavior, most regrettably, I do not think it is a good fit for him. I would recommend reaching out to Child Find and see if they can help with a behavior plan as to best prepare him for Pre K in the Fall, and hopefully get him in somewhere that can give him the one on one work he desperately needs. I want the best for all children and being the professional that I am, I realize that A***s needs at this time exceed my current capability to meet them, as sad as it is to see him go."


Any thing I should ad? I feel bad because I truly want to help him, but I just can't manage his behaviors with 3 other kids full time under the age of 28mo.... Was I wrong here?

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Still not acknowledging how extreme and far from normal her child's behavior is. Still refusing to accept responsibility, whether that be responsibility for her LACK of parenting/discipline or responsibility from a lack of getting him diagnosed and getting him the help he so desperately needs (that is not a daycare providers responsibility). My child has extreme behaviors, too, and if someone told me his behavior was extreme I'd agree and see what we could do about it not place the blame on someone else for not working hard enough. Oh brother!!!

You? Wrong? No. She is wrong. I would never choose to "WORK" with a child who had parents who thought it was my responsibility to shape his behaviors if they were that extreme. Absolutely not. Whether I had ONE child here or TEN. They'll be in for a reality check when he goes to Pre-K in the Fall and is kicked out. Best of luck to them.

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I did do that at the end which is why he is gone. He was suspended after having 4 incidents in one day (after 3 you are suspended) and then was terminated.
Mom said her child (well, both actually) were out of control and she didn't know what to do. Dad made a list of everything I did that contributed to his bad behavior and blamed it all on me. That child is a sociopath and will be kicked out of kindergarten this Fall, without a doubt in my mind.

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She didn't say a word about the safety, care, and happiness of the other children.

She doesn't have child care for him and she's trying to remain in the one up position when she is not. She has a very badly behaving child, money for care, and two other children who bring money to the deal. If you don't want the money she has nothing to remain in the one up. She's trying to tell you that your professional abilities are in the mix and she is incorrect. Get that out of the conversation.

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She's basically getting such a deal her oldest daughter is free. Sure, its cutting my income in half but that's not why I'm doing daycare in the first place. Its to provide quality care for the children trusted to me and also to spend quality time with my daughter. I already see the affect of his behavior on dd. She's been hitting the dog and then telling me shes tired and that's why she hit him (A*** would hit, throw things, refuse to clean up and then cry his stomach hurt). AINT NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT lol sorry I just had to put a light spin on this. I hate this kind of stress.

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she gave you the out. Take it.

I would just agree that he needs time to deprogram from the last daycare and you and your program aren't equipped to facilitate that.

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I'd have that term letter typed up ready to be handed out ASAP.

End of story. When do parents come to that point when they understand its not our job to raise THEIR kids. Yes we spend a lot of time with them. Yes while they are here we assist the parents in reinforcing positive behaviors, and so many other things.

But in the end it is the parents responsibility.

I'd term ASAP after that text.

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Blame it on the other daycare and get OUT of it. The parents are blaming her so jump on that and jump out.

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In my behavior plan of action I state THIS in one of the paragraphs:

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ODD is certainly NOT just a label for "bratty" children, neither is ADHD or Aspergers. That being said, it is very easy to misdiagnosis kids with these things, especially if the parent wants their child to have a diagnosis and be medicated. It's easier to say your child has ADHD than they are out of control. Unfortunately these kids are then medicated and if they do not really have the disorder they will have serious adverse reactions. With this child in particular though it really seems like something is off.

He needs a early childhood evaluation ASAP not just from a school psychologist, but from a psychiatrist specializing in young children. They have assessments for children his age, the Conners Early Childhood assessment is good for kids aged 2 to 6 and can detect behavioral issues and similar issues and has validity scales (which means it can detect if mom is not being honest). I agree that he needs individualized care until whatever is going on is under control. I would also be concerned that the child may have made up stories about the old daycare, but you never know. I just worry that the child may do the same to you.

Good luck with this, I can only imagine how difficult it is!

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I agree with everything Nan said.

I'd like to add that while it is admirable to help families, when a child is out of control, and the parent is in denial, it becomes a liability. Don't set yourself up for that.

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