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daycare 08:32 AM 11-23-2015
I have never had this happen before and I am not too sure how to deal with it.

I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie.

The issue is that on Friday, DCM came in and said that the DCD is always in her ear about how concerned he is about their child in my daycare.

they said that every time they are within a block of my home, dck starts crying saying NO NO NO, mean.
the dcm said that dcd doesn't want to bring it up to me, but that he constantly complains to her about stuff.

I reassured her that if her child was not happy here, I would let them know and that if they didn't feel that their child was safe in my care, they should give notice.

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

Their child is non-verbal here and only grunts when she talks. She has never been in a time out, we actually call them thinking spot.

I let it roll off my back, but woke this morning and it is still bugging me.

It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad.

Would you say something or let it go?
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:49 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have never had this happen before and I am not too sure how to deal with it.

I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie.

The issue is that on Friday, DCM came in and said that the DCD is always in her ear about how concerned he is about their child in my daycare.

they said that every time they are within a block of my home, dck starts crying saying NO NO NO, mean.
the dcm said that dcd doesn't want to bring it up to me, but that he constantly complains to her about stuff.

I reassured her that if her child was not happy here, I would let them know and that if they didn't feel that their child was safe in my care, they should give notice.

Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.

Their child is non-verbal here and only grunts when she talks. She has never been in a time out, we actually call them thinking spot.

I let it roll off my back, but woke this morning and it is still bugging me.

It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad.

Would you say something or let it go?
Personally, I would terminate. I am SOOO not a fan when parents do that and act as though the fact that THEY bring their child to daycare and the kid doesn't want to go is YOUR fault or something YOU are doing wrong. Dad needs to learn that dck will have this issue wherever she goes. It takes time for them to get used to it and even daycare kids that I have had for years with no issues will sometimes come in and cry out of the blue. If you don't want to term, you could bring it up to dad.
"Dcm said you were having issues with bringing LO to daycare. I want to assure you that it is totally normal for children not to want to come to daycare. They want to be at home with their parents, just as most of us adults would rather be home, than at work. She does great here and if there was anything I was concerned about, I would let you know."

Not sure what you disciplining other kids has to do with it, but of course dck will be exposed to the behavior of other children...it is group care

Again, that would rub me the wrong way and I would give notice. They need to be on the same page or find a new daycare, because you should not have to deal with constant scrutiny from a parent that will probably not be happy no matter where they go.
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daycare 08:55 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Personally, I would terminate. I am SOOO not a fan when parents do that and act as though the fact that THEY bring their child to daycare and the kid doesn't want to go is YOUR fault or something YOU are doing wrong. Dad needs to learn that dck will have this issue wherever she goes. It takes time for them to get used to it and even daycare kids that I have had for years with no issues will sometimes come in and cry out of the blue. If you don't want to term, you could bring it up to dad.
"Dcm said you were having issues with bringing LO to daycare. I want to assure you that it is totally normal for children not to want to come to daycare. They want to be at home with their parents, just as most of us adults would rather be home, than at work. She does great here and if there was anything I was concerned about, I would let you know."

Not sure what you disciplining other kids has to do with it, but of course dck will be exposed to the behavior of other children...it is group care

Again, that would rub me the wrong way and I would give notice. They need to be on the same page or find a new daycare, because you should not have to deal with constant scrutiny from a parent that will probably not be happy no matter where they go.
this is exactly how I feel. I am not going to be under constant scrutiny from anyone. I have been through the I don't like daycare I don't want to go issue with kids in the past, but I Have never out right have a parent say " our kid thinks your mean and doesn't want to come".

Friday I was so busy that perhaps I didn't have time to let it stew over, until now.

I am really feeling that a term is going to be necessary.
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Blackcat31 09:17 AM 11-23-2015
I wouldn't terminate but I'd stop discussing it.

Parents "She cries when we get within a block of your house, is anything going on we should know about?"

Provider "It's normal during times of transition. If she is unhappy here and does not settle in after drop off within X minutes, I will contact you for pick up"

Parent "blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "If she doesn't settle in, rest assured I will call you"

Parent "But blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "I will call if we need you"

Parent "Yes, but blah, blah, blah, blah"

Provider "If YOU as her parents are unhappy with my program X weeks of notice is required for withdrawal."

