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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>My Job Is Giving Me Chest Pains
lovemykidstoo 06:40 AM 11-21-2015
I'm sorry this is so long.I swear I'm just about done with daycare. During daycare hours, my chest is so tight with the stress. I've written quite a bit lately about my group of 5 boys that are pushing me over the edge. I ask my husband if it's because I've been doing this 15 years and he says no, it's the group of kids you have right now, they're terrible. I have been applying for "regular" jobs and have had 4 interviews in the past 2 weeks, so I'm hopeful, but I need some assistance on how to cope with these kids. I have 3 families and I'll let you know a bit of what's going on with each, so maybe you can give some assistance.

Family #1, has 1 boy (18 mos) he's very large boy that uses his weight to push everyone around. He sits on people, turns his back and pushes into people, rips toys out of everyone's hands because he's bigger than most.

Family #2 has 2 boys with me. One is 4 1/2 and the other is 18 months. The 18 month old is pretty good except a nap issue. They're here 3 days a week and mom still gives him 2 naps a day for about an hour and a half each. He gets up at about 6:30, goes to bed at about 10:00 a.m. and then again about 1:30/2:00 at home. Here he gets here about 8:00 and goes down for 1 nap at 12:30. To give him the 2 naps here would be extremely disruptive. He of course only sleeps that 1 1/2 hrs here because that's his mental alarm clock going off.

His brother is giving me chest pains I swear. He's 4 1/2 and the kind of kid that looks at you with that look that says, yea what ya gonna do about it. He's a crazy boy, wild and is going through the phase of I'm not going to eat routine. The reason? it works at home. I've written before, but I'll recap. At home, he refuses to eat dinner, so it's become a game. He rides a car through the house and when he passes by the table, mom feeds him a bite of food. Or he gets a lunchable and sits in front of the tv to eat while everyone else is at the table. So here he doesn't eat either. I make normal lunches and give him 1/2 the portion of everyone else because I dont want to throw food away. He can always have more if he wants (never has happened). When mom picks up, the 2 boys run to her car and ransack it looking for snacks/candy etc and always find it. So they eat in the car and then she wonders why he won't eat at home. He actually brought a box of lucky charms yesterday for breakfast. I was busy at drop off, so the only thing I was able to get out was to the mom when I said "have you lost your mind". It just kinda slipped lol So, everyone (5 kids) sat down for breakfast and dcb started crying after 2 bites and said he changed his mind. I texted mom and told her and said never again. I also told her that it wasn't about actually eating it, it was to see if he could control the situation and actually get that box of cereal here. When he doesn't eat lunch here, I do not make a big deal about it and tell him it's his belly that will be hungry not mine. What happens at their house shouldn't bother me, but when it bleeds into my house it does. Mom dropped him off after preschool last week at lunchtime. I made him lunch, of course he cried because he didn't want to eat. I find out that after preschool the sippy cup that mom brought with milk in it (she takes one to work to take to him after school) tasted bad, so they stopped home before coming here to get new milk in the sippy cup and he also had some crackers. Why would she take a sippy cup to work with her for him and why would she give him anything before bringing him here for lunch knowing he has an eating issue? Both kids always have cups of milk in the car from here. They live 2 miles away. Dad picked up last week to take older dcb to get a hair cut and said he had to go home first to get the 18 month old a bottle so he would behave during the haircut of the older boy. He had to leave here, drive by where the haircut was to go home. I think he was waiting for me to say he could take a cup of milk from here. Nope. This is my worst family. forgot to add another instance with the 4 1/2 yr old. Week before I guess mom promised dcb a bag of skittles at pickup if he ate his lunch. Of course he didn't eat it, so I texted her that. She wanted to call and talk to him and I told her no. Dad picked up, asked if he ate and I told him no. Dcb was given the skittles "if you get in your carseat good and buckle up". I said, wow that's awesome, I thought those were for if he ate his lunch? Dad says, ahhh it just doesn't matter if he gets the skittles or not, he still doesn't eat good. I walked away. Unbelievable.

