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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>3 Year Old Can't Put Own Shoes On
SunshineMama 06:00 AM 05-23-2012
I am getting so frustrated with my 3 year old dcb. When it's time to go out and play, everyone gets their shoes on and lines up by the door. He just doesn't pay attention and I have to tell him multiple times. When he finally gets to the door, he can't even slip on his Crocs.

I have tried to teach him and am so frustrated now. Even my 1 year old can slip on her shoes. What am I doing wrong?
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LittleD 06:12 AM 05-23-2012
Does he want to go out and play? Is it defiant behavior? If he is just being stubborn, pick him up (shoes in hand) set him on a chair/bench and tell him if he wants to play with the kids, he needs to put on his shoes.

I had a 4 yr old like this, but we usually all just sat and waited for him to put his own shoes on before we went out. If we were short on time, I would do the option I mentioned, and he'd sit there and cry until he felt like putting his shoes on. He eventually got it.
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My3cents 06:24 AM 05-23-2012
Is he chubby?

Kids that are fluffy sometimes have a harder time to do this. Not all kids develop at the same time with these skills. Work with him. Start him first. Show him, and expect to have to show him over and over again.

He will get it. Dress up area is a great way to learn these skills too. Practice through play

best-
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Crystal 06:37 AM 05-23-2012
Be patient! Just because he is three doesn't mean he is developmentally ready for this skill. It is unfair to compare him to othe children, as all children develop at their own pace. I recommend encouraging him to try, and then, rather than get upset, put them n for him and go about your day. It will save a lot of time and frustration!
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morgan24 06:37 AM 05-23-2012
I have one like that. He is 3 1/2 and as soon as I ask them to start getting their shoes on they all sit down and do it, even the 2 year olds try. He starts saying right away that he can't, then he won't try at all. I have showed him, helped him, directed him over and over but he still won't try.

Sorry to jump in on your post, but I hope you get some good ideas, because I could use them.
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SunshineMama 06:43 AM 05-23-2012
He is not fat and he loves outside. I feel like he should be able to slip his feet into a pair of Crocs at age 3. It appears that he tries half-heartedly then just would prefer that I do it for him. Should I have him sit and tell him when he puts them on he can join us, or should unjust keep doing it for him?
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countrymom 06:59 AM 05-23-2012
I will 100 percent tell you that his parents put his shoes on for him and he's waiting for you to do it. I had a kid just like this, I would bring the shoes outside and let him put it on outside, sorry at that age, I do expect him to do things for himself. Don't give in, I never did, children should take pride in some things that they do.
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kitkat 07:14 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I will 100 percent tell you that his parents put his shoes on for him and he's waiting for you to do it. I had a kid just like this, I would bring the shoes outside and let him put it on outside, sorry at that age, I do expect him to do things for himself. Don't give in, I never did, children should take pride in some things that they do.
Exactly what I was thinking! We went through a rut of not remembering how to zip our jackets, even though the kids have been doing it for months. I was getting so frustrated and I hated that feeling. I did a simple sticker chart to get everyone on the right track again and it worked beautifully! DD and DCG can zip, so they got a sticker everytime we had to put jackets on and they were able to zip by themselves. DCB was 2.5 and was still learning how to put his shoes on by himself. I would put one on and he had to at least try with the other. At the end of the day, they got one M & M per sticker (about 3 each). I only did it for 3 weeks and by the end of the 2nd week, the kids were ok about me "forgetting" and didn't even remind me. A chart might be a good way to just break the frustration cycle. When DCM/DCD are there, mention that you are working on independently getting shoes on. They probably don't even realize it's something he could be doing on his own. Good luck, I understand your frustration.
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Childminder 07:34 AM 05-23-2012
I have this child's twin sister and she's developmentally slow in everything. Her parents manage every aspect of her life and are wanting me to get on board with potty training. Don't see it happening! She can't put her shoes on or off, pull her pants up or down, even use a spoon or fork to feed herself. I think she has a hearing loss too cause she barely speaks and has such a blank expression most of the time. Of course mom and dad think she's the most brilliant child.

