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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Thinking Of Terming... Maybe....What Should I Do!!
my3ps 11:23 AM 01-05-2012
I have a DC that I have had since they were 6wks. DC is now almost 1. I generally get along well with the parents and the DC is very good too.

Issues:
-late payments
-bounced checks
-late pick ups
-last child to leave (2 hours later than the rest)
-terrible communication
-sick policy issues

Just a few stories from above. They have bounced 2 checks, asked me to hold a check, had to have their mom write me a check and even their sister, forgot my payment and when I asked them to bring it to me over the weekend just didn’t show, ect. DC Mom often picks up late; even when DC dad was off by 3 and is already home and they only live 10 minutes from me. I close at 6pm and she will pick up at 6:10 or even 6:15 and proceeds to ask me a million?’s about DC's day. As of Jan. 30th I changed my closing time to 5:30pm. She tells me she will have another family member pick up but if there is an issues she will “do her best”. My family life is suffering and my kids are often late to activities because she can't get there on time. Her communication has been terrible as the months have gone on. We generally text and she will often just not respond to me, even if I ask her a direct question, but if it is something she has a question about she is easily reachable via text. She is constantly pushing the limits of my sick policy. DC had pink eye about a month or so ago she brings DC, no doctors note, expects me to give DC their first dose of antibiotics and DC is still within the first 24 hours and is contagious. Another example; she tried to bring DC back the week of Xmas when DC was still running a fever and had thrown up the day before. Lucky I put my foot down as DC dad told me he stayed home with DC that day and got a face full of puke! Today was the last straw, DC mom shows up 20 minutes before she was suppose to be to work, tells me DC has croup, no doctors note (had gone the night before). Proceeds to tell me DC is fine, is contagious just like the common cold but can attend daycare. Not knowing very much about croup, just that it is contagious; I tell her I need a doctor’s note. Had she told me this last night or even an hour before she arrived I could have done a little research, called my pediatrician and found out in fact this was the case. So I text her, tell her DC may return to daycare once I get a doctor's note. Apologize for this morning and say to bring a note in the future as making split second decisions when I don't really know all that much about an illness is not an ideal situation and so I must era on the side of caution and abide by daycare regulations. No response as usual. I could tell she was pissed at me when she left this morning. However, had she just got the dang note we wouldn’t even have had to question DC’s attendance! Final thing DC has to go out on temporary leave within the coming months. DC will probably be out for 6-8, maybe even 10 weeks. I require 50% tuition to hold a spot. I doubt they will be able to pay the payment as they are having problems doing this now and DC mom is working. I can’t imagine they will be fine when she is on leave w/o pay.

Again, I love the DC and for the most part the parents are super nice, with the exceptions above. I am just not assertive when it comes to anything. Honestly, I even get really bad anxiety when I need to speak to someone about just about anything. I often let people take advantage of me and have a hard time cutting ties and setting limits. So would the above give you all grounds for terming? Maybe giving some clear guidelines and address the issues with them (I have to admit this option would cause me more stress).

Thanks for your input.
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mismatchedsocks 11:30 AM 01-05-2012
They have been with you 6 weeks? What is there set pick up time in contract? If dad is off a 3 why cant he pick up?

What is your contract state about late fees for showing up late? Mine is $1 a minute.

What does your contract state about late fees for payment? Mine is one bounced check then they must pay cash. Also there is a $20 a day late fee if they dont pay on time. So if they "forget" on Friday they owe $20 for Saturday, $20 for Sunday before care on Monday.

What does your contract say about doctor note? Mine says 24 hours with no fever, 24 hours with no throw up, doctor note with any medicine and statement saying is not contagious and when can return to daycare. Doctor note with anything like pink eye, croup, etc. If they were to bring with these things WITHOUT telling me, its grounds for termination.
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safechner 11:38 AM 01-05-2012
It is time to give her a terminate letter by tomorrow. It sounds like you have so many problems with her. It is not worth to deal with her almost everyday. Good Luck!
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small_steps 11:43 AM 01-05-2012
A major factor for me would be the fact that they are making you late for your kids activities. Out of everything they do, that always bothers me the most because then it's not just affecting me but my family.
I would either have a very serious and stern conversation with her and maybe tell her the next time you will terminate or go ahead and terminate.
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my3ps 11:55 AM 01-05-2012
They have been with me since DC was 6wks and DC is almost one now. Pretty much everything you posted you have in your contract is the same in mine. Late fees are also $1 a minute with the first 5 minutes being a grace period.

Fees for payment? $10 a day and 2 bounced checks with a $35 fee than cash.

Same sick: doctor note with any medicine and statement saying is not contagious and when can return to daycare. Doctor note with anything like pink eye, croup, etc.


