I have to have dinner ready by 5:30 so DH can eat before he leaves for his second job at 6. This means that the dcks (who usually leave between 4:45 and 5:30) see/smell dinner cooking and hear me discussing it with DH and DD. They usually end up assuming that they are eating it too (despite me trying to explain that they aren't) and have been known to throw fits about it when they get picked up. I like to eat as a family so usually dinner is ready for us to eat the second the last dck walks out the door.

One DCB occasionally doesn't leave until after 5:30--in which case I just have DH eat or DH and the kids, while I stay downstairs with dcb. However, he usually ends up begging to eat dinner too, playing the "I'm so very hungry" card. It makes me feel mean, but...I know he's going to have dinner at home with his parents and I don't really WANT to feed him again. What complicates the issue is that sometimes he does stay for dinner with us when both parents work late (retail jobs), so it's hard for him to understand when he's late but not late enough to eat dinner, if that makes any sense. He's doing it today, and I know he legitimately IS hungry...because he decided not to eat the perfectly good snack I made. I feel mean...but I'm sticking to me "no I'm not feeding you" guns because it was his choice not to eat snack.

Anyway, both things--dcks nagging early and this dcb nagging late, as well as the temper tantrums--make me feel rude although the truth is I have no interest in feeding them all three meals of the day and I HAVE to make dinner this early. I don't think I should feel so uncomfortable in my own house like this.

1. Am I wrong for cooking dinner when they can see/hear/smell it?

2. Am I wrong for not wanting to share with them (except in certain circumstances)?

3. Am I being petty and ridiculous for feeling irked and annoyed about this even being an issue?

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I cook dinner while the kids are here. My last child leaves at 5:15, which is generally when we sit and eat. I have one parent whose job may cause her to be late on occasion. We have worked it out to where I would feed her daughter if she is here past 5:15 pm and I would charge an additional "dinner" charge of $5 (which also covers the time beyond my normal hours).

If I were in your shoes, I would talk to the parents of the dck who is there past 5:30 and see what's fair. I would tell them the circumstances with your dh having to leave for his job by 6:00 pm so they know there is a need to serve dinner by 5:30 pm. If they feel like it would be nice for their child to eat dinner with you, then charge them a fee for the dinner. If they don't want the dck to eat dinner with your family, then you don't have to feel guilty because it was the parents' choice.

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No.....you have every right to want some privacy with your own family. Day care kids and parents can smell dinner cooking at my house too. I know you may feel bad that the dkb didn't eat snack and now he's hungry, but just remind him that he should have eaten his snack. This is a way for him to learn that sometimes he may eat with you, but sometimes he doesn't.
You may have to explain it to him a lot, but he will eventually understand.
It's no different than teaching children that the gifts at someone else's birthday party are not for them....they learn that they only get gifts at their own birthday party.

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I do everything exactly as you do except that I never have kids here late enough to actually eat with us. On the occasional time that a child is still here but we are ready to sit down and eat, we all sit down and eat. The daycare child gets something none messy and plain, like crackers, to keep them busy while they wait for mom.

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I'm pretty relaxed about this. If someone is at my house at dinner time, they get a plate-I was this way long before I started day care. At one time, the neighborhood kids hung out at my house after school. We didn't even have any kids at home then, but for years, we fed at least a couple of kids every night.

But, what I wanted to say was that your feelings are your own, and they aren't ridiculous, petty, or wrong. You do what works for you and let go of the guilt. What I would do is what suits me, and it can't compare to what works for you and your family.

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THANK YOU!!!!

I was half-expecting to be blasted for saying outright that I don't WANT to feed them again :P and it's wonderful to hear that it's okay to be feeling this way. (Despite having read, and responded to! several reassuring posts on this very topic over the years, I always assume things don't apply to me--personal shortcoming, there, and some negative experiences on prior message boards).

And yes, I'm rather glad that dcb got to have another shot at the lesson to eat when he's fed, or to accept the consequences if you choose not to. Just his egotistical (sounding, I know he's only four), "Well, I'm hungry too you know," when I was discussing DH's dinner with DH got under my skin after a long and trying couple of days.

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You're well within your right to not serve your DCK supper.

I have a DCG who stays until anywhere from 5pm to 6pm. I start cooking at 5pm, supper's served shortly after hubby comes home at 5:45. I hear lots of "me sooo hungry, me belly hurts", but same deal as your DCB, she never eats her late afternoon snack that I serve her. I simply tell her, "I warned you when you didn't eat your snack that you'd be hungry. Would you like your snack again?" I am going to start asking this family to pack her a supper if they expect they will be late picking her up. If they do this, on days that they don't expect to be late but are, I will serve another small snack, like an apple or something along those lines. Poor kid is already here for breakfast, they send that with her (she's here from 6:45am to nearly 6pm every day, what a shame that she'd be here long enough for every single meal of the day) :-(

BUT, you say that you serve him supper SOMETIMES. This is sending mixed messages. I would pick one way or another and be consistent with it. Like, from now on, even if his parents are late, if they haven't packed him something for supper just serve crackers or an apple, not a full meal. Just don't give any suppers anymore if there are times when you don't want to. All or nothing. Otherwise it confuses him and it sets a standard with the parents.

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Well, sometimes he is here until 7 or 7:30. That's part of our contract; both parents work odd hours. Those days are rare, though.

I know it's mixed signals but it really can't be helped. This having to have dinner ready by 5:30 is new too, because of DH's new second job.