Is the shoe issue the only problem? Maybe after a few weeks of training him to get his shoes on you could just set him in a spot on the porch and tell him when he puts his shoes on he can come and play?
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momma2girls 07:45 AM 05-23-2012
I had one Mom tell me her 14 month old, said oh oh everytime he was wet!! WHATEVER!!!! She said "wouldn't that be funny, if he was potty trained before he was walking" she actually thought this was funny!! lol!!!! This little boy started walking at 20 months, never sat up at all. He started crwling at 10 months. He is 2, and can't even hold a spoon yet!!! I always tell the parents, I am working with him on this task and this task. He still has a paci 24/7 with them, and carries around a lovey/blanket. I stopped this about 7 months ago, but they are still giving it to him 24/7 at home!!! He only gets them at naptime here!! Good thing I have a strict potty training policy in my contract now.
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Countrygal 07:50 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
I am getting so frustrated with my 3 year old dcb. When it's time to go out and play, everyone gets their shoes on and lines up by the door. He just doesn't pay attention and I have to tell him multiple times. When he finally gets to the door, he can't even slip on his Crocs.

I have tried to teach him and am so frustrated now. Even my 1 year old can slip on her shoes. What am I doing wrong?
I have a 3 1/2 yo just like this(actually I have a 4yo like it as well!) Sometimes I get soooo frustrated! I found out he was acting this way because at home everyone does everything FOR him. He just expects it. He has been here six months and is learning, but we still struggle with this type of behavior frequently. I just tell him "if you want to go outside, get your shoes and get them on. Noone here is going to do it for you. If you're not lined up the next time I look, you will stay in (or shadow me, or whatever)". OR "Everyone here wants to go outside and you are making them wait. You have one minute(or whatever) to get your shoes and get them on or you will not participate in the next event (free play or whatever)

I will do this for a week or two and then I'll say: "Ok, you've learned how to get your shoes and put them on, from now on there will be no warnings. If you do not do it the next time I tell you to, you will......(see above)".

It has worked, but it does take a lot of energy. And he has had LOTS of time outs, events missed, etc, because he did not listen. It doesn't happen nearly as often any more.
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SunshineMama 07:53 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by Childminder:
I have this child's twin sister and she's developmentally slow in everything. Her parents manage every aspect of her life and are wanting me to get on board with potty training. Don't see it happening! She can't put her shoes on or off, pull her pants up or down, even use a spoon or fork to feed herself. I think she has a hearing loss too cause she barely speaks and has such a blank expression most of the time. Of course mom and dad think she's the most brilliant child.

Is the shoe issue the only problem? Maybe after a few weeks of training him to get his shoes on you could just set him in a spot on the porch and tell him when he puts his shoes on he can come and play?
He's not too far behind in anything else. I think he is perfectly capable of slipping on Crocs. I am going to employ some of the suggestions I have gotten and see where that takes me.
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countrymom 08:15 AM 05-23-2012
you know whats bad, when these kids go to school. since everything has been done for them when they get to school they have no idea how to do anything. Dcm has complained numerous times how the school doesn't allow enough time for her child to get his stuff on to go outside. I just want to yell at her that she did this to him. He's going to be 7 soon and he still can dress himself, I have another one who is 7, and today (my ds wore his crocs to school and took his runners to school but they are small) well the mom says, "oh he can change his shoes" I'm like yes (he's 9, so I hope so) welll she goes on to tell me how her ds can't even manage to do this at school without it taking a really long time.
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spud912 08:59 AM 05-23-2012
My 18 month old has been putting shoes on by herself for 3 months now!
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SunshineMama 09:03 AM 05-23-2012
Exactly what OP posted- if an 18 month old can, a 3 year old should be able to wear Crocs by himself. My 3 year old puts on her own tennis shoes and ties them herself too. I think it goes back to lazy parenting and not wanting to take the time to teach. They expect it all to be done at daycare.
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MarinaVanessa 09:42 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by LittleD:
pick him up (shoes in hand) set him on a chair/bench and tell him if he wants to play with the kids, he needs to put on his shoes.
I'd try this approach first for a while and see what happens. If he at least attempts to put his shoes on then, and only then, would I "help" him put his shoes on. Do this everyday and day by day hand him more and more of the responsibility.

Day one you get his shoes and hold his hand to sit down and set his shoes down, stay near him to give him verbal cues and physical help etc. By day three or four (depending on his progress) have him get his own shoes, have him sit at the same spot himself, stand near him for verbal cues and offer less physical help etc. Rinse and repeat.

Make sure that he understands that he can't play until he gets his shoes on. My 1 1/2 year old attempts to put his own shoes on already so I see no reason why a 3yo wouldn't be able to at least try unless
a. Mom and dad do everything for him at home
b. there's some sort of disability

If you want to bring it up to DCM I would say someting like "Hey Sue, We've been working on attempting to put our shoes on by ourselves for a few weeks now. Johny is really a wonderful kid and is really involved with trying to do what the other kids are doing and so far I've seen almost no progress in his ability to get his shoes on by himself and so I thought I'd bring it to your attention. How is he with this at home? (wait for answer). I'll keep working with him here of course and give you another progress update in a few weeks but I just wanted to bring it to your attention." Smile.

