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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Many Have You Termed and Why?
Boymom 01:31 PM 08-10-2016
Just out of curiosity, how many kids have you had to term and why did you term them?

I've termed one because she was the worst napper, she screamed at the top of her lungs all day, and her mom was trying to micro-manage me.

I've been thinking about terming 2 siblings for several reasons, but I don't want to be known as the daycare lady that terms everybody!
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Blackcat31 01:35 PM 08-10-2016
Originally Posted by Boymom:
Just out of curiosity, how many kids have you had to term and why did you term them?

I've termed one because she was the worst napper, she screamed at the top of her lungs all day, and her mom was trying to micro-manage me.

I've been thinking about terming 2 siblings for several reasons, but I don't want to be known as the daycare lady that terms everybody!
I don't think I can answer that. NOT because I am term crazy but because I've been in business for over 20+ years and at one point operated at FULL capacity (14 kids) some part-time, some full time and some drop in.

Last time I tried to recollect some statistics I learned I've cared for over 200+ children in my career so I honestly don't think I can answer that.

I operate ALOT differently now than I used to and could probably safely say I've termed 4 families in the last 7 years. 2 for bad parent behaviors, 1 for child behaviors and 1 because the parent was (alot) less than honest about some things.
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spedmommy4 01:54 PM 08-10-2016
I will say two. I termed one for child behavior. I can handle a lot, but the behavior was way beyond too much for a typical early childhood setting. (eg: Climbing to the top of the play structure and throwing himself off, body slamming adults and other kids, . . . ) Child had been evaluated but parents believed I could handle it alone.

The second child was when I was closing up and moving my childcare out of state. I had drafted her letter and planned to because the mom ignored my calls for pick up when her little one was very ill. Dcm ended up getting mad that I enforced my illness policy and pulled her from my care. The only upside to that situation is she taught me a valuable lesson about enforcing my own policies 100% of the time, without exception.
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Controlled Chaos 01:58 PM 08-10-2016
I have only been in business 4 years and I have termed a few...let's see

1 - I stopped offering half days and they didn't wish to go to full days

2 - part time siblings, I couldn't fill around them, but had FT people of the wait list. That was sad...they were awesome. Now my wait list is diverse enough that shouldn't be a problem again hopefully.

1 - refused to vaccinate and I require that (started requiring it when my dad, who visits frequently, had a bone marrow transplant)

1- behavior issues and parents hid that child had been diagnosed with delays and disorders

Seems like a lot in 4 years, but I think now I screen out more issues during the interview process so its less likely to come to that, though I would if needed. First few years was a lot of learning
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happymom 02:00 PM 08-10-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
1 - I stopped offering half days and they didn't wish to go to full days
I wouldn't count this as a term unless you stopped offering half days because you knew they didn't wish to go full days and wanted to get term anyway. =)
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Baby Beluga 02:07 PM 08-10-2016
I have termed one family. It was a combination of a lot of things, but the straw that broke the camel's back was the repeated late pick-ups after closing time. Mom took umbrage with this because "she paid the late fees." She is correct, she did. She felt as long as she paid the late fee she could be late. I did not care about the money, I wanted my time. Immediately after her term I adopted BC's policy of three late pick ups and you are termed policy.
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childcaremom 02:11 PM 08-10-2016
I don't know how many I have termed but when I had a lot of clients that I wanted to term, I realized that I needed to do a better job of weeding out the clients that were not good fits.

Since making changes, I have termed once due to parents (too many issues to list), once due to child (nap screamer) and once when I switched from full year clients to teachers only.

I honestly don't think that terming is a bad thing. It is not my go-to solution and is not a decision I make lightly but it is a tool in my toolbox. I know my limits and what I can deal with and what I can't. I've suffered burn out in this profession and have come close to it happening again. I have vowed to not let it happen again.

