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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCM Not Being Honest About Kids' Illnesses
Mom2Two 07:34 PM 05-22-2016
I'm not sure how to explain the way these kids are showing symptoms lately. Mom recently switched from being a SAHM who brought her kids here PT to now working FT. She used to be pretty good about my sick policy, but since she went back to work, her kids have been sick three times (they are twins) and each time she's kinda tried to snow me about their illness and on top of that, the symptoms have been a bit strange. AND each time DD has caught it, which really tips the situation.

So, for example, the second time, a cold went through their family. When dcb #1 had it, mom told me it wasn't that bad, and he came back here pretty quick. But then dcb #2 caught it, and mom said, "he doesn't have it that bad, not like when dcb #1 and DH had it." Okay, that doesn't quite add up.

Dcb #2 came down with it on Monday night, was kept home two days, then brought back on the third day. He clearly did not feel good--walking around like Mr. Magoo...but no runny nose. I told mom that I thought that he was brought back too soon, and asked how he didn't have his nose run even once on the third day of a cold. But mom didn't have a clear answer.

Both me and dd caught the cold and we definitley had very runny noses!

Then this past week, on Tuesday, dcb #1 didn't feel good, complained of headache, wouldn't eat all day, and wanted to lie down and rest. He's normally very active. I texted mom about 1pm, and she said she'd be picking up at 4pm to pick up for swim lessons. She tends to push back when I let her know her kids don't feel well. I was a bit surprised that she was still thinking to go to swim lessons with a kid with a headache.

Well she brought the kids the next day, and they seemed to be okay. But Thursday and Friday, the boy was kept home and I was told he had a fever. And sure enough, on Friday, my daughter began acting the way dcb #1 was acting on Tuesday, and we've had a great weekend with fever and throw up. Dcb #2 told me that his brother didn't end up doing his swim lesson, dcb #2 had double the time. But mom didn't tell me any of this. She didnt' clear with me about bringing him the next day, and didn't even communicate with me about the boy's status.

So the problem is that mom is being shifty with me, and the net result is that dd is catching this stuff. And I am even wondering if mom is doping the kids with 12 hour adult meds to keep the symptoms down (runny nose, fever) so she can get away with bringing him. Do daycare parents resort to crap like that?
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Mike 09:13 PM 05-22-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Do daycare parents resort to crap like that?
I've heard worse on the news.
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Thriftylady 06:19 AM 05-23-2016
Some parents will dope and drop as we call it here on the forum! It seems odd to me though that they seem to be sick so often. Did I read it correctly? Do you have a policy in your handbook about the "dope and drop"? I put one in mine after reading about it so much here.
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Blackcat31 06:31 AM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
I'm not sure how to explain the way these kids are showing symptoms lately. Mom recently switched from being a SAHM who brought her kids here PT to now working FT. She used to be pretty good about my sick policy, but since she went back to work, her kids have been sick three times (they are twins) and each time she's kinda tried to snow me about their illness and on top of that, the symptoms have been a bit strange. AND each time DD has caught it, which really tips the situation.

So, for example, the second time, a cold went through their family. When dcb #1 had it, mom told me it wasn't that bad, and he came back here pretty quick. But then dcb #2 caught it, and mom said, "he doesn't have it that bad, not like when dcb #1 and DH had it." Okay, that doesn't quite add up.

Dcb #2 came down with it on Monday night, was kept home two days, then brought back on the third day. He clearly did not feel good--walking around like Mr. Magoo...but no runny nose. I told mom that I thought that he was brought back too soon, and asked how he didn't have his nose run even once on the third day of a cold. But mom didn't have a clear answer.

Both me and dd caught the cold and we definitley had very runny noses!

Then this past week, on Tuesday, dcb #1 didn't feel good, complained of headache, wouldn't eat all day, and wanted to lie down and rest. He's normally very active. I texted mom about 1pm, and she said she'd be picking up at 4pm to pick up for swim lessons. She tends to push back when I let her know her kids don't feel well. I was a bit surprised that she was still thinking to go to swim lessons with a kid with a headache.