If mom or dad are doing things for him maybe they'll start letting him try it at home more on his own if you bring it up. Asking the how he does at home will give you a window to see whether they even let him try to put his own shoes on or not.
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Lilbutterflie 09:49 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by SunshineMama:
Exactly what OP posted- if an 18 month old can, a 3 year old should be able to wear Crocs by himself. My 3 year old puts on her own tennis shoes and ties them herself too. I think it goes back to lazy parenting and not wanting to take the time to teach. They expect it all to be done at daycare.
I agree that it most likely is the result of his parents always doing it for him and not taking the time to teach him. And, since they do it for him at home; he wants you to do it for him at your house. Try to be patient and keep teaching him how to do it himself. One day is will "click" and when he finally does it all by himself- PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE!

I had a part time dcb start here at 3 1/2 yrs old. When he came, he did absolutely NOTHING on his own. He didn't know how to put on his jacket, his socks, shoes, he had no scissor skills, he didn't know how to hold a crayon, nothing. It took a few months and he is now 4; but he can do all of those things all by himself now. And when he started to do things on his own, I made a HUGE deal out of it. When his parents picked him up that day, I would say "Little Johny; show your daddy how you can put your shoes and socks on ALL BY YOURSELF!!!!" And he would beam with joy and show them. That was also my way of showing the parent that their child could now do it for themselves and hope they take the hint to have him do it himself at home!
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daycare 10:58 AM 05-23-2012
Originally Posted by Crystal:
Be patient! Just because he is three doesn't mean he is developmentally ready for this skill. It is unfair to compare him to othe children, as all children develop at their own pace. I recommend encouraging him to try, and then, rather than get upset, put them n for him and go about your day. It will save a lot of time and frustration!
ditto this..... age does not qualify a child to do something....

YOu have to think about his home life too, where he was before you? Does mommy and daddy do everything for him? Maybe they dont make him get his own shoes.

I have a 3 year old that is just like this...he has zero self help skills... I play games with him when we DONT need to put our shoes on or off. set up a time when you can play a game with him with no where to go and teach him how to put shoes on and off. This is how I taught most of the kids self help skills,.... just about all of my kids can put on shoes, but I don't have any that are under 20 months.....
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Unregistered 06:48 AM 04-12-2013
Occasionally I will have a child who resists putting on their own shoes. Sometimes it's the actual shoe and not really the child. I see this a lot when the child has been doing fine putting their shoes on, then gets new shoes and suddenly can't manage getting them on. Maybe they are tighter or less broken-in so they don't slide on as easily and the extra work frustrates the child. For this I let the parents know their child's new shoes are harder for them to get on and off, and ask them to practice with them at home, letting their child do the work, so they can see how long it really takes for their child to get ready. With practice, usually things get better and the child has an easier time within a few days. If it doesn't improve in a week, I suggest to the parents a different type of shoes, or a different size, to help their child be successful.


Sometimes they are moody or tired. There is not much for this. I usually opt for extra TLC and help them when they are having a rare off day.


And sometimes, it's a parent issue. The child is so used to mom or dad or older siblings doing their shoes for them they quickly give up when asked to do it themselves. I will send a friendly note home and speak with the parents at pick-up and let them know their child is struggling with their shoes, and needs to practice putting them on and taking them off (because we know THAT part can also be problematic) on their own. I don't expect older toddlers and preschoolers to tie laces, just put their shoe on. If things don't improve within a week or so, I ask the parents to provide a different pair of shoes that their child CAN put on and take off with less difficulty. I let them know it interferes with their child's outside play time, as they can not go outside with the other children until their shoes are on. We don't do lines here, when children are ready (shoes, coat, gloves, etc.) they can go outside. This gives them an incentive to get ready quickly and it works really well. I've seen it motivate the slowest of kids! :-)