Family #3 has a 2 yr old boy and 4 1/2 yr old boy. Pretty good kids other than the ransacking of the car during pickup looking for food.

So help me. I cannot term any. I'm broke as it is. How do I cope with this?
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sahm1225 07:10 AM 11-21-2015
my first thought would be term. I would rather be broke than affecting my health.

Since you say you can't term, then STOP stressing about it. Who cares what they do at home? Offer food, if they don't eat, it's their choice.

With the large 18 month old, I would spend time teaching him to use soft hands and be nice to his friends.
For the other one with two naps - is he cranky because he doesn't get the first nap? Is he tired enough to sleep for the first nap? What is your regular Nap time?
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lovemykidstoo 07:19 AM 11-21-2015
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
my first thought would be term. I would rather be broke than affecting my health.

Since you say you can't term, then STOP stressing about it. Who cares what they do at home? Offer food, if they don't eat, it's their choice.

With the large 18 month old, I would spend time teaching him to use soft hands and be nice to his friends.
For the other one with two naps - is he cranky because he doesn't get the first nap? Is he tired enough to sleep for the first nap? What is your regular Nap time?
I honestly don't care what they do at home, except it's starting to bleed into my life. I don't care if he eats or not. I get paid the same. I know, bad attitude, but it's true. I never make it a big deal, but when he sits there and cries about it even though I say nothing it's ridiculous. The nap thing is a problem and I've talked to mom about it before. Yes, he is crabby, wants to fall asleep etc. If I put him down then he sleeps while others are awake, then he's up when others are sleeping, then he's asleep when others are up. This extremely limits what we do during the day (outside time etc). She just can't handle him for more than 3 hours at a time.
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childcaremom 09:59 AM 11-21-2015
I've been there.



Can you pick the worst offender(s) and term them? Often the negative energy they bring to the group disappears as soon as they leave.

Find an outlet for yourself. Get up early, go for a walk, do some yoga, etc.

Can you change up the daily routine? Maybe some new ideas will spark change in behaviours?

What can you cut back on so you can afford to term? Sometimes that really is the only solution.

I have to agree, though, that no amount of money is worth your health!
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Annalee 10:02 AM 11-21-2015
AGAIN, NO amount of money is worth it Take care of yourself first..even if that means letting kids go.
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Snowmom 10:23 AM 11-21-2015
I agree, no amount of money is worth your sanity.... or health!

It sounds like the biggest issue is with the 4.5 yr old non-eater. Try suggesting to the parents that he needs FT pre-school.
They might still keep the youngest one with you even if they decide to bring the oldest somewhere else.

If that's just not an option for you, then I wouldn't even attempt to listen to the meltdowns he's giving you. If he cries because he gets his way at home and he's trying to with you- then give him a place to cry AWAY from you & the group. He's old enough that he can go sit on the couch (or designated space) and calm down. If he gets up- put him back and repeat. Tell him that until he can participate in the group nicely without temper tantrums, he will stay there.

That's the best advice I have for you.
It truly sounds like you need to make some changes to your enrollment group though.
You could also try doing more things for yourself to get your mind off the stress- or an outlet FOR the stress (like exercise/yoga).
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lovemykidstoo 11:26 AM 11-21-2015
Thank you guys. Reading your posts, I think that when he has his meltdowns about meals, I'm just going to have him sit on the couch without any toy or tv by himself. He will hate that. I just can't term. We aren't making all of our bills now as it is. I have been applying for a job outside of daycare. I've had 5 interviews in the past 2 weeks. I had 2 friday. One at a credit union (I worked at a bank for 13 years before my daycare) and another job in an office setting with a big car dealership in our area. that was my 2nd interview with them. If the money and benefits are there, I'm done with daycare.
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sahm1225 11:37 AM 11-21-2015
Good luck with the interviews. It might be time for a change for you.