Well she brought the kids the next day, and they seemed to be okay. But Thursday and Friday, the boy was kept home and I was told he had a fever. And sure enough, on Friday, my daughter began acting the way dcb #1 was acting on Tuesday, and we've had a great weekend with fever and throw up. Dcb #2 told me that his brother didn't end up doing his swim lesson, dcb #2 had double the time. But mom didn't tell me any of this. She didnt' clear with me about bringing him the next day, and didn't even communicate with me about the boy's status.

So the problem is that mom is being shifty with me, and the net result is that dd is catching this stuff. And I am even wondering if mom is doping the kids with 12 hour adult meds to keep the symptoms down (runny nose, fever) so she can get away with bringing him. Do daycare parents resort to crap like that?
You need to set some clear illness policies and stick to them.

If DCK is acting out of sorts and not really 100% send them home. Don't text mom a "head's up" and then wait for her to push back...TELL her "DCK is not feeling well and will need to be picked up within 45 monutes."

When the child is ill, don't wait for DCM to send or not send the child back to care, TELL her EXACTLY when they can return.

This is YOUR business....take the lead.

This will eliminate worrying about whether or not DCM is doping or dropping because it won't really matter.
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MunchkinWrangler 08:18 AM 05-23-2016
I could have written this exact post today. I'm so frustrated. Last week dcg comes with 'allergies' over the weekend, I start feeling icky, my ds is starting to show symptoms.

Dcg shows up today, gross. It's just gross. Dcg2 shows up with same thing but I'm suspecting dose and drop as she looks sicker than what the thermometer is telling me.

I'm now trying to gather my backbone and my wits because frankly I'm just so annoyed by this right now. I'm about to quit. I feel no one respects the fact that I have a 4 day weekend coming up and I guess I'll get to spend it sick and have no time to recoup. I'm this close to sending everyone but 1 dcg home, the one that isn't sick but I'm sure will become sick because we all have 'allergies.'

I'm feeling your pain right now. No advice as I need to kick all my families in the butt right now. Sorry, not trying to hijack or vent on your post, but definitely having the same type of day today.
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finsup 08:27 AM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I could have written this exact post today. I'm so frustrated. Last week dcg comes with 'allergies' over the weekend, I start feeling icky, my ds is starting to show symptoms.

Dcg shows up today, gross. It's just gross. Dcg2 shows up with same thing but I'm suspecting dose and drop as she looks sicker than what the thermometer is telling me.

I'm now trying to gather my backbone and my wits because frankly I'm just so annoyed by this right now. I'm about to quit. I feel no one respects the fact that I have a 4 day weekend coming up and I guess I'll get to spend it sick and have no time to recoup. I'm this close to sending everyone but 1 dcg home, the one that isn't sick but I'm sure will become sick because we all have 'allergies.'

I'm feeling your pain right now. No advice as I need to kick all my families in the butt right now. Sorry, not trying to hijack or vent on your post, but definitely having the same type of day today.
Yup "allergies" here too. Funny how NO ONE ever has an actual allergy diagnosis and they seem to be fine in a week or so

OP, yeah, parents pull this stuff all the time. Definitely have an illness policy and stick to it. You can say no to them returning or staying, it's your business
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MunchkinWrangler 08:57 AM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by finsup:
Yup "allergies" here too. Funny how NO ONE ever has an actual allergy diagnosis and they seem to be fine in a week or so

