What's The Right Thing To Do?

I am a regular, but logged out.

I have a question about how I have been dealing with children when they act out violently. This is not a common occurrence at my DC and it is coming from a new child that is having a hard time adjusting.

I have a new DCG that is very very behind. She is 4, has very limited speech, does not use words when she asks for things, does not listen to directions and honestly is just very very babied at home. She has an 11 year age difference between her and her next sibling.

Well last week the DCG was acting out in violently towards another child. I talked to her and told her that it was not ok. 5 minuted later it happened again. I then told said DCG you need to come over here and sit on the decision making mat. DCG says NO, throws herself down on the floor and starts kicking, scream crying and in the act hits another child again.

I tell the child again, you are making bad decisions, you need to go sit on the decision making mat. again I am told N with even more kicking and scream crying. So then I tell DCG you can get up and walk over there like a big girl by yourself, or I can carry you. What would you like to do?

I ended up having to pick her to remove her from the situation, which during this time, she kicked me, hit me, screamed even louder and just went completely crazy.

The question is, should I be picking up the child to remove them from a situation like this?

What should I do differently if I should not be picking up a child?

How would you have handled this child?

[daycare]

Im no too sure how I would handle this situation like this, because I don't have kids who behave like this.

I guess I would have done the same thing that you did and be sure to tell the parents what happened.

I also like to give options and choices. Maybe others will have some advice for you

[AfterSchoolMom]

I wouldn't have given so many chances before I picked her up, so don't know if I'm any help to you.

I'd also tell the parents at pick up today that the child hit, kicked, etc. other children and you, and I'd put her on probation. I wouldn't tolerate violence against me in my own home.

[Ariana]

For me I ignore them when they are in this state. There is no reasoning with a child in this condition because they are zoned out and in full on tantrum mode. If possible I would lead them to the "decision" mat and make sure no other kids were around during this tantrum to protect the other children, or even have a sectioned off space for her if she's violent during a tantrum. I have a 20 month old like this and I never engage with her when she's doing this. I wait until she is calm before talking to her.

Do you feel the "decision" mat is working for her? I would re-evaluate and possibly come up with a new solution if she has impulse control issues or anger issues. It seems like teaching her how to deal with her frustration would be the best thing to do.

[kidkair]

I would have moved her sooner. I physically more kids that age to time out when they are violent. It's quick and gets their full attention immediately after the act as well as keeps them from causing further harm. It also eliminates getting into a power struggle. If it continued I would term because violent behavior is not accepted in my daycare. Has she been evaluated for her developmental delays? Do the parents have any guidelines for what is to be done when she gets violent?

[Christian Mother]

I find transitioning newbies into the group diff. at times. How new is your dcg? I would document and make notes. I would also discuss with the parents on what kind of day she's hand and also in the past. Explain to them your rules and how you handle situations like the one you experienced today. A meeting at the end of the week w/goals and maybe a sticker chart should be implemented. For children that have a all out tantrum I have a bedroom up stairs that has a lot of toys and also pnp a bed that the kids can play in along with the play room they pretty much have free rain of up stairs. In a case that I have a child in full tantrum mood..that child will be walked to the bed room where they can throw it all by them selves where there isn't anyone to pay attention to the tantrum or get hurt. I tell them when there done crying they may come out and play. The first couple times they want to come out...I just walk them right back in there and tell them nope, you can having your crying time here and when you feel like your done crying then you may come out. After they are done they normally will stop and stand at the enterance of the door and I will walk over asking them if they are done and they will say yes or shack their heads. Then off we go to play. With this little one you need to shadow her and watch her. Make sure you give her praise for doing something good or right. If it looks like she will hit or take a toy away be prepared to intervene in a moments notice. I normally will take the hitter and the one being hitted or toy taken away and just focus on them both and talk to both about it. I like to start small and those that know how to give toys up I will have them give it back and forthwith to each other as in a game. Me in the middle suggesting who to give it to (you can add more people also to this game). The older ones learn quickly that when a younger one comes over to grab that they aren't doing it to be mean so much as they don't understand the rules and it takes time to learn how to play nicely. It's practicing with everyone involved and a lot of patience and constantly going over them. I like to have the kids walk the younger ones helping them find another toy to play with so their not focused on the toy they have. It helps a lot when that child gets involved.

[Cat Herder]

I most likely would have removed her from the group area when she was violent towards another child.

I'd give her one chance to walk out, herself, then I'd take her out.

I'd call to schedule a conference to set up a discipline plan with her parents.

Depending on how that conference went she'd be terminated or would be placed on a 30 day probationary period. (I have a zero tolerance policy for violence)

During the 30 day period her parents and I would follow through with our agreed upon plan (varies per child).

At the end of the 30 days either the child would be off probation or terminated.

Remember, It is never out of your control, it is very important to have an end date on this. I RARELY have to terminate care, but being willing to for the good of the group is vital to having a calm, pleasant childcare environment.

The kids trust that we will keep them safe....