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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>OT Help With My DD
wahmof3 11:31 AM 04-01-2013
Just want some perspective on what I have been dealing with and if anyone has any advice, please advise 
My own DD is recently 10.
Gifted in at least reading, but I honestly think there are other areas that she is gifted in.
Anything presented to her she could do it. She is loving, fun, smart. She makes friends very easily. She is definitely extrovert and I am totally introvert. She is extremely outgoing.
She is big for her age. As a young 10 in her class she is taller than most. She has always been in the 95% for her age/height.
I am very blessed to have her she is amazing. She is not only smart and beautiful but athletic too.
So you ask what the problem is.... well she is extremely HIGH DRAMA and low self-esteem in regards to her friends. She is always saying nobody likes her and she wants to change schools. She is always feeling left out and teased. I am not sure what to do.
I don't know how to handle this. I always try to be supportive and I even had to sit a couple of girls down during a sleepover party bc of their treatment of my daughter. They said she was their servant and refused to play with and include her.
I always get an earful of who doesn't like her and anymore I just tell her to find something to do bc I don't want to hear it anymore. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. A couple of weeks ago we were dealing with headlice and I called her best friends mom to tell her about what I had found- now her best friend is telling everyone my DD had lice. Which I know they are 10, but really I know her best friend would be devastated if the situation was reversed.
Any ideas? Sometimes I wonder if her brain is working overtime (especially bc she is gifted) and that she has a hard time connecting with other kids.
Sometimes I think its normal for this age, but my oldest daughter didn't have this drama.
BTW-There is not a school guidance counselor bc of funding and the gifted program does not meet with students who are gifted reading because of funding.
TIA
My own DD is recently 10.
Gifted in at least reading, but I honestly think there are other areas that she is gifted in.
Anything presented to her she could do it. She is loving, fun, smart. She makes friends very easily. She is definitely extrovert and I am totally introvert. She is extremely outgoing.
She is big for her age. As a young 10 in her class she is taller than most. She has always been in the 95% for her age/height.
I am very blessed to have her she is amazing. She is not only smart and beautiful but athletic too.
So you ask what the problem is.... well she is extremely HIGH DRAMA and low self-esteem in regards to her friends. She is always saying nobody likes her and she wants to change schools. She is always feeling left out and teased. I am not sure what to do.
I don't know how to handle this. I always try to be supportive and I even had to sit a couple of girls down during a sleepover party bc of their treatment of my daughter. They said she was their servant and refused to play with and include her.
I always get an earful of who doesn't like her and anymore I just tell her to find something to do bc I don't want to hear it anymore. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. A couple of weeks ago we were dealing with headlice and I called her best friends mom to tell her about what I had found- now her best friend is telling everyone my DD had lice. Which I know they are 10, but really I know her best friend would be devastated if the situation was reversed.
Any ideas? Sometimes I wonder if her brain is working overtime (especially bc she is gifted) and that she has a hard time connecting with other kids.
Sometimes I think its normal for this age, but my oldest daughter didn't have this drama.
BTW-There is not a school guidance counselor bc of funding and the gifted program does not meet with students who are gifted reading because of funding.
TIA
Crazy In Mo 12:08 PM 04-01-2013
I have NO advice. I also have a VERY dramatic 13 year old..... It's been this way for about 4 years now! And doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon! I do tell her all the time that she just needs to find new friends. Sometimes I don't think I was cut out to be a Mom to a teen girl. Lol Ill take the BOYS!!!
Springdaze 12:24 PM 04-01-2013
My DD is going to be 10 next month. She would love a pen pal, maybe we could hook them up and it might help them both to have someone to talk to that isnt a schoolmate. They can see that others are going through the same things.
Willow 12:31 PM 04-01-2013
I'm not sure it has to do with her being gifted, I believe it's just the age.
My daughter just turned 10 and holy Martha's the politics involved in her day to day life.....
I emphasise that while it might be easy to get caught up in the drama none of it will matter in the grand scheme of life. These piddly things that get her so worked up will pass, there are much bigger fish to fry in the world and we talk about those things if she gets too consumed.
My mother thinks I should be letting her talk about everything, calling everyone's parents, having sit downs with her teachers and principal, while I think validating the ridiculousness only feeds it. I remember those years and wish someone would have expressed to me more strongly that those dynamics will never be stable, would have helped me settle down and enjoy the ride a bit more (or at least I'd like to think so lol).
In her circle (small circle, VERY small school), I've seen a ripple effect through at least the girls in her class. When they get all caught up in the he said she said I don't .like you anymore business my kid is the one saying "well that's dramatic, when you're done throwing your fit I'll be over there on the swings." Of course things still get to her at times but she also is learning that they usually snap back pretty quickly. The better she is at riding it out and not feeding into it all, the faster everyone cools their jets and gets back t normal.
My daughter just turned 10 and holy Martha's the politics involved in her day to day life.....
I emphasise that while it might be easy to get caught up in the drama none of it will matter in the grand scheme of life. These piddly things that get her so worked up will pass, there are much bigger fish to fry in the world and we talk about those things if she gets too consumed.
