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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Going through a Burnout... Should I term??
Unregistered 12:36 PM 04-26-2017
I have been going through a pretty bad burnout and I am trying to come out of it. I realized most of my stress during the day stems from a very difficult child I have in my care. I have been wanting to term for a few months now, I just always feel guilty and decide not to.
This child might actually be leaving mid-summer (new baby on the way and I don't have an infant spot) or fall (on waiting list for preschool), so I don't know if I should wait and see if she does leave or term sooner than that.
Some of the reasons I'm thinking of terming:
-She smells like cigarette smoke every morning, which causes my entire house to smell and many mornings I get an instant headache when she's here. Also, we just found out my oldest has developed asthma and is now on an inhaler and my youngest has really bad allergies.
-Throws temper tantrums all day long (even after being in my care for a year)
-Screams and cries when asked to do something herself (pull pants up, put coat on, clean-up time, etc.)
-Hits me when I try to talk to her at her level about why we don't take toys or block other children from playing in different areas
-Is extremely overweight and clumsy (I am afraid to have babies on the floor if she is near).
-Is no where near potty-trained and constantly soils through her diapers because they are too small

Just writing this I feel bad, but I don't know what to do to come out of this Burnout. :/ I know I would be able to fill her spot, but I hate letting people down.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:55 PM 04-26-2017
After reading your list, I'd issue a Behavior Plan for the violence towards you.
Three strikes and that equals a 1 day suspension. Upon returning for the 1 day suspension, ANY strikes and the contract is terminated.

Or, I'd simply say it is no longer a good fit and end the contract now but I know how hard that can be sometimes.

When I've let go of stressful families my days feel MUCH, MUCH brighter. I always hold on too long as well so now I am doing a trial period (2-4 weeks) before giving them my regular contract. This allows me an easier out.
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Blackcat31 01:08 PM 04-26-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have been going through a pretty bad burnout and I am trying to come out of it. I realized most of my stress during the day stems from a very difficult child I have in my care. I have been wanting to term for a few months now, I just always feel guilty and decide not to.
This child might actually be leaving mid-summer (new baby on the way and I don't have an infant spot) or fall (on waiting list for preschool), so I don't know if I should wait and see if she does leave or term sooner than that.
Some of the reasons I'm thinking of terming:
-She smells like cigarette smoke every morning, which causes my entire house to smell and many mornings I get an instant headache when she's here. Also, we just found out my oldest has developed asthma and is now on an inhaler and my youngest has really bad allergies.
-Throws temper tantrums all day long (even after being in my care for a year)
-Screams and cries when asked to do something herself (pull pants up, put coat on, clean-up time, etc.)
-Hits me when I try to talk to her at her level about why we don't take toys or block other children from playing in different areas
-Is extremely overweight and clumsy (I am afraid to have babies on the floor if she is near).
-Is no where near potty-trained and constantly soils through her diapers because they are too small

Just writing this I feel bad, but I don't know what to do to come out of this Burnout. :/ I know I would be able to fill her spot, but I hate letting people down.
Why do you feel bad?

Seems you know what you want and need to do but are hesitating.

Fwiw~ I would have termed the second she hit me

Don't ever apologize for needing to meet YOUR needs.

Allowing yourself to feel guilty because of someone else's issue will continually keep you in this burnout phase.
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Ariana 02:38 PM 04-26-2017
You are not responsible for this child, her mother is, so why throw yourself under the bus for her? I cannot believe you habe been putting up with this for a year now! You have already done way too much.

The only person you are letting down is yourself because you're not listening to what YOU need.
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hwichlaz 03:19 PM 04-26-2017
Have you been addressing these issues with her parent as they arise or will she feel bindsided?


That's what I tend to ask myself. When a parent is partnering with me to resolve and solve I don't seem to suffer burnout. And if I haven't brougt the issues up..then they are my own fault.

If her parent is aware and isn't helping resolve...then I'd just give notice. I've had to do it in the past. I hated it, it felt aweful...but once it was done I felt so much lighter.
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CityGarden 04:12 PM 04-26-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
-She smells like cigarette smoke every morning, which causes my entire house to smell and many mornings I get an instant headache when she's here. Also, we just found out my oldest has developed asthma and is now on an inhaler and my youngest has really bad allergies.
This reason alone would be enough for me. Some items are just deal breakers for me. That is certainly a deal breaker for me personally.
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Unregistered 06:29 PM 04-26-2017
I do communicate with her mother daily. Not about every tantrum, but whenever I have to put her in a timeout for being aggressive I tell mom. Usually the excuse is that she didn't sleep well...She does not have a bedtime and according to mom staying up until 11-11:30pm is not unusual (she gets here at 7am). I also hint at her taking off/putting on her own coat and shoes, but mom or dad always does it anyways.


Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
Have you been addressing these issues with her parent as they arise or will she feel bindsided?


That's what I tend to ask myself. When a parent is partnering with me to resolve and solve I don't seem to suffer burnout. And if I haven't brougt the issues up..then they are my own fault.

