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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>4 Year Old and Accidents
Kcole1075 04:24 PM 01-06-2014
I have a 4 year old who is having accidents . I constantly remind him to go to the bathroom. I have kid wet themselves before he osnt just wetting himself he is also pooping .
Today i sent him to go change and he leaned up against everything getting poop everywhere.
He doesnt tell me when he has to go. I already talked to his mom about it and she swears up and down he has a medical issue but says she cant get him to the doctors because they don't have an opening.
Help!! Sorry its a little gross.
Today i sent him to go change and he leaned up against everything getting poop everywhere.
He doesnt tell me when he has to go. I already talked to his mom about it and she swears up and down he has a medical issue but says she cant get him to the doctors because they don't have an opening.
Help!! Sorry its a little gross.
Play Care 05:35 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by Kcole1075:
I have a 4 year old who is having accidents . I constantly remind him to go to the bathroom. I have kid wet themselves before he osnt just wetting himself he is also pooping .
Today i sent him to go change and he leaned up against everything getting poop everywhere.
He doesnt tell me when he has to go. I already talked to his mom about it and she swears up and down he has a medical issue but says she cant get him to the doctors because they don't have an opening.
Help!! Sorry its a little gross.
In this case I would say to mom "I need a written diagnosis from the doctor as well as the treatment plan. Until I have those items, I will not be able to provide care for Jimmy. It's simply too unsanitary and puts the other children at risk."I have a 4 year old who is having accidents . I constantly remind him to go to the bathroom. I have kid wet themselves before he osnt just wetting himself he is also pooping .
Today i sent him to go change and he leaned up against everything getting poop everywhere.
He doesnt tell me when he has to go. I already talked to his mom about it and she swears up and down he has a medical issue but says she cant get him to the doctors because they don't have an opening.
Help!! Sorry its a little gross.
craftymissbeth 05:55 PM 01-06-2014
I would insist on a doctors note with diagnosis and treatment plan... but I would continue to care for him as long as he's in a pull-up (or diaper if that's what mom prefers). Medical condition or not he doesn't belong in underwear unless he's accident free.
daycare 06:17 PM 01-06-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I would insist on a doctors note with diagnosis and treatment plan... but I would continue to care for him as long as he's in a pull-up (or diaper if that's what mom prefers). Medical condition or not he doesn't belong in underwear unless he's accident free.
what she said...^^^^I would insist on a doctors note with diagnosis and treatment plan... but I would continue to care for him as long as he's in a pull-up (or diaper if that's what mom prefers). Medical condition or not he doesn't belong in underwear unless he's accident free.
don't buy into the mom's excuses. she can get an appointment.
Leigh 06:33 PM 01-06-2014
After the 2nd accident, that kid needed to go back to diapers. I would insist that the child be diapered until accident free.
Soccermom 07:30 AM 01-07-2014
I have an almost 7 year old DCB who does the same thing.
Makes me so mad! At that age they should know when they need to go. They either don't want to stop playing or are trying to hold it in until their parents arrive.
I make him clean himself up though but he still smells until DCM gets here and it is really gross. Smells up the whole space.
Makes me so mad! At that age they should know when they need to go. They either don't want to stop playing or are trying to hold it in until their parents arrive.
I make him clean himself up though but he still smells until DCM gets here and it is really gross. Smells up the whole space.
Kcole1075 07:31 AM 01-07-2014
I talked to mom again about this problem. She said she took him out of two daycares because therequested that she put him in pull ups. She also said he did so well over vacation.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
Kcole1075 07:36 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I have an almost 7 year old DCB who does the same thing.
Makes me so mad! At that age they should know when they need to go. They either don't want to stop playing or are trying to hold it in until their parents arrive.
I make him clean himself up though but he still smells until DCM gets here and it is really gross. Smells up the whole space.
Him cleaning himself up is how it got everywhere because he "can't put his cloths on" his words. Its just a very frustrating situation.I have an almost 7 year old DCB who does the same thing.