OP, yeah, parents pull this stuff all the time. Definitely have an illness policy and stick to it. You can say no to them returning or staying, it's your business
I actually told dcm that since they suspect allergies they need to get her properly diagnosed as most of the time we all just get sick because it's a cold not allergies. I told her to always suspect illness not allergies in the first place. But they just don't get it.
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Snowmom 09:16 AM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I actually told dcm that since they suspect allergies they need to get her properly diagnosed as most of the time we all just get sick because it's a cold not allergies. I told her to always suspect illness not allergies in the first place. But they just don't get it.
And they never will.
They will blame daycare for the all the ailments their child is exposed to in daycare... but rarely will they ever willingly keep them home when their kids are sick (until it's too late and YOU need to send them home), because they won't get their money's worth or don't want to take a sick day at work.
It's the worst, suckiest part of this job.
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tenderhearts 09:22 AM 05-23-2016
I am dealing with this right now and I don't know what to do. I have a 5 yr old who just told me that she had a fever last night, I asked if she wasn't feeling well and she said yes and she was told to lay down and that her mom gave her medicine for it and again this morning. I clarified with her again, so your mom checked you for a fever today? she said yes and she gave me medicine. This is not a child that makes up stories, I believe her. However, mom has not been so responsible with other things, not major or anything, late where I am now documenting it.
So I have made a phone call to mom who works retail so therefore wont be calling back until her first break which wont be for a few hours. I'm actually kind of mad because , for one she knows the policy, 2 to risk others getting sick before a long weekend where everyone has plans? So now I am going to wait 30 min and if she doesn't call back I will call her work. But I have a feeling she will deny it so then what?
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Blackcat31 09:26 AM 05-23-2016
I can not stress enough...... to eliminate this issue, go to the 24/48 hour rule.

I have not had issues with illnesses running rampart through daycare, have not gotten sick myself or had any issues with suspected dope/drops since implementing the 24/48 hour rule.

It works like a charm.
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tenderhearts 09:30 AM 05-23-2016
I implement it to when I know. Mom said NOTHING about it this morning. What do I do if she denies it? I believe her daughter 100%. I'm frustrated right now. I don't want to get sick over my weekend
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Blackcat31 09:40 AM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by tenderhearts:
I implement it to when I know. Mom said NOTHING about it this morning. What do I do if she denies it? I believe her daughter 100%. I'm frustrated right now. I don't want to get sick over my weekend
Send her home. If you truly believe the child, then send her home. If mom says child is lying, then have a convo together.

You should easily be able to tell if mom is acting cagey or not.

How is the child behaving? Is she showing symptoms of being ill?

You could always text mom and straight up ask her what the meds she gave DCG were last night? See what/how she replies.

I don't have issues confronting parents but if you do, go with the texting route....otherwise, I'd just send her home based on her word. If mom says DCG is lying, then I'd tell her I would be concerned about the content/info that DCG is lying about.
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Mom2Two 12:58 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I could have written this exact post today. I'm so frustrated. Last week dcg comes with 'allergies' over the weekend, I start feeling icky, my ds is starting to show symptoms.

Dcg shows up today, gross. It's just gross. Dcg2 shows up with same thing but I'm suspecting dose and drop as she looks sicker than what the thermometer is telling me.

I'm now trying to gather my backbone and my wits because frankly I'm just so annoyed by this right now. I'm about to quit. I feel no one respects the fact that I have a 4 day weekend coming up and I guess I'll get to spend it sick and have no time to recoup. I'm this close to sending everyone but 1 dcg home, the one that isn't sick but I'm sure will become sick because we all have 'allergies.'

I'm feeling your pain right now. No advice as I need to kick all my families in the butt right now. Sorry, not trying to hijack or vent on your post, but definitely having the same type of day today.
I know, right? We're going camping in two weeks. We have saved up to rent a house boat for one day and rent jet ski another day--non refundable when it gets close. This is a big deal to us! I really dont' want to do a six hour drive with my daughter sick, and she catches stuff easily (former preemie).
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Mom2Two 01:02 PM 05-23-2016
Oh yes, allergies...and teething. It's amazing the illnesses that try to get passed off as teething. I do need to upgrade my illness policy. I have an extensive one, I just don't have any consequences built into it.

And of the three families I have right now, two of them respond well to me telling them that something isn't okay. They need me and take care of the relationship. But this mom who just went full-time is acting like she can treat me like a jerk all of a sudden.

I definitely need to add some teeth to my illness policy, especially for this one family.
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Mom2Two 01:05 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I can not stress enough...... to eliminate this issue, go to the 24/48 hour rule.

I have not had issues with illnesses running rampart through daycare, have not gotten sick myself or had any issues with suspected dope/drops since implementing the 24/48 hour rule.

