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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Every Morning Screaming
daycare 08:36 AM 01-22-2013
ok so this is a new one for me.......
I have a kid that has been coming to me for about 1.5 years. The child is about to turn 3.
Well since about October, this child arrives almost every day screaming at the top of their lungs. They will continue for what feels like forever.
Monday- daddy would not follow the garbage truck
Tuesday- DCK wanted to go to the slides at the park on the way here
Wednesday- DCK wanted to go see the fire trucks
what I have tired:
act as if nothing is wrong with DCK and have them move along with the group. Does not work, screaming continues
tried talking them down and seeing if I can get them to stop.
one thing that does work, but I am not ok with, is that this kid likes to watch TV. I don't do TV at my house. But I found out that if I turn it on, the screaming stops.
Then there are some days that the child arrives as happy as can be???
I want to run for the hills every morning when I hear this child screaming from my driveway....................I am sure my neighbors are not happy about it either.
What can we do, parents and I to stop this?
I have a kid that has been coming to me for about 1.5 years. The child is about to turn 3.
Well since about October, this child arrives almost every day screaming at the top of their lungs. They will continue for what feels like forever.
Monday- daddy would not follow the garbage truck
Tuesday- DCK wanted to go to the slides at the park on the way here
Wednesday- DCK wanted to go see the fire trucks
what I have tired:
act as if nothing is wrong with DCK and have them move along with the group. Does not work, screaming continues
tried talking them down and seeing if I can get them to stop.
one thing that does work, but I am not ok with, is that this kid likes to watch TV. I don't do TV at my house. But I found out that if I turn it on, the screaming stops.
Then there are some days that the child arrives as happy as can be???
I want to run for the hills every morning when I hear this child screaming from my driveway....................I am sure my neighbors are not happy about it either.
What can we do, parents and I to stop this?
Play Care 09:54 AM 01-22-2013
I have his twin at my dc, I swear.
I have a "crying/screaming" spot and that's where he goes every single time. So if he comes in screaming (thankfully that hasn't happened for a while) I assist him with shoe/coat removal, remind him that we use our inside voices at my house and send him to the spot. I remind him that when he's ready to be fun and cheerful he can join us.
I use a chair in my main living area so I can keep an eye on him and the others. If he gets down before he's ready it's a "ugh oh, looks like your not ready to come down," and get him back in the chair(lather, rinse, repeat). By that point I will probably point to friends who are behaving nicely, playing etc. and say in a kind/cheerful tone "wipe those tears and then you can play with Susie!" If they get down and are just a little teary but have mainly pulled themselves together I will ignore the tears and praise them for pulling themselves together and ask them to join us doing whatever.
I will say with consistancy I am noticing some improvement - but my guy also has a bit of a speech delay so there is a frustration factor that I am dealing with as well. Lots of encouragement to "use your words" making sure I am supplying the word if I know what it is he wants, and lots of praise for words helps.
I have a "crying/screaming" spot and that's where he goes every single time. So if he comes in screaming (thankfully that hasn't happened for a while) I assist him with shoe/coat removal, remind him that we use our inside voices at my house and send him to the spot. I remind him that when he's ready to be fun and cheerful he can join us.
I use a chair in my main living area so I can keep an eye on him and the others. If he gets down before he's ready it's a "ugh oh, looks like your not ready to come down," and get him back in the chair(lather, rinse, repeat). By that point I will probably point to friends who are behaving nicely, playing etc. and say in a kind/cheerful tone "wipe those tears and then you can play with Susie!" If they get down and are just a little teary but have mainly pulled themselves together I will ignore the tears and praise them for pulling themselves together and ask them to join us doing whatever.
I will say with consistancy I am noticing some improvement - but my guy also has a bit of a speech delay so there is a frustration factor that I am dealing with as well. Lots of encouragement to "use your words" making sure I am supplying the word if I know what it is he wants, and lots of praise for words helps.
NeedaVaca 09:57 AM 01-22-2013
If the child is already crying on the way to your house over various issues then I think it should fall on the parent as their responsibility. Tell them it's not fair to your neighbors to hear the excessive screaming on a regular basis and once they get the child settled down they may exit the car to come to your house. Until the crying stops they should stay in the car...
Play Care 10:00 AM 01-22-2013
Oh and as for the neighbors - I periodically send a nice reminder in my newsletter along the lines of "I like my neighbors and can't afford to move, so please be courteous and respectful of my neighborhood."