My mother thinks I should be letting her talk about everything, calling everyone's parents, having sit downs with her teachers and principal, while I think validating the ridiculousness only feeds it. I remember those years and wish someone would have expressed to me more strongly that those dynamics will never be stable, would have helped me settle down and enjoy the ride a bit more (or at least I'd like to think so lol).
In her circle (small circle, VERY small school), I've seen a ripple effect through at least the girls in her class. When they get all caught up in the he said she said I don't .like you anymore business my kid is the one saying "well that's dramatic, when you're done throwing your fit I'll be over there on the swings." Of course things still get to her at times but she also is learning that they usually snap back pretty quickly. The better she is at riding it out and not feeding into it all, the faster everyone cools their jets and gets back t normal.
KnoxMom 12:40 PM 04-01-2013
I'm young so this is more from my own experience than maternal experience. If the girls are referring to her as a servant, etc. it may be because she is behaving as a people-pleaser. I was on the other side of the fence (apparently one of the "mean girls") but not on purpose. I remember a girl who was just dying to be friends with us. I admit that at the time we let her "work her way" into the group but nobody really respected her because she was always asking if we liked her or if we were her best friends. It wasn't until she stood up for herself that we actually paid her any attention. One day she just got fed up and told us if that's how we were going to act then we didn't deserve her as a friend (and she wished horrible things on us, etc. it was DRAMATIC). Anyway, to make a long story short, about a week later she became the head of our little group and we are actually still friends to this day. (This was 4th grade and I was 9). The best thing I can advise is to help her build her self-esteem. She has to acknowledge and understand her own worth before anyone else will. I also would encourage getting her involved in sports or some other activity that will help her embrace her size and build her confidence.
MyAngels 12:55 PM 04-01-2013
As KnoxMom said, the best thing you can do is help her build her own self-esteem. She needs activities and interests outside of school so she can make friends other than her every day friends. I would take a look at club volleyball, softball, soccer - basically anything that's a team sport as the girls tend to be closer and more supportive of each other.
youretooloud 01:04 PM 04-01-2013
She could just be going through this early... it's very typical in 5th and 6th grade. I had two kids go through this... one WAY more dramatic than the other one.
The dramatic one is a super pleaser...she wanted everyone to be happy, solve all problems, and it got her walked on a lot at that age. When she learned to have a "Bite me" attitude is when it improved.
The "whatever. I really don't care" act is hard to learn at first, but it's pretty successful. My older daughter was born with that attitude, where my younger one tends to have more feelings.
My younger one also attracts the kids with problems. I'll think she's finally met a "normal" friend, and soon that friends starts to have major problems... a good friend will care and listen, but some people just drain the life out of you with their problems. The "Bummer, I hope that gets better" attitude is hard for some people, but easy for others.
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainmen...a-robbins.html
I haven't read this book...but, i've heard it's a good book for moms of pre-teens and teens. It came out when my kids were already past all of that.
The dramatic one is a super pleaser...she wanted everyone to be happy, solve all problems, and it got her walked on a lot at that age. When she learned to have a "Bite me" attitude is when it improved.
The "whatever. I really don't care" act is hard to learn at first, but it's pretty successful. My older daughter was born with that attitude, where my younger one tends to have more feelings.
My younger one also attracts the kids with problems. I'll think she's finally met a "normal" friend, and soon that friends starts to have major problems... a good friend will care and listen, but some people just drain the life out of you with their problems. The "Bummer, I hope that gets better" attitude is hard for some people, but easy for others.
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainmen...a-robbins.html
I haven't read this book...but, i've heard it's a good book for moms of pre-teens and teens. It came out when my kids were already past all of that.
wahmof3 06:16 AM 04-02-2013
I appreciate the responses! 
It's relieving to know that she is "normal".
I have been trying to boost her self esteem and repeatedly tell her if this is the way your friends are treating you, you don't want them as friends anyways. She doesn't listen. I have also been redirecting her and sorta ignoring the conversation. I was thinking she is feeding off of my response and it's an attention getter. I just don't want to make light of something that could be serious, KWIM?
She is very involved in sports, dance, and church activities. My philosophy is keep the kids involved in extracurriculars and it will keep them out of trouble.
We are also in a very small school system, I bet there are 100 kids in her grade.
I was throwing the gifted thought out there only because I just read an article about gifted kids not able to connect with their peers and sending the gifted kids to schools that can better relate to them. I don't have that option in my area because small schools in my area.
I am just exhausted by the end of the day and I need to figure something out before I lose my mind
It's relieving to know that she is "normal".
I have been trying to boost her self esteem and repeatedly tell her if this is the way your friends are treating you, you don't want them as friends anyways. She doesn't listen. I have also been redirecting her and sorta ignoring the conversation. I was thinking she is feeding off of my response and it's an attention getter. I just don't want to make light of something that could be serious, KWIM?
She is very involved in sports, dance, and church activities. My philosophy is keep the kids involved in extracurriculars and it will keep them out of trouble.
We are also in a very small school system, I bet there are 100 kids in her grade.
I was throwing the gifted thought out there only because I just read an article about gifted kids not able to connect with their peers and sending the gifted kids to schools that can better relate to them. I don't have that option in my area because small schools in my area.
I am just exhausted by the end of the day and I need to figure something out before I lose my mind