I have found parents to be eager to replace shoes. Not as much with helping their child practice at home, unfortunately. But either way, I don't let the problem go on for more than a week or two without a demand for a change in shoes. It isn't fair to the child if it's the shoes, or if the parents refuse to help at home. Either way looser fitting shoes or a different brand often solves the problem if there is no progress within a reasonable time frame.
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rmc20021 07:11 AM 04-12-2013
I have a 5 yo who can't put his own shoes on. We will be standing FOREVER waiting for him to focus on what he's doing to get them on and he even struggles taking them off. I'm seriously starting to think he has ADHD. I don't easily believe most kids have it...more of behavioral issues than true ADHD. But he comes in and is working hard at many different positions trying to get them off, where if he just focused on one way, they would be off in seconds.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 07:23 AM 04-12-2013
Originally Posted by rmc20021:
I have a 5 yo who can't put his own shoes on. We will be standing FOREVER waiting for him to focus on what he's doing to get them on and he even struggles taking them off. I'm seriously starting to think he has ADHD. I don't easily believe most kids have it...more of behavioral issues than true ADHD. But he comes in and is working hard at many different positions trying to get them off, where if he just focused on one way, they would be off in seconds.
I have a child just like this. I raised a child later diagnosed with ADHD and have a son that has ADHD ... the child in my care will definitely be diagnosed later in life.
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irishdancer 12:14 PM 04-12-2013
My son who was 3 at the time would not put his own shoes on, I always did it for him. Then when the other kids in my daycare all a year younger started doing it I told him he had to do it himself. He would just smile at the girls in daycare and they would put them on for him.
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MsLaura529 06:05 PM 04-12-2013
My own DD is 3.5 and just recently started putting her own shoes on. It's not that I would sit there and automatically do it for her everytime, though. She would try and try and I would guide her. What frustrated her most was not being able to figure out which shoe went on the correct foot. I had to keep reminding her that as long as she got them on her feet, then I would help her switch them. It took a lot of work (and a lot of patience while we were trying to get out the door to preschool). Sometimes things like this are just harder for some kids than others, I would think.
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Unregistered 02:51 AM 02-16-2014
I would never allow any of you to care for my children. You sound like uncaring, lazy caregivers. Do you even have any children of you own? My guess is no. And going on and on about parents and how they parent their own children, like putting on their kids shoes for them. I cringed as I read this. I am all for teaching kids self help, but to penalize a three year old for not putting their own shoes on, by not letting them go outside until they do so is unreasonable. If this went on in my daycare I would first have a serious talk with the teacher and then the director! I feel horrible for any children in your care! Oh and really, now pre-school teachers are equipped in diagnosing ADHD. Seriously judging by the replies her I highly doubt any of the teachers posting here have graduated from any formal early childhood development program, let alone medical school. Come on, this is pathetic!!
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Play Care 10:14 AM 02-17-2014
Originally Posted by MsLaura529:
My own DD is 3.5 and just recently started putting her own shoes on. It's not that I would sit there and automatically do it for her everytime, though. She would try and try and I would guide her. What frustrated her most was not being able to figure out which shoe went on the correct foot. I had to keep reminding her that as long as she got them on her feet, then I would help her switch them. It took a lot of work (and a lot of patience while we were trying to get out the door to preschool). Sometimes things like this are just harder for some kids than others, I would think.
Absolutely! I would think that most providers can tell if a child is struggling because they are not developmentally *there*, the shoes are ill fitting or just not easy to put on, or they are refusing because they are used to others doing for them. I've had combinations of those in my years.

My approach is usually as another poster mentioned - turn it into a game at a time when we are not in a hurry or trying to go somewhere. I want to see if they are capable of doing it and it's great practice. But I have with older kids (4+) handed them their shoes and said they could join us when they were on. But I already knew these kids could do - I've watched them practice
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daycarediva 10:27 AM 02-17-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I would never allow any of you to care for my children. You sound like uncaring, lazy caregivers. Do you even have any children of you own? My guess is no. And going on and on about parents and how they parent their own children, like putting on their kids shoes for them. I cringed as I read this. I am all for teaching kids self help, but to penalize a three year old for not putting their own shoes on, by not letting them go outside until they do so is unreasonable. If this went on in my daycare I would first have a serious talk with the teacher and then the director! I feel horrible for any children in your care! Oh and really, now pre-school teachers are equipped in diagnosing ADHD. Seriously judging by the replies her I highly doubt any of the teachers posting here have graduated from any formal early childhood development program, let alone medical school. Come on, this is pathetic!!
I have a degree in early childhood education, just working on my bachelors now. Some of these ladies have masters degrees and decades of experience.

I KNOW when a child is or is not developmentally ready.

Yes, some parents hold their children back by not allowing them to struggle to gain those necessary skills OR they don't see the readiness signs that we do OR it's just easier (and faster) for them to do it themselves. As soon as their child says "I don't want to." "I can't." they immediately step in and do it for them. It really teaches them nothing, in the long run. I have seen all kinds of reasons for it, and yes, the majority of those reasons are because of the (well meaning) parents.