I will say that parents play a huge factor in my decision of whether or not to term (if they are willing to work with me then I am willing to put in more effort and for a longer period of time, otherwise I'm not). The things I don't want to deal with I aim to weed out during the interview process.
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Leigh 02:26 PM 08-10-2016
A couple of years ago, I termed 2 boys with ODD & ADHD. My life was pure hell when they were there, but I tried my hardest with them. I gave noticed when the 4 year old bit another, younger child. I just termed a child for biting (her brother went with her, but he was welcome to stay). I'd tried everything with her, and after we thought it was fixed, she went rabid again. This kid, I'd even consulted with licensing and a local college to work on behavioral biting-nothing worked. I termed an infant who screamed all day, was put to bed at 5:30 PM (for the night) and was on milk based formula (her mother insisted) even though she had a documented milk allergy. Off the top of my head, those are the only ones that I outright told to get out.

Other than those, I haven't technically termed, but I'd made myself unavailable for several families. One was a family with kids who had crazy behavior issues and had issues with paying on time. Another was a child that I took for overnights whose mom would have her nap with her before mom started the night shift...meaning that child would show up well rested and ready to play at 10:30 PM, and not sleep until 1AM-2AM, then awaken around 6 (1.5 hours BEFORE I get up). And, I just interviewed a family that I'm making myself unavailable for, as well. The kids I interviewed for were OK. The older siblings were ANIMALS, and the mother didn't even seem to notice them (6, 8, 10 years old) jumping on my furniture, opening the door to my bedroom and running in, and going through my fridge. I actually raised my voice at them more than once during the interview and mom sat there not even paying attention to what was going on. I finally told the mom that it was time for them to leave, and the next day got a message saying they decided that they wanted to choose me. N.O.P.E. I try to be nice when I turn someone down or become unavailable-I don't need bad reviews from someone I didn't even provide service for, but it is HARD sometimes not to just scream at certain people to get out and never talk to me again! LOL.

Almost all of my terms, as well as the ones that I've just kind of ghosted, are in the last 18 months. I just don't have it in me to put up with other peoples' SH!& anymore. If I don't like the way you parent, if I don't like YOU, if your kids are out of control, if you can afford new tattoos, vacations and concert tickets, but not to pay me, if you won't listen to your child's doctor or therapist about your child's issues, you can't come here. I just can't anymore. And, I'm a happier person for it, too (usually).
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Lil_Diddle 02:34 PM 08-10-2016
only one. This past October a dck ran in front of a swing here and fell and fractured his arm. The parents never questioned what happened or made me believe that they thought I did anything wrong. Then in January the dad brought the boy in and within minutes of the father's departure I knew DCK was sick. He was running a fever so I called dad. DD knew boy had a fever and said, "I guess the Tylenol hasn't kicked in yet." told DD he needed picked up. No big deal, dad seemed ok about it. When DD got here he went unleashed. "I can't believe your all about following the handbook.... When he fractured his arm, we could have turned you in, our Dr. told us that he was not hit with a swing" It got to the point I had to raise my voice and tell the DD to leave because he was so irate. DM called later and apologized and said they do not believe I would ever hurt their child and they believed me and the DD was just stressed. I gave him the opportunity to come back and talk and he refused to talk about anything or apologize. So I figured I needed to let them go, I just felt DD was a liability. The mother and I were both upset about it, she even called me back in May and begged to be let back in, but I just don't want to have contact with DD again.
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Crazy8 02:48 PM 08-10-2016
only once and it was over 10 years ago. Child had behavior issues, parents were in denial.
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renodeb 03:16 PM 08-10-2016
I have termed 6 children in 11 years. All for different reasons. The most recent one was because there was an incident between one of my dc kids and a parent. (not the parent of the kid).
Each time I term it's not easy. I tale it very much to heart.
Deb
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e.j. 03:22 PM 08-10-2016
I've "termed" 3 times in 20 years. I handled them in a way that while I kind of initiated the process, the parents thought they were making the decision to leave. No hard feelings that way!

