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Cozy_Kids_Childcare 12:15 PM 08-30-2012
I'm so on the fence about giving this family notice. Mom just holds baby at every whimper and expects me to the same. I have posted about this baby before. She is very large at 7 months old. Mom will rock, hold or walk around the pool at night to get this baby to sleep. She howls if she is not being held. I refuse to put her back in the swing because she has already bent the poles so now it leans to the left. She doesn't like the jumperoo at all. I usually do site-words and work on reading with my 6 year old during nap time, but lately I can't do that because she is so loud when she howls (cries) that she wakes up the other baby. This baby is only happy when someone holds her. I have 4 kids under the age of 19 months. (1) 6 month, (1) 7 month, (1) 13 month and then my dd who is almost 19months. Mom said the other day that she doesn't want her baby to be allowed to scream and cry. I never get a break during the day... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about to pull my hair out because all this baby does is cry. I have a baby play area that has a bunch of toys. She just sits there and screams even if I try to play with her. She has to be picked up and physically held. I really can't afford to terminate, but I feel my sanity slipping away. She kicks her feet so hard that it sounds like my 6 year old is stomping down the hall. Even mom said the other day that she was a little spoiled... I just don't know how to go about the termination letter without really talking to mom about how serious the issue. Just from the conversation yesterday I know mom is not gonna be ok with the baby having to fuss or learn to play independently while I change a diaper or feed other kids. My 6 year old is tired of hearing it. My dog won't even come in the house. My husband starts nights next week and I know he isn't gonna wanna hear it all day long. I'm just at a loss. She has been crying all day long except when I feed her or when she finally takes a nap, but even then she wakes up every 5-10 picks her head up and screams out then puts her thumb in her mouth and falls back asleep. She does this even when she is in another room. I got permission from another daycare mom to let her baby sleep in another room so that she will actually be able to take a decent nap.
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Breezy 01:25 PM 08-30-2012
Term! I had a baby like this and she is no longer here and my days are peaceful! I seriously didn't even realize what the crying was doing to me until she was gone. And I felt the same way as you because I didn't let mom know what a serious issue it was so how could i term out of the blue.

Dear DCM,

I am no longer able to provide the kind of care your child needs. Child's last day is __________


Or something like that! I'm on my phone so trying to type fast lol.

If she asks why then just tell her this is group care and other children need you too.
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Blackcat31 01:53 PM 08-30-2012
Ugh..yes...TERM! You cannot provide the type of care this child needs (holding ALL day) so terming is your only option. Unless you want to listen to her cry all day....

I would say something like:

Dear DCM

At this time I feel that I cannot offer *baby* the type of care she is needing. I feel that it is in the best interest of *baby* to find alternate care arrangements. The last day I am willing to provide care for her is ***XX XX, 2012. Thank you

Daycare Provider.

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itlw8 01:56 PM 08-30-2012
everyone is always looking for infant care. terminate before you los the other children. How can it get much better if they hold the baby all day.

If you need to keep her get a sling and wear her like mom does.
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Nickel 02:29 PM 08-30-2012
This sounds awful, but could you advertise for the spot and then term. This way you could possibly have some interviews before you lose the income. You could always do an ad on craigslist and not provide your contact information. I've gotten emails off that. This way mom wouldn't know you were looking, kwim. But I would term. I had a screamer and I am so happy he's not coming back. The absolute relief I feel is so awesome. I seriously was thinking that child care was not for me, but I'm so much happier now that I don't have to worry about him anymore. And now I have so much more time for the other children and we are ALL happier.
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Cozy_Kids_Childcare 09:29 AM 08-31-2012
So mom called me and the baby was crying in the background. She asked me what was wrong and I couldn't hold it back. I just told her. She is upset because she doesn't want me to put her down. She doesn't like me to leave the room to change another baby or make a bottle. Mom said yeah, dad has that problem too when he keeps her. She said I guess I hold her to much. I guess I just feel that she is only a baby for a little while and I feel guilty leaving her all week. I just let her know that it wasn't fair to me, the other kids nor her child. She agreed with that. I told her I was willing to meet her half way, but that if the baby had no change in the next few weeks then she would have to find someone else because I just couldn't continue in the direction it was going at this moment. I really like this mom so I hope she gets it figured out quickly.
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MaritimeMummy 09:50 AM 08-31-2012
I'm glad you told her. It always feels like such a weight off your shoulders when you talk about things about the child that is bothering you with the parents.