I would never punish a child for shoes. Here you only sit when you hit. TO's are definitely abused in early childhood programs, in my experience.

Back to those decades of experience-we do see signs of ADHD, aspergers, developmental and learning delays in our programs. You're right, we aren't doctors, but we do get to know these children very well. I spend 50 hours a week, 50 weeks a year over the course of a few years with some children. It doesn't make us qualified to diagnose, but TRUST ME when I say we aren't surprised when it happens.

this thread is also old.

When a child doesn't put shoes on here (or coat, or wipe own bottom, whatever) we sing the keep trying song and praise any progress. The other children are also wonderful at positive peer pressure and praise. Sometimes a high-5 from Johnny means more to Joey than all the praise in the world, kwim?
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thetoddlerwhisper 10:29 AM 02-17-2014
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I will 100 percent tell you that his parents put his shoes on for him and he's waiting for you to do it. I had a kid just like this, I would bring the shoes outside and let him put it on outside, sorry at that age, I do expect him to do things for himself. Don't give in, I never did, children should take pride in some things that they do.
i do the same UNLESS i know for a fact they cant. But thats only happened a few times and there were developmental issues
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Unregistered 06:18 PM 09-01-2015
Let me just say that as a parent and an educator I think the majority of the people who responded to this thread should be let go from their positions. Uncaring and really just not wanting to do their job.
When my child was going on three his daycare decided that he "should" be able to put on his shoes by himself. My child was regularly reprimanded for not doing so. He was moved to tears about it at home. I intervened and frankly, they were rude to me as well.

Now, three years later - yes, of course he can do it.
No, he wasn't slow - he has tested very strongly in numerous areas and just wasn't as quick with some skills as with others because real kids vary in their development. They are not cardboard cut outs or statistics and they deserve better than to be treated as such.

Encourage them. Incentivize them. But threatening to punish a child for not being able to perform a skill at three years old??? People like that should be ashamed of themselves and should not be allowed to "care" for children.
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Josiegirl 03:27 AM 09-02-2015
I know this is a very old thread but I had to comment on the last post. That was pretty darn harsh.
I see this from both sides. My oldest ds(now 34 yo), couldn't do a lot of the self-help skills he should have been able to(learned a lot as I parented 3 more times and became a provider). I remember going to pick him up from K the first day it had snowed. He was struggling to put on his snowsuit with tears in his eyes. Teachers do not have time to deal with dressing everybody. And now that kids start institutionalized learning at age 3(that's a whole other can o' worms I won't go into)the same applies. Teachers do not have the time. Kids need to be independent as much as possible as soon as possible. So much of these things they are able to do on their own, if allowed.
The original post talked about a 3 yo not being able to slide on crocs. I whole heartedly think that child was completely capable, if allowed. I now have a 2 yo who can put her own shoes on, knows how to fix the tongue, and usually gets the left and right correct. Kids can do these things, if allowed and encouraged.
Granted, punishing them would be harsh. But letting the kids bring their shoes outside and doing there, keeps the rest of the group together and focused. Do you know what it's like to have 5 dcks all ready and be waiting for that last child to slip on crocs.???? Pretty soon you've got 5 dcks who are restless and then get in trouble. Yes, it should be done with patience, love, encouragement. Thankfully, most of my dcparents are good about letting their children do things for themselves.
We do lots of practicing playing dress-up. I try to encourage kids to help clean up, set the table, dress and undress themselves, carry their own backpacks, etc. I've seen the end results of dcms doing everything for their child. It's not pretty. Mom comes in looking like a pack mule because 7 and 8 yo sibs refuse to carry their own backpacks. They'll sit on the couch and expect me to get them things. Um. NO>
I have a dcf that is excellent. They have a 2 yo and 3 yo. They let their 3 yo dd walk out barefoot because she refused to put on her own sandals. They knew she could do it but refused. The dcm works with special ed. and the dcd is superintendent of a school district. Nothing mean about them. They simply know what their children are capable of.
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Rockgirl 04:39 AM 09-02-2015
Having a child slip on a pair of crocs before going to play isn't punishment. I use this method often. "When your toys are put away, you may come to the table."......."When you have put your mat and blanket on the shelf, you may join us for story time." etc. I wouldn't expect a child to put on lace-ups and tie them, but slipping their feet into a pair of crocs? They can do this. When I see a child genuinely trying a task and struggling, I will step in and assist, but if they just don't want to try, nope.
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permanentvacation 05:38 AM 09-02-2015
I agree that it's probably just that the parents aren't making him put his own shoes on. They are doing it for him, so he makes his little pathetic attempt when you tell him to do so himself, then he fusses and expects you to do the work for him.

