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Old 03-10-2020, 07:51 AM
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Sunshine69 Sunshine69 is offline
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Default Shyness or Dependence

Dcb is over 3.5 years. He seems shy, as in wonít ask questions or for permission to do anything, on his own.

I try to teach manners to all kids, have them say please and thank you and ask to be excused when they are finished eating, rather than just yelling ďIím done!Ē and handing me their dirty dishes. I also ask that, those who can, ask to use the potty rather than just exiting the room. Thatís so I know what kid is where and that another dck doesnít get walked in on.

The potty training method one parent chose with this child was to put him on the potty every 30 minutes. I donít use this method as I donít find it very effective. It has been 1.5 years in the potty-training process and the child still has frequent accidents. Most of the time I remind him to use the potty. Seldom he goes on his own. Last week, I sent him to the potty only to find later that he had removed his wet pull-up, left it on the bathroom floor and returned to play with nothing but his pants on. The child never said a word to me about needing a new pull-up. Usually when he removes his pants, he puts them on backwards or inside out, but not that time. Luckily we got another pull-up on him before he had an accident.

I am concerned for the child because he doesnít seem to speak up for his needs. Sometimes, he can speak very well, can recognize and say all the letters of the alphabet, knows the names of dinosaurs, planets and sea creatures. But that is usually when his dad brings him in and asks him to show off those skills.

The only time heíll speak up when not being told to is when he is playing. He will begin taking out other toys and not pick up the ones he left even after being asked. He will argue with me and my assistant about putting the old ones away first, which usually earns him a time out.

He cannot put on Velcro shoes or his jacket without assistance most of the time. There have been some occasions that he does and I think heís finally got it, but the next time he returns, he seems to have completely forgotten how.

I canít help thinking itís because his parents do so much for him, he isnít developing these skills himself.

Dc kids younger than him are able to do all the things he struggles with.

Does anyone else deal with this? Any advice? Iím afraid this child will sit in pre-k this fall and not have a voice of his own.
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:15 AM
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Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
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Originally Posted by Sunshine69 View Post
Dcb is over 3.5 years. He seems shy, as in wonít ask questions or for permission to do anything, on his own.

I try to teach manners to all kids, have them say please and thank you and ask to be excused when they are finished eating, rather than just yelling ďIím done!Ē and handing me their dirty dishes. I also ask that, those who can, ask to use the potty rather than just exiting the room. Thatís so I know what kid is where and that another dck doesnít get walked in on.

The potty training method one parent chose with this child was to put him on the potty every 30 minutes. I donít use this method as I donít find it very effective. It has been 1.5 years in the potty-training process and the child still has frequent accidents. Most of the time I remind him to use the potty. Seldom he goes on his own. Last week, I sent him to the potty only to find later that he had removed his wet pull-up, left it on the bathroom floor and returned to play with nothing but his pants on. The child never said a word to me about needing a new pull-up. Usually when he removes his pants, he puts them on backwards or inside out, but not that time. Luckily we got another pull-up on him before he had an accident.

I am concerned for the child because he doesnít seem to speak up for his needs. Sometimes, he can speak very well, can recognize and say all the letters of the alphabet, knows the names of dinosaurs, planets and sea creatures. But that is usually when his dad brings him in and asks him to show off those skills.

The only time heíll speak up when not being told to is when he is playing. He will begin taking out other toys and not pick up the ones he left even after being asked. He will argue with me and my assistant about putting the old ones away first, which usually earns him a time out.

He cannot put on Velcro shoes or his jacket without assistance most of the time. There have been some occasions that he does and I think heís finally got it, but the next time he returns, he seems to have completely forgotten how.

I canít help thinking itís because his parents do so much for him, he isnít developing these skills himself.

Dc kids younger than him are able to do all the things he struggles with.

Does anyone else deal with this? Any advice? Iím afraid this child will sit in pre-k this fall and not have a voice of his own.
How do his parents seem? I have come across this before when I had a child from a family who believed that children "are better seen vs heard." Is it possible he is in an environment like that and just does not feel comfortable speaking up?
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Old 03-10-2020, 08:25 AM
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Sunshine69 Sunshine69 is offline
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How do his parents seem? I have come across this before when I had a child from a family who believed that children "are better seen vs heard." Is it possible he is in an environment like that and just does not feel comfortable speaking up?
From what I gather, the child seems to run the show when he is with his parents. He has no set bedtime or sleep schedule with his mom. I have personally watched the mom ask him to do something and he completely ignores her.

He is a little better with his dad but not much. His dad has trouble getting him to go to bed before 10pm and struggles to get him out of bed before 8am. The child pretty much tells the parents what he wants to eat for meals and they accommodate. The child rarely sits still in dadís presence but can in daycare. The dad asks me for advice often but doesnít usually take any of it. LOL

Iím also wondering if the child could be intimidated by the rules of daycare. All the other dc kids seem to roll with it or at least show progress.
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Old 03-10-2020, 02:21 PM
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I have a very similar child. Mine is 4.5
Its frustrating on many levels because I hear this child speaking when he chooses to but not necessarily when I need him to do so.

I have not figured out a solution of any kind so I am of no help but just wanted you to know you are not alone
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Old 03-10-2020, 04:20 PM
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Sunshine69 Sunshine69 is offline
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I have a very similar child. Mine is 4.5
Its frustrating on many levels because I hear this child speaking when he chooses to but not necessarily when I need him to do so.

I have not figured out a solution of any kind so I am of no help but just wanted you to know you are not alone
Thank you. It does help to know Iím not alone.

It is so frustrating. Heís not a horribly behaved child. He is just not moving toward any independence.

I guess his parents will have to address it when he starts pre-K if they donít want to address it now.
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