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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Not Sorry To See Her Go.....
Meeko 09:48 AM 02-17-2012
Today is the last day for one of my dcg's. She's 6 and has been with me since she was 2 months old.

I've had many kids over the years who have with me after lot shorter time and I have broken my heart when they left. Not this one.

It's been hard for me to describe her...but my husband hit the nail on the head.

Think of Angelica from Rugrats. She lives and breathes in my day care.

Her mother spoils her dreadfully. She is catty, selfish, spiteful, manipulative, demanding and just plain nasty. Not the nicest way to describe a 6 year old, but I can't pretend that I see any endearing qualities in the child.

I have tried to teach her manners and to be nice etc...all useless.

Her mother drives me crazy too. She'll whine about payment (most of which is paid by the state) and how hard up she is and yet the child comes almost daily with new clothes and is always boasting about her latest toy. If anyone brings something for show and tell (Friday afternoons), that she doesn't have...she is horrible to that person for the rest of the day (as if they have no right to have anything she doesn't have) and then usually shows up the next show and tell day with the same toy that she has insisted her mother buy her. It's sickening.

I know the relatives of the girl and they refuse to ever tend her because she treats her own cousins like dirt....just like Angelica!!!

She is leaving because of school problems. Like most kids who go here from birth through school, her mother made special arrangements so she could attend the local school and go back and forth on the bus, which picks up and drops off outside my back gate. She should actually be in another school district.

Mom has "problems" getting up in the mornings (she lost her job over this and has gone back to school and the state is now paying most of her day care) and the child has been late for school more often than not or hasn't even gone. Mom will drop her off here at 3:30PM (after school hours), tell me she needs to study....and picks her up at 6PM when I close.

Well, the school finally had enough, told her she was taking up a spot that could go to a child who actually lived in the area and told her she was no longer welcome.

Sooooo.....as she lives about 15 miles away, coming here for day care is no longer practical.

Sorry for being so long winded....the bottom line is, I am not sad to see this child go. The other kids LOVE it when she's not here and so do I. I feel bad for saying that and have tried to like her, but she's a very unlikable child and I am not the only one as even her relatives can't stand to be around her!

Am I a horrible person because I will be faking the "sad" goodbye tonight????
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wdmmom 09:54 AM 02-17-2012
Oh gosh no! A child that takes a lot of time, effort, energy or are just a royal pain sucks the life out of you! When they are gone, it's like a newfound sense of life! The world seems brighter, work is fun and your upbeat attitude is seen for miles.

Feel free to do the happy dance not once or twice but maybe even three times after they leave tonight. Then poor yourself a glass of wine and smile!
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JenNJ 09:55 AM 02-17-2012
Sometimes I do not like a child I care for. When I dare to tell someone this, they look at me with shock and horror. Usually they ask, "How can you work with kids when you don't like them?" My answer: "I am great at my job. I treat all kids the same even if I don't like a child or I have a favorite. Not even my husband can tell you who my favorites and least favorites are and he sees me working with them 2-3 hours every weekday. Part of my job is to make every child feel loved and appreciated, so I do."

Remember that kids are people too. I don't like every adult so why would I like every child? Some people's personalities just don't mesh. As long as you took good care of that child and you were kind, you did your job.

So no, you aren't a horrible person. You are damn good at your job!
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Meeko 10:02 AM 02-17-2012
Thanks for the support...I have always treated her with love and kindness...it just doesn't come as easily as it does for the other kids. I usually HATE my last day with my kids. I cry buckets as I grow so attached to them. I am sad to say that after 6 years, there is no real attachment to this little girl.