During the interview I go into great detail about my expectations for their treatment of my home/neighborhood so this just is a quick reminder.
During the interview I go into great detail about my expectations for their treatment of my home/neighborhood so this just is a quick reminder.
daycare 10:42 AM 01-22-2013
I agree that it's the parents issue they are putting on me.
It's always so hard for me to address these issues when it's one of my best daycare families. I'm not sure how to word things so that they stay away from saying done make your problem my problem.
I almost called Dcp to come pick up today. Child screamed through entire breakfast, ate nothing and screamed through most of morning circle time.
Finally stopped when I have the choice to sit in time out or stop screaming.
Guess I need to find the right words to put together to let the parents know I can't keep doing this. And most of all DCK cant
It's always so hard for me to address these issues when it's one of my best daycare families. I'm not sure how to word things so that they stay away from saying done make your problem my problem.
I almost called Dcp to come pick up today. Child screamed through entire breakfast, ate nothing and screamed through most of morning circle time.
Finally stopped when I have the choice to sit in time out or stop screaming.
Guess I need to find the right words to put together to let the parents know I can't keep doing this. And most of all DCK cant
lovemykidstoo 11:09 AM 01-22-2013
I have had this problelm and I take the child right from the door to their bed. They can get up when they're ready to calm down. No fuss about it. Don't even say anything other than, when you're ready to settle down, you can come out.
daycare 11:19 AM 01-22-2013
I have done this and it does not work.
I let them lay on their mat or let them sit right by the door.
Nothing works.
I let them lay on their mat or let them sit right by the door.
Nothing works.
laundrymom 12:20 PM 01-22-2013
At three I would stoop down to their level, lean in close and say. Stop yelling at me. If it works - great. If not, I march them to the crying spot. Mine is a chair. I take off their coat. Shoes, etc. and go on with my day.
It usually includes something fun.
When they calm down I let them join group. Of course, we are ALWAYS finished with the activity by then.
If its early morning, I get their cot out and say, wow, you sound sleepy. Night.
And let them fall asleep. Only for a minute. Then we rinse and repeat.
It usually includes something fun.
When they calm down I let them join group. Of course, we are ALWAYS finished with the activity by then.
If its early morning, I get their cot out and say, wow, you sound sleepy. Night.
And let them fall asleep. Only for a minute. Then we rinse and repeat.
Play Care 12:48 PM 01-22-2013
I think in your case the time has come to put this on the parents. "Mom and Dad, I have done x, y, and z to deal with this behavior. I love caring for
Bobbie, but this is unacceptable. We need to come up with a solution or I will not be able to continue providing care." For some parents this is the wake up call they need that their precious snowflake's behavior isn't cute, funny, or any indication that they are going to be a lawyer when they get older (seriously your child is talking back to you NOT showing off their negotiation skills...
but I digress)
Good Luck!
Bobbie, but this is unacceptable. We need to come up with a solution or I will not be able to continue providing care." For some parents this is the wake up call they need that their precious snowflake's behavior isn't cute, funny, or any indication that they are going to be a lawyer when they get older (seriously your child is talking back to you NOT showing off their negotiation skills...
but I digress)Good Luck!
Bkind 01:13 PM 01-22-2013
we just went thru this with 5yr & or him was transitioning we ended up telling the parents between going to pe school & here it might b to much pull him from preschool wks
and after telling the parents they need to consider counselling and b done with preschool for us to con't care here
for us to be able to say we did the best we could and if doesn't work being consistent drop off & pickup we both will have to go our separate ways b/c at that point it is not
in the best interest of the rest of the children here b/c it takes time away from them they need as well.
also this child would also make himself physically ill and vomit we r now about 8 wks later
screaming SUCKS
and after telling the parents they need to consider counselling and b done with preschool for us to con't care here
for us to be able to say we did the best we could and if doesn't work being consistent drop off & pickup we both will have to go our separate ways b/c at that point it is not
in the best interest of the rest of the children here b/c it takes time away from them they need as well.
also this child would also make himself physically ill and vomit we r now about 8 wks later
screaming SUCKS
Heidi 03:38 PM 01-22-2013
So...he doesn't tantrum for you, typically? Like, if you tell him no, he's ok with it? If you said "hey, there's a dinosaur! Would he stop on a dime? If so, he's not out of control, he's IN control. Big difference.