It's my fault for not adhering to my own late fees (it's my first year and again I am a pushover). The bounced ck fees I did charge them. I sent out a letter recently stating that as of the beginning of the year I would be following all fees listed in the contract. And what do you know she was the only one who didn't pay me on Tuesday (I said Tuesday was okay due to the holidays) when they returned from break. I actually had to ask her for it on Wednesday. She was also 35 minutes late Tuesday night, but the weather was kinda bad and she called, so I was going to give her a break on that.

So how do you request your fees? Hand them a invoice?
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wdmmom 11:57 AM 01-05-2012
I would term. A parent that has already presented that many problems to you will continue to do so.

I am hoping that come June 2012 I will change my closing time to 5pm. I have no doubt that may hinder my ability to get more kids but all my kids are gone by 5pm but 1 anyway. I'm willing to take the chance.
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cheerfuldom 12:11 PM 01-05-2012
Write a termination letter and itemization of fees. Make sure that the end date is clear as well as the day that all fees are due by.

My kids ALWAYS come first. I would never let my daycare families get in the way of that. I would term.
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mismatchedsocks 12:13 PM 01-05-2012
Since you are starting year fresh, I say stick to it or terminate. I have a print out in front that I fill in blank.


________________________ owes $ _____________________ due to __________________ (write in late payment date, late pick up date etc)______________________. This is due before I will accept child into care. Due date __________________________.


X____________________________________________ ( their signature)

X_____________________________________________ ( your signature)


Then when they pay give them a receipt

So and so paid $___ for _____ on this date.

Make copies of each to keep for your file.
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bgmeyers 12:40 PM 01-05-2012
I wouldn't keep a family like this. No way
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mrsp'slilpeeps 02:12 PM 01-05-2012
Originally Posted by bgmeyers:
I wouldn't keep a family like this. No way
Me either. I had to let one go for the very fact that i missed my daughters everything.

One time I asked her to be here at 5;30 so I could go to a P-T confrence and she asked me what time it was at? I sad 6pm. She snickered at me and said, good luck with that

My hubby was hiding in the kitchen, came around the corner and told her to be here at 5:30 or find another daycare.

She found another daycare. A daycare centre!
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mismatchedsocks 02:23 PM 01-05-2012
Its easy to say just terminate which if the provider stuck to the late fees, sick policies and enforced the closing time then most likely this would be nipped in the butt. IF it still happened AFTER setting all the rules, enforcing them and charging them THEN i would terminate.

If any of MY daycare parents pulled any of this they would be gone, but they know what is allowed and what is not. Late pick ups are not allowed, sickness being masked is not allowed. I have had one family pay me $60 for one day because mom/dad decided to go for dinner before picking child up, I close at 5pm, i called them at 5pm, they were an hour away headed back from dinner. They did not let me know ahead of time, they paid $60 before I would watch child again.
I had a mom send child after giving cough medicine, tylenol and had vicks rubbed on chest. I smelled the vicks and asked about it, she said she puts on child at night. Child was 4....told me mom put on her in morning and gave her medicine when she got up that morning. At about 9am the girl was burning up, i called mom. She told me she had a meeting that she had to go to, couldnt miss so drugged her up so she could stay a few hours. I terminated on the spot.
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my3ps 03:27 PM 01-05-2012
Good points. I should be adhering to all my policies. The only policies I didn't follow were the late payment fees and late pick up fees. They were assessed the bounced check fees. I have been following the sick policy, except for the pink eye incident (which she had a doctors note stating that DCK was able to return to care).

Originally Posted by lilrugrats:
Its easy to say just terminate which if the provider stuck to the late fees, sick policies and enforced the closing time then most likely this would be nipped in the butt. IF it still happened AFTER setting all the rules, enforcing them and charging them THEN i would terminate.

I think I am going to give it one more month. Start strictly enforcing all the fees and see how it all goes. I am also going to either speak with her directly about the issues or send her an email/letter. I am not very good speaking in person and find letters are easier to get my points across. Do you feel an email/letter addressing these issues would be too impersonal?
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DaisyMamma 06:55 AM 01-06-2012
Yes, you need to communicate that all of these problems are making you consider termination and put them on probation. Tell them they need to pay in cash on time and charge them late fees
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my3ps 10:41 AM 01-06-2012
So this morning she shows up doctor's note in hand and practically threw it at me before she even set foot in my house. I could clearly see she was pissed about the day before. I was still on the fence as to if I was going to give her the letter or just speak briefly with her about a few of the issues. After the coldness I felt from her this morning I decided to go the letter route.

Okay here is the letter I handed her this morning...guess we will see how she responds when she picks him up. She may just hand me a term letter in return.. lol


Hi DCM,

I needed to speak with you regarding a few concerns I have. Outlined below are topics that I would very much like to speak with you further about, either in person or by phone, as well as any that you may be having. Often times at drop off and pickup we are distracted and it really isn’t an ideal time to hold a conversation. Our communication is important to me. I felt the easiest way to express my concerns was by way of a letter.

