Anyone here "not sure" if they are in the right business? There are days when I love this job, I love that I can wake up in the morning and be with my kids, and I have a great, small group of kids. But, then I always end up feeling bad for my kids because there is always another child here, playing with their "special' toys, getting in their space, etc. Hard things since our house is really small. I love the kids and I love the parents, but I just never felt like my heart was fully in it. Yet, I hate the thought of putting my own kids in day care and getting a job outside of the home. I'm pretty much stuck, aren't I? I just wanted so bad to be a stay at home mom to my kids but we needed to supplement my husband's income, it seemed like the logical step. Now I don't know. :-(

I have a week's vacation coming up and will be going to part-time very soon, having Mondays off (or, "on call" for one family, to be specific), so I will see if these breaks will help with these feelings I am having, but what about you? Do you worry/wonder sometimes if you are doing what is best for your family?

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I have done this since 1992. I trained as an Early Childhood Educator and when my son was born in late 1991 I knew I wouldn't be going back to work in a centre just to pay for him to go to daycare. My 2 sons are in university now and my daughter is in high school. I am committed to getting my current group to school which coincides with my daughter starting university. After that I plan to find a job that allows me to use other parts of my brain since I know I have a hunger for something more challenging to my intelligence. Childcare for me has become a rote skill and, while I know I am good at it and I love the children there are days when I don't pick up a pen to write much more than the kids's names on their artwork.
I use the main floor of my home as the daycare and, since my own children are grown it would be nice to have an adult home.

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Yep. exactly.
And now that I've been in it for a little while I am making more money then I would outside the home. Plus I would be paying daycare for my kids ontop of that, so it's never going to happen.
I'm just really careful about which kids I enroll.
My own children know that if they have "special toys" that they can keep them in their bedroom so they don't have to share. it's hard on them.

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Yes, at times it was difficult for my kidlets to have to share everyday. Now my dd is 21 and seeking and elementary education major. My ds is 15 and is so great with the littles. We homeschool so they were both here all the way through. My ds even became a godfather this past year because he is so good with this families children. I don't watch their kids, they are friends. I now would never replace the experience my own kids have gained by having the littles here. Dd studies well at college because it was always chaos here
Suggestions- try to seperate your business from kidlets own stuff. Let them sort through and pick out their beloved toys and place those up for non daycare hours. The rest are daycares and to be shared. I upheld all rules for daycare hours for my kidlets too. As dd got older she was allowed to go upstairs to play in her room. Same with ds, after he was school aged. Otherwise, he did what the daycare kids did. I have a seperate daycare room and they use the breakfast nook. The rest of the house is off limits.
I did take a yr off when dd was a senior in hs and I was ready for littles again after that year! I missed them. They now keep her in college)
Good luck in trying to discern if this is still for you. (I have been at this for 16 years - a yr off)

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Yes, I am feeling burned out, but not because of my own family issues. More and more I feel that the state is taking away common sense and making it so that all we can do is to try to keep kids safe. Time outs are now out of fashion so it won't be long until we can't do them legally. Can't "restrain" a child who is behaving in a dangerous manner in a high chair/PNP in many states leaving you no option but to terminate. Everyday another reg comes down the pike making it harder and harder to stay in business.
I have always loved how wonderful this career meshed with my family life. I got to be home with my kids when they were little, I always knew how their day was and what they did. I love being home when they get off the bus or if they have a day off of school. If they are sick, I don't have to call in to work (that depends on why though!) I've been very fortunate to have really good families/kids and make a very good salary doing this.
That said, most home providers do not make the kind of money I do, and if I wasn't really feeling it, I would get a part time weekend/evening job to supplment our income. Then the kids would be home with their father - and get much needed daddy/child bonding time, while I went to work.
I do see a time in the near future when I stop doing this. However I am so spolied working for myself I have no idea how I would deal with coworkers again!
Good Luck finding your path!

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Oh, my kids toys are in their rooms. I have DC toys and they have their toys. The dc kids were never allowed in my kids bedrooms. My own kids needed their space/toys for security.

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I started doing Usborne a week ago. i hope to make enough with that that I can drop 2 of my kids and just keep my cousin's little guy 2 days a week. That would be IDEAL.

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YES! I am feeling it right now. I ask myself what the heck I am doing, especially on days like I am having today. BUT I can't see myself (right now) working outside the home. My kids need me. I do however see some changes coming with my program. My normal hours are 7am-4:30p but I keep 1 DCG M-W 2:30pm-12am. She is so easy but the long hours are taking its toll on me and I might have to term.

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My son and daughter share a room and their special toys are in there but in order to keep the other kids out I have to either put a gate up in the bedroom door frame, or child proof the knob. That doesn't really give my own kids free access, and no matter how much I try t grind it into the DCKs that that room is OFF LIMITS, I'm constantly wrangling one of them out of there...opening their toy box or pulling all their books off the shelf. It only takes a second...they're fast!

