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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Screaming Not Crying Kids
texascare 08:26 AM 03-29-2011
I have had a child for 8 1/2 months now. He is 10 months old. He starts fussing at drop off. Anytime a parent comes in to drop or pick up he starts screaming. No tears, not a cry. A scream! He flays himself backwards, he sheaked his hands up and down. Its temper, not a hurt type of cry. He crawls away from me or anyone that trys to console him. He has started refusal to eat. (he has a history of reflux) we go through this every day every morning. Some afternoons are better but this is crazy. I have been in this buisness for over 20 years and kids that are like this (in my experience) stop. This one has gotten worse athe older he gets. The minuite mom or dad walks in he stops and starts cooing and smilking like there isn't even a problem. Any suggestions????
MyAngels 09:40 AM 03-29-2011
Originally Posted by texascare:
I have had a child for 8 1/2 months now. He is 10 months old. He starts fussing at drop off. Anytime a parent comes in to drop or pick up he starts screaming. No tears, not a cry. A scream! He flays himself backwards, he sheaked his hands up and down. Its temper, not a hurt type of cry. He crawls away from me or anyone that trys to console him. He has started refusal to eat. (he has a history of reflux) we go through this every day every morning. Some afternoons are better but this is crazy. I have been in this buisness for over 20 years and kids that are like this (in my experience) stop. This one has gotten worse athe older he gets. The minuite mom or dad walks in he stops and starts cooing and smilking like there isn't even a problem. Any suggestions????
I had a little girl who did this at one time (the screaming part when other folks come in). I would just put her in the kitchen, out of the line of sight of the parents dropping off in the a.m. and picking up in the p.m. I would just keep the high chair handy in there and plop her in there with a toy or two for the couple of minutes that each parent was there. She did outgrow it at about 14 months or so. I never did figure out what made her upset, other than possibly stranger anxiety.I have had a child for 8 1/2 months now. He is 10 months old. He starts fussing at drop off. Anytime a parent comes in to drop or pick up he starts screaming. No tears, not a cry. A scream! He flays himself backwards, he sheaked his hands up and down. Its temper, not a hurt type of cry. He crawls away from me or anyone that trys to console him. He has started refusal to eat. (he has a history of reflux) we go through this every day every morning. Some afternoons are better but this is crazy. I have been in this buisness for over 20 years and kids that are like this (in my experience) stop. This one has gotten worse athe older he gets. The minuite mom or dad walks in he stops and starts cooing and smilking like there isn't even a problem. Any suggestions????
cheerfuldom 03:16 PM 03-29-2011
Had this same kid once.....never found a resolution and he got worse and added aggression to it. I finally had to terminate. Parents were no help at all as they didn't see his behavior as any big deal. I can't deal with that much crying and unhappiness and its not fair to the other kids to have to hear it all day as well. If it was just drop off/pick up then I could work around it but it sounds like a lot more than that. Some kids grow out of it but a lot of kids don't. It either gets worse or replaced with an equally frustrating habit.
Evansmom 04:44 PM 03-29-2011
I've seen this too and always chalked it up to stranger or seperation anxiety. He's at the age where that can intensify though that's not much help to you.
I like the previous posters idea of keeping him out of the line of sight for picking up parents. Even a pack n play in a room off the one you're working in to pop him in for a few minutes when someone is at the door would seem to work.
In my experience with these anxieties they get worse before they get better, hang in there.
I like the previous posters idea of keeping him out of the line of sight for picking up parents. Even a pack n play in a room off the one you're working in to pop him in for a few minutes when someone is at the door would seem to work.
In my experience with these anxieties they get worse before they get better, hang in there.
texascare 05:24 AM 03-30-2011
The problem I have, (or see) is when he is in a high chair in the kitchen or even the back room which I put him in if all else fails(in a playpen with toys)....the parents can hear him screaming. He literally crawled around the playroom for 2 1/2 hours screaming yesterday with not 1 tear. He doesn't cry. I look at is from a professional point of view. I have parents walking in to drop off and they can hear this particular child in the back room just screaming. He pulls up on the playpen and shakes it. The minuite and I mean the very minuite his parents walk in the door he stops, puts a smile on his face and is happy go lucky. He has been this way since day 1. Usually a child will outgrow something like this, but this is getting proressively worse. When we do circle time it is so bad, Trying to read books is impossible. I have to get loud so the kids can hear me over him....I have told the parents htis isn't normal they need to talk to their Dr. At nap it is very rare that he naps. He usually screams and shakes the playpen. Mom has even said on the weekends he won't nap he just screams. I told her at 10 months the kid needs to be napping! It has gotten to the point that it is interfering with the group I have....they are starting to cry when he is screaming..I mean I want to cry too!!!
Meyou 05:49 AM 03-30-2011
I have a child like this in care. Her first reaction to anything she doesn't remotely like is to scream with both eyes closed and fists clenched in a tone that I swear could shatter glass. She's always done it...home and here since she was a baby. I have her under control at my house after months of being extremely consistant with her. When she starts screaming we immediately leave the area where the other children are since she craves an audience. I give her a few minutes in a restricted area(the front entryway) and then I ask her "Stay here and scream OR stop screaming and come play?" Half of the time now she will stop dead and come play. The rest of the time I leave her to scream and keep an eye on her from somewhere that I can see her but she can't see me. No audience AT ALL. She will stop...sometimes its 5 minutes and sometimes its an hour.
I had to really make Mom and Dad understand that they need to be consistant at home too or it wouldn't work out here. She is down to 2 or 3 "screamers" (what the other kids call her tantrums lol) a week now usually on Mondays and Tuesdays especially if Mom worked on the weekend and Dad was home. Mom is consistant and tough, Dad is a pushover still. :| For naps she goes down 20 minutes before the rest and misses story. This way if she decides to have a "I hate naps" scream she will have started to wind down before the others go to bed.