Makes me so mad! At that age they should know when they need to go. They either don't want to stop playing or are trying to hold it in until their parents arrive.
I make him clean himself up though but he still smells until DCM gets here and it is really gross. Smells up the whole space.
daycare 07:36 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Kcole1075:
I talked to mom again about this problem. She said she took him out of two daycares because therequested that she put him in pull ups. She also said he did so well over vacation.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
so basically when mom does not get her way, she is going to pull her kid out of daycare. WOWI talked to mom again about this problem. She said she took him out of two daycares because therequested that she put him in pull ups. She also said he did so well over vacation.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
sorry, I would not be ok with this and I would be STOMPING my foot down.
Sorry, it is a safety issues for all children involved.
If she has to have it her way, I would tell her this. Each time he has an accident, you need to come and get him and take him home. If there is any damage done to any part of my home, you will be responsible for paying to have it fixed.
NO WAY.... I am sure the kid does this at home too....
Blackcat31 07:39 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Kcole1075:
I talked to mom again about this problem. She said she took him out of two daycares because therequested that she put him in pull ups. She also said he did so well over vacation.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
It doesn't matter where he does well. I talked to mom again about this problem. She said she took him out of two daycares because therequested that she put him in pull ups. She also said he did so well over vacation.
I told her she needs to get him into a doctor to find out the issue because this cant keep happening here.
He IS NOT doing well in daycare. That is ALL that matters to you.
If she wants/expects someone else to care for him, she needs to be concerned ONLY about how he is while in that person's care. period.
If he is in your care and has an accident, he should be I diapers/Pull ups.
It's unsanitary and gross for him to have accidents at someone else's house.
If I were in your shoes, I'd give mom two options:
Bring him in diapers/Pull up AND a doctor's written diagnosis so you can accommodate any other needs he may have appropriately
OR
Find alternate care.
It's HER child, so it's HER issue to manage.
Meyou 07:40 AM 01-07-2014
There is no medical issue with two other daycares in his past. There is a mom with issues and a boy who poops his pants because he doesn't want to go, IMO.
Pullups or term would be my two choices for Mom.
Pullups or term would be my two choices for Mom.
Cat Herder 07:54 AM 01-07-2014
I am on team pull-ups. 
Like most here, I don't care about the why, I care the about the solution.
I really see only three solutions.
1. Kid wears pull-ups until 2 weeks accident free like everyone else.
2. Mom leaves work and comes to clean kid up IMMEDIATELY after each accident, then takes him home for the day. (nobody would choose this, it just makes a valid point that it is a PITA and really isn't this what she is asking from you.
)
3. Mom moves kid to yet another daycare.
Surely Mom has to know you would not announce that he is in pull ups to other kids???? It is not a punishment, it keeps him from the humiliation of soiling his clothing yet again.....
Heck, I know many adults in glorified pull ups, it is a solution not a punishment. We will all be there eventually, it isn't a crisis, Mom.
Like most here, I don't care about the why, I care the about the solution.
I really see only three solutions.
1. Kid wears pull-ups until 2 weeks accident free like everyone else.
2. Mom leaves work and comes to clean kid up IMMEDIATELY after each accident, then takes him home for the day. (nobody would choose this, it just makes a valid point that it is a PITA and really isn't this what she is asking from you.
) 3. Mom moves kid to yet another daycare.
Surely Mom has to know you would not announce that he is in pull ups to other kids???? It is not a punishment, it keeps him from the humiliation of soiling his clothing yet again.....
Heck, I know many adults in glorified pull ups, it is a solution not a punishment. We will all be there eventually, it isn't a crisis, Mom.
Kcole1075 08:28 AM 01-07-2014
I am going to bring up pull ups to her because yesterday he had the accident if front of the other kids and they 2 kinders told him he should be in pull ups. I had to talk to the older boys about it. But its not fair to him to deal with that embarrassment.