If that's the case, then I would tell mom and dad to start leaving the house a few minutes earlier or plan on being late a few times. Tell him ahead of time that if he starts screaming in the car, the car sill stop. Then, if he does, they pull over, tell him the car will start again when he's done, and get out. Sit on the hood, drink their coffee, eat their bagel, and try to look as nonchalant as possible. When he stops, climb in the car, and say "oh, good, you're done...now we can go again!"
Of course, your in CA. If they take residential streets that might work. If they take the expressway, it'd be tougher.
If that's not an option, then I'd do the crying spot. Preferably in another room. No attention for it. Just "That hurts our ears. You can come join us when you're done".
If that's the case, then I would tell mom and dad to start leaving the house a few minutes earlier or plan on being late a few times. Tell him ahead of time that if he starts screaming in the car, the car sill stop. Then, if he does, they pull over, tell him the car will start again when he's done, and get out. Sit on the hood, drink their coffee, eat their bagel, and try to look as nonchalant as possible. When he stops, climb in the car, and say "oh, good, you're done...now we can go again!"
Of course, your in CA. If they take residential streets that might work. If they take the expressway, it'd be tougher.
If that's not an option, then I'd do the crying spot. Preferably in another room. No attention for it. Just "That hurts our ears. You can come join us when you're done".
daycare 03:43 PM 01-22-2013
Originally Posted by Heidi:
So...he doesn't tantrum for you, typically? Like, if you tell him no, he's ok with it? If you said "hey, there's a dinosaur! Would he stop on a dime? If so, he's not out of control, he's IN control. Big difference.
If that's the case, then I would tell mom and dad to start leaving the house a few minutes earlier or plan on being late a few times. Tell him ahead of time that if he starts screaming in the car, the car sill stop. Then, if he does, they pull over, tell him the car will start again when he's done, and get out. Sit on the hood, drink their coffee, eat their bagel, and try to look as nonchalant as possible. When he stops, climb in the car, and say "oh, good, you're done...now we can go again!"
Of course, your in CA. If they take residential streets that might work. If they take the expressway, it'd be tougher.
If that's not an option, then I'd do the crying spot. Preferably in another room. No attention for it. Just "That hurts our ears. You can come join us when you're done".
no this kid will scream for hours on end if you let them... the only thing that I have found that will stop it is the TV. But I am not willing to turn the tv on.....So...he doesn't tantrum for you, typically? Like, if you tell him no, he's ok with it? If you said "hey, there's a dinosaur! Would he stop on a dime? If so, he's not out of control, he's IN control. Big difference.
If that's the case, then I would tell mom and dad to start leaving the house a few minutes earlier or plan on being late a few times. Tell him ahead of time that if he starts screaming in the car, the car sill stop. Then, if he does, they pull over, tell him the car will start again when he's done, and get out. Sit on the hood, drink their coffee, eat their bagel, and try to look as nonchalant as possible. When he stops, climb in the car, and say "oh, good, you're done...now we can go again!"
Of course, your in CA. If they take residential streets that might work. If they take the expressway, it'd be tougher.
If that's not an option, then I'd do the crying spot. Preferably in another room. No attention for it. Just "That hurts our ears. You can come join us when you're done".
not only becuase I don't do TV, but in my eyes that would be rewarding the child......
yesterday I let the child sit at the breakfast table for 1.5 hours while they screamed. If I did not interject in some way, they would have kept going. The parents tell me every morning how stubborn thier child is and OMG do I agree.
ONce the child is past this, no more issues for the rest of the day....
canadiancare 03:44 PM 01-22-2013
I'd do the "It sounds like you are still tired and need to go to your bed for a while". Let them lie on their bed and go about your day around them while reinforcing to all the children who are managing properly how proud you are.
daycare 03:53 PM 01-22-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I'd do the "It sounds like you are still tired and need to go to your bed for a while". Let them lie on their bed and go about your day around them while reinforcing to all the children who are managing properly how proud you are.
I have done this with no success.I'd do the "It sounds like you are still tired and need to go to your bed for a while". Let them lie on their bed and go about your day around them while reinforcing to all the children who are managing properly how proud you are.
what happens is that they scream all through breakfast and don't eat. Then when I finally do get the kid to chill out enough to join class time, they are now hungry and are pitching a fit that they want to eat or just can't control themselves do to lack of food....
I did find out today that this child is not going to bed until 11pm sometimes.....OMG this explains everything.
When I asked why, they said becuase DCD does not get home until 9pm and that is when they eat dinner. They still co-sleep and DCK won't go to bed without them. SO DCK goes to bed when they go to bed....holy cow...