It's just complicated all around and I have to work something out. Saving his uneaten snack to be given again around dinner if he's that hungry (but not staying) is a good idea, though; I'll try that.

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I agree with this.

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#1 no
#2 no
#3 on the fence

Your talking about a kid who has no control over when he is picked up.

If dinner is ready early, whoever is here is set up to the table with a few bites. The get more if they eat it.

My kids' one daycare provider would always give the kids a whole carrot when she set her family down for dinner. She never gave the kids part of her family's dinner, but would give them a carrot, something to munch on.

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I hope on those nights that he does stay late you do charge him.

I had the same issue happen with me, kids started staying into my dinner time, so I started feeding the kids. Well, the parents started noticing this and started picking their kids up later. Its not that i have a choice when I can feed my kids, my kids have activities that they need to go to, most of the kids go home and go to bed.

your not being mean, trust me, daycare should not consume your life. I also found that dh wasn't too keen on eating with extra kids, eating with 4 is already a zoo.

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No, they don't get charged extra; it's part of our contract. They pay me for full time (5 days a week) and rarely use all 5 days--he's often here only 3-4, and sometimes as few as 2 but I still get paid. In exchange, he rarely needs to arrive around 6:30 and rarely needs to stay late (and never on the same day )--late days he doesn't arrive until midmorning. It's less than 2-3 days per month and I STILL come up with more days paid than days worked for him.

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I honestly get tired of giving food to people. I've already fed the kids two meals and two snacks, I don't want to give them more food.

Plus, if the parents show up, then the kid wants to keep eating, and everybody is in your house longer than they need to be. It's awkward for the parent. Then the child asks for more of something. You need to say no, but you feel awkward because the parent is standing there.

It's just not what I want to be doing either. I fully understand that the kids are really hungry. It's dinner time, and they are starving. Now, they smell this food and it makes them hungrier. I feel bad, yet I wouldn't want to give them something to eat either.

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I don't think there is anything wrong with not feeding him since he's going home to eat.

Can you try warning him earlier in the day that today is a day he stays or today is a day he doesn't? Just so he knows what's coming well before it happens each day. Even reminding him at snack that he has to wait for Mom and Dad for dinner might help.

I cook dinner when the kids are here and we eat when they leave although during the school year my kids often eat before the DCK's leave because of activities. Depending on the time of day and the child I occasionally feed them. But I also have teens and a revolving door of friends here. It's nothing for me to have 4 extra for dinner or 6 land wanting lunch. There is always extra...always. lol

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1. Am I wrong for cooking dinner when they can see/hear/smell it?

Absolutely NOT wrong. It is your home and often times things happen or occur that have NOTHING to do with daycare kids.

2. Am I wrong for not wanting to share with them (except in certain circumstances)?

Nope. I wouldn't share either. He already has had several meals at your home as it si and having to provide supper is not part of the services you offer so no, I don't think you are wrong for not wanting to share and I don't think you are wrong for not sharing.

3. Am I being petty and ridiculous for feeling irked and annoyed about this even being an issue?

Nope. Again, supper is NOT a part of the services you offer so no, you shouldn't feel petty and/or rediculous about it at all.


One suggestion I do have though is I am assuming that you are aware ahead of time which days the child is staying later if mom gives you a schedule, right? If so, why not ask mom to send a small snack to tide the child over until HIS dinner time at HIS home.

I am sure if you explain to her that you cannot afford to fee him so many meals/snacks per day without having to raise your rates so since her child throws a fit about your dinner, she will need to send a small snack for him. Some fresh veggies or a few crackers maybe.

That way, he will have something if he is absolutely "starving" like he says and he will have something in his belly to help him make it until his dinner time at home.

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For much of my home daycare life, I was firm about no pick ups after 4 p.m. (last years I had only teachers' children because I liked the schedule). Even prior to that, my latest pick up was aroung 5 p.m. except for one "exception" I made. This "exception" taught me to never do childcare as a favor again.

A woman at my church was pregnant and going through a divorce and lost her mil for daycare. She had little money and I felt bad so I offered a 2 for 1 deal for 3 days a week. She agreed to pay for the second child "when she could". Of course, that was "never". This was only until the baby was born...at the time, I did not do infants, thankfully! That put a time limit on the favor. She rarely picked up before 6:15 on those 3 days. Once a week her parents picked up the kids and they didn't come til after 6 p.m. either...and I KNOW they could have picked up earlier. There was no way my family could wait that long to eat dinner. So, I would make dinner and serve it to my family while these 2 kids were still at my house. I was only making $25 a day to watch both kids for like 11 or 12 hours a day so I felt no need to give them dinner, too. I would give them a snack from the food their mom supplied (I didn't supply food at that time) and keep telling them "mommy will get you dinner as soon as she picks up". I never felt bad about it. I felt I was already giving enough and I wanted them ready to go out that door as soon as mom showed up.

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I cook dinner sometimes but my dck's are supposed to be gone by dinner time. I have occasionally had parents pick up late and the dck has still been here, so I just hang with the dck while everyone else eats. When they ask for some I explain that this is dinner for my family, and they will have dinner with their family when they go home. They all understand. They have played the hunger card, but I always do a pm snack so I know they are really fine. I jusst reply that their mom or dad will be here soon and they can eat dinner with them.

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Children need to learn that they can't eat every time they see someone else eating. I think adults need to start better preparing children for the real world instead of worrying about what's fair and what isn't.

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