I am not trying to belittle anything the parent is actually saying, just that I think you as the provider shouldn't have to continually reassure a parent when you have a plan in place for situations like this and you've either already discussed it with the parent or they already know how you handle these types of situations.

I would simply reassure them of your plan to call if she doesn't settle in. I would not continually discuss it or continually reassure. It's time consuming and honestly not something that you want to keep entertaining.
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midaycare 09:18 AM 11-23-2015
I agree - term. It seems manipulative or accusing, or ... Something.
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daycare 09:31 AM 11-23-2015
thanks ladies..

Glad that me still feeling this way is not out of the normal of wanting to term. I am going to be giving notice after the Thanksgiving holiday.

I refuse to let anyone drag me down. I learned years ago that if something is still bothering me a few days later, I need to take action and do something about it.

there is not a whole lot that bothers me anymore, but this just rubbed me the wrong way.

thanks again
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nannyde 09:59 AM 11-23-2015
I would tell her that Dad should trust his instinct. If the child is crying "No No No" then don't bring him that day. You hate to hear Dad is so upset and concerned. If "I" were his parent, I couldn't bare to hear the crying and would NEVER bring my child somewhere he didn't want to go. The child should be very excited to come as all the kids here are. He deserves to be happy. He's only a child once. His happiness should be their main concern.

I would add that I have never come across this before in X years but I am confident that their son should ALWAYS be happy. He's not and Dad is not.

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline. Ask her what he specifically said.

Since he can't talk, that would mean she completely made that up.

I would bet the Dad isn't the issue here. It's very common for moms with parental attention seeking syndrome to invoke the Dad in the lead sentence so she can get the subject on the table without taking ownership of her own words.

She didn't invent that technique.
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daycare 10:20 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would tell her that Dad should trust his instinct. If the child is crying "No No No" then don't bring him that day. You hate to hear Dad is so upset and concerned. If "I" were his parent, I couldn't bare to hear the crying and would NEVER bring my child somewhere he didn't want to go. The child should be very excited to come as all the kids here are. He deserves to be happy. He's only a child once. His happiness should be their main concern.

I would add that I have never come across this before in X years but I am confident that their son should ALWAYS be happy. He's not and Dad is not.

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline. Ask her what he specifically said.

Since he can't talk, that would mean she completely made that up.

I would bet the Dad isn't the issue here. It's very common for moms with parental attention seeking syndrome to invoke the Dad in the lead sentence so she can get the subject on the table without taking ownership of her own words.

She didn't invent that technique.
i do agree with what you are saying, but really dad is the one that questions everything and I have resorted to telling him read your hand book, read your contract and etc.

THe funny thing is, is that the kid is shy when they come, but is not cying at all. sometimes I can get a smile out of him.

So yes nan, I belive you are right that the dcd is more than likely making this up.

the parents also say that the child is very verbal at home, just not here.
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Blackcat31 10:25 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by :
The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline.
@Daycare....I must have missed something. Where did mom/dad say anything about disciplining the others?
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nannyde 10:27 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
@Daycare....I must have missed something. Where did mom/dad say anything about disciplining the others?
Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.
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daycare 10:30 AM 11-23-2015
Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.



To be honest the situation as a whole pissed me off.

I guess I didn't really think too much about that part as I am sure the dcm has seen me be stern and talk with another dck while they were here dropping off.

I am so over this whole situation and you guys pretty much validated how I was feeling about the whole situation.
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mommyneedsadayoff 10:33 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
i do agree with what you are saying, but really dad is the one that questions everything and I have resorted to telling him read your hand book, read your contract and etc.

THe funny thing is, is that the kid is shy when they come, but is not cying at all. sometimes I can get a smile out of him.