On a side note - have you thought of taking on new families to replace them?
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lovemykidstoo 11:49 AM 11-21-2015
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
Good luck with the interviews. It might be time for a change for you.

On a side note - have you thought of taking on new families to replace them?
I actually have a daycare interview on Monday for a 10 week old little girl.
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Josiegirl 03:23 PM 11-21-2015
I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get one of the jobs you've interviewed for!!!

I'm sorry, that's all I've got. The 4.5 yo and the body-slamming 18 mo would give me chest pain too. Just don't forget to take care of yourself first so you can take care of your own family.
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Thriftylady 04:09 PM 11-21-2015
I wish I had good advice, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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lovemykidstoo 06:35 PM 11-21-2015
Thank you! I really appreciate the support, I really do!
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Laurel 03:21 AM 11-22-2015
I hope you have had your doctor check out your chest pains. The stress definitely isn't good but there could be more going on. Don't just assume it is the stress.

Hugs, Laurel
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Unregistered 11:51 AM 11-22-2015
If I couldn't term I'd start advertising....seriously. This is a tough situation. I would be looking for a replacement.
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rosieteddy 09:22 AM 11-23-2015
Five boys walk their little legs off.I would put the 18 month olds in a stroller and walk.I had safety straps and each older child should hold on....I would walk at least 30 minutes then let them run around outside until lunch.Have less snack and the outside air should make them hungry.You could even stop and snack outside before play.The littles could get a catnap in and hopefully the fresh air will tire everyone out.When my group was like that I made more food ahead of time so we could wash up eat and nap.The older kids did table activities after lunch while still sitting at the table while I changed the babies. I would offer lunch and if he didn't eat it cover for snack.After nap walk again ,I am not sure where you live but dress warm and get out.......
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lovemykidstoo 05:24 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Laurel:
I hope you have had your doctor check out your chest pains. The stress definitely isn't good but there could be more going on. Don't just assume it is the stress.

Hugs, Laurel
I haven't yet, but I have a physical appt next month. If I get any other symptoms I will run right in. I only have the tightness when they're here, so I don't think it's anything other than stress.
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lovemykidstoo 05:25 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
Five boys walk their little legs off.I would put the 18 month olds in a stroller and walk.I had safety straps and each older child should hold on....I would walk at least 30 minutes then let them run around outside until lunch.Have less snack and the outside air should make them hungry.You could even stop and snack outside before play.The littles could get a catnap in and hopefully the fresh air will tire everyone out.When my group was like that I made more food ahead of time so we could wash up eat and nap.The older kids did table activities after lunch while still sitting at the table while I changed the babies. I would offer lunch and if he didn't eat it cover for snack.After nap walk again ,I am not sure where you live but dress warm and get out.......
We usually are outside and they're running all morning. I think tomorrow though they're going to be doing laps around the yard and have races lol
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lovemykidstoo 05:28 PM 11-23-2015
So I had the interview today with a new family. They decided to bring their 10 week old daughter here. She'll be 5 days a week. Say goodbye to my Fridays off but I have to do it for the money. I have one family leaving the end of February because mom is having the 3rd child and quitting her job. During the interview the mom wanted to know if she could come over about 2:00 every day to see the baby. Oh no!!! Right during naptime. yea no sorry. She totally said fine, I understand it would be disruptive. Thank you!!
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rosieteddy 08:58 AM 11-24-2015
I think with the additional infant I would definitely walk.There was something about a destination or just getting out in the neighborhood. I can't explain it.maybe because they couldn't touch each other. I have a big joovy caboose with a seat on the sit and stand part . Worked well for infants and the toddlers and was long enough that the older kids were'nt tripping on each other.Good luck.
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getnsmart 10:09 AM 11-24-2015
I hope things get better for you.
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Gemma 11:11 AM 11-24-2015
No amount of money is worse what you're going through!
Advertise, replace, get better!!
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Tags:burnt out, over it, overwhelmed, stress, tired of daycare
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