I would tell everyone to put their shoes on. When it's time to walk out of the door, tell him to carry his shoes outside (so he can put them on while outside). If he refuses to carry them, then I would pick up his shoes, then I would have him go outside and make him sit on the porch not being allowed to play until he gets his shoes on himself. That way, the other children are not losing outdoor time because of him, but he will see the other kids playing and having fun while he isn't allowed to do so until he puts his shoes on. I would continuously tell him, "They put their shoes on, so they can go play. As soon as you put your shoes on, you can go play. Now put your shoes on so you can go play." It will be more work on you. I'm sure he'll throw a fit, try to run off the porch to play barefoot, etc. But it will show him that he won't get away with not doing what is expected of him. And that since the other children did do what was expected of them, they can have their 'reward' of going outside to play.
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auntymimi 05:44 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by spud912:
My 18 month old has been putting shoes on by herself for 3 months now!
This. It's attention seeking behavior on dcb part. He's been taught that he's helpless and HAS to have an adult to "help" him. It's part of what makes him special in his mind. I would just use natural consequences, no shoes no play, sit there until you can figure it out. Then I'd ignore it until he's done. Make a big deal about it when he finally does it " I knew you could do it! I bet you feel really proud of yourself! High 5!" Or whatever.
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Blackcat31 06:19 AM 09-02-2015
Old thread ladies....

It was brought to light again by a poster who felt the need to tell all the providers that posted how awful they are....
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Rockgirl 06:25 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Old thread ladies....

It was brought to light again by a poster who felt the need to tell all the providers that posted how awful they are....
I noticed....just felt the need to speak up as to why we shouldn't be "let go" of our positions. Not sure who would be letting most of us go, as a great number of us are self employed.
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permanentvacation 06:58 AM 09-02-2015
Personally, I believe many parents should be 'let go' of their rights to be parents. Too many parents nowadays don't want to do ANYTHING to/with/for/ or about their children. Many parents want us to provide breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner! They don't ever even want to feed their children! They also want us to teach their children everything. My sister even had a daycare child who got picked up from her daycare every night at 6:30 pm and her mother wanted my sister to give the child dinner and than a BATH too! She didn't even want to have to bathe her child! I have literally told a couple of people that they should just give me child support and leave their child here for me to raise and they can stop by when and if they like to visit their child!

So many parents of this generation have absolutely no interest in being a parent! Now wonder us daycare providers have such a hard time with so many of the kids. So many children have no parental guidance at all at home. Many children are allowed to do anything they want as long as they don't 'bother' the adult in the home.

No wonder us providers struggle so much to get the kids to do things they should be able to do with no problems. Their parents don't teach them or guide them, they in-able them by doing everything for them so their children will get out of their hair faster. However, us providers know that the child should be quite capable of doing certain tasks and we care enough to take the time to work with them, teach them how to do things, and then don't allow the child to give up on him/herself while working to be successful at accomplishing their new goals. By doing so, we providers are helping the children gain self-respect, sense of self-worth, confidence, and pride. However, the parents who don't do so are teaching their child that they are incapable of learning, lowering their self-respect, sense of self-worth, confidence, and pride.

So, no, us providers shouldn't be 'let go', we should be thanked and appreciated for taking the time to teach, love, feed, bathe (in some cases), build the self-esteem of, etc. your children that so many parents can't be bothered with.
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mommiebookworm 07:34 AM 09-02-2015
I tried a different tactic with two moms recently. Both of their kids are starting preschool next week.
As soon as i knew that they enrolled in preschool. I told them, "Did you know that the preschool teacher won't help them put on their shoes/ put on their jacket/ wipe their own bottom?" I then told them that I was going to let their child "practice" these things. So that when preschool comes it won't be difficult.
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nannyde 08:04 AM 09-02-2015
Not a hill I'm willing to climb. When getting a crew ready to go out it's easier to put on the outdoor gear. I would gladly put his shoes on him and leave the skill training to his parents.

They don't have to learn everything at daycare. They have parents as their primary teacher.
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Rockgirl 09:01 AM 09-02-2015
Here they are allowed to take shoes off only if they are able to put them back on. Of course sometimes a child will insist that they are able to do it, then can't. That's when they can bring them out, sit, and try.
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daycare 09:32 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Old thread ladies....