Again, communication is extremely important for both parties, and as of late I feel there has been a lack of communication. If text messages are not a convenient way to communicate I would be happy to call or email you. If texts are the most convenient method of communication, than I ask that you please try to acknowledge and respond to all of my texts. Absences due to sickness must be communicated prior to 8am, per the contract. I would greatly appreciate it if you could also offer updates regarding the status of any illnesses. Having a full understanding prior to his arrival will allow me to grasp the scope of any issues he may have. This could have potentially helped me make a more informed decision on his attendance yesterday.

I will be glad to resume giving you daily progress sheets for DCB. I will be honest; I stopped doing them for two reasons. 1. I would often see several days’ worth of the sheets stuffed in his diaper bag. I felt like I was bombarding you with a ton of paper that you weren’t really interested in keeping long term. 2. Since I had started to spend several minutes after you arrived going over and sharing stories regarding DCB’s day, I felt the personalized recap was a more preferred method for you to gain a perspective of his day-to-day activities. Doing the daily sheets would most likely result in a more streamlined departure but would also likely provide less in-depth info. I can also look into possibly emailing you a standard form prior to your departure from work, especially if your mom will be the one picking him up most days.

I wanted to address a few things regarding my sick policy. A doctor’s note must be produced for every illness DCB is seen for at the doctor’s office. I must strictly follow my sick policy. I can understand the burden that missing work may place on you, however, this is why I mention in my contract that backup care for daycare is needed and it is expected that you have this. If I were to bend for one family I would be obligated to do it for everyone. I would, and have, requested the same from my other daycare families. Please remember this is for the protection of all parties involved. This policy may one day keep DCB safe and healthy, which is ultimately my sole reason for adhering to this specific policy.

As stated in the cover letter for the new contract I sent out prior to break, all fees associated with the late payments, NSF checks and late/early pickups will be assessed and due prior to DCB’s return to daycare. I understand that life is busy and sometimes we all forget things, however, this is a means of income for me and my family relies on it to help pay our household bills. This week a late fee of $10 will be assessed for paying 1 day late. I will be waving the late pickup fees for Tuesday evening as the weather was something that slowed a lot of people down and was out of your control. I wanted to mention that I have adopted a new payment option, which you should be receiving an email about soon. This option could make payments easier, and there’ll be no additional fees to use it. (I signed up for the Minute Menu online pay program)

I very much LOVE taking care of DCB. He is sweet, smart, very cute and overall just a joy to be around. I want us to have an open line of communication and strive to work together to do the very best for DCB. Please feel free to address any concerns with me that you may have. I understand that some of my policies may not work 100% for your family, and as such have tried to give ample notice with any major changes; but ultimately you must do what is best for your family as must I. I want to continue to offer the best care possible for your family. DCB has a special place in my heart.

Sincerely,

Me
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JenNJ 03:47 PM 01-06-2012
Originally Posted by my3ps:
Issues:
-late payments
-bounced checks
-late pick ups
-last child to leave (2 hours later than the rest)
-terrible communication
-sick policy issues


Just a few stories from above. They have bounced 2 checks, asked me to hold a check, had to have their mom write me a check and even their sister, forgot my payment and when I asked them to bring it to me over the weekend just didn’t show, ect. DC Mom often picks up late; even when DC dad was off by 3 and is already home and they only live 10 minutes from me. I close at 6pm and she will pick up at 6:10 or even 6:15 and proceeds to ask me a million?’s about DC's day. As of Jan. 30th I changed my closing time to 5:30pm. She tells me she will have another family member pick up but if there is an issues she will “do her best”. My family life is suffering and my kids are often late to activities because she can't get there on time. Her communication has been terrible as the months have gone on. We generally text and she will often just not respond to me, even if I ask her a direct question, but if it is something she has a question about she is easily reachable via text. She is constantly pushing the limits of my sick policy. DC had pink eye about a month or so ago she brings DC, no doctors note, expects me to give DC their first dose of antibiotics and DC is still within the first 24 hours and is contagious. Another example; she tried to bring DC back the week of Xmas when DC was still running a fever and had thrown up the day before. Lucky I put my foot down as DC dad told me he stayed home with DC that day and got a face full of puke! Today was the last straw, DC mom shows up 20 minutes before she was suppose to be to work, tells me DC has croup, no doctors note (had gone the night before). Proceeds to tell me DC is fine, is contagious just like the common cold but can attend daycare. Not knowing very much about croup, just that it is contagious; I tell her I need a doctor’s note. Had she told me this last night or even an hour before she arrived I could have done a little research, called my pediatrician and found out in fact this was the case. So I text her, tell her DC may return to daycare once I get a doctor's note. Apologize for this morning and say to bring a note in the future as making split second decisions when I don't really know all that much about an illness is not an ideal situation and so I must era on the side of caution and abide by daycare regulations. No response as usual. I could tell she was pissed at me when she left this morning. However, had she just got the dang note we wouldn’t even have had to question DC’s attendance! Final thing DC has to go out on temporary leave within the coming months. DC will probably be out for 6-8, maybe even 10 weeks. I require 50% tuition to hold a spot. I doubt they will be able to pay the payment as they are having problems doing this now and DC mom is working. I can’t imagine they will be fine when she is on leave w/o pay.