If her parent is aware and isn't helping resolve...then I'd just give notice. I've had to do it in the past. I hated it, it felt aweful...but once it was done I felt so much lighter.

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Unregistered 06:40 PM 04-26-2017
I really needed to fill the spot when I signed her up and I didn't think it would be that bad...but I really think it has gotten worse since she started. And now I am worried that it may have contributed to my own daughter developing asthma.

Originally Posted by CityGarden:
This reason alone would be enough for me. Some items are just deal breakers for me. That is certainly a deal breaker for me personally.

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childcaremom 02:06 AM 04-27-2017
Yes. Term. I've been there and it's not fun.

I was feeling burnt out not too long ago. I felt like I had a great group of kids and great dcps.... but there was one set of dcps that required gentle handling. I thought I was handling it well. Then a few things happened (they were the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak) and I ended up terming them.

Voila. Feel so much better. And feeling like I don't need to close. (I don't know if it's fair to say that these dcps were the cause of my burnout as I can see lots of things that contributed to that feeling.... however I did feel a burden lift after they were gone. Mostly due to the fact that they did cause some stress with their demands, questions and inquiries)

I have also made a few business changes. I've added in morning-only clients, decided to do some PT, am taking Fridays off in May and hoping to find clients who only need M-Th care, or even better, T-Th.

Burn out is real. It's not fair to let a client's actions do that to you and your business. You don't have to deal with it, especially if it's affecting you. That's the beauty of this business. Make some changes. Let the stressful clients go.
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Josiegirl 02:39 AM 04-27-2017
Originally Posted by CityGarden:
This reason alone would be enough for me. Some items are just deal breakers for me. That is certainly a deal breaker for me personally.
This this this!!! Even without all the other issues that would be challenging, when it comes to affecting our own children's health and well-being, THAT would be the clincher for me!!!

PLEASE don't feel badly about terming, if that's the way you would prefer to go. Ask yourself, 'how is this benefiting my own family(especially my kids??)? Do you honestly think dcfs give us a whole lot of thought when making changes to accommodate them or their families? Ok, the special wonderful ones might, but this doesn't sound like that's the case. Just Do It!!
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Unregistered 09:14 PM 04-27-2017
Well, I wrote a letter last night about why I have decided to term them... Then today another family informed me that they will be leaving at the end of May (I was counting on them for two spots for the summer). So now if I term her I have to try to fill three spots. I think I need to wait a little longer to make sure I do have enough children to fill all of my spots I have.
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childcaremom 02:09 AM 04-28-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Well, I wrote a letter last night about why I have decided to term them... Then today another family informed me that they will be leaving at the end of May (I was counting on them for two spots for the summer). So now if I term her I have to try to fill three spots. I think I need to wait a little longer to make sure I do have enough children to fill all of my spots I have.
I'm sorry. The timing stinks.

Start advertising to replace. Best of luck!
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daycarediva 05:43 AM 04-28-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Why do you feel bad?

Seems you know what you want and need to do but are hesitating.

Fwiw~ I would have termed the second she hit me

Don't ever apologize for needing to meet YOUR needs.

Allowing yourself to feel guilty because of someone else's issue will continually keep you in this burnout phase.

Reply
Mike 06:45 AM 04-28-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Well, I wrote a letter last night about why I have decided to term them... Then today another family informed me that they will be leaving at the end of May (I was counting on them for two spots for the summer). So now if I term her I have to try to fill three spots. I think I need to wait a little longer to make sure I do have enough children to fill all of my spots I have.
That makes things a little tougher.

I remember one person here had a time when they lost most clients one after another, but not long after, she was telling us how she was full again and with better clients. When things go downhill, we have to remember that it always goes back up later. The rainbow after the rain.

I've been stuck down in the valley for just over a year now, but I'm climbing back out now.
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Mad_Pistachio 09:02 AM 04-28-2017
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
-She smells like cigarette smoke every morning, which causes my entire house to smell and many mornings I get an instant headache when she's here. Also, we just found out my oldest has developed asthma and is now on an inhaler and my youngest has really bad allergies.
-Throws temper tantrums all day long (even after being in my care for a year)
-Screams and cries when asked to do something herself (pull pants up, put coat on, clean-up time, etc.)
-Hits me when I try to talk to her at her level about why we don't take toys or block other children from playing in different areas
-Is extremely overweight and clumsy (I am afraid to have babies on the floor if she is near).
-Is no where near potty-trained and constantly soils through her diapers because they are too small
those two, with your children's health being the first priority. you may feel bad for the DCK being terminated, but you won't feel any better if your own child has an astma attack from inhaling the cigarette smell from someone else's child.
and if she does fall on someone else's baby, the baby's parents can bring enough consequences onto your head for you to regret not terming earlier. (someone fell on my daughter at the daycare yesterday; she's almost 5, and the child was younger and not too heavy, and it was an accident, and no one got injured, but still didn't feel good. kids are kids, and people fall, but the feeling was not pleasant.)
some may give you advice on dealing with the behavior and diaper size and stuff, but at this point, she's downright dangerous.
it's not her fault, but it is what it is.
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