I did tell them months ago that DCK was impossible to wake up from naps, which they replied just let them sleep........... I need to put a stop to this some how......................
should I have DCK stay up from nap so that when they go home they will sleep? Or do you think that would backfire????
Heidi 04:09 PM 01-22-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have done this with no success.
what happens is that they scream all through breakfast and don't eat. Then when I finally do get the kid to chill out enough to join class time, they are now hungry and are pitching a fit that they want to eat or just can't control themselves do to lack of food....
I did find out today that this child is not going to bed until 11pm sometimes.....OMG this explains everything.
When I asked why, they said becuase DCD does not get home until 9pm and that is when they eat dinner. They still co-sleep and DCK won't go to bed without them. SO DCK goes to bed when they go to bed....holy cow...
I did tell them months ago that DCK was impossible to wake up from naps, which they replied just let them sleep........... I need to put a stop to this some how......................
should I have DCK stay up from nap so that when they go home they will sleep? Or do you think that would backfire????
NO way, Jose! I have done this with no success.
what happens is that they scream all through breakfast and don't eat. Then when I finally do get the kid to chill out enough to join class time, they are now hungry and are pitching a fit that they want to eat or just can't control themselves do to lack of food....
I did find out today that this child is not going to bed until 11pm sometimes.....OMG this explains everything.
When I asked why, they said becuase DCD does not get home until 9pm and that is when they eat dinner. They still co-sleep and DCK won't go to bed without them. SO DCK goes to bed when they go to bed....holy cow...
I did tell them months ago that DCK was impossible to wake up from naps, which they replied just let them sleep........... I need to put a stop to this some how......................
should I have DCK stay up from nap so that when they go home they will sleep? Or do you think that would backfire????
You can't really control what they do at home, but you can control what happens at your house, and nap time is nap time.
I am now in the lay him down camp. Have a bed ready. If he's screaming when he comes in, say "you must still be tired. I've got your bed all ready. WHen you're feeling ready to play, you can get up".
If he misses breakfast because he's still going at it, then let him. He will NOT starve missing a meal. I would go in there and softly say "we are having breakfast now. If you want some, now is your chance". Then, move on with your day.
canadiancare 05:11 AM 01-23-2013
I do have a mom who parents in a similar fashion. I did family bed with my kids BUT I also did home daycare so no one else was trying to deal with my parenting style but me.
It is almost impossible to parent in an attachment way AND drop your kid off at daycare for 10 hours a day without something needing to give.
It is almost impossible to parent in an attachment way AND drop your kid off at daycare for 10 hours a day without something needing to give.
daycarediva 05:56 AM 01-23-2013
Yikes @ 1.5 hours. Yikes at 11pm bedtime. YIKES.
Dck is obviously in charge at home, and is probably frustrated at letting go of that control when coming to your house.
I would lay him down for an AM nap, cry or not, he obviously needs a rest.
Dck is obviously in charge at home, and is probably frustrated at letting go of that control when coming to your house.
I would lay him down for an AM nap, cry or not, he obviously needs a rest.
MN Mom 05:59 AM 01-23-2013
Holy Moly daycare, if Play Care has the twin to this boy..I have the triplet! :-) My 3.5 yo dcb rules the roost at his house. They put him to bed when he's "ready" and sometimes that means 1 or 2 am !!!!!!! Monday's when they drop him off at 7am screaming, he goes right back to bed and I let him sleep until he wakes. Sometimes that is not until noon...honestly.
I have tried keeping the boy up, but he will cry for HOURS....and his sleeping routine doesn't change if I keep him awake. They will give him a nap at 4:30 when they pick him up!!!! So...for now, I have the easiest job ever. 1 boy, who sleeps till noon most days, is picked up at 4 - 4:30, and I get paid for him to sleep. Fine. I'm not fighting it anymore :-)
I have tried keeping the boy up, but he will cry for HOURS....and his sleeping routine doesn't change if I keep him awake. They will give him a nap at 4:30 when they pick him up!!!! So...for now, I have the easiest job ever. 1 boy, who sleeps till noon most days, is picked up at 4 - 4:30, and I get paid for him to sleep. Fine. I'm not fighting it anymore :-)
bunnyslippers 06:24 AM 01-23-2013
I would lay the child down and completely ignore until he stops. COMPLETELY ignore. It sounds like he thinks you will eventually give in, as that is what his parents do. And I would never give up nap time at your house...