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Parents and Guardians Forum>Bully at Daycare. Please help
Unregistered 06:50 AM 03-17-2011
My daughter is three years old and is constantly being hit by another girl in her class. I have talked to the teacher and the director many times about this, probably 7-8 times in the last two months. This girl hits some of the other kids as well. The director has told me that they will watch her more and they have talked to the other childs parents twice now. Is there anything else that I can do. My daughter told me yesterday that this girl held her down on the floor and would not let her up and hit her head. It seems like they are doing nothing. I don't even get incedent reports anymore! Please let me know if you have any suggestions, other than switching daycares. I feel like I should not be the one that has to switch.
youretooloud 09:30 AM 03-17-2011
OK... first, you have to be SURE that the child is actually hitting your child...not just taking swipes. The fact that your daughter said she held her down and nothing was done bothers me. I can't imagine why nobody thought that was a big problem.
Can you see the group from outside a window? If you are sitting in the class, the kids won't act the same. If you can, try to observe the group. Otherwise, ask the director to spend an hour or so observing. The teachers will hate this..... So, that's what they get for not stopping the bullying in the first place.
I have had parents say something to the aggressive child before. This year, I had a Mom say to a little girl "T is MY son... You may not bite my son". She said it gently, and respectfully. And, H never bit T again. Sometimes the other child needs to know that even if the teachers aren't going to stop it.. that won't allow your daughter to be hit. (even though you can't actually DO anything about it... it lets the other child know that you aren't happy about this..it also shows your daughter that you stand behind her, and it's not OK with you)
If you do say something to the child, be firm but very kind. Don't let your emotions get in the way.
If the teachers won't protect your child, then perhaps they aren't able to see the bullying... which means they can't handle the group they have. So, it may be best to look for other daycare if they can't seem to manage.
But, please, do keep in mind, that you are only getting one side of the story. You may be getting an embellished side of the story.
Can you see the group from outside a window? If you are sitting in the class, the kids won't act the same. If you can, try to observe the group. Otherwise, ask the director to spend an hour or so observing. The teachers will hate this..... So, that's what they get for not stopping the bullying in the first place.
I have had parents say something to the aggressive child before. This year, I had a Mom say to a little girl "T is MY son... You may not bite my son". She said it gently, and respectfully. And, H never bit T again. Sometimes the other child needs to know that even if the teachers aren't going to stop it.. that won't allow your daughter to be hit. (even though you can't actually DO anything about it... it lets the other child know that you aren't happy about this..it also shows your daughter that you stand behind her, and it's not OK with you)
If you do say something to the child, be firm but very kind. Don't let your emotions get in the way.
If the teachers won't protect your child, then perhaps they aren't able to see the bullying... which means they can't handle the group they have. So, it may be best to look for other daycare if they can't seem to manage.
But, please, do keep in mind, that you are only getting one side of the story. You may be getting an embellished side of the story.
Cat Herder 10:02 AM 03-17-2011
Do they have video cameras in the room?
If so ask to view them with the director.
Have you called and requested a "Formal" conference (that they would have to document and report) or are you just casually talking with them during pick-up and drop times?
If not Please, have them schedule a formal conference. You may see some scramble in action.
If so ask to view them with the director.
Have you called and requested a "Formal" conference (that they would have to document and report) or are you just casually talking with them during pick-up and drop times?
If not Please, have them schedule a formal conference. You may see some scramble in action.
daycare 10:30 AM 03-17-2011
I had this issue when my now 15yr old was in preschool center.
I had to start talking to the other parents since the PS director was not doing much about it. I was told that they would take care of it, but every day my son would come home with another story about the child that spit, hit, kick, and bully him and his friends.
After talking with several of the parents, we approached the director together and let me tell you, boy did that put a stop to it. the child was kicked out. I think that when one parent complains they dont really see it as a big problem and don't think much if one family threatens to pull their child or complains of issues. But when you have several families, it changes things a bit.
Not only do they have more children with the same story, the center faces losing several families income. Not to forget the reputation the place will get…
I had to start talking to the other parents since the PS director was not doing much about it. I was told that they would take care of it, but every day my son would come home with another story about the child that spit, hit, kick, and bully him and his friends.
After talking with several of the parents, we approached the director together and let me tell you, boy did that put a stop to it. the child was kicked out. I think that when one parent complains they dont really see it as a big problem and don't think much if one family threatens to pull their child or complains of issues. But when you have several families, it changes things a bit.