I do feel confident that I have done my job and taken good care of her. But it's been just that....a job.
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Cat Herder 10:04 AM 02-17-2012
I bet next week is going to be so peaceful....
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Ariana 10:09 AM 02-17-2012
You provide a service so liking the kid isn't a requirement IMO. As long as that doesn't affect your treatment of her or the services you provide I don't see a problem with it. We can't always afford to only take kids we love!! Only a fellow daycare provider can relate to that

Sounds like the mom is a bit of a loser! I wouldn't be sad to see her go either...
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Sugar Magnolia 10:12 AM 02-17-2012
When you have a child that makes you and everyone around you miserable, it's definitely ok to not feel bad when they leave. I'm totally with you on this.
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Heidi 10:26 AM 02-17-2012
When you say goodbye tonight, don't fake something you don't feel, like
"oh....I will miss you so....."

I would find SOMETHING nice to say, wishing their family well, and maybe giving her a group picture of all of you? It's really too bad that she's so spoiled. It will cost her many relationships in her life. Sad, really!
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countrymom 10:33 AM 02-17-2012
don't ever wonder how teachers do it. Imagine 20 kids in a class, there is no way they like all of them, they tolerate them, they do their job, treat them like everyone else and when they leave I bet you that they do the happy dance.
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bunnyslippers 10:36 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
don't ever wonder how teachers do it. Imagine 20 kids in a class, there is no way they like all of them, they tolerate them, they do their job, treat them like everyone else and when they leave I bet you that they do the happy dance.
It is sooooo difficult to teach 20 kids and love them all the same. I had a TERRIBLE time naming my two boys, because so many names reminded me of kids I couldn't stand over the years.

Celebrate Angelica's departure tonight! Go out to dinner and breathe a sigh of relief!
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momma2girls 10:40 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
When you have a child that makes you and everyone around you miserable, it's definitely ok to not feel bad when they leave. I'm totally with you on this.
This is very, very true!!! After doing daycare for over 9 yrs. now- I will tolerate things anymore, like I used to. I think yr. after yr. you develop more of a strong backbone!!! It is definately not worth it!!
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saved4always 10:44 AM 02-17-2012
ITA with everyone else here. There is no way that you are going to love every child you watch the same and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing the happy dance when a child who made your job way harder is leaving. As long as you gave her the same good care as all the other kids and as long as you did not show to the parents or the child that you did not really like her, you have done your job. It was your job to make sure she was cared for and safe and that she felt loved (even if you didn't really feel the love). Sounds like you successfully did that. So, enjoy your happy dance tonight after pick up!!!!!!
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laundrymom 10:44 AM 02-17-2012
I had a family several years ago,similar to yours. high maintenance. The oldest and middle kids were unhappy, unfriendly and not a joy to have. Three kids. Mom found a center where they could all attend for seven. Seven dollars less PER MONTH!!! Like $7.00. Per month, for all three. Not each. $2.33 per kid per month is what she saved.
I was not dropping my rate to compete I kept playing the Rascal flatt song,' I feel bad, that I don't feel bad. '

3 weeks, stitches to the eye of the middle one, lice infestation, two bouts of diareah, and one smashed finger in the play yard storage shed later, I amazingly had no opening for them. @@

It is okay to " feel bad, that you don't feel bad" about them leaving.
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CheekyChick 10:53 AM 02-17-2012
Maybe you could act sad because you WISH you were sad and WISH you had feelings for this little girl. Then it would be authentic.

The fact is, children are like all people. Some we adore and some we don't. I've had children for less than a year that I cried hysterically when they left. I've had some for years that I don't feel anything at all (or maybe even a tiny bit happy).
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sharlan 10:53 AM 02-17-2012
I agree with the others. It's really hard to admit that you don't "totally love" a child. Sometimes we just don't mesh with a child no matter what we try to do.
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beachgrl 11:20 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
It is sooooo difficult to teach 20 kids and love them all the same. I had a TERRIBLE time naming my two boys, because so many names reminded me of kids I couldn't stand over the years.

Celebrate Angelica's departure tonight! Go out to dinner and breathe a sigh of relief!
I totally know what you mean and between myself and a few other teacher friends there are several names that are just a no go for future kids, lol...