One was the result of a parent raising his fist to me when I told him his child hurt himself earlier that day when he tripped and landed on a toy. There were a quite a few other issues that led to my decision to get them out of my house for good but that was the clincher. At about that same time, the dcm was trying to help her college student/night time babysitter earn money for school. She cut some of my hours to give to this babysitter "because she needed the money". (Because I was just working for the fun of it??!) I told her I totally understood and suggested she take the kids to her friend full time since she needed the money and I had a full time family who actually needed the spots. "As much as I hate to see you go....."

Another was a disagreement over nap time, among other issues. The mother, who was also a neighbor, didn't want her child to nap but dcg was falling asleep at my kitchen table every day. Knowing she would never agree to nap time and that this was my chance to get her to leave, I told her day care regs say I have to offer the children a nap if they're tired (true) so unfortunately, if she didn't want her child to nap, she would have to find someone else to watch her dd.

Another was a family that had a lot of issues. I won't go into details but when dcm told me the teenage sister was showing **** movies to my 5 yo dcg in the morning before she came to dc, I decided I was done. I had been staying open later because dcm couldn't pick up at my regular closing time. She was even later picking up the day she told me about the movies so I used that as an excuse to tell her the late pick ups were interfering with my kids' homework/dinner time. I knew she couldn't pick up any earlier so I wasn't surprised or disappointed when she said she would have to find different child care then.
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e.j. 03:24 PM 08-10-2016
My son reminded me of one more. A little guy who was just way too active for me to feel like I could keep him safe. I termed him outright after a really tough week with him.
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JackandJill 04:56 PM 08-10-2016
I've termed 3 times in my 3 years being open.

1- on his second day dcb threw a Thomas the Train through my window (both days he was insane out of control, never listened to me and was really aggressive).

2&3 - both infants who could not be put down without screaming, and never napped.
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sahm1225 05:10 PM 08-10-2016
I've been in business for 7 years and I've termed twice.

One was my cousins daughter and she just couldn't keep up with the payments. Subsidy had issues too so it just got out of control and I couldn't financially afford to keep her. Ended way better that I thought it would've.

One was a current dcf and I termed one of their kids. Dcb needed a different environment. He has since been evaluated and is getting the help he needs. Daycare was causing this poor dcb anxiety and he was just horribly aggressive. He's doing better now (term was last month) and I have his sister until the end of the month because she's leaving for kindergarten.

I've had a few that I've encouraged to move on and they thought it was their idea
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DaveA 06:33 PM 08-10-2016
I've termed a few times ( drawing a blank on the actual number). It almost always has been because of parental issues: nonpayment, policy violations, general stupidity. Even the 1 child I termed for behavior ( threw a bucket of blocks at a kid's head & would cuss out anyone when mad), a big source of the trouble was the nitwit parents.
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permanentvacation 08:39 PM 08-10-2016
I've termed a lot of families since I moved to the area I'm in. The typical reasons are...

The family couldn't pay me correctly (either tried to give me partial payment or no payment at all and asked me to wait until the following week to be paid)

The 2 or 3 year old child ( a good 5 or more kids from different families) seemed to believe they were allowed to tell me "F*ck you!" when I told them to do something that they didn't want to do. When I told their parents the words they were saying, the parent acted like that was perfectly acceptable and normal!

A couple of kids that completely lost their minds when they didn't get exactly what they wanted when they wanted it and threw such extreme temper tantrums, throwing things, kicking the floor, kicking the walls, screaming, etc. that the neighbor actually knocked on my door to see if everything was alright!! (They were extremely spoiled/entitled children!)