Again, I love the DC and for the most part the parents are super nice, with the exceptions above. I am just not assertive when it comes to anything. Honestly, I even get really bad anxiety when I need to speak to someone about just about anything. I often let people take advantage of me and have a hard time cutting ties and setting limits. So would the above give you all grounds for terming? Maybe giving some clear guidelines and address the issues with them (I have to admit this option would cause me more stress).

Thanks for your input.
See bolded for answer. TERM THEM. They are only "nice" because you allow them to walk all over you! You are stressed, you family is suffering, and YOU are the only one who can control that!

There will always be another family to sign, but your family is the only one you've got -- SO PUT THEM FIRST! Including yourself!
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my3ps 11:11 PM 01-06-2012
After receiving an unbelievable letter back from this DCM, I have decided to term them. I am in utter shock at the response this woman gave me. I have NEVER seen someone so selfish. I should have just gone with my gut. If I have the time and energy to write out her reaponse letter I will tomorrow, even if just for pure giggles, shock and awe for you all. Now should I give her any notice or let this fall under my clause to terminate immediately at my discretion.
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momma2girls 06:04 AM 01-07-2012
Originally Posted by my3ps:
After receiving an unbelievable letter back from this DCM, I have decided to term them. I am in utter shock at the response this woman gave me. I have NEVER seen someone so selfish. I should have just gone with my gut. If I have the time and energy to write out her reaponse letter I will tomorrow, even if just for pure giggles, shock and awe for you all. Now should I give her any notice or let this fall under my clause to terminate immediately at my discretion.
What did the note say that she wrote back to you?
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momofboys 06:09 AM 01-07-2012
Originally Posted by my3ps:
After receiving an unbelievable letter back from this DCM, I have decided to term them. I am in utter shock at the response this woman gave me. I have NEVER seen someone so selfish. I should have just gone with my gut. If I have the time and energy to write out her reaponse letter I will tomorrow, even if just for pure giggles, shock and awe for you all. Now should I give her any notice or let this fall under my clause to terminate immediately at my discretion.
I'd love to see DCM's letter if you have time! I thought your letter was well thought out & kind even though it was a tad bit long. If she was rude to you with her own letter I'd term immediately!
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my3ps 06:40 AM 01-07-2012
So here it is in all it's glory. What gets me is that she actually thinks that there would be a chance in he double hockey sticks that I would be able to continue to work with her. She obviously really couldn't have thought that she could have written me a letter like that and expect us to continue to have a great working relationship could she?? Several things she wrote in here are just flat our untrue. See my response to her in the next post....keeping it ALL professional.

"First, let me address your concerns. I do agree that communication is important on both ends and it is very hard to hold a converstation during drop off and pick up times with chaos in the background. During the workday text messages are the best way of communication for me unless and emergency arises. Then, you may contact me any way necessary. You may also email me at ******* if need be during work hours, but if you email me after work hours I will not be able to view the email until the next business day when I return to work. In the evenings, phone calls or text messages are good, but there are times when I may not be able to respond in a timely manner due to my mother/wife rolls in our household. I will do my best to respond as soon as I can.

As for the sickness policy, I will from this point on be sure to provide a doctor's note after every illness visit with the doctor. When I spoke with the doctor the other evening she did not seem concerned about the daycare situation when I asked and said that he would be okay to return the very next day. It did not even cross my mind about getting a doctor's note at that time as she responded with no hesitation about the threat to others. Furthermore, if there had been a threat to others DCB had already exposed them to the virus on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week before you knew that it was something more than the common cold. Plus, he was there prior to Christmas break sick along with you and a few others. More recently, you and your children had bronchitis (highly contagious) which DCB was exposed to, but you didn't seem to think this was an issue. I don't understand what difference it made for DCB to have to stay home yesterday and I miss work when he did not have a fever, discharge from nose was clear, and no diarrhea, ect.

Ideally, I would love to be a stay at home mom and care for my son myself, but unfortunately that is not an option at this point as financial situations do not allow that. We do not have any other options but you at this point to care for our son while DCD and I are at work. Everyone we know has to work full-time or is in college full time(as well as working). So, when DCB is sick DCD or I have to take off work to care for him. My sons well-being is my top priority and if he genuinely cannot attend daycare due to fever, discolored discharge, diarrhea, ect I completely understand and will call out of work with no hesitation. My absence from work yesterday was completely unnecessary and I am upset that I not only had to miss a day of work with no pay, but that I still have to pay you for caring for my child when you did not (when you should have).