I taught prek for six years and i have only had one kid that I truly struggled with as far as liking/tolerating/treating the same as the rest and it was bc he was just spoiled, mean, and would look at you like "yah, so what? what are you going to do about it?" as he threw books and toys across my class, bullied the other kids, punched the thermostat box, shoved an entire shelf across the library and much more! The thing with him was, I had way worse behaviors from other kids..way worse, but you could tell they had no control and would just boil over and escalate, freak out, you name it..but he knew exactly what he was doing and he knew better!
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nannyde 11:24 AM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I had a TERRIBLE time naming my two boys, because so many names reminded me of kids I couldn't stand over the years.

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bice99 12:19 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
don't ever wonder how teachers do it. Imagine 20 kids in a class, there is no way they like all of them, they tolerate them, they do their job, treat them like everyone else and when they leave I bet you that they do the happy dance.
As an 11 year teaching veteran, I can attest to the fact that teachers have their favorites and least favorites, but you would never know it going into a good teacher's classroom of 30-35 elementary kids! Gotta love the overcrowded schools of Oregon.
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Crystal 12:47 PM 02-17-2012
Meeko....it's not bad of you to feel that way. I think, especially for those of us who have been at this for more than a decade, we all have had a child or two who we didn't/don't "like"

It's just like with adults.....we don't automatically like everyone.....

I've had "that kid" before too, and I tell ya, the dynamics of my entire program changed the day he left. Seems even the other kids were stressed out by him and were all able to breathe a little easier once he left. He's the ONLY kid ever that I didn't cry the day he left......kinda sad because his Mom noticed....they were with me for years and saw how I reacted when others moved on.....but this kid, I couldn't even fake it with
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PitterPatter 01:17 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Today is the last day for one of my dcg's. She's 6 and has been with me since she was 2 months old.

I've had many kids over the years who have with me after lot shorter time and I have broken my heart when they left. Not this one.

It's been hard for me to describe her...but my husband hit the nail on the head.

Think of Angelica from Rugrats. She lives and breathes in my day care.

Her mother spoils her dreadfully. She is catty, selfish, spiteful, manipulative, demanding and just plain nasty. Not the nicest way to describe a 6 year old, but I can't pretend that I see any endearing qualities in the child.

I have tried to teach her manners and to be nice etc...all useless.

Her mother drives me crazy too. She'll whine about payment (most of which is paid by the state) and how hard up she is and yet the child comes almost daily with new clothes and is always boasting about her latest toy. If anyone brings something for show and tell (Friday afternoons), that she doesn't have...she is horrible to that person for the rest of the day (as if they have no right to have anything she doesn't have) and then usually shows up the next show and tell day with the same toy that she has insisted her mother buy her. It's sickening.

I know the relatives of the girl and they refuse to ever tend her because she treats her own cousins like dirt....just like Angelica!!!

She is leaving because of school problems. Like most kids who go here from birth through school, her mother made special arrangements so she could attend the local school and go back and forth on the bus, which picks up and drops off outside my back gate. She should actually be in another school district.

Mom has "problems" getting up in the mornings (she lost her job over this and has gone back to school and the state is now paying most of her day care) and the child has been late for school more often than not or hasn't even gone. Mom will drop her off here at 3:30PM (after school hours), tell me she needs to study....and picks her up at 6PM when I close.

Well, the school finally had enough, told her she was taking up a spot that could go to a child who actually lived in the area and told her she was no longer welcome.

Sooooo.....as she lives about 15 miles away, coming here for day care is no longer practical.

Sorry for being so long winded....the bottom line is, I am not sad to see this child go. The other kids LOVE it when she's not here and so do I. I feel bad for saying that and have tried to like her, but she's a very unlikable child and I am not the only one as even her relatives can't stand to be around her!

