Last June 30th we had a severe horrible storm come through south jersey and one of my daycare children and his cousin was killed while camping when a tree fell on them in the storm. Of course my younger children do not know or remember their friend but the older children do. I will have an occasional older child come up and mention him. I wanted to do something in remembrance but not sure what to do or even if I should. I think of my little man all the time and it breaks my heart for his family. He has an older brother (also one of my old DCKs) who was also in that storm but survived. I know the family has got to be struggling with the date coming up and want them to know we are thinking of them.

#1 Would you even do something in the first place?

#2 If you would, what would you do? I thought of a balloon release. I thought of planting a tree in my yard in his name. Or maybe something more simple to the family with a note from the children. I had made angels with hand print wings when my grandfather passed away (he was close to my children as well as the daycare kids). Maybe something like that would nice for the children to do and send.

Thoughts?

Reply

I am so sorry to read this. My heart breaks hearing about children dying. I really like the idea of planting a tree. The older children who remember DCB could participate in the planting. I would send a card, signed by you only, and include a photo of the tree and a brief message that the daycare children helped. That's just my opinion though and as I've been fortunate to not have suffered a loss I'm not sure what the best thing to do would be.

Reply

I have suffered a huge loss such as your former DCPs did and from my standpoint the idea of planting a tree and sending a pic of it in a card would be a wonderful gift to them. I think maybe a pic of the kids planting it or afterward standing in front of it, particularly the kids who remember the deceased DCB would also be appropriate.

One of the things I think people tend to do in these situations is to do nothing bc it's such a sad thing and no one knows what the right thing to do is. But it's really wonderful to acknowledge their loss and to say I remember and miss your loved one too.

Reply

I agree. This would be really nice.

Reply

I'm so sorry for that loss, what a tragedy.

I think it's sweet of you to want to do something...I have no ideas, but in light of it having been a tree that killed him, I wonder if planting a tree is really the best way to honor him...(my brain works weirdly, I'm so sorry...but that is the thought that came to mind)

Reply

I would suggest coming up with an idea like planting a tree or doing a balloon release and then telling the parents first: "I have this idea to remember DCB. Would it be okay with you if we did this?" I would also invite them to participate.

Everyone grieves differently, and it might be important for these parents to be there. Or maybe they would rather not be there but are glad you are doing something. At least they could have the choice.

Also, they might be planning their own event to remember him. I would check in with them before you do anything--what if they had the same thing planned? They could be hurt if you went ahead and did it without them/before them. These sorts of things can be very personal to some people who don't grieve in public.

I'm sorry to hear about the little boy. It's so sad. It's great you are remembering him and care about his family.

Reply

What about planting a butterfly garden?

I agree often out of not knowing what to do or say, we end up doing nothing. Even something simple and sweet like a card says you are in my thoughts, we remember and care.

Reply

I just read another person's response, and I agree. I don't think planting a tree would be right considering how he passed away.

Reply

I agree. Maybe a butterfly garden as another poster mentioned. Something cheery and bright.

Reply

Oh gosh, no your brain works perfectly silver! You're right in my opinion. A tree wouldn't be a very good thing would it?

I second the butterfly garden idea. That would be sweet! Or even just a card saying you remember would be perfectly kind and appropriate. I wish anyone would have sent me even a card on the anniversary of my husband's death to say they remembered too. Grief can feel very isolating.

Reply

I must have the same weird brain, because I had the same thought. Not sure a tree planting would be the best idea.

Reply

Awww! What a great idea. I have not suffered a loss like this, but I once heard a woman say that as time passed it felt as if everyone forgot about her dh who had passed because no one would speak of him. Ever since hearing that I try to remember every once in awhile to tell her a memory I have of her dh or I will ask about their long marriage, etc....

I also like the idea of a butterfly garden or any type of garden. We have a very small Remembrance garden at our church. It was planted in honor of someone who had passed. His fav flower was roses, so there is a special rose bush planted for him. There is also a plaque in the garden with his name on it.

For many people gardens represent new life. In honor of their sons life, you have created a garden with the dcks that represent life. I think the brother and parents will cherish that.

Reply

I really like this idea a lot. It gives meaning to his life and death. I had our church plant a tree when I lost my baby before she was born. I believe it's a great way to represent his life. Perhaps also a little photo of him laughing and smiling in the group would be a good way to honor his memory as well.

Reply

This is nice too. I didn't think about the tree thing.

Reply