Now, the $10 late fee...I apologize for the lateness. In all the chaos of the day on Tuesday the 3rd, payment was the farthest thing from my mind-especially because I'm not used to giving you a check on Tuesday. A friendly reminder would've been nice. I understand that you were sidetracked as well with my late arrival due to the weather and all, but to slap me with a late fee.

That brings me to the change in your daily operation hours. One of the reasons we signed our initial contract with you was because you understood and accepted our situation and knew that I would not be able to pick DCB up from daycare until 6:00p everyday due to the fact that I do not get off work until 5:30p. Now, almost a year later you decide to change these hours and tell me that if I cannot make arrangements to pick DCB up by 5:30p I will be charges with a late fee. As I told you before, I am unable to change my work hours to accommodate this change and it is an incredible inconvenience for my mother to have to be the one to pick him up on a daily basis. I understand that you want to do what's best for your family, but what about us paying families who have set work schedules. We cannot just change them anytime we want. I find this to be completely unfair. Even so, we were forced to sign this contract renewal while we do not agree with certain things, because we are left with no other options.

Also,DCD and I have had concerns for awhile regarding the behavior of your children around our son. They are at times very loud and aggressive around DCB and at times the behavior has been directed at DCB (whether intentional or not). Whether or not the behavior is directed at DCB he is still witnessing it and I do not feel that is appropriate. I am concerned that DCB is going to begin to carry on those traits he's learned from his surroundings and think it is acceptable behavior. There have also been times where I am trying to discuss something with you and your children are trying to talk over us, throwing fits, ect. It is very distracting and difficult to carry on a conversation in those conditions.

Lastly, the Disney on Ice trip....DCD and I both agree that it is not an appropriate trip for an infant to go on and it is not fair to DCB or to us that you are taking this trip. Not only will this greatly affect his daily schedule, but this trip has no entertainment or educational value for him. This is fun for you and the older children, but not for an 11 month old. Our choices are to pay extra for the trip or take off work again or to allow your alternative care watch our son which you take the other children on the trip. Either way we still have to pay YOU for this time. I don't see how this is fair.

To conclude, all of this aside, DCB really enjoys coming to daycare every day. When I had to take him back home yesterday it really broke my heart. He was so happy tobe there and was having a blast in the short time he was there on the floor playing with the toys. When I picked him up and took the toys away he was upset and I felt like the bad guy. He whined all the way home. He didn't understand what was going on.

DCB loves playing with other children and I value that interaction he has with them. Anytime I say your name he lights up, so that tells me he really likes being in your company. I don't want that to change. I just hope we can find a way to work together.

Sincerely,

DCM
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my3ps 07:19 AM 01-07-2012
This is what I have so far...just need to finish my final paragraph about termination.

DCM,

As a parent myself, I expect that personal emotions and circumstances would enter a discussion like this. That element makes it all the more difficult to operate an in-home daycare business. But as much as providing the best care possible for your child is a top priority to me, this is, in fact, a business. Though it’s more personal, much the way you have an agreement and obligation to other services (i.e. phone, BGE, cable, credit cards, rent, etc.), this is a service that has responsibility attached to it. The intention of my letter was to highlight specific concerns based on our agreement. The only change in the 2012 agreement that is relevant to DCB (less the new MD medication laws and the provision that the provider has sole discretion on illnesses) is the 5:30 pick-up time. In your original agreement, please reference paragraph 20 of the Child Care Handbook (pg. 8), signed 25 March 2011, effective 04 April 2011, for the procedure on revising the agreement.

Communication:
I understand that life can be busy, but there have been times when text messages regarding DCB’s well-being have gone unanswered for 12+ hours. On one occasion, a message was sent almost an hour after his normal drop off time letting me know he wasn’t coming (please reference paragraph 9 of the 2011 agreement, paragraph 10 of the 2012 agreement).

Sickness Policy:
Paragraph 9 (on the original agreement) and paragraph 10 (on the 2012 agreement) address my sickness policy. Both reference a doctor’s note being necessary at the provider’s discretion in order to adhere to MD policy and help ensure the safety of other children in my care. I cannot base admittance of a child on when he/she contracted an illness. If child “A” goes home Monday evening and vomits at 6:00pm, I cannot re-admit him/her the next day because he/she potentially “already exposed the other children to the virus.” If a doctor has cleared a child for daycare admittance, a note stating so should be easy to secure and should not result in a loss of an entire days work/pay (assuming you pro-actively go to the doctor’s office and get the note in the morning). As for sickness in my own family…***, the only one diagnosed with bronchitis (which you were informed of), was on antibiotics for 2 days prior to daycare re-opening. Logical and reasonable precautions are taken when someone in my family is ill. It is unrealistic, and presumably extremely inconvenient, for my service to close every time someone in my household sneezes. I have, and will, exhaust all options when it comes to the health and well-being of my family and children in my care.