So yes nan, I belive you are right that the dcd is more than likely making this up.

the parents also say that the child is very verbal at home, just not here.
I am sure dck speaks more at home than at daycare. At home, she is the center of attention and the apple of her parent's eye. It is probably one of the reasons she may tell dad she doesn't want to come. She has to share attention and dad probably feeds into it. For all we know, dck may have said no one time and now dad asks her repeatedly or pushes the subject just so he can hear how much his little one wants to be with him or mom instead of going to daycare. This is one type of parent I cannot stand. Daycare is a partnership, imo, so if they are gonna work against you, there is no point to keep going in circles with them. Dck wants to stay home according to them, so give them what they want and don't give them the option of coming anymore
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Blackcat31 10:34 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Well of course DCM back pedal when I said that, saying that she loves it here for her child and that she understands that I do have to sometimes discipline other kids in my care.
I saw that part but I didn't see where she mentioned it anywhere else...

I thought DCM only said that in reference to the child saying "mean"

That could also imply the provider is mean to the child.

I didn't automatically attach it the family saying anything about disciplining others.....

I don't know... I guess I am seeing this as a term type situation. The family is new to care and are questioning their child's behavior prior to drop off...I think that like you said previously "they aren't the first" but this IS a first for them (daycare experience/their child behaving this way) so I think the provider at least owes them an answer or to put a stop to it but I woudnt automatically resort to terminating them....UNLESS this type of thing is common for them and they continue to do it despite the providers reassurance.
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daycare 10:40 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I saw that part but I didn't see where she mentioned it anywhere else...

I thought DCM only said that in reference to the child saying "mean"

That could also imply the provider is mean to the child.

I didn't automatically attach it the family saying anything about disciplining others.....

I don't know... I guess I am seeing this as a term type situation. The family is new to care and are questioning their child's behavior prior to drop off...I think that like you said previously "they aren't the first" but this IS a first for them (daycare experience/their child behaving this way) so I think the provider at least owes them an answer or to put a stop to it but I woudnt automatically resort to terminating them....UNLESS this type of thing is common for them and they continue to do it despite the providers reassurance.
this is the first they have said something to this degree and I did give them an answer, but this is not their first complaint about our services that we provide.

Over the weekend it bothered me. I know we are not mean people, of course I use a stern voice with children when needed, but in NO way should I need to explain myself to this family.\

I have already told them, that if they are not happy they are welcome to leave and of course this was after I took the time to explain things once..
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Blackcat31 10:40 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I am sure dck speaks more at home than at daycare. At home, she is the center of attention and the apple of her parent's eye. It is probably one of the reasons she may tell dad she doesn't want to come. She has to share attention and dad probably feeds into it. For all we know, dck may have said no one time and now dad asks her repeatedly or pushes the subject just so he can hear how much his little one wants to be with him or mom instead of going to daycare. This is one type of parent I cannot stand. Daycare is a partnership, imo, so if they are gonna work against you, there is no point to keep going in circles with them. Dck wants to stay home according to them, so give them what they want and don't give them the option of coming anymore
I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.
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mommyneedsadayoff 10:42 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.
Daycare said the dad questions everything and this is not the first time they have complained.

Just to add, I am giving my opinion based on my own experiences with parents like this. Parents who sort of play passive aggressive. He won't say what the issue is, but complains to his wife and makes her come in and address the "issue". If, as a parent, something is bugging me so much about my daycare that I am complaining to my husband all the time, then I should address it with it my daycare provider. Otherwise, I feel you are doing yourself, your child, and your provider a disservice. I don't trust parents like that and I need to be able to have trust with the families I work with, just as I need them to trust me to care for their child. I won't work with people who don't trust me and think that the reason their kid doesn't want to come is because I am mean or doing something wrong to make them not want to come. Again, JMO, but I would terminate.
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Blackcat31 10:57 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
this is the first they have said something to this degree and I did give them an answer, but this is not their first complaint about our services that we provide.

Over the weekend it bothered me. I know we are not mean people, of course I use a stern voice with children when needed, but in NO way should I need to explain myself to this family.\

I have already told them, that if they are not happy they are welcome to leave and of course this was after I took the time to explain things once..
You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."


It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.
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midaycare 10:58 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.
I think the advice is harsh, too, and I'm one who suggested terming. I have two trains of thought on this:

1) I really don't like how dcm brought this up. Using dcd. It feels "off" to me. I want to speak to the person with the concerns. If this has been an issue where I feel like they have been questioning my abilities or their child's well being for awhile, I would term.

