Unregistered 08:42 AM 08-10-2015
I have a almost 4yo dcg. When we walk to the playground she HAS to be the leader of the group or she throws a fit so she runs ahead, not far but far enough when having to cross a road. We go over the rule every time we go out that she needs to stay with the group or she will be holding my hand. Today I held her hand because she was not staying with us so she kept trying to pull away from me crying and pretty much panicking because she wasn't the leader. I feel like at this age this shouldn't be typical behavior. Any advice on how I can fix this situation? I ordered a handle for the stroller that she will have to hold but it isn't here yet. Thanks
AuntTami 09:11 AM 08-10-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have a almost 4yo dcg. When we walk to the playground she HAS to be the leader of the group or she throws a fit so she runs ahead, not far but far enough when having to cross a road. We go over the rule every time we go out that she needs to stay with the group or she will be holding my hand. Today I held her hand because she was not staying with us so she kept trying to pull away from me crying and pretty much panicking because she wasn't the leader. I feel like at this age this shouldn't be typical behavior. Any advice on how I can fix this situation? I ordered a handle for the stroller that she will have to hold but it isn't here yet. Thanks
Black cat just advised another member on something similar.
Her advice was to LET her be the leader. Take the "fun" out of it. No fights or arguing over who's leader. She's automatically leader. Praise everyone else for letting her be the leader. Give THEM the special attention instead of her. Have them tell her she can be the leader because they know she enjoys it SO much.
laundrymom 09:11 AM 08-10-2015
She's not be leader for a good long time. And pulling would get her a spot beside me for playtime. I am alpha here. There is no power struggle. There are no options. There is only
Behave and have fun or misbehave and sit with me.
Always.
Heidi 06:07 PM 08-10-2015
Ok...so years ago, my bf's daughter did this too.
It was really annoying, but it eventually turned out that she has some major Obsessive/Compulsive disorder, and she's still struggling with it (at 16) and takes medication.
I like BC's solution because it works with the child's strengths vs. being a power struggle.
Another method might be having some sort of calendar, and making her the leader on a consistent schedule. Like Mondays, she's always the leader, Tuesdays it's Jeremy, Wednesdays it's Haylie, etc.
With a 4 year old, you can sit down and chat when you're not in the moment, so she can anticipate things. Less confrontational that way. "Hey, leader-wanna-be, when we go for our walk today, who is the leader?" you say, early in the day. Then, look at the calendar with her.
You could also do a list of class chores and rotate them. Make a chore chart, and leader is one of those jobs.