I'll share something with you. When my oldest was 9 months old, I went back to work and found a nice home day care for her to go to. I knew the provider from my childhood, her younger sister had been a very good friend of mine. I trusted her immensely.

My daughter was a very happy baby, we never had to carry her around, never cried, she was so well-adjusted.

After about a month of her going to this lady's home day care, I got a call from her one morning, I had just dropped my daughter off and had enough time to get to work. When she called, my daughter was screaming in the background.

"I need you to come get her. I can't do this anymore!"

Me, thinking my DD was sick and just being frantic, I hung up the phone and raced there to get her. At that point, the sitter started rambling and emotions began cascading. She said that my daughter had never adjusted and that she screamed all day long every day that I dropped her off. I had no idea!! Being that that was the first time I had heard anything about this, I tried talking to the provider about it and some possible solutions. She refused to hear me and termed me, effective that day, she could not come back.

I was speechless. Left me with no child care, a new job, and a child who, as far as I knew, was completely happy and adjusted in her home day care but turned out that she was not adjusting at ALL.

TALK TALK TALK! Keep open communication and be honest with the mom. Please, now that she knows, don't just sit back and try to watch something to happen magically. Keep that open communication going, let her know daily how it is going, what she wants you to do, get clear expectations on what she wants of you and what she needs to be doing at home to support you.

Hang in there...the worst part is over, the initial "talk"!
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Heidi 01:42 PM 08-31-2012
Originally Posted by MaritimeMummy:
I'm glad you told her. It always feels like such a weight off your shoulders when you talk about things about the child that is bothering you with the parents.

I'll share something with you. When my oldest was 9 months old, I went back to work and found a nice home day care for her to go to. I knew the provider from my childhood, her younger sister had been a very good friend of mine. I trusted her immensely.

My daughter was a very happy baby, we never had to carry her around, never cried, she was so well-adjusted.

After about a month of her going to this lady's home day care, I got a call from her one morning, I had just dropped my daughter off and had enough time to get to work. When she called, my daughter was screaming in the background.

"I need you to come get her. I can't do this anymore!"

Me, thinking my DD was sick and just being frantic, I hung up the phone and raced there to get her. At that point, the sitter started rambling and emotions began cascading. She said that my daughter had never adjusted and that she screamed all day long every day that I dropped her off. I had no idea!! Being that that was the first time I had heard anything about this, I tried talking to the provider about it and some possible solutions. She refused to hear me and termed me, effective that day, she could not come back.

I was speechless. Left me with no child care, a new job, and a child who, as far as I knew, was completely happy and adjusted in her home day care but turned out that she was not adjusting at ALL.

TALK TALK TALK! Keep open communication and be honest with the mom. Please, now that she knows, don't just sit back and try to watch something to happen magically. Keep that open communication going, let her know daily how it is going, what she wants you to do, get clear expectations on what she wants of you and what she needs to be doing at home to support you.

Hang in there...the worst part is over, the initial "talk"!
Thank you for sharing that. Sometimes we get so worried about admiting there is a problem, when we really DO need to admit it.

I could offer some strategies for helping her, but first, you need to get mom to be okay with trying anything.