2) Some dcf's are crazy with their first child and first experience in child care. I had a dcm early on who questioned everything. For the first 6 weeks, questioned everything. She bought cheap diapers, I wasn't changing enough (seriously cheap diapers). Dcg had a scratch on Saturday that dcm notices, I get 10 emergency texts wondering if it happened here on Friday. What did we eat? Would I send her the recipe so she knew how I prepared it? I finally told dcm that it seemed she didn't trust me, and I couldn't work with someone who felt that way. I gave her a two week notice. Dcm begged to stay and ended up being one of my favorite dcm's.
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daycare 10:58 AM 11-23-2015
I agree with you BC that they deserve a right for me to explain things to them..

the other issues that have come up that dcd has complained about to me is:

why is he still crying at drop off Ok, normal
not paying on time 2 times, next time I will term for non-payment.

questioning the payment structure even though I explained in full detail at enrollment.

why do I have to pay when not here, again after I already went over all of it.

DCM came in one day and said, "we are frustrated with you because every day after he attends, we have to start potty training all over again.

there is more:

why is there a late fee and why are you charging me again for this late fee, again after I have already told them READ YOUR CONTRACT

I told them the child doesn't talk here and of course they said well then they must not be comfortable here, to which I said, of course they aren' they have only been here a month and attend part time.

they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

so, some of this is just them questioning normal stuff, but it's been over and over again.

they are NOT first time parents they have 5 kids, one of them in high school.

AND THIS IS WHY I FEEL LIKE I AM OVER IT. that last comment was just the final straw....
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midaycare 11:03 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."


It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.
You bring up good points that sometimes we may be too ready to term. I know if I would have termed my hitter (who after 6 months is now a non-hitter), I would have missed out on a pretty cool little dude. Totally different scenario than this one, but I do use terming sparingly. Maybe my advice to others is too quickly given!
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Blackcat31 11:04 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Daycare said the dad questions everything and this is not the first time they have complained.

Just to add, I am giving my opinion based on my own experiences with parents like this. Parents who sort of play passive aggressive. He won't say what the issue is, but complains to his wife and makes her come in and address the "issue". If, as a parent, something is bugging me so much about my daycare that I am complaining to my husband all the time, then I should address it with it my daycare provider. Otherwise, I feel you are doing yourself, your child, and your provider a disservice. I don't trust parents like that and I need to be able to have trust with the families I work with, just as I need them to trust me to care for their child. I won't work with people who don't trust me and think that the reason their kid doesn't want to come is because I am mean or doing something wrong to make them not want to come. Again, JMO, but I would terminate.
She said DCM says DCD is always in her ear...I didn't read anywhere Daycare said DCD questions everything.

I also read where Daycare said at the end of her first post "It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad"

I didn't take that as DCD is always questioning her.

Like I said, I must be missing something.

Nan always says the truth is in the first post so I am basing what the situation is (and my interpretation of it) off that....where Daycare also says "nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie"
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midaycare 11:08 AM 11-23-2015
Oh my word, daycare, the comment about the car!!!!!!!!!

I had a dcd say to me recently, "Now that baby dcg isn't sleeping as much, we are finally getting our money out of you."

Dumb-butt. Good thing I have grown thick skin with this job.
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daycare 11:09 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."


It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.
I don't think they are a horrible family at all and I welcome them to come and talk to me at any time they ever have concerns about their child. Every child here is important to me and I feel that it is part of my job to make certain that both the parents and the child are feeling safe and secure while in my care.

the stuff they have complained about or questioned about prior to is stuff that I have heard before from other clients in the past, to which I have no issue addressing.

BUT this last comment seems to really bug me. Again, I didn't let it bother me on Friday when DCM told me, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to let it stop bothering me and it just feels like they are trying to dig at me now. It just seems like the parents are not happy here. Their child is happy here, I seem them laughing and smiling every day, I show them pics and videos to prove it. But I can only go so far to convince a family they need to stay with my program and that I am keeping their child in a loving and safe place.
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daycare 11:11 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
She said DCM says DCD is always in her ear...I didn't read anywhere Daycare said DCD questions everything.