You really, really, really need to get the parents on board with NOT giving in to screaming at home in my opinion. If she's anything like my stubborn little screamer the changes need to happen in both places due to the nature of the child. Some kids can understand and cope when rules are different at home and in the dayhome and some can't.
I don't worry about what the other parent's think so much. They know I deal with tantrums and other typical behavior all day and they trust my judgement. In fact, yesterday DCG was having a tantrum in the entryway when another parent arrived. I knew they heard her as soon as they opened the car door so I apologized to Mom for her potentially shattered eardrums (I'm a joker) when she came in. She laughed and said her son rolled his eyes as he got out of the car and told her that DCG was cranky about something again. lol End of conversation other than her commenting that I have more patience and tolerance than she has in her big toe.
I had to really make Mom and Dad understand that they need to be consistant at home too or it wouldn't work out here. She is down to 2 or 3 "screamers" (what the other kids call her tantrums lol) a week now usually on Mondays and Tuesdays especially if Mom worked on the weekend and Dad was home. Mom is consistant and tough, Dad is a pushover still. :| For naps she goes down 20 minutes before the rest and misses story. This way if she decides to have a "I hate naps" scream she will have started to wind down before the others go to bed.
You really, really, really need to get the parents on board with NOT giving in to screaming at home in my opinion. If she's anything like my stubborn little screamer the changes need to happen in both places due to the nature of the child. Some kids can understand and cope when rules are different at home and in the dayhome and some can't.
I don't worry about what the other parent's think so much. They know I deal with tantrums and other typical behavior all day and they trust my judgement. In fact, yesterday DCG was having a tantrum in the entryway when another parent arrived. I knew they heard her as soon as they opened the car door so I apologized to Mom for her potentially shattered eardrums (I'm a joker) when she came in. She laughed and said her son rolled his eyes as he got out of the car and told her that DCG was cranky about something again. lol End of conversation other than her commenting that I have more patience and tolerance than she has in her big toe.
cheerfuldom 06:14 AM 03-30-2011
I think its gone on for too long and you should let him go. The parents are aware and have done absolutely nothing to work with you. You have done everything you could with no success. He needs to go to a nanny or to some other place that is willing to put up with him. Seriously, think about the other families too. I wouldn't want my kid around that much screaming and chaotic behavior either. Nothing is going to change so either you put up with this indefinitely or find a much happier replacement.
Symphony 08:32 AM 03-30-2011
That sounds so frustrating for you, all the other kids and dcb too! What an awful way for everyone to spend their day!
One thing that has helped me is making a rule that they are not allowed to touch the sides of the pnp's. It takes a day or two of sitting next to them at nap time and repeatedly picking them up and putting them back down when they stand to the sides. It works though! After the shaking, jumping, etc activities have been eliminated as options from the pnp, sleeping tends to happen.
I do agree with a pp though. If this baby is causing enough stress on you, the other kids, and the program itself, it may be time to let him go.
One thing that has helped me is making a rule that they are not allowed to touch the sides of the pnp's. It takes a day or two of sitting next to them at nap time and repeatedly picking them up and putting them back down when they stand to the sides. It works though! After the shaking, jumping, etc activities have been eliminated as options from the pnp, sleeping tends to happen.
I do agree with a pp though. If this baby is causing enough stress on you, the other kids, and the program itself, it may be time to let him go.
PeanutsGalore 10:13 AM 03-30-2011
I have a screamer too. I sympathize, because as I sit here listening to her now, I know it's frustrating to deal with, especially since some days can be really good and some days can be really bad.
My gut reaction to reading your post is that this kid is trying to tell you that he needs to spend more time with his parents. Does he do this at home? Maybe they can adjust their schedule so that he's in daycare less time, or maybe they should hire a nanny or get a nanny share.
There's nothing you can do to change a child's temperament. For your own sanity, you can build a soundproof room with video monitors and padded walls, but if you can't train them to stop and the other children are upset, then they probably need to go before they ruin your business.
Sorry you have to go through this. I hope this little one gets what he needs and stops the tantrums.
ETA: I just read your reply and saw that he does kind of do this at home. He needs to be trained. By his parents. He's old enough now to understand that tantrums are not acceptable, but if his parents are not consistent with the training at home, it's just going to get worse.
My gut reaction to reading your post is that this kid is trying to tell you that he needs to spend more time with his parents. Does he do this at home? Maybe they can adjust their schedule so that he's in daycare less time, or maybe they should hire a nanny or get a nanny share.
There's nothing you can do to change a child's temperament. For your own sanity, you can build a soundproof room with video monitors and padded walls, but if you can't train them to stop and the other children are upset, then they probably need to go before they ruin your business.
Sorry you have to go through this. I hope this little one gets what he needs and stops the tantrums.
ETA: I just read your reply and saw that he does kind of do this at home. He needs to be trained. By his parents. He's old enough now to understand that tantrums are not acceptable, but if his parents are not consistent with the training at home, it's just going to get worse.
texascare 08:31 AM 03-31-2011
Yes he does do it at home. Infact dad for the first time "raised" his voice and told him to "STOP". Mom sid the child didn't know what to do! They have started putting him in his bed when he throws these fits. Apparently it can go on for a long time at home too. I did speak with the parents about it and voiced my concern and they feel that is is a behavior issue. The Dr told him this too as well as his eating. There is nothing wrong with him, so he is choosing not to eat at daycare and then fill up at home. (almost 30 ounces in 3 hours plus 3 jars of food as soon as he gets home).....So at least I know that they are aware of what is going on. I suggested they talk to his pedi about it as well.