This kid is also going to kinder in the fall so it is an issue that will have to be addressed at some point.
This kid is also going to kinder in the fall so it is an issue that will have to be addressed at some point.
Great Beginnings 08:30 AM 01-07-2014
I think ultimately you just need to tell mom that your daycare isn't a right fit for the family as your not equipt to handle his issues.
There really is a medical condition where children can't help themselfs and they don't know when they are doing it. It's called Encopresis I believe. It's very very rare but happens usually because the nerves down there have become desensitized, usually from frequent constipation. I learned this when a child in my son's class used to poop himself and I really had concerns of my son getting sick because he was leaving feces where he sat.
However, that being said.... Mom needs an appointment to find out if HER child has this condition or if there is something emotionally going on with this child. It's disgusting and not healthy and needs answers to why. Either way I don't know if I agree with putting a 4 year old in diapers. If it's emotional that could stunt him more. If it's medical, it really isn't his fault so why shame him.
There really is a medical condition where children can't help themselfs and they don't know when they are doing it. It's called Encopresis I believe. It's very very rare but happens usually because the nerves down there have become desensitized, usually from frequent constipation. I learned this when a child in my son's class used to poop himself and I really had concerns of my son getting sick because he was leaving feces where he sat.
However, that being said.... Mom needs an appointment to find out if HER child has this condition or if there is something emotionally going on with this child. It's disgusting and not healthy and needs answers to why. Either way I don't know if I agree with putting a 4 year old in diapers. If it's emotional that could stunt him more. If it's medical, it really isn't his fault so why shame him.
Leigh 08:33 AM 01-07-2014
Has the child always had accidents, or was he "potty trained" and regressed? A potty trained child who suddenly starts having accidents NEEDS to see a doctor.
I would not "bring up" pull-ups to Mom, I would tell her this exactly: "I can not have these accidents happening. They humiliate your son, and they create a biohazard in my daycare, which is NOT allowed, as it is unsanitary. Starting tomorrow, he MUST be wearing a diaper (I don't use pull-ups here-I hate them), and he must remain in the diaper until he is reliably accident free. I will let you know when the diapers can stop. Perhaps he doesn't have accidents at home, but he DOES have them here, and he did have them at his last 2 daycares, and the diapers, like the other daycares, are NOT an option here, I must insist on them, and will not be accepting him into care in the future without them. I am sorry that it doesn't fit with your plan, but this is the ONLY solution that works here.
I would not "bring up" pull-ups to Mom, I would tell her this exactly: "I can not have these accidents happening. They humiliate your son, and they create a biohazard in my daycare, which is NOT allowed, as it is unsanitary. Starting tomorrow, he MUST be wearing a diaper (I don't use pull-ups here-I hate them), and he must remain in the diaper until he is reliably accident free. I will let you know when the diapers can stop. Perhaps he doesn't have accidents at home, but he DOES have them here, and he did have them at his last 2 daycares, and the diapers, like the other daycares, are NOT an option here, I must insist on them, and will not be accepting him into care in the future without them. I am sorry that it doesn't fit with your plan, but this is the ONLY solution that works here.
craftymissbeth 08:44 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Meyou:
There is no medical issue with two other daycares in his past. There is a mom with issues and a boy who poops his pants because he doesn't want to go, IMO.
Pullups or term would be my two choices for Mom.
I do not agree. My 7 year old ds has encopresis and since he was 4 has soiled himself on an almost daily basis. Over the last 6 months or so it has gotten much better to where it's maybe weekly, but encopresis lasts YEARS even with medical intervention. (I am not going to go into details about what encopresis is... I'll let the curious google it)There is no medical issue with two other daycares in his past. There is a mom with issues and a boy who poops his pants because he doesn't want to go, IMO.
Pullups or term would be my two choices for Mom.
Anyway, all that to say that there are medical conditions that would cause a child to soil themselves for extended periods of time without getting any better. In fact, ds's doctor said there is very little a doctor can actually do other than give support and to ensure the child is not impacted. Most of the work is done at home.