Before I moved to this area, I only remember terminating 2 families over about 18 years. The one didn't even make it through the interview. The child went around hitting everyone in my daycare and then punched me in my stomach. I was about 8 months pregnant! The child was old enough to know that I 'had a baby in my belly'. And neither the mom nor the dad ever corrected the child or said one word to their child, the other children (didn't apologize to the kids their child hit), nor me regarding their child hitting us. The other was when a very young mother cussed me out because I called her to pick her child up after she threw up. Then that mom called me that night and had me on the phone for over an hour reaming me about her child having to be picked up that day.
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KiwiKids 03:57 AM 08-11-2016
Two come to mind... There's been times I've chosen to run a smaller group due to my own circumstances, but overall the two that felt like official terminations.

1- school age child who was too wild and didn't listen. There were some very big family problems going on at home as a well and I felt badly for the child but the behavior was a safety issue.

2nd- a toddler who wouldn't nap, spent months crying anytime they weren't being held, things boiled over into aggression because they simply weren't cut out for group care. Co-slept at home, held and hardly ever put down as an infant and had a parent within arms reach at all times... Mom would watch child be aggressive and yell at other kids and make no effort to correct the behavior. She was so focused on her child never crying that nothing else mattered. After many discussions on what was expected and I actually managed to get DCK in line, I still gave notice because it was all my effort and I knew it would be a constant work in progress because DCM didn't want to change anything. She felt she was doing the best for her child, that's her child and her right. I'm by no means anti-attachment parenting and used many AP ideas with my own kids but in this case the lack of constant physical attachment to an adult caregiver created huge anxiety for the child. Perfect example of why no one book can tell you the best way to parent or care for every child. I can honestly say I will never put myself in that situation again. I cared very much for the child. It was so much stress to watch dck struggle with anxiety and be so unhappy when by nature dck was a very happy kid. Group care was just NOT the right choice.
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Annalee 04:57 AM 08-11-2016
If I recall correctly, over the past 24 years, I have termed 4 times..... one because infant was not a good fit (cried continuously), one because the child was breastfed and after 3 months still would not take a bottle, one because of extreme bad behavior from 2 year old and parents refused to work with me on this, one because 4 yr old had meltdowns kicking walls and parent didn't understand I didn't want her to harm herself or others...... I think that's all I have termed I am not a term-happy provider but I want parents to work with me.....
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Indoorvoice 05:09 AM 08-11-2016
I have been open for 3 years and have termed 4 families. One for late pickups and not showing up on scheduled days without notice. One was a family friend and the child was very difficult and started lying to his parents saying I spanked him. One because I just didn't click with the child. And one was another family friend who didn't think they needed to follow policies.
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Second Home 05:43 AM 08-11-2016
In my 13 years of being a provider I have termed twice . Both times was for a child who was aggressive and purposefully hurting / trying to hurt other children .
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Miss A 06:30 AM 08-11-2016
I have termed one outright, during his first week with me. He was 4, was not potty trained, would scream all day long and be violent towards me or other children when we approached him, or even walked by him. The worst was when I served him lunch and he attempted to stab me with his fork. He was not welcome back after that incident. His parents said he was just too "spirited" and I did not know how to handle an active child.

Then this spring I informed a family who was struggling with deciding to send their child to preschool that their child would no longer fit into my program this fall. She was my last 3 year old in care, as I have all infant enrollment now, and am expecting my own next month. DCM agreed, and we both cried as I have had the 3 year old since she was 6 weeks old. She is still my sweet girl, and DCM and I are still friends, but it is so nice to not work with friends anymore!
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lovemydaycare0912 09:41 AM 08-11-2016
I termed 1 child so far. Well 2 if you count the kid that never showed up his first week lol. the 1 I did term was because of the parents. I loved dcb so much, he was 2.5 and I knew him since he was 6 months. I just couldn't do it with them always wanting to try to run my business and make things work in their favor. The last straw was when she claimed I was depriving her child of a meal when she would come after breakfast time was over. I cried out of frustration and refused to let a dip make me feel like that. I termed her a week later (wish it was sooner) and got a complaint from the state 2 months later. Idc though, it was so worth it. I have never worked a minute past my closing since they left. I sure do hope they found a good place for him but I couldn't do it anymore. I think I complained about her 3 times on here.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:31 AM 08-11-2016
My immediate thought was SO MANY. I have termed SO MANY! I am licensed for 12.