Not only do they have more children with the same story, the center faces losing several families income. Not to forget the reputation the place will get…
Unregistered 11:03 AM 03-17-2011
My child has been on both sides of the coin before. When he was getting bullied by 3 different kids in one class, the teacher wasn't properly supervising inside and outside the classroom, claiming that the teacher could not seperate the 4 of them all day long. My child at one point was getting bullied by 3 different children and got ganged up on one day and the teacher didn't stop it and couldn't tell me why. It got to the point where he was afraid to report the bullying to the teachers - I know all of this was happening, because I witnessed the bullying many times when I picked him up from daycare and it was never written up despite my continued complaints to the director and teachers. Daycare refused to even attempt to seperate the children during the day and refused to write up the other kids for what was going on. Also found out teacher was babysitting one of the bullies regularly, so there was a major conflict of interest. Interesting how 2 of those children left (or got termed) from that daycare by the end of the summer. 2 of the parents were also school teachers, so I really wonder what was going on there. We left because we "just couldn't take it anymore" - my child was miserable with those children and had terrible anxiety about going to school because of those kids. He hated the fact that the kids never got punished for what they did to him every day. And we're a million percent happier at the new daycare.
Now, on the other side, when my child was the bully, he only did so only with 1 child regularly and he would hit or scratch the child and we could never figure out why until I saw the 2 of them together last summer when we were out in public several times. This was going on at the same time and at same daycare as when my child was getting bullied. Teachers could have at least been honest with me from daycare! My child was written up regularly and threated with termination - the parent bad mouted my child constantly to daycare teachers and director and was catered to continuously by daycare and parent was a local school teacher (go figure). This went on for several years with long periods of no bullying and then streaks of bullying. After I finally found out what was going on, I'd had enough. The times we met in public, the other child was bugging and teasing and hitting and tickling and putting hands on my child's face and would not stop and his parents wouldn't stop him. My child didn't do a thing to the other child during these times. My child was dodging that kid to the point of tears out of anger and frustration. I had to step in and "parent" the other child. What I figure was going on at daycare was that the other child was literally pushing my child to his breaking point each and every time. That doesn't absolve him, but it sure explained a lot because small children are going to use the only tools they know how to, and controlling emotions are one of the last things they learn. Even one of the daycare teachers finally confirmed what I already knew after the fact. It sure would help parents if teachers were 100% honest with the parents based on what they see and don't see and don't reserve judgment until they know 100% for sure what's going on. In my child's case, they were only believing the other child's story and never witnessed any situation develop - I saw most of the bullying situations happen so I knew what was going on plus I witnessed what was actually going on when my child was accused of bullying. There's virtually no situation where bully or victim are 100% innocent.
Now, on the other side, when my child was the bully, he only did so only with 1 child regularly and he would hit or scratch the child and we could never figure out why until I saw the 2 of them together last summer when we were out in public several times. This was going on at the same time and at same daycare as when my child was getting bullied. Teachers could have at least been honest with me from daycare! My child was written up regularly and threated with termination - the parent bad mouted my child constantly to daycare teachers and director and was catered to continuously by daycare and parent was a local school teacher (go figure). This went on for several years with long periods of no bullying and then streaks of bullying. After I finally found out what was going on, I'd had enough. The times we met in public, the other child was bugging and teasing and hitting and tickling and putting hands on my child's face and would not stop and his parents wouldn't stop him. My child didn't do a thing to the other child during these times. My child was dodging that kid to the point of tears out of anger and frustration. I had to step in and "parent" the other child. What I figure was going on at daycare was that the other child was literally pushing my child to his breaking point each and every time. That doesn't absolve him, but it sure explained a lot because small children are going to use the only tools they know how to, and controlling emotions are one of the last things they learn. Even one of the daycare teachers finally confirmed what I already knew after the fact. It sure would help parents if teachers were 100% honest with the parents based on what they see and don't see and don't reserve judgment until they know 100% for sure what's going on. In my child's case, they were only believing the other child's story and never witnessed any situation develop - I saw most of the bullying situations happen so I knew what was going on plus I witnessed what was actually going on when my child was accused of bullying. There's virtually no situation where bully or victim are 100% innocent.
Candyland 10:09 PM 04-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
My daughter is three years old and is constantly being hit by another girl in her class. I have talked to the teacher and the director many times about this, probably 7-8 times in the last two months. This girl hits some of the other kids as well. The director has told me that they will watch her more and they have talked to the other childs parents twice now. Is there anything else that I can do. My daughter told me yesterday that this girl held her down on the floor and would not let her up and hit her head. It seems like they are doing nothing. I don't even get incedent reports anymore! Please let me know if you have any suggestions, other than switching daycares. I feel like I should not be the one that has to switch.
Can you update us on the situation?My daughter is three years old and is constantly being hit by another girl in her class. I have talked to the teacher and the director many times about this, probably 7-8 times in the last two months. This girl hits some of the other kids as well. The director has told me that they will watch her more and they have talked to the other childs parents twice now. Is there anything else that I can do. My daughter told me yesterday that this girl held her down on the floor and would not let her up and hit her head. It seems like they are doing nothing. I don't even get incedent reports anymore! Please let me know if you have any suggestions, other than switching daycares. I feel like I should not be the one that has to switch.