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Old 06-29-2010, 08:46 AM
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JJPlaycare JJPlaycare is offline
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Default Frustrated and Not Sure why! LOL

Soooo I use to care for a little girl who was 2 at the time! She was only here 2 days a week, so very part time! It was her first experience in daycare and I will tell you it wasn't a very good transition! She cried when mom left, she cried when someone looked at her the wrong way, she cried when someone had a toy she wanted, EVERYTHING!!!! She also was SOOOOO TIRED all of the time! Her mom told me she could NEVER get her to bed, she was just a pill! Well She cried when I would lay her down for nap, but she was so, so tired!! Well I talked to mom about all of this and nothing changed so I tried writing the parents a letter! I just explained that the little girl was having a really hard transition and that I was concerned and I asked that they stay consistent with my schedule here at home!! Well it went on and on, it was a nice letter, with alot of heart into it! My major concern was just the well being of the child! Well needless to say, they quit! Honestly I was quite relieved!!! Well today I took my group to daycare and there she was in one of the other local daycares, in which I refer people too! I can't wait to see how she is doing there! But honestly I was hurt! I am not sure why, but I am sort of frusterated! LOL Obviously I knew they would need to find other care, but seeing her with someone else sort of hurt me!! I feel like I couldn't do a good enough job or make them happy! I guess I am feeling discouraged! GRrrr have you guys ever had to deal with this!?!?
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Old 06-29-2010, 08:48 AM
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I meant I took my daycare group to Story Hour! LOL not daycare! Oops sorry!
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Old 06-29-2010, 08:56 AM
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I totally understand your post. And I think it would be normal to feel that way. In fact if you didn't feel that way I'd think something was worng. But you have to remember that you didn't fail! You tried to work with the parents & took the time to mention your concerns, etc. It sounds to me like they were not willing to attempt to make it work. I'm sure also your days are a lot less stressful without the crier, right?
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Old 06-29-2010, 09:32 AM
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Yes when we do this job I think its normal how when we go above and beyond and then they leave it hurts. I have one child here who is two and I have had her since she is 7 months old she is a very hard child is very moody already at the age of two I deal with her and love her to death well her older sister keeps saying she is going to preschool soon so I'm sure they will leave and not appreciate all that I do for her but I think its just the way some parents are and we can't save the world
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:05 AM
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Both of my dcb are used to being the center of the universe at home. Doesn't work here! Not with 6 kids to change, feed and care for. Sometimes I can tell one of the moms is pondering why her child is not the center of our universe! I love and care for all 6 equally. Above and beyond. It's frustrating when you put all you have into it and it's not enough. Just be satisfied that you did a great job with their child. I'm sure that girl will be bounced around many times when she has the same experience!
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:24 AM
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MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
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It's also happened to me but don't feel bad. Just remember that sometimes the child and the provider just aren't a good fit. It happens. It's hard not to take it personal but sometimes a child doesn not feel comfortable either with the surroundings, the provider or the other kids in daycare and they have trouble transitioning. Just remember how hard it was for you and how relieved you felt once they quit. She may or may not be doing better at the other DC but don't feel bad in either case. If the other DC kids you care for are doing great then you're doing a great job.
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Old 06-29-2010, 10:44 AM
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Don't feel bad, sometimes it just isn't a good fit for any number of reasons. I think part-time is especially difficult to fit into the routine of the day and bonding with the provider.

I have a little girl, she started here when she was two. At her previous daycare, she cried just as you described. She came here and fit into my group as if she had been here her whole life.

I was prepared to have a rough time of it, as I am friends with the provider she came from and I know the things this provider did to make this little girl happy, but she just wasn't. Not the providers fault, not childs fault~to this day she is somewhat emotional and high maintenance at times (she's 3.5 now) but that's just her. When she sees the other provider at the park, she runs right to her and say 'Hi S*****!' so who knows?