I still stand by what I said, though... he needs to be in a pull up or he just needs a nanny.
Leigh 08:49 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I do not agree. My 7 year old ds has encopresis and since he was 4 has soiled himself on an almost daily basis. Over the last 6 months or so it has gotten much better to where it's maybe weekly, but encopresis lasts YEARS even with medical intervention. (I am not going to go into details about what encopresis is... I'll let the curious google it)
Anyway, all that to say that there are medical conditions that would cause a child to soil themselves for extended periods of time without getting any better. In fact, ds's doctor said there is very little a doctor can actually do other than give support and to ensure the child is not impacted. Most of the work is done at home.
I still stand by what I said, though... he needs to be in a pull up or he just needs a nanny.
I do not agree. My 7 year old ds has encopresis and since he was 4 has soiled himself on an almost daily basis. Over the last 6 months or so it has gotten much better to where it's maybe weekly, but encopresis lasts YEARS even with medical intervention. (I am not going to go into details about what encopresis is... I'll let the curious google it)
Anyway, all that to say that there are medical conditions that would cause a child to soil themselves for extended periods of time without getting any better. In fact, ds's doctor said there is very little a doctor can actually do other than give support and to ensure the child is not impacted. Most of the work is done at home.
I still stand by what I said, though... he needs to be in a pull up or he just needs a nanny.
I would encourage Mom to make an appointment with a gastroenterologist, not a GP or ped.
cheerfuldom 08:53 AM 01-07-2014
okay so two daycares have already complained about this? wow. mom needs to address it asap. i am with the others that I would refuse to provide care until he has been seen AND there is a treatment plan in place that you can support at daycare. saying he is fine and to allow the accidents is NOT a treatment plan LOL
daycare 08:55 AM 01-07-2014
we could all sit here saying that the kid does or does not have a medical issue with this.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
Play Care 09:03 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
we could all sit here saying that the kid does or does not have a medical issue with this.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
we could all sit here saying that the kid does or does not have a medical issue with this.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
Blackcat31 09:07 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
we could all sit here saying that the kid does or does not have a medical issue with this.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
I agree, but even if they got a doctor's note stating there is or isn't anything medically wrong, doesn't mean he can be in underwear if he is still having accidents...kwim? we could all sit here saying that the kid does or does not have a medical issue with this.
Bottom line is that their is an issue here and the fact is that the kid is not using the toilet at daycare.
If mom does not want the child in anything but underwear, they need to get that child in to the DOC now. FInd out what is going on and go from there.
I would tell mom sorry, if you don't want them PU or Diaper then you need to get me a doc note NOW. Kid can't come back without it other wise kid is in diapers.
We need to take the necessary measures do protect everyone in our care, at no time should any child jeopardize the care of others.
The doctor's note for me would just be a starting place as to how to deal with the issue but it would NOT be permission to keep him in underwear.
Kcole1075 09:08 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Great Beginnings:
I think ultimately you just need to tell mom that your daycare isn't a right fit for the family as your not equipt to handle his issues.
There really is a medical condition where children can't help themselfs and they don't know when they are doing it. It's called Encopresis I believe. It's very very rare but happens usually because the nerves down there have become desensitized, usually from frequent constipation. I learned this when a child in my son's class used to poop himself and I really had concerns of my son getting sick because he was leaving feces where he sat.
However, that being said.... Mom needs an appointment to find out if HER child has this condition or if there is something emotionally going on with this child. It's disgusting and not healthy and needs answers to why. Either way I don't know if I agree with putting a 4 year old in diapers. If it's emotional that could stunt him more. If it's medical, it really isn't his fault so why shame him.
I think from her past comments that she feels it is shaming him to put him in pull ups and thats why she pulled him before. But she has no medical diagnos. I think ultimately you just need to tell mom that your daycare isn't a right fit for the family as your not equipt to handle his issues.