Am I a horrible person because I will be faking the "sad" goodbye tonight????
No you are not, I would breathe a sigh of relief as well. You kept her this long so I say a huge KUDOS to you for that alone!!! Heck a round of applause for you even! I have a very hard time dealing with children like that and I couldn't stand Angelica for the record
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PitterPatter 01:19 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I bet next week is going to be so peaceful....
ITA!! I bet on show and tell Friday you will sit back and think of just how wonderful this really is and SMILE!
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Meeko 01:32 PM 02-17-2012
I'm sick at the moment...had to go to the emergency room for a breathing treatment last night as my chest was so tight and I coughed hard enough to make my nose bleed. Hubby and son are taking on most of the day care load today, I'm just here doing paperwork and surfing!!

My sugar levels are out of whack (type 2 diabetes), my blood pressure is high and my hormones are all over the place (angry menopause due to hysterectomy a few years ago.)

I won't cry tonight when she leaves, but I'm having a good emotional cry reading the replies right now!!!!! Thanks for the support...love ya all!

PS...Hubby said to me "those gals are awesome, aren't they?"

You sure are!
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Meeko 01:34 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
don't ever wonder how teachers do it. Imagine 20 kids in a class, there is no way they like all of them, they tolerate them, they do their job, treat them like everyone else and when they leave I bet you that they do the happy dance.
We're group and I have 16 at any given time!
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Country Kids 02:01 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
We're group and I have 16 at any given time!
Do you have helpers all the time. I think that is what helps immensly with groups like that too. My son has 32 in his class-4th grade and there is no helper-just the teacher-. Then when I hear people say something about her I just want to say, when was the last time you went in and volunteered some time so she can teach and not have to be refereeing all the time!
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Mary Poppins 02:12 PM 02-17-2012
Honestly, if she is as you describe, and you DID cry tears of sadness at her departure, then I would worry about you lol.

My older sister was an Angelica and my parents put her in beauty pageants (think Toddlers in Tiaras) to boot so you can imagine what my childhood was like.
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Meeko 02:15 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Do you have helpers all the time. I think that is what helps immensly with groups like that too. My son has 32 in his class-4th grade and there is no helper-just the teacher-. Then when I hear people say something about her I just want to say, when was the last time you went in and volunteered some time so she can teach and not have to be refereeing all the time!
My husband, son and daughter all help. there is always at least two of us.
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e.j. 02:39 PM 02-17-2012
I hope you feel better soon.

Don't feel guilty about "Angelica". We're all human. There are personalities we click with and others... not so much. Like so many said, as long as you treated her well while she was in your care, you have nothing to feel bad about.

I've loved most of the kids in my care but there have been a few who made me feel a sense of relief once they left my home for the last time. Usually once they get old enough to develop a fresh mouth, aggressive, destructive behavior.....I'm over it. Can't wait for that type of kid to leave.
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Bookworm 03:18 PM 02-17-2012
Don't feel bad. Just think about how peaceful everything is going to be starting Monday. I have 3 kids just like that, 1 Angelica and 2 Angelos. And one of the Angelos is ALWAYS there. Just like everybody else, I just smile and go on with my day.

Just sit back with a glass of wine and good movie and enjoy yourself.
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Kaddidle Care 03:44 PM 02-17-2012
While we all do our best to treat each child the same, they ARE different and thus you have to treat them differently.

There are some that you will ask to "please" do something and they will respond. There are others that you TELL to do something because you know that asking please means nothing to them.

We cannot mesh with every personality. We are all different.

It's sad that she's spoiled to the point of being obnoxious. Unfortunately there are many like her. They are setting her up for a big fall - I hope she isn't hurt badly by it.

No need to put on a fake sad face. Smile and be happy for her that she will be going to a new school - how exciting!
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Snapdragon 04:33 PM 02-17-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Today is the last day for one of my dcg's. She's 6 and has been with me since she was 2 months old.

I've had many kids over the years who have with me after lot shorter time and I have broken my heart when they left. Not this one.