Sometimes you just can't explain it.
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Old 06-29-2010, 11:28 AM
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I think that what you're feeling is totally natural. I've been there before and it does sting. For me, I think the worst part of my experiences with the 2 dcb's that left early this year was that I really tried hard to assure that they had a good daycare experience with me. I sort of felt like I failed with them and it took me a while to realize that it wasn't anything that was lacking in me or them. We just weren't good fits for each other. I can admit that I have an issue with my ego when it comes to my job performance sometimes and with those 2 boys (dcb3.5 in particular) I took it very personally when he left because his mom felt like he wasn't getting enough interaction with kids his age here and that might help him potty train. She told me that she was putting him in preschool but she wasn't sure exactly when so I gave her the termination date since she was being vague about the date. I think that it was her way to try to get me to offer a lower price for me to keep him and a way to get me to potty train him the way that she wanted me to (she wanted me to let him pee in the shower because that's what he did at home! Ummm...no...). I know that she wasn't prepared for me to call her bluff, but I did and he was out 2 weeks later. It hurt more than I thought it would because I kept kicking the crap out of myself over my percieved failure. I get it now that I wasn't the right choice for him, nor was I the right choice for my dcb3. When he left, I felt more of a sense of relief but there were still some nagging feelings of inadequacy on my part. Since then, I've dealt with those feelings and now I can go into any interview situation with the knowledge that I may not be the best choice for the family and they may not be the right fit here. I actually tell parents at interviews that I want them to check out other daycares before they decide to go with me because I may not be the best fit. I'm not the cheapest (but I'm not super expensive either), we don't watch TV, and I enforce rest time. For those reasons, I have lost out on some income and that's OK because it comes down to staying firm on the things that are in line with what you want in your daycare. I hope that you don't make yourself feel like anything was lacking in you. Be gentle with yourself and understand that it's OK to feel sad about it, but it isn't a reflection on you as a provider because I bet that you're awesome with the rest of your kiddos! Take care
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:09 PM
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JJPlaycare JJPlaycare is offline
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Thanks so much guys! You are right it may have just not been a good fit, not sure, but whatever it was it is done with and I need to let it go! I am full with kids so I must be doing SOMETHING right! LOL It was just tough to see her with someone else I guess! Oh well! I am good friends with the provider she is with now and I will see her at our softball game tonight so it will be fun to chat about how the little girl is doing with her!!! Thanks again guys, gosh I love this forum, so glad I joined!!! Have a good rest of the day!!
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:51 PM
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I had a child that was almost identical. I put up with it for way too long and hated the days that she was here because I felt insane! I loved the days when she wasn't here etc... Mom ended up pulling her 3 times for different reasons, then bringing her back to me, and back and forth....not for daycare reasons but for personal (divorce) issues, moving. FINALLY, mom got a 2nd shift job and I said nope, no way am I keeping her until 11 p.m. every night. She got a new babysitter and my thoughts were more along the lines of THANK GOODNESS! Try to remember how you felt during the time when you had her (I'm assuming stressed) vs. being hurt that they pulled her.
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Old 06-30-2010, 06:06 AM
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Well I got to chat with the daycare provider who has her now! Ha, boy did that make me feel better, but her mother kind of back stabbed me, oh well whatever makes HER feel and look good! She said that I told her, her daughter had no schedule and basically that I told her she needed to work on things at home to make her daughter work better in daycare! HUH, well I did sort of say this, only I wrote a page long heart felt letter explaining how hard it is for children to adjust to daycare life especially if they have never been in one and that it is important to stay consistent and work together to make this transition easier, I did ask that they work on a earlier bedtime because her daughter seemed so tired, she was falling asleep before lunch time, most days she was here- she was clearly tired!! I also said that I think if she had more rest at night she would have more fun here and wouldn't be to tired! I told her that I wanted to be open with her and put her daughters best interests first and the well being of the child! That is a very vague version of what I wrote! She forgot to also mention that I loved her daughter unconditionally, potty trained her daughter in the 2 months she was here and spend endless hours trying to comfort and console her screaming meme! LOL I guess she will only use what makes her look like the better person, isn't that ashame! Well she left my daycare about 10-11 months ago and she is on her 3rd daycare since then, I guess that tells you alot!! The daycare provider said that she has only been there 3 weeks, but she cries alot and doesn't get along to well with the other kids - she is going to give it time and is thinking it will get better! Ha good luck! Whatever it is done with and I can move on now knowing that she is probably just one of those moms you can't please!!! I could go on and on about this, but no need I am over it and I am sure there will be many times this happens, just a tough thing since the population in our town is only about 400! My husband is Mayor, on the fire department, I volunteer in alot of local organizations and have done childcare for 5 + years, I don't think her bashing will get her to far!! My reputation is pretty good here and I have great families and I am very confident in the organization I offer!! Oh well there is always those stinky fish in the pond and what goes around comes around she will get her turn! Thanks guys for letting me vent, for understanding and letting me get this off of my chest! Done now! LOL Thanks Megan
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