It was brought to light again by a poster who felt the need to tell all the providers that posted how awful they are....
lol I soooo remember this thread.....

don't feed the trolls
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Rockgirl 09:57 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
lol I soooo remember this thread.....

don't feed the trolls
I see your point. But what about the thread in the parents' forum about the provider's paid vacation? It is even older, and had a big revival last month, with several regulars posting and defending their right to a paid vacation (which I agree with). Why one and not the other? Not trying to rock the boat--just asking.

I've noticed sometimes when a thread is posted asking a common question, links are posted to similar threads. This is super helpful--I've learned a lot from going back and reading the older threads. However, if someone does post in one with their perspective, it's pointed out that the thread is old. So is it better to post a question, hoping to discuss something previously discussed, or just go back and read the older threads, but not post in them, since they are old? Lol, I'm hoping that made some sense!
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Blackcat31 10:08 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I see your point. But what about the thread in the parents' forum about the provider's paid vacation? It is even older, and had a big revival last month, with several regulars posting and defending their right to a paid vacation (which I agree with). Why one and not the other? Not trying to rock the boat--just asking.

I've noticed sometimes when a thread is posted asking a common question, links are posted to similar threads. This is super helpful--I've learned a lot from going back and reading the older threads. However, if someone does post in one with their perspective, it's pointed out that the thread is old. So is it better to post a question, hoping to discuss something previously discussed, or just go back and read the older threads, but not post in them, since they are old? Lol, I'm hoping that made some sense!
I ONLY post that it's an old thread when someone quotes an old post in the thread. It's a high probability that the poster wont reply so I like to make sure the person who quoted doesn't expect an answer.

Ypu'll also notice that most of the time that I point out an old thread, I say "Relevant info but old thread"

The only time I will say not to feed the trolls is when the posted that revived the thread did so with the intent to stir up drama.... if anyone that revives an old thread with that intention it's not only rude but childish too...

The other thread you are referring to about provider paid vacations usually has new posters asking new questions so it's quite a bit different than other revived threads in my opinion.

I also agree that old threads ARE informative and helpful and I try to add links when I can (Michael is really good at doing that too) but it isn't always helpful since not all threads/topics/posts are the same. kwim?

If an old thread does get dramatic it usually just gets locked.

So in response to your actual question... yes! Post in whatever threads you wish to post in but be warned that feeding the trolls (negative posters/pot stirrers) is done so at the risk of getting a thread locked down. :-)
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Rockgirl 10:18 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I ONLY post that it's an old thread when someone quotes an old post in the thread. It's a high probability that the poster wont reply so I like to make sure the person who quoted doesn't expect an answer.

Ypu'll also notice that most of the time that I point out an old thread, I say "Relevant info but old thread"

The only time I will say not to feed the trolls is when the posted that revived the thread did so with the intent to stir up drama.... if anyone that revives an old thread with that intention it's not only rude but childish too...

The other thread you are referring to about provider paid vacations usually has new posters asking new questions so it's quite a bit different than other revived threads in my opinion.

I also agree that old threads ARE informative and helpful and I try to add links when I can (Michael is really good at doing that too) but it isn't always helpful since not all threads/topics/posts are the same. kwim?

If an old thread does get dramatic it usually just gets locked.

So in response to your actual question... yes! Post in whatever threads you wish to post in but be warned that feeding the trolls (negative posters/pot stirrers) is done so at the risk of getting a thread locked down. :-)
That all makes total sense. I didn't think about people trying to get a response from an op, not realizing it was years ago. And I can see that this thread about the shoes was revived in order to stir things up. I shouldn't let those comments bother me, but sometimes they do.

And I hope my comment didn't come off snarky--it wasn't meant that way at all. I've been wanting to ask that question for awhile, and it just seemed like a good opening for it.
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Blackcat31 10:25 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
That all makes total sense. I didn't think about people trying to get a response from an op, not realizing it was years ago. And I can see that this thread about the shoes was revived in order to stir things up. I shouldn't let those comments bother me, but sometimes they do.

And I hope my comment didn't come off snarky--it wasn't meant that way at all. I've been wanting to ask that question for awhile, and it just seemed like a good opening for it.
Not at all!

I am glad you asked "publically" ....most people PM as if the responses are all personal and direct at them.

I happily reply to registered and unregistered posters alike if their posts are genuine. If they just want to add negativity they usually get the replies they deserve.