It's been hard for me to describe her...but my husband hit the nail on the head.

Think of Angelica from Rugrats. She lives and breathes in my day care.

Her mother spoils her dreadfully. She is catty, selfish, spiteful, manipulative, demanding and just plain nasty. Not the nicest way to describe a 6 year old, but I can't pretend that I see any endearing qualities in the child.

I have tried to teach her manners and to be nice etc...all useless.

Her mother drives me crazy too. She'll whine about payment (most of which is paid by the state) and how hard up she is and yet the child comes almost daily with new clothes and is always boasting about her latest toy. If anyone brings something for show and tell (Friday afternoons), that she doesn't have...she is horrible to that person for the rest of the day (as if they have no right to have anything she doesn't have) and then usually shows up the next show and tell day with the same toy that she has insisted her mother buy her. It's sickening.

I know the relatives of the girl and they refuse to ever tend her because she treats her own cousins like dirt....just like Angelica!!!

She is leaving because of school problems. Like most kids who go here from birth through school, her mother made special arrangements so she could attend the local school and go back and forth on the bus, which picks up and drops off outside my back gate. She should actually be in another school district.

Mom has "problems" getting up in the mornings (she lost her job over this and has gone back to school and the state is now paying most of her day care) and the child has been late for school more often than not or hasn't even gone. Mom will drop her off here at 3:30PM (after school hours), tell me she needs to study....and picks her up at 6PM when I close.

Well, the school finally had enough, told her she was taking up a spot that could go to a child who actually lived in the area and told her she was no longer welcome.

Sooooo.....as she lives about 15 miles away, coming here for day care is no longer practical.

Sorry for being so long winded....the bottom line is, I am not sad to see this child go. The other kids LOVE it when she's not here and so do I. I feel bad for saying that and have tried to like her, but she's a very unlikable child and I am not the only one as even her relatives can't stand to be around her!

Am I a horrible person because I will be faking the "sad" goodbye tonight????

Sounds to me like you are a pretty wonderful person -- you have worked with her for a long time, obviously without her knowing your feelings. To me that is true professionalism.
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Greenplasticwateringcans 08:28 AM 02-18-2012
I have a child that I will not shed a tear to see go. In fact I am counting down the days .
I stopped feeling guilty for feeling this was about a few children I had but it was hard.
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Meeko 03:07 PM 02-18-2012
Well the mom arrived to pick her up....she said "Give **** a big hug because you won't be see her again for a while!"

That was met with "Nope!" She ran down the steps ignoring her mother calling for her to stop.... and deliberately ran her bag all down the side of my new car and then turned to give me a sneering "whatcha gonna do about it?" grin. She jumped in her car and proceeded to lock the doors (keys inside) so her mother couldn't get in.

Her mother finally agreed to take her to Build a Bear if she opened the doors and they left........


.....deep sigh.......happy dance!!!!
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Kaddidle Care 03:09 PM 02-18-2012
Good luck Mom!

Good riddance! It's party time!
Attached: emo26.gif (3.8 KB) 
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nannyde 06:08 PM 02-18-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Well the mom arrived to pick her up....she said "Give **** a big hug because you won't be see her again for a while!"

That was met with "Nope!" She ran down the steps ignoring her mother calling for her to stop.... and deliberately ran her bag all down the side of my new car and then turned to give me a sneering "whatcha gonna do about it?" grin. She jumped in her car and proceeded to lock the doors (keys inside) so her mother couldn't get in.

Her mother finally agreed to take her to Build a Bear if she opened the doors and they left........


.....deep sigh.......happy dance!!!!
Doesn't make you wonder how much really poor selfish parenting can actually construct a child's mind. What would this child be like if she was expected to use her powers for good and not evil. She's obviously slick. With the right parent putting in rules, boundaries, limitations, consequences, with love and attention she could well end up being a superstar.