I also read where Daycare said at the end of her first post "It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad"

I didn't take that as DCD is always questioning her.

Like I said, I must be missing something.

Nan always says the truth is in the first post so I am basing what the situation is (and my interpretation of it) off that....where Daycare also says "nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie"
BC this is true... The dcds complaints that he has had is not anything that I have not heard before and really even though I typed it out, it's not a huge deal to me... Everything they have asked or had complaints about, I have had other families ask or complain about it as well, especially when they are new.

I will say that they question the same things a little too much to which I tell them read your PHB or contract, easy peesy, no big deal.

BUT like I said this last comment or complaint just is still bothering me
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mommyneedsadayoff 11:13 AM 11-23-2015
I don't think my advice is harsh. It may be different from the route you guys might take, but daycare was asking for opinions and I gave her mine, based on my own experience. If she feels the family is worth working with until they get to a better place, then I am sure she will take that route. For me, I have tried that route and it was a never ending headache and if I had gone with my gut int he first place, I would have saved myself that headache and a lot of time.

As for communication when parents have concerns, dcm says dad is the concerned one, yet he has not addressed any of this issue with her. Dcm did and will probably relay the response back and maybe he will get the guts to speak with her about it, but ime, he will probably find her response not good enough and continue to complain to his wife and make her the middle man. And Nanny ay be right. Maybe mom is using dad as an excuse. Either way, I don't think they are being respectful or mature about how they are handling the situation. Maybe they will take it as a learning experience and grow or maybe not...daycare has to be the one to decide whether she wants to be the one to teach them and if she decides to term, it is not a HARSH choice. It is just the choice she feels is BEST.
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daycare 11:17 AM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I don't think my advice is harsh. It may be different from the route you guys might take, but daycare was asking for opinions and I gave her mine, based on my own experience. If she feels the family is worth working with until they get to a better place, then I am sure she will take that route. For me, I have tried that route and it was a never ending headache and if I had gone with my gut int he first place, I would have saved myself that headache and a lot of time.

As for communication when parents have concerns, dcm says dad is the concerned one, yet he has not addressed any of this issue with her. Dcm did and will probably relay the response back and maybe he will get the guts to speak with her about it, but ime, he will probably find her response not good enough and continue to complain to his wife and make her the middle man. And Nanny ay be right. Maybe mom is using dad as an excuse. Either way, I don't think they are being respectful or mature about how they are handling the situation. Maybe they will take it as a learning experience and grow or maybe not...daycare has to be the one to decide whether she wants to be the one to teach them and if she decides to term, it is not a HARSH choice. It is just the choice she feels is BEST.
I love everyones different point of view, so thank you so much for sharing yours. It does really help to hear all the different sides of how others would feel or handle this situation.
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Rockgirl 11:56 AM 11-23-2015
I could probably deal with most of this, but the car comment is WAY out of line. I can't stand the implication that because we work with children, it's somehow wrong to make a decent living and have nice things. It's like, "Sure, you can have a vehicle, but nothing TOO nice, okay?"
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Laurel 02:17 PM 11-23-2015
I kind of got mixed up on what is going on but when I have a parent that says the other parent said so and so, I talk to the parent that supposedly said something. "Hey Bill, Jen told me this morning that you were uncomfortable with so and so. What is the problem?"

Why would dad drop off a child that he thinks might be being mistreated? I might even say that after he answers. "Why do you keep bringing him if you are uncomfortable?"
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nannyde 02:36 PM 11-23-2015
they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

"Actually you guys pay less than ANY of the other parents. I'm glad you brought it up though because I've been waiting for the right time to speak to you about it.

I'm going to need to raise your rates. With the new car and the extra insurance, we have to bring in some extra revenue. Since you guys pay the least, you will be the first to get a rate hike.

Thanks for bringing it up though. I'm relieved to get it over. The increase is X and it goes into affect on X day."
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Thriftylady 03:00 PM 11-23-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

"Actually you guys pay less than ANY of the other parents. I'm glad you brought it up though because I've been waiting for the right time to speak to you about it.

I'm going to need to raise your rates. With the new car and the extra insurance, we have to bring in some extra revenue. Since you guys pay the least, you will be the first to get a rate hike.