It used to bother me too when posters commented rudely but I've learned over the years WHO actually owns that issue.
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Rockgirl 10:30 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It used to bother me too when posters commented rudely but I've learned over the years WHO actually owns that issue.
So true--I need to remember that!
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Josiegirl 10:31 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by daycare:
lol I soooo remember this thread.....

don't feed the trolls
It's only Wednesday and you're taking all the fun out of it.
Sorry. Some posts are just so rude I have to speak up.
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Rockgirl 10:38 AM 09-02-2015
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
It's only Wednesday and you're taking all the fun out of it.
Sorry. Some posts are just so rude I have to speak up.
I fell for it, too.
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msmegandc 02:12 PM 09-09-2015
I had a 9 year old in my care that couldn't tie his own shoes...
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Anna88 07:43 AM 02-25-2017
As long as there's nothing sharp outside like broken glass or sharp stones, I'd send him out to play barefoot. I'm guessing since the issue is putting his shoes on to play outside, he is either barefoot or wearing socks, so his choices are (1) put shoes on, (2) take socks off, or if no socks, (3) go play without shoes. Most kids feet are tough enough to play outside barefoot (unless there are wood chips, they can get splinters in their feet!).

Only yesterday my 4yo daughter complained about her new sandals hurting her feet. My response was "take them off" and I put them in the shopping cart. She was again happy. It only takes a minute with moist wipes to clean the bottoms of her feet and toes when we get home.
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CeriBear 09:27 AM 02-25-2017
I work with 4 year olds and we have told them if they cannot put their shoes back on they must keep them on during nap time. We don't require them to have to be able to tie their shoes but they have to be able to put them on. Some of the kids in my class know how to tie and they are often willing to help their classmates.
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LysesKids 10:20 AM 02-25-2017
Originally Posted by spud912:
My 18 month old has been putting shoes on by herself for 3 months now!
I had one that was the same way... he just aged out but knew how to get his jacket on & zipped also; my 13 month old db is trying to put on his coat like his 3 year old sister (lay on the floor & flip it over the head style). It's so fun to watch damn caught on an old post lol
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daycarediva 04:44 AM 02-26-2017
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Personally, I believe many parents should be 'let go' of their rights to be parents. Too many parents nowadays don't want to do ANYTHING to/with/for/ or about their children. Many parents want us to provide breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner! They don't ever even want to feed their children! They also want us to teach their children everything. My sister even had a daycare child who got picked up from her daycare every night at 6:30 pm and her mother wanted my sister to give the child dinner and than a BATH too! She didn't even want to have to bathe her child! I have literally told a couple of people that they should just give me child support and leave their child here for me to raise and they can stop by when and if they like to visit their child!

So many parents of this generation have absolutely no interest in being a parent! Now wonder us daycare providers have such a hard time with so many of the kids. So many children have no parental guidance at all at home. Many children are allowed to do anything they want as long as they don't 'bother' the adult in the home.

No wonder us providers struggle so much to get the kids to do things they should be able to do with no problems. Their parents don't teach them or guide them, they in-able them by doing everything for them so their children will get out of their hair faster. However, us providers know that the child should be quite capable of doing certain tasks and we care enough to take the time to work with them, teach them how to do things, and then don't allow the child to give up on him/herself while working to be successful at accomplishing their new goals. By doing so, we providers are helping the children gain self-respect, sense of self-worth, confidence, and pride. However, the parents who don't do so are teaching their child that they are incapable of learning, lowering their self-respect, sense of self-worth, confidence, and pride.

So, no, us providers shouldn't be 'let go', we should be thanked and appreciated for taking the time to teach, love, feed, bathe (in some cases), build the self-esteem of, etc. your children that so many parents can't be bothered with.
I know this is an old thread, but this made me LOL literally. Sadly, it's true for some parents/kids.
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sahm1225 06:16 AM 02-26-2017
Originally Posted by Anna88:
As long as there's nothing sharp outside like broken glass or sharp stones, I'd send him out to play barefoot. I'm guessing since the issue is putting his shoes on to play outside, he is either barefoot or wearing socks, so his choices are (1) put shoes on, (2) take socks off, or if no socks, (3) go play without shoes. Most kids feet are tough enough to play outside barefoot (unless there are wood chips, they can get splinters in their feet!).

Only yesterday my 4yo daughter complained about her new sandals hurting her feet. My response was "take them off" and I put them in the shopping cart. She was again happy. It only takes a minute with moist wipes to clean the bottoms of her feet and toes when we get home.
Im Sorry but I think it's so gross when I see children walking around public places barefoot. There could be so many different things on the ground that can make the child sick!
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Tags:3 year old, milestones, shoe policy
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