Fees:
I have been lenient with late payments and late pick-ups on more than a few occasions (you’ve only been charged 1 late payment fee…the most recent one). As a reminder, I also waived the weekly fees to hold DCB’s spot (28 Jan- 04 April) at the start of our agreement. These fees were in the initial agreement and were not enforced as a courtesy to you. A friendly reminder was given on the cover letter that was included with the 2012 agreement. It stated that all fees would be strictly assessed at the start of the new year. I hate to be blunt, but it is not my responsibility to remind you when payments are due. No other parent of a child in my care was late with their payment this past week, and Tuesday is not a typical day for any of them. I try to be as nice as possible when requesting past due payments, but at some point I have to follow the rules. As harsh as it sounds, your financial situation does not affect how I run my daycare. I am ultimately running a business and must often make tough decisions or risk closing all together.

Change In Operating Hours:
The decision to change my closing time has been one that I have been contemplating since the summer. I did not implement this change 4, 6, or 8 months into our agreement. Springing such a change on you in such a short time would have been inconsiderate. It is now 1 year later. The notice I sent out with the new agreement gave 5 week’s notice regarding this change. This should provide ample time to make arrangements, whether it be help with picking up DCB at the new closing time, or seeking another provider who can accommodate the 6:00 pick-up.

My Children and DCB:
I will be the first to admit that my children do, at times, have a tendency to be hyper when parents come in for drop off and pick-up. If this is a concern (especially one that you and DCD have “had for awhile”) I’m somewhat perplexed that 10 months have gone by without any indication of it.

Disney On Ice:
I have addressed the misunderstanding involving the Disney on Ice show; however, I would just like to clarify a few things. My decision to stay home, while still working in a personal business, was so that I am readily available to my own children. Per the agreement, I’m able to take off for my children's personal enjoyment. Thus the reason I have 5 personal days and 2 weeks of vacation built into my agreement, which I did NOT fully use last year. I will continue to take off or offer back up care to attend my children's activities.

I do not want to be viewed as the “only option”. I want my parents to regard me as the best option. My letter to you was strictly to address concerns dealing with the business aspect of this agreement. For the most part, I found your response defensive. There was very little acknowledgement of responsibility for not following the agreement (which again, has only really changed in pick-up time). Short of asking for a better line of communication, I was only trying to solidify things that you had previously agreed to.

With that in mind, and strictly that in mind, it is my suggestion that you look for another provider. I am extremely torn by this decision, as I have come to care deeply for DCB; however, I feel this would be in the best interest of both parties involved.

Three things to point out. My son does not have a confirmed clinical diagnosis (no chest x-ray, sputum culture, blood draw, ect) for Bronchitis. He has had a cough for two weeks and the Dr. treated it as such. No one else in my household was diagnosed with Bronchitis. To petty much everything else she is complaining about, it is outlined in my contract, which I might add she has agreed to now twice. The only complaint that could even be considered legit would be that of my own children. I have an 8yr old (school all day) & 5 yr old(half day school) & 3yr old(as of yesterday is 3, home all day). We have been struggling with drop off and pick up times as they will act out. Some of the behaviors are inappropriate. I know it is all the excitement and that they are having a hard time dealing with the restricted attention they are now getting from me. This is my first full year as a DCP (at the end of this month). I have never been concerned with the possibility that they would cause harm to any of the DCC in my care, but my DH and I have still been trying to address the issue. Also I did clarify to her in a text message that my alternative care for Disney on Ice was an approved substitute by the state and is listed in my contract; my DH!!! I requested that if any infants where to go on the trip that a parent would have to accompany them, but left them with an option to stay with my alternative care.

I plan on sending her a written very simple term letter via mail, if she doesn't return or give it to her Monday if I let her come back and she decides to. I am one who tends to have a very emotional first response. My DH tries to balance me, checking over any communication I send out and trying to maintain a professional business manner. From a business stand point he feels I should give her the 4 weeks notice and if she finds care before that great. Me, I am torn. Part of me wants to say screw you and here is an immediate term letter, the other part of me says be the bigger person, finish the contract and give her appropriate notice. She may just decide to not come back. (at which time she would owe me 4 weeks pay, so then what do I do. I just don't want the check that she just gave me on Wednesday to bounce or her to cancel it). Guess I need to decide.

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Blackcat31 08:20 AM 01-07-2012
Ok, I think that you BOTH have some valid points. As a child care provider, I myself would probably just term and be done with the whole thing. But only because I have been doing this for so many years that I do not have the time or patience to be continually explaining to parents why I have the rules I do and why I do what I do.