Thanks for bringing it up though. I'm relieved to get it over. The increase is X and it goes into affect on X day."
Love this. I am afraid I am going to loose my three new ones for another reason. I have an old used van, it is paid for and what we can afford. The carpet is stained and dirty. My new DCG got in it today after preschool and said "your car is nasty". The girl is three for crying out loud. Granted mom is a nurse, makes good money and has a NEW suv. But I hope I don't get judged for having an old vehicle. I guess if DCM says something I can offer to raise her rate to get a new van. Right now, four wheels and an engine with good brakes and such is in the budget.
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mommiebookworm 04:55 PM 11-23-2015
If your instincts are telling you to term, I probably would.
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Nurse Jackie 09:11 PM 11-23-2015
It seems like your mind is made up Daycare. Do what you think is best for your program. Good luck!
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Josiegirl 02:24 AM 11-24-2015
IMO, dcfs and my dc have to be a good fit for our relationship to work out for the best of everybody. If you don't feel you have that, then I'd come out and tell them it's not a good fit. Otherwise, you'll probably be dealing with the extra stress the whole time they're there. OR you could have a sit-down with them and lay everything out on the table, and tell them to air their grievances while you air yours. If neither party feel it can be fixed then term. That is, IF you feel this is all worth salvaging. If not, then just give them notice and look for the right fit.
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daycare 08:26 AM 11-24-2015
call me bi-polar...lol

SO I thought about it a little more and I called out the dcd when he dropped off this morning.

Just told him that if he has any issues regarding the services we provide or care for his child that he needed to talk to me about it and not let it build up. I told him that everything about his child is important to me and if I don't know that there are any issues, I won't know how to help anyone.

DCD then told me what happened to his oldest child who went to an in-home and how horrible of an experience it was that he never thought he would ever imagine himself taking any of his kids back to another one.(this is his child from another marriage)

He said his wife heard so much good stuff about our program that they wanted to give it a shot. This is their child together.

So I told him that I completely understood and that I am honored to have his trust to be certain his child will always be loved and kept safe while in my care.

I then told him from now on, he needs to talk to me directly. If his nerves are not calm about me, I would not feel one bit offended should he decide to take his child out of our program.

We joked a little and he seemed to be a little more relaxed. I also assured him that as a parent I could relate to how he was feeling.

SO now that I did that, I am going to give it one more go and hope that everything falls into place.

thanks again everyone for responding. I appreciate all of your views on this.
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Josiegirl 10:01 AM 11-24-2015
I can appreciate his feelings through all of this, as long as he knows open communication is key. Good luck and I truly hope it works out! It's hard on a child and provider to always be switching dcks/homes.
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Annalee 10:12 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
call me bi-polar...lol

SO I thought about it a little more and I called out the dcd when he dropped off this morning.

Just told him that if he has any issues regarding the services we provide or care for his child that he needed to talk to me about it and not let it build up. I told him that everything about his child is important to me and if I don't know that there are any issues, I won't know how to help anyone.

DCD then told me what happened to his oldest child who went to an in-home and how horrible of an experience it was that he never thought he would ever imagine himself taking any of his kids back to another one.(this is his child from another marriage)

He said his wife heard so much good stuff about our program that they wanted to give it a shot. This is their child together.

So I told him that I completely understood and that I am honored to have his trust to be certain his child will always be loved and kept safe while in my care.

I then told him from now on, he needs to talk to me directly. If his nerves are not calm about me, I would not feel one bit offended should he decide to take his child out of our program.

We joked a little and he seemed to be a little more relaxed. I also assured him that as a parent I could relate to how he was feeling.