Wierd question-but does this child burp alot or spit up alot? I had one who screamed the first 3 weeks he was here, but he also had this wierd habit of burping, then swallowing. Turned out, he had acid reflux. After medicine (and mom only gives him one dose vs. the two the doctor recommended), he is a different child!
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klavallee 02:03 PM 10-22-2012
I just read your post for the first time and I am in the EXACT situation as you. Can't afford to terminate but also losing every bit of sanity from the constant crying/screaming. I am giving this baby until the end of the year and then I will terminate. I have been very open with the parents and they are well aware of the crying that goes on here. I was just wondering how it went for you??? I am sooo nervous about terminating, but it's just not a healthy environment for the baby, the other kids, or myself. I really think she needs a nanny or more one-on-one care.
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Michael 02:23 PM 10-22-2012
Originally Posted by klavallee:
I just read your post for the first time and I am in the EXACT situation as you. Can't afford to terminate but also losing every bit of sanity from the constant crying/screaming. I am giving this baby until the end of the year and then I will terminate. I have been very open with the parents and they are well aware of the crying that goes on here. I was just wondering how it went for you??? I am sooo nervous about terminating, but it's just not a healthy environment for the baby, the other kids, or myself. I really think she needs a nanny or more one-on-one care.
Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I've upgraded your status. You can post freely now.
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littlemissmuffet 02:26 PM 10-22-2012
Originally Posted by klavallee:
I just read your post for the first time and I am in the EXACT situation as you. Can't afford to terminate but also losing every bit of sanity from the constant crying/screaming. I am giving this baby until the end of the year and then I will terminate. I have been very open with the parents and they are well aware of the crying that goes on here. I was just wondering how it went for you??? I am sooo nervous about terminating, but it's just not a healthy environment for the baby, the other kids, or myself. I really think she needs a nanny or more one-on-one care.

I have had to terminate children like this... it's just not worth it. Start advertising and line someone up for the space then give the family notice - this way you don't lose out on any/much income. Good luck... and welcome!
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cheerfuldom 05:01 PM 10-22-2012
Term.

EVERYONE gets kids like this...and its actually more and more common as more families are smaller (and cater to this type of thing) or parent out of guilt as this daycare mom said.

I would give it two weeks. Since this kid is crying anyway, I would just go for CIO.....she doesnt get picked up at all unless absolutely necessary. LOTS of floor time, no coddling, no rocking/carrying/bouncing. I know its hard but this is a last ditch effort to make it work.

After that, let her go and let your sanity return.
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daycaremom76 01:03 PM 10-24-2012
I am in the same boat..............I've had this little girl for like 3 months now and she was a complete angel up until 3 weeks ago when she got sick since then it has been non-stop screaming (been to the doc and fine) I'm not talking crying I am talking full fledge screaming! I can't put her down or do anything w/o her screaming. It's gotten so bad I don't open the windows or doors cause I'm afraid someone will call cps on me! Normally I would have booted her but I watch her brother too and I am friends (well went to school with) the parents. For the 1st two weeks the mother has said she doesn't do it at home but the son tells me stories all the time about her screaming and crying at home. I used to do arts & crafts with the kids but for the past 3 weeks since this has been going on I haven't been able to do anything. For one she screams the moment I put her down and it's so loud and long that by the time I can get her to stop for a moment I can't get focused to do anything with the other kids cause before long she's screaming again. This is going on through naptime as well. My other issue is she is breastfed and doesn't have a real routine. When she started I had her drinking a bottle at 7:30am, 11am and 2:30pm and she was sleeping at naptime with no issues. Since she was out sick for a week she has been all over the place. When I asked if she's on a routine at home her Mom said she wasn't and that she just feeds her when she fusses. Well that might work at home cause the milk is already to go but here the milk is frozen so I have to thaw it and feed her some days it's every 2hrs and she is 6 months now! And the whole time I am thawing it she is screaming bloody murder!!!!! It's insane, it's gotten to the point that I have changed my age group to no longer taking infants (I had 2 lined up to start and I called and canceled them) under 1yr anymore cause I don't feel like dealing with the crying and I know that the others are going w/o cause I don't have time for them too!!!
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SunshineMama 01:14 PM 10-24-2012
Term. Its not fair to you or the baby. I feel bad that the mom would be selfish and send the baby to group care when she is promoting a 1:1 ratio environment at home. I have had 2 babies like that and it has never worked out. I gave both a month of full time care and decided to term after literally getting migranes regularly.
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daycaremom76 12:16 PM 10-25-2012
So after another day of non-stop screaming from dcg & no naps for the other kids I gave her parents notice when they came to pick her up. And DCM said to me, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal!" Seriously?????? I have only told her everyday (including random texts) that her daughter won't stop screaming for the past 3 weeks and that none of the kids were sleeping during naptime! I guess she figured I was making it up..................I mean seriously what do you mean you didn't think it was that big of a deal?????? I am glad I decided to let her go cause obviously the parents didn't care.
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Tags:constant screaming, crying - all day, terminate
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