However, as a parent, I have to say she also has some valid points and seems to be reacting only from her point of view as a parent. Which she shouldn't be condenmed for. She doesn't run a child care and she doesn't know the ins and outs of having to multi-task all the children's and families needs that we have to balance on a regular basis. She is responding exactly as a first time parent would. Nothing in her response is really that disrespectful IMPO. I would view her resonses as simply one sided. Her side. But as I said, she has no other way of being on the other side.

I think part of this job is continually trying to create conversations and discussions with parents so that we all understand our duties and responsibilities. Sometimes I have to say something in ten different ways so that ALL my parents understand.

As humans, we talk and assume that others are all on the same wave-length or see things from the same perspective and that is just setting us and them up for mis-communication. Which I think this situation is nothing more than one big mis-communication.

I think you need to address your biggest points of contention, late payment, sickness and late pick up with her face to face. You need to find a way to help her understand that you deserve to be paid on time every time. Yes, you may have to remind her once in a while and although we don't like to have to and we shouldn't have, the bare truth of it is, we DO have to remind parents. I don't even know why but we just do. That has not changed in this field in forever.

I also think you need to go over your policies about late pick up with her. You need to tell her you made the change and if it doesn't work for her, then she will need to find new daycare. No sense arguing over the fact that she choose you because you stayed open later. You dont anymore. period. That part IS her choice to saty and get charged or leave to find new care that is open longer.

I am sorry this is going on in your care right now and I am sorry this is causing you (and her) some stress but as I said, you both have some valid points.

The one thing that kept popping into my head while reading both of your letters is that you both are viewing things from your own perspectives and are both fighting to do what is right for your own families. NOTHING wrong with that for either of you. I just wanted to say that I really saw nothing disrespectful in her (or your) letters/responses. You are both supporting your reasons for your own actions and pointing your fingers to the other for their actions. Seems there is some issues for her (late pick up, payment, sickness) and some issues on your end (behavior of your kids, changing closing times and unclear sick policy).

If you cannot find a way to meet in the middle, it is probably best to go your separate ways.
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Kaddidle Care 08:53 AM 01-07-2012
24 hour rule - please wait 24 hours before responding, then re-read your response to her.

Everyone has personalty differences. This Mom seems uber business like. The "only option" comment wasn't cool at all though.

Like Blackcat, being on the outside looking in I also see both of your points.

If you are having the pang of dread every time she drops off and picks up, then it's time to term.
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my3ps 10:42 AM 01-07-2012
I haven't sent anything back. After thinking about this more (I have worked on my response for over 12 hours) I am going to streamline it. Simply state, since she doesn't agree with or follow my polices that it is in the best interest for all parties if we just terminate the agreement. I also want to mention the only option thing. That't it. I don't want to play tit for tat, back and forth, this is as bare bones as I can get and should end any further dialog about our disagreements. As a courtesy I will give her the notice, if she needs it.

You are right I am having a hard time seeing her valid points. All the policies she is complaining about have been listed in both versions of my contract with the exception of the change in closing time. I can appreciate her position, and even understand her non agreement with my contract, however, I just can't grasp that this somehow makes her have a valid point in this. If you do, please point it out. Really, I am open to trying to look at it from her point of view, but that can be difficult when the other person is completely engulfed in themselves and their own position.

I will just never understand why people blindly sign things without reading them. Had she read the agreement she would have known the policies. I even have a section they must initial at the end asking them if they have read, agreed to and understand all my polices listed in the agreement. Whats the point of an agreement than people.
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Blackcat31 04:01 PM 01-07-2012
Originally Posted by my3ps:
I haven't sent anything back. After thinking about this more (I have worked on my response for over 12 hours) I am going to streamline it. Simply state, since she doesn't agree with or follow my polices that it is in the best interest for all parties if we just terminate the agreement.
I agree that a term letter should never be full of explaination and should be short and to the point. Anything more is just opening the door for debate or negotiation, which is exactly what you don't want. So yes, stream line it and I also agree that it is your right to say "Follow my rules or there WILL be consequences. Or teminate."
I also want to mention the only option thing. That't it. I don't want to play tit for tat, back and forth, this is as bare bones as I can get and should end any further dialog about our disagreements. As a courtesy I will give her the notice, if she needs it.

I don't see how the only option comment is such a big deal. I don't think she was saying it to be rude or hurtful but was saying it as a way to show you that she has no one else to help her work out all these issues. It is her and her DH and they have no family or friends that can assist in child care responsibilties. I don't see that comment as being mean/rude. Hiring daycare for some people is what they do when they dont have any other options. I don't think she meant YOU as a person...kwim? Using daycare itself was the only option is how I took it.

