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CraftyMom 07:03 AM 02-18-2014
Any tips on 2 year olds saying NO to everything? It's completely normal 2 yo behavior, just wondering if anyone has anything specific they do to teach when it's ok to say no?

All my dck's had past the no stage until a new boy started. He is very much still in this stage and now 2 of my other dck's have picked up on it and have gone back to saying NO NO NO ugh. Frustrating
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Heidi 11:38 AM 02-18-2014
I often say "no is not an option...but, you can choose this or that", for the most part. Or, "this time, it's not a choice. It's time to clean up NOW". Or, I might say "Well, you don't want to clean up, but it's time. We will do xx when you are done". Basically, holding a carrot out. If they try to go play with something else, I send them back. Occasionally, I also have my 2 yo dcb sit on the step until he's ready to comply. Not a time out so much as a time-to-decide.

I try not to do the same exact thing each time, because being TOO predictable sometimes makes them more stubborn.
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thetoddlerwhisper 11:55 AM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Any tips on 2 year olds saying NO to everything? It's completely normal 2 yo behavior, just wondering if anyone has anything specific they do to teach when it's ok to say no?

All my dck's had past the no stage until a new boy started. He is very much still in this stage and now 2 of my other dck's have picked up on it and have gone back to saying NO NO NO ugh. Frustrating

No isn't ok to say to an adult when they ask us to do something. My 2s understand that and usually if they say it i can look at them and they comply. ---Dont ask i havent figured it out!--- The preschool teacher and I joke about it all the time because even her 3s and 4s wont stop like mine do

But sometimes it is ok to say no(i.e a friend hurts us, someone touches us, we have a special toy from home) And i do like to have them tell their friends "No dont hit me it hurts", "no you cant touch me", it kinda comes with the use your words not your hands talks. . we use a couple books that use the word that the kids love Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus; Any of the David books; and id have to check the shelf lol.


Hope i made some sort of sense
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providerandmomof4 12:06 PM 02-18-2014
My two year olds all say no and that is fine as long as their actions say okay. I have one dcb in particular that will say no to everything. All the while complying with instructions. I just talk to the group...Johnny said no but he is following instructions like I asked. Thank you Johnny.
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Cat Herder 12:14 PM 02-18-2014
Active Ignore Technique, then Redirection...
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daycare 12:17 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Active Ignore Technique, then Redirection...
this.....I either ignore and redirect or say, nice words and then redirect
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CraftyMom 12:30 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Active Ignore Technique, then Redirection...
Thanks everyone, I generally ignore but it's so hard sometimes lol

I also remind not to say no when an adult in charge asks you to do something, but is that confusing? such as "Ms Laura is in charge when you are here, please don't say no when I ask you to do something"
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Heidi 12:37 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Thanks everyone, I generally ignore but it's so hard sometimes lol

I also remind not to say no when an adult in charge asks you to do something, but is that confusing? such as "Ms Laura is in charge when you are here, please don't say no when I ask you to do something"

NO! lol...that's not confusing. Although, the PLEASE is. Maybe it's just me, but to me "please" implies a choice. As in..."please pass the salt". If I want compliance, I try to actively NOT say please, although I do slip. I never say it a second time, though. So, if it's "please sit down on that chair", the second time it's "Sit down", usually headed in their direction already.
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Heidi 12:39 PM 02-18-2014
another technique I use is humor. Only works with some kids, though. Others just get pissed. So, for NO! I might start singing "Yes, we have NO bananas" every single time.
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CraftyMom 12:40 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by Heidi:
NO! lol...that's not confusing. Although, the PLEASE is. Maybe it's just me, but to me "please" implies a choice. As in..."please pass the salt". If I want compliance, I try to actively NOT say please, although I do slip. I never say it a second time, though. So, if it's "please sit down on that chair", the second time it's "Sit down", usually headed in their direction already.
True, maybe I'll try "No is not the answer when I ask you to do something"
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daycare 01:10 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
True, maybe I'll try "No is not the answer when I ask you to do something"
at this age I feel the less we say the better....some kids can understand a lot of words at this age, most don't.
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Starburst 01:32 PM 02-18-2014
They are probably just used to hearing it all the time. I knew a 2 year old boy who whenever you would ask (or even tell) him to do something he didn't want to do, he would say "No thank you". Like when he is starting to get in trouble "Do you want a time out?", "No thank you!"( at least he's polite about it).

When do they say "no":
Is it when someone does something they don't like?-
In this case, it may be appropriate because they are telling you what their personal boundaries are but might want them to expand and say "No, I don't like that" or "Stop, I don't like this". Maybe even try to get him to say "No, thank you" if he doesn't want something.
Is it to other children or adults or both?- again, maybe try to expand their vocabulary to help them communicate better and model what they can say instead.
Are they asked a lot of yes and no questions? Maybe try giving options or more open ended questions ("Do you want the blue crayon or the red crayon?" or "what color crayon do you need?")
Are they aggressive when they say no?- if he says it calmly it might be a bit of a game to him; if he says it angrily it may be a jerk reaction (parents might tell him no a lot when he does something he shouldn't). Either way it could be about expressing control ('No' is a very powerful word to them).

Also, I would probably bring it up to the family "I notice Bobby says 'no' a lot..." because chances are he is used to hearing it from them and it's become a habit (habits are contagious).
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Starburst 01:45 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by thetoddlerwhisper:
No isn't ok to say to an adult when they ask us to do something.
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
True, maybe I'll try "No is not the answer when I ask you to do something"
To play devil's advocate, while it is a powerful statement and shows you are in charge; I can see an issue with the child running to their parents saying "teacher said that I shouldn't say 'no' to her" or "Teacher said I shouldn't say no when she asks me to do something" and it can totally be taken the wrong way. This whole issue is a double edge sword and there is no one size fits all answer.

'No' is an important word; I disagree with the "never say no to your child" bandwagon, I would never want to raise a (future) daughter who doesn't know when it's okay to say "no" or a (future) son who doesn't know that "no means no" (if you know what I mean); but especially at this young of age when they are susceptible to predators. Not many 2 year olds understand concepts like "stranger danger" or 'gray areas'. Though I agree, it shouldn't be an automatic response to all the little things they do that you don't like and it shouldn't be used so much that it becomes their automatic response.
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CraftyMom 02:22 PM 02-18-2014
With one boy in particular it's an automatic response "Do you have to go potty?" NO, but then goes potty.

But also in defiance as well "It's time to clean up now, can you help put the toys away?" NO I NOT LISTEN while staring me down

The hard part is dcp's think he learned it here when its 1) normal 2 yo behavior and 2) the others are copying him

Thanks for all of the suggestions, I'll see which technique works best for him.
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daycare 02:27 PM 02-18-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
With one boy in particular it's an automatic response "Do you have to go potty?" NO, but then goes potty.

But also in defiance as well "It's time to clean up now, can you help put the toys away?" NO I NOT LISTEN while staring me down

The hard part is dcp's think he learned it here when its 1) normal 2 yo behavior and 2) the others are copying him

Thanks for all of the suggestions, I'll see which technique works best for him.
instead of asking him do you need to go potty or can you help put the toys away...

say johnny it's time to use the potty, if he says no ,you say going potty is not a choice, it's time to use the potty

same with clean up....it's time to clean up and just start singing the clean up song.
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Tags:oppositional, redirection, toddlers
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