SO now that I did that, I am going to give it one more go and hope that everything falls into place.

thanks again everyone for responding. I appreciate all of your views on this.
I have a family where the dad started with a defensive attitude toward daycare....during the interview I didn't think he would ever sit down for us to talk....he was just shooting questions at me....but they have been here since March and now dcd is so nice to my assistant and I....even the tone of his voice has mellowed. Dcm is always telling us now how thankful she is and how dcd was"tamed". So, it might work out for you. I think when parents do not know who we are or what we stand for,etc., it can be difficult to let go a little for the betterment of the child. This child in my daycare was 2 when enrolled and had been bit several times at a center so u can imagine this dad's feelings at the time. I could not promise him she would not get bit, but I did try to assure him that I keep close contact with the daycare happenings throughout the day....which is probably what the other daycare said. The dad just had to give me time to show him I could monitor and keep negative behavior to a minimum. I hope this works out for you and this family. Good luck!
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Ariana 10:24 AM 11-24-2015
I am so glad it went well!!
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Rockgirl 10:33 AM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
call me bi-polar...lol

SO I thought about it a little more and I called out the dcd when he dropped off this morning.

Just told him that if he has any issues regarding the services we provide or care for his child that he needed to talk to me about it and not let it build up. I told him that everything about his child is important to me and if I don't know that there are any issues, I won't know how to help anyone.

DCD then told me what happened to his oldest child who went to an in-home and how horrible of an experience it was that he never thought he would ever imagine himself taking any of his kids back to another one.(this is his child from another marriage)

He said his wife heard so much good stuff about our program that they wanted to give it a shot. This is their child together.

So I told him that I completely understood and that I am honored to have his trust to be certain his child will always be loved and kept safe while in my care.

I then told him from now on, he needs to talk to me directly. If his nerves are not calm about me, I would not feel one bit offended should he decide to take his child out of our program.

We joked a little and he seemed to be a little more relaxed. I also assured him that as a parent I could relate to how he was feeling.

SO now that I did that, I am going to give it one more go and hope that everything falls into place.

thanks again everyone for responding. I appreciate all of your views on this.
Sounds like you handled it perfectly.
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Laurel 07:07 PM 11-24-2015
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
Sounds like you handled it perfectly.


That's what I was thinking!

It seems like so often we 'assume' things and it is just better to ask.

I think daycare handled it perfectly.
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KidGrind 04:34 AM 11-30-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would tell her that Dad should trust his instinct. If the child is crying "No No No" then don't bring him that day. You hate to hear Dad is so upset and concerned. If "I" were his parent, I couldn't bare to hear the crying and would NEVER bring my child somewhere he didn't want to go. The child should be very excited to come as all the kids here are. He deserves to be happy. He's only a child once. His happiness should be their main concern.

I would add that I have never come across this before in X years but I am confident that their son should ALWAYS be happy. He's not and Dad is not.

The other thing to address is that her child has never seen a child be disciplined. Her comments about disciplining the other kids is what would piss me off. I would ask her EXACTLY what led her to believe he had witnessed any discipline. Ask her what he specifically said.

Since he can't talk, that would mean she completely made that up.

I would bet the Dad isn't the issue here. It's very common for moms with parental attention seeking syndrome to invoke the Dad in the lead sentence so she can get the subject on the table without taking ownership of her own words.

She didn't invent that technique.

I had one of those and I let DCD have it. He was blindsided but went along with what DCM had said. We are all good today.

They stayed but I put termination on the table. My specific words were, “I take pride in parents going to work trusting I am taking care of their little ones. Since you are sooooooooo stressed out leaving him here with me, even while you’re on furlough. I think you should go home and discuss with your wife when you’d like to terminate care. Today can be his last day, tomorrow, the end of the week, two weeks or the end of the month. Whatever is most convenient for you and your family. It makes me no never mind, have a great evening.”

I didn’t see mom at all the next day, uncommon. Then at drop off DCM & DCD (uncommon for both to be present) baby is instantly pushed in my arms once I open door. She is beaming as if someone stuck a rainbow with unicorn up on @$$ and he is showing all his teefeses. In a Mary Poppins’ voice DCM goes on and on about how much her baby loves me. I blank stare them and look at the baby and say, “Oh _______ let’s get our day going. Say bye bye to mommy and daddy.” They left. They were on multiple waiting list & turned down 3 other openings during their time with me.
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daycare 12:57 PM 11-30-2015
well they didn't show up with payment this past week when it was due and didn't pick up on-time, so I sent them a term letter over the holiday that next friday is their last day.


UGH.

it's ok I have another family already signed up
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Tags:parents - don't appreciate, parents - enquiring, terminate
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