It works like a charm.
Can you post your 24/48 hour rule for me? I dont' hang out here often enough to remember it.
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Mom2Two 01:10 PM 05-23-2016
Sorry for the run of posts here...I'm thinking as I post stuff. The thing is that for a parent to treat me this way: there aren't enough fees in the world to cover it. It's like the relationship has really been violated and I just need to talk to mom. Or maybe i'll email and express my feelings about the importance of respect and trust in daycare. If I don't respect a family, I have a hard time wanting them here at all.
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childcaremom 01:20 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
I know, right? We're going camping in two weeks. We have saved up to rent a house boat for one day and rent jet ski another day--non refundable when it gets close. This is a big deal to us! I really dont' want to do a six hour drive with my daughter sick, and she catches stuff easily (former preemie).
This is my daughter as well. I have a very strict illness policy and (now) have developed a pretty great backbone at enforcing it. I do not care for ill children. Period.

I exclude for symptoms. Not diagnosis. Allergies as an excuse would be just that. An excuse. What are the symptoms? Continuous runny nose? Home. Hacking cough? Home.

I have a 24/48 rule. If a parent keeps the child home when ill, the child can return 24 hours after symptoms subside. If I send a child home from care ill, the child can return 48 hours after symptoms subside. Puts the responsibility back on the parents for determining if the child is well enough for care. All of my parents are required to have a back up plan. They all have local family or flexible work places. I do not take clients who don't.

I have a set criteria before sending home but tell parents that I am very aware of how children act when they are well vs feeling under the weather. So that even if they don't meet x,y,z that I will send home if I suspect that they are ill. Or if an older child complains of being unwell.

When they call off, I remind them of the 24 hour period before return. When I send home, I remind them of the 48 hour period before return. I also tell them when the earliest would be that I would expect them back.

This was one part of the job I hated. But since changing to the 24/48 rule, it has been a lot better. 99% of my parents have been great. The other 1% don't last here.
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Blackcat31 01:33 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Can you post your 24/48 hour rule for me? I dont' hang out here often enough to remember it.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=24%2F48
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Mom2Two 01:37 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
I exclude for symptoms. Not diagnosis. Allergies as an excuse would be just that. An excuse. What are the symptoms? Continuous runny nose? Home. Hacking cough? Home.

I have a 24/48 rule. If a parent keeps the child home when ill, the child can return 24 hours after symptoms subside. If I send a child home from care ill, the child can return 48 hours after symptoms subside. Puts the responsibility back on the parents for determining if the child is well enough for care. All of my parents are required to have a back up plan. They all have local family or flexible work places. I do not take clients who don't.

I have a set criteria before sending home but tell parents that I am very aware of how children act when they are well vs feeling under the weather. So that even if they don't meet x,y,z that I will send home if I suspect that they are ill. Or if an older child complains of being unwell.

When they call off, I remind them of the 24 hour period before return. When I send home, I remind them of the 48 hour period before return. I also tell them when the earliest would be that I would expect them back.

This was one part of the job I hated. But since changing to the 24/48 rule, it has been a lot better. 99% of my parents have been great. The other 1% don't last here.
Love. it.
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HHdaycare12 03:31 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Some parents will dope and drop as we call it here on the forum! It seems odd to me though that they seem to be sick so often. Did I read it correctly? Do you have a policy in your handbook about the "dope and drop"? I put one in mine after reading about it so much here.
This made me LOL. I have one DCM who has repeatedly given her daughter Zofran and sent her to me, meds wear off and she vomits.. Grandma comes a picks up child and tells me the real deal.....nothing surprises me anymore
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LysesKids 06:22 PM 05-23-2016
Originally Posted by HHdaycare12:
This made me LOL. I have one DCM who has repeatedly given her daughter Zofran and sent her to me, meds wear off and she vomits.. Grandma comes a picks up child and tells me the real deal.....nothing surprises me anymore
or the parent that blames the GI problems of older child... due to Gluten issues but then my whole childcare gets a Stomach virus; yes the DR told her , the baby has stomach virus, but because she thought older issues were due to allergies we are now all down with illnesses because she decided not to disinfect until the younger child got ill... btw, I am closed on Tuesday due to my own stomach issues. Not happy that I have to credit $$ because a parent had no clue a virus was rampant
(the school was sending kids home)
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Tags:illness policy, lying about illness
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