You are right I am having a hard time seeing her valid points. All the policies she is complaining about have been listed in both versions of my contract with the exception of the change in closing time. I can appreciate her position, and even understand her non agreement with my contract, however, I just can't grasp that this somehow makes her have a valid point in this. If you do, please point it out. Really, I am open to trying to look at it from her point of view, but that can be difficult when the other person is completely engulfed in themselves and their own position.
I also think the reason she is complaining now is because these were all things she did before and you let her and now you don't want to let her anymore and she doesn't like it. Don't get me wrong, finally standing strong and enforcing our rules and policies is our right and sometimes it is hard to get to that place in our career where we feel strong enough to actually do it. But as a parent, she is only seeing it as 'you let me do this before and now you aren't and that isn't fair.'
I will just never understand why people blindly sign things without reading them. Had she read the agreement she would have known the policies. I even have a section they must initial at the end asking them if they have read, agreed to and understand all my polices listed in the agreement. Whats the point of an agreement than people.
You are right here too. People shouldn't sign things if they aren't going to read them and really abide by them, but again in her defence she did it before and didn't have to abide by the rules (because you didn't make her).
I answered in bold above. What you are going through is very common for providers when you first start out. You offer what you think parents want and you try really hard to be flexible and accommodating to your families but pretty soon you find that sometimes the parents take advantage of your flexibility or niceness and sometimes you find that what worked then (closing at 6) doesn't work now.

That is all perfectly fine and you are doing the right thing by trying to work it out with this mom but you also need to be able to say, "Ok, look I tried and I am not willing to bend anymore. These are my new rules and I will enforce them from now on." and then you need to do it.

Put the rules out there and tell her if she agrees to them, then sign the contract. If she doesn't agree, then give her two weeks notice and move on.

It is sad because you do get attached to children but business needs to come first or you and your family will always be last.

Hang in there. You are doing great so far. I hope my feedback helps. FWIW~ I agree with you, I just wanted to throw the other (parents) perspective in there...
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my3ps 05:15 PM 01-07-2012
Thank you! This really did help. I decided to go with this response:

DCM,

As a parent myself, I expect that personal emotions and circumstances would enter a discussion like this. That element makes it all the more difficult to operate an in-home daycare business, and is a major reason that an agreement/contract is necessary. But as much as providing the best care possible for DCB is a top priority to me, this is, in fact, a business. The intention of my initial letter was to highlight specific concerns based on our agreement.

Bottom line, we have to follow the entire agreement. Specifically:
- Payments be made by pick-up on Fridays
- Pick-up by 6:00 until January 27th, 5:30 thereafter
- Adhere to the sickness policy; including the doctor’s note at my discretion
- Late fees due upon pick-up or prior to the next scheduled day of care

I genuinely understand your personal positions, but these are the policies of the daycare that every one of my families follows. There are specific policies that you have not adhered to and admittedly do not agree with in both the 2011 and 2012 Child Care Agreement. Please in the future, read your childcare agreements carefully, make sure that you fully understand them, and regardless of your personal opinions, are willing to abide by them prior to signing. The agreements are not a one-size-fits-all solution for every family, but again are necessary in establishing how things must operate.

If you feel these policies will pose issues for you in the future, this daycare arrangement may not be suited for your family. I do not mean to sound harsh in saying that, but everyone must keep their best interest in mind. I will not be offended and will understand if this situation will not work for you. If this happens to be the case, I am more than willing to work with you while you search out other daycare options.

Sincerely,

Me

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I answered in bold above. What you are going through is very common for providers when you first start out. You offer what you think parents want and you try really hard to be flexible and accommodating to your families but pretty soon you find that sometimes the parents take advantage of your flexibility or niceness and sometimes you find that what worked then (closing at 6) doesn't work now.

That is all perfectly fine and you are doing the right thing by trying to work it out with this mom but you also need to be able to say, "Ok, look I tried and I am not willing to bend anymore. These are my new rules and I will enforce them from now on." and then you need to do it.

Put the rules out there and tell her if she agrees to them, then sign the contract. If she doesn't agree, then give her two weeks notice and move on.

It is sad because you do get attached to children but business needs to come first or you and your family will always be last.

Hang in there. You are doing great so far. I hope my feedback helps. FWIW~ I agree with you, I just wanted to throw the other (parents) perspective in there...

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Blackcat31 05:31 PM 01-07-2012
Much better. You empathized with her but you also laid it on the line. Then at the end you gave her an out. No matter the outcome you were clear that you view this only as a business decision and not a personal one.

I think had you responded before, you would have come off as personally attacking her because you felt as if she was personally attacking you. Taking a step back, asking for other perspectives and then deciding on a course of action is always the best thing for all parties involved.

I will be interested in seeing how she responds. If she really wants her child with you, she will find a way to follow the rules. If she can't, then I think the best thing is for her to find alternate care. If she does leave, don't get sucked into watching the dcb later than you want to (5:30) because it is only temporary until she finds new care.... once ALWAYS seems to turn into a lot more than that.

I'm glad you took the time to took time to step back before sending off an emotional response.
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Tags:terminate, terminate - non-payment
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