There really is a medical condition where children can't help themselfs and they don't know when they are doing it. It's called Encopresis I believe. It's very very rare but happens usually because the nerves down there have become desensitized, usually from frequent constipation. I learned this when a child in my son's class used to poop himself and I really had concerns of my son getting sick because he was leaving feces where he sat.
However, that being said.... Mom needs an appointment to find out if HER child has this condition or if there is something emotionally going on with this child. It's disgusting and not healthy and needs answers to why. Either way I don't know if I agree with putting a 4 year old in diapers. If it's emotional that could stunt him more. If it's medical, it really isn't his fault so why shame him.
And although i think pull ups might effect him emotionally i have to wonder if pull ups or having the other children notice his accidents would effect him more.
Meyou 09:11 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
I do not agree. My 7 year old ds has encopresis and since he was 4 has soiled himself on an almost daily basis. Over the last 6 months or so it has gotten much better to where it's maybe weekly, but encopresis lasts YEARS even with medical intervention. (I am not going to go into details about what encopresis is... I'll let the curious google it)
Anyway, all that to say that there are medical conditions that would cause a child to soil themselves for extended periods of time without getting any better. In fact, ds's doctor said there is very little a doctor can actually do other than give support and to ensure the child is not impacted. Most of the work is done at home.
I still stand by what I said, though... he needs to be in a pull up or he just needs a nanny.
The child is in their third daycare without having seen a doctor. Anyone who actually thought there was a medical reason would have gone long before now. Like you did with your child. This mom chose to find new daycare several times instead of seeing a doctor for a documented medical reason and treatment plan....all too avoid her son in pullups or so it seems. I do not agree. My 7 year old ds has encopresis and since he was 4 has soiled himself on an almost daily basis. Over the last 6 months or so it has gotten much better to where it's maybe weekly, but encopresis lasts YEARS even with medical intervention. (I am not going to go into details about what encopresis is... I'll let the curious google it)
Anyway, all that to say that there are medical conditions that would cause a child to soil themselves for extended periods of time without getting any better. In fact, ds's doctor said there is very little a doctor can actually do other than give support and to ensure the child is not impacted. Most of the work is done at home.
I still stand by what I said, though... he needs to be in a pull up or he just needs a nanny.
One of my kids had severe constipation issues for 3 years. She had accidents as well (until age 6) but there was a medical reason and treatment plan in place for home and for daycare/afterschool care.
Maria2013 09:12 AM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Leigh:
After the 2nd accident, that kid needed to go back to diapers. I would insist that the child be diapered until accident free.
After the 2nd accident, that kid needed to go back to diapers. I would insist that the child be diapered until accident free.
Kcole1075 04:39 PM 01-07-2014
Oh this is the thing i grow my backbone about( i have needed one for a while). He did it again (usually this is a every other day thing) and even while helping him he still got it on the floor.
He didnt tell me again!! So after smelling something and changing my diaper kids i sent him to the bathroom so i could help him change.
He didnt tell me again!! So after smelling something and changing my diaper kids i sent him to the bathroom so i could help him change.
daycare 05:37 PM 01-07-2014
Originally Posted by Kcole1075:
Oh this is the thing i grow my backbone about( i have needed one for a while). He did it again (usually this is a every other day thing) and even while helping him he still got it on the floor.
He didnt tell me again!! So after smelling something and changing my diaper kids i sent him to the bathroom so i could help him change.
yuck that stinks and sucks....Oh this is the thing i grow my backbone about( i have needed one for a while). He did it again (usually this is a every other day thing) and even while helping him he still got it on the floor.
He didnt tell me again!! So after smelling something and changing my diaper kids i sent him to the bathroom so i could help him change.
I hope that this turns around for you. A backbone is necessary in order to do this job long term and successfully.
it does take time to build one, trust me I know first hand. But the more that you do it, the easier it gets to use. as with everything, it takes practice.