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I have thought about it many times. I have loved not having to bring my oun kids to dc. Or get them up in the early morning because I have to be to work at 7 am they can sleep when work comes to me. I can get dinner going at nap and get my laundry done to. But I have both boys in school all day and now think should I keep doing this or get a different job outside of the house and I am very torn. I do really enjoy the kids and still if mine don't have school or are sick I will still be here for them. I also am not happy with all the new rules that are coming into play. Everything out there it seems is only paying $10 an hr so I might as well stay here and only take in 3 kids it would be the same. Oh I don't know I have started putting all of my daycare money in a savings account except what i would make at a $10 an hr job and I am going to see if we can live off of that it would help me figure it out a bit easier.

I don't know I guess if nothing else I guess you can know that you are not the only one out their that wonders sometimes if this is for them.

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I think your mixed emotions are very common and not just exclusive to home daycare providers. Its important to realize that no matter what you decide to do, there is always going to be times when you wonder if you are doing the right thing, if your kids are getting the best childhood possible, and that sort of thing. I really think that even if you were a SAHM, you would still have moments of worry about whether all the choices were the right one. Sometimes life is just accepting what we cant change. If daycare is what you have to do for now, then having a positive attitude is the best way to approach it. Sure your kids have to share their mom and thats hard....but they are fortunate kids that have so much to be thankful for. I know daycare is hard on my kids too but its the only way to make things work for now and there are many benefits for my kids and my family. Heck, my oldest is in kinder and she rocks at school! Teacher does not have to show her any self help skills and she is a little star there....but most of that is from being in a group environment since she was a wee one. Its not all bad!

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I could have posted almost the same thing, as I too think the same thoughts once in a while. I wonder if this is really the best thing for the kids, if my wife will go insane before the kids are old enough for school. I remind her this is only temporary but its hard when it feels like the other kids eat all of our food and play with all the toys and our kids get jipped. But here are a few things i remind myself.

1. No one is more capable of taking care of your own kids than you.
2. The kids need to learn social skills which come from having daycare kids around
3. The cost of having your kids in daycare, as in my case, is higher than if i stay at home with them and get added income.
4. You are growing through this in ways which will only serve you better tommrow.
5. You have access to hugs all the time!
6. Your kids are stronger than you... sometimes.

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Thanks for posting this. I have been feeling the same way, and sometimes need reminders about the positive things about home daycare.

I miss teaching in a traditional school, but know that I will miss being home with my kids when they are big and on their own.

Hang in there!

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I remember when I started my day home. I was so elated to be able to stay home with my son while having a hand in shaping other young minds to give them the best head start possible.

The thrill faded for me after dealing with many of the unrealistic expectations parents have, their lack of parenting skills and the fact that my son had to share me with so many others. Yes he wasn't in care with another, but he wasn't in care with me either really. I also dislike the way our society is coddling children and raising an unaccountable society, with me being expected by the government and parents to conform to a standard I do not agree with. I do not wish to be at the mercy of a three year old's tantrums and demands because they get away with it with their parents and the government and "experts" cosign that mentality.

I realized this isn't for me anymore so I sat down and made a list of what I didn't want to be doing such as: Doing home parties, bugging my family and friends, having to be gone for long periods, pressuring people to buy things they didn't really want, selling tons of product for little profit, doing surveys, opinion polls, stuffing letters, selling perogies or food, or the next scam out there.

I did want to be working from home AROUND my family making them first, making a great income, working only part time if I could manage that, being able to work from anywhere, being able to work at any time of the day I wanted to, even the wee hours of the morning if an idea hits me, still be my own boss and be self reliant, help others in a truly meaningful way and work with or around others that are like minded and of strong integrity with exceptional people skills.

Yup it is a big list, but it really helped me narrow down the right fit for me. Maybe try a list like that and see what out there fits YOU. There is something for everyone.

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I understand where you are coming from. I do think that with any job you would eventually feel like that though. I mean if it's constantly the same every single day. but at the same time I guess taking the bad and the good and just focusing on the good can get you though it. I once was stuck at a job for a while feeling the exact same way. Sometime it may be a sign to move on though, sometime it's just cause you are burnt out with the same routine and need to change it up a little. Hope things goes well on the bright side, at least you have students to work with

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Every single day...I could have written your post. It is so tough. I feel sorry for my kids every single day and wonder what impact all this will have on them later on. I never have the time I want to do the stay at home mom things I always dreamed of doing...yes I am home but I am working..sometimes I wonder if it is harder to not see mom or see her but have to fight for her attention.

They have to deal with kids being mean all day at school and then they have to come home to a house full of dcks. I just want to be the mom in an apron handing out milk, cookies and undivided attention to my children when they walk through the door....