I believe with every cell of my being that this kind of parenting is for the parent not for the child. When parents are this permissive they are doing it for themselves. This parent wants their own minute to minute to be as easy as possible. The child disturbing that lends them to do whatever the child wants so the parent isn't upset. It looks like spoiling a child but really it is a parent spoiling themselves. They do think their own child should come above all others EXCEPT for themselves.

The ultimate narcisistic parent raising a child based solely on thier moment to moment happiness.

Pathetic

Unfortunately society gets to pay the price for the parents selfishness. You have just done your time.
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Meeko 08:15 PM 02-18-2012
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Doesn't make you wonder how much really poor selfish parenting can actually construct a child's mind. What would this child be like if she was expected to use her powers for good and not evil. She's obviously slick. With the right parent putting in rules, boundaries, limitations, consequences, with love and attention she could well end up being a superstar.

I believe with every cell of my being that this kind of parenting is for the parent not for the child. When parents are this permissive they are doing it for themselves. This parent wants their own minute to minute to be as easy as possible. The child disturbing that lends them to do whatever the child wants so the parent isn't upset. It looks like spoiling a child but really it is a parent spoiling themselves. They do think their own child should come above all others EXCEPT for themselves.

The ultimate narcisistic parent raising a child based solely on thier moment to moment happiness.

Pathetic

Unfortunately society gets to pay the price for the parents selfishness. You have just done your time.
Too true Nan.......the child is as bright as they come and yet all her efforts go to the negative.

She's behind in Kindergarten now, because her mother doesn't take her half the time, and yet she's got the smarts to be a good student.

We worked so hard to teach her honesty and compassion. To take turns, to talk quietly and politely etc etc. Every day it was all undone the second her mother picked her up. In the few minutes it's takes for pickup, we saw bribery, manipulation, avoidance, tantrums, lies....you name it.

What's sad is that even her own FATHER doesn't have much to do with her. The mom says "he thinks she's a brat" Not an excuse to be an absent father....but he's right!

I think it's sad that she cannot see what she has created and how life is only going to come back and bite her on the hiney as this girl gets older. The teen years are going to be HELL.
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Candyland 10:17 PM 02-18-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Well the mom arrived to pick her up....she said "Give **** a big hug because you won't be see her again for a while!"

That was met with "Nope!" She ran down the steps ignoring her mother calling for her to stop.... and deliberately ran her bag all down the side of my new car and then turned to give me a sneering "whatcha gonna do about it?" grin. She jumped in her car and proceeded to lock the doors (keys inside) so her mother couldn't get in.

Her mother finally agreed to take her to Build a Bear if she opened the doors and they left........


.....deep sigh.......happy dance!!!!
If she stays on this same road can you imagine how she'll be as a teen?? Society won't allow her to continue on...it'll be amazing to see what happens. Sad.
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Sunchimes 09:23 AM 02-19-2012
Maybe this will make you laugh.

Have you ever known an adult that liked and enjoyed running into, but never did? (We live in a small, rural town, so it isn't all that unusual to run into people at the local meeting place, um, I mean Walmart.) And then there was the person that you really didn't like and you saw him every time you left your house? Honestly, I'm a pretty easy going person and can get along with almost anyone. This guy was a rare exception, and I saw him all the time. Seriously, we went to the State Fair 75 miles away, thousands of people there, and guess who we ran into--more than once.

I've had 2 kids in my teaching career that I just couldn't like. One was a stinker--I would bet that he is in legal system in some way--he's either one of the brightest, shark-iest lawyers in town or serving a life sentence. Maybe both.

Then there was the little girl that whined. All the time. She was 11. I never heard anything but a whine from that child. And, guess who I ran into every time I left the house. For years, even after she was in high school. Did I ever run into the kids that I loved and the ones that were interesting? Nope.

So, I'm happy that you are finished with her, and my hope is that you don't run into her ever again!
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Tags:bad fit, catty, demanding, manipulative, over it, selfish, spiteful, terminate
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