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I'm an empty nester now and remember those days when I felt the same as you do. My kids are 26, 24, & 21 and I'm expecting my first grandbaby any day now!

In retrospect, I have to say that having a home daycare benefited my kids tremendously and most definitely has prepared my daughter for mommyhood!

They learned how to socialize with other children (while I got paid for their friends to be here) and I was able to prepare them each for school doing a preschool program with them and the other children in my care. I know I spent more quality time doing these preschool activities, than I would have if I'd just had my kids home with me. I put lots of time and energy into making sure our days were filled with fun learning activities.

They had to share me with other children and learned to be independent. I know this was a good thing, because I would have had a hard time not doing everything for them if I could!

They learned to be compassionate and good role models for the younger kids.

There was never any negative issues and it helped our family tremendously having the extra income that I was able to provide.

Yes, in some ways I would have loved not having to juggle so many things in one day...but it was a blessing in so many more!

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I am just a half dozen years officially licensed but I hope I can say the same things some day.

Although every day isn't perfect we make the best of it we can and so far so good! My kids don't see what I do as any sort of intrusion or inconvenience on their lives. They know what I'm doing is exactly for them and they have been quite grateful, accommodating and are usually very helpful even though I don't expect them to step in at all.


I was taught and am teaching my children now that your life is exactly what you believe it to be.

If you believe your life sucks because it's not the perfect way you envisioned it and your kids are going to hate you for doing what you do for them, then that's exactly what you'll end up with....a sucky life with kids who hate you.

If however (and in the words of my father) you could still find happiness while dirt floor poor, starving and living in a cardboard box then that's exactly what you'll always be......happy.



I choose happy.

I know I am far more blessed than most and choose to see that everyday instead of dwelling on not having even more.


I do understand venting, but sometimes perspective is helpful to pull yourself out of a slump.

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I think how you start this job is an influence in how you feel about it too... I went back to work when my DD was 7 weeks old. She was in a dc center, I worked full time. I hated every second of it. It wasn't until she was 18 months old that we bought our first house and I was able to quit and start my daycare. Whenever I got down about giving up part of my home, not being able to go to my kids school during the day, etc. I thought back to the alternative and I'm very happy with the career I chose. Now that my kids are getting older I am wondering if this is what I want to do "forever" but I don't regret a second of doing it all the years they were home.
I often meet SAHM's who say they want to start a daycare "for extra income" and I don't want to discourage them but at the same time I can see that they just really have no clue what they will be giving up for that "extra income".

I also have a separate playroom for the daycare, my kids always had our family room and their bedroom as their own space for their own toys. Nothing they owned needed to be shared with dc kids unless they chose to.

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I feel so good after reading this topic because I feel exactly the same. Sometimes I think I am going to loose it and I get very frustrated and talk to the kids in a not very nice way, then I realize I am doing it and start to calm myself down. Is just that is so hard, I did this for my son and is like backfiring at us, DC is not working for him, he has issues adjusting and it's been a while, since he was 3 months old, he is now 2 and 1/2
But I have no option, if I work outside I will be working to pay for a DC for him and wont be with him, but being with him is not turning out good because of all the stress the DC puts on him ah! it gets really bad, sometimes I just want to cry.

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Great points! I think expectations about daycare or reasons for doing daycare really play a huge role in how one copes with the challenges. I did daycare for a couple years in a very small house and it was so awful....not going to lie. It was a bad idea to start out that way. Now that we have separate daycare space(basement), good rules and boundaries, and parents that respect those for the most part....that has made the difference for me and my kids. I know a TON of people that think they can watch a few kids and earn easy money. Not very many stick it out but its their own journey to discover if it will work for them or not.

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I love that my kids got the experiences they did, and I like to think they are better kids for it.

When my oldest daughter tells me she wishes I didn't watch kids, I remind her of all the things she has because of my job. Being able to come home at the end of the day rather than stay in after school care, having her friends over each day, sleeping in on days off from school, nice vacations, etc.

I know I've often said that there is no way I would have done 1/2 the things with my kids if I were a SAHM that I did with them because of the job.
Of all the work at home jobs, this is the only one that actually expects you to be with the kids, play with them, teach them, etc. I often get calls from parents who have work from home arrangments with their employer. They initially thought they would keep their kids home, get some work done during naps, etc. But they find the work world doesn't wait until naptime, and more often than not they are sticking in videos or "shushing" kids so they can take conference calls. So now they are looking for child care.

Right now with my kids at young school aged my set up works. Later on I may make the move to the basement (if I can swing a 1/2 bath addition down there) so the main level will be for the grown-ups.

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another good point. I was trying to juggle a different work at home job when my oldest was born and it did not go well at all. daycare suits her better even though things are not perfect.

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It is the parents and their extremely high demands and/or coddling of their children that has made the past 2 weeks for me miserable. Absolutely miserable. I am spent.

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