I do a poor job of weeding out the bad fits in the interviews. I am just not really able to do so unless there are bright red flags waving all over the place. I am sure I am forgetting some but I will try to recall them.

1. Little girl, age 3. Family wasn't a good fit from the beginning. Mom went on vacation, didn't pay me, and then told me she would only pay me starting the next week since her daughter didn't attend the week before. I packed up their belongings and they weren't invited back. This was during my first few months open so I was horrified and she badmouthed me for YEARS. The entire community came to dislike her and her family had to move due to this.

2. Family with 2 girls (4 and 2). Family wasn't a good fit from the beginning and lied about illness constantly. "Too much watermelon is why she threw up...too much granola...too much candy...etc." Finally, I had enough between that and all the other issues and I terminated them. They were here about 9 months.

3. Family with 2 kids (boy-4 girl-2). I put the boy on a behavior plan due to extremely aggressive tendencies that I couldn't rein in after 9 months. It got worse and so I suspended him. The Dad became aggressive, blamed me for his child's issues, threatened to sue, etc. so I terminated. I was in a high risk pregnancy at the time so I also told them to never contact me again. That little boy still makes me shiver as he was out of control.

4. Little boy (4). Mom told me he was aggressive towards adults, which I could handle due to knowing he had special needs. She didn't tell me he was highly aggressive towards children. After he tried smashing a child's head with a block repeatedly I terminated. He was here 1 day.

5. Little boy (5). Aggressive and wouldn't stop spanking other children so I had the Mom switch out the little boy for her younger girl. They are still enrolled today and I have their third child.

6. Little boy (3). Wasn't a good fit from the beginning. He purposely irritated the other children, was aggressive, and then bit two children in one day (third day here). I terminated immediately. I am still in contact with the Mom and she opted not to enroll him elsewhere.

7. Little girl (2). Needed one on one care in order to stay safe and I couldn't provide it.

8. Little girl (4). Family wasn't a good fit from the beginning but I thought it'd be fine since they were my friend's best friend. She only paid me half upfront and TOLD me she wouldn't be paying me the rest until later that week. I was a newbie and shocked. The little girl was rude and wouldn't listen. Terminated because they were difficult to work with after a month or two. It was causing me a lot of stress to be bossed around by the Mom.

9. Little girl (3). Wasn't a good fit from the beginning. The little girl just didn't mesh well with me...and I had learned that I could either cope with it or just end the business relationship immediately so after a behavior plan and no improvement I terminated.

10. Little girl (4, almost 5). Escalating sexual behavior that was not appropriate to subject other children to. Child didn't listen either and was manipulative.

4 years in and I've terminated the contracts for 10 families. I don't regret terminating any of them and many I wish I would have just said it wasn't a good fit from the VERY beginning (2-4 weeks in). It causes me a lot of stress and anxiety when I try to make it work with a family or child that doesn't respect me and isn't improving.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:33 AM 08-11-2016
Also, I live in a SMALL community. Very small and everyone gossips. I am still not known as the lady who terminates. Enduring a BAD business relationship can kill your enjoyment of the job. I hope you're able to let them go soon.
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Leigh 10:52 AM 08-11-2016
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Also, I live in a SMALL community. Very small and everyone gossips. I am still not known as the lady who terminates. Enduring a BAD business relationship can kill your enjoyment of the job. I hope you're able to let them go soon.
I totally understand you NOT being known as the lady who terms. The childcares with the most strict rules, the most detailed policies, and the ones who take the most time off (a LOT of time off...like 8-12 weeks a year-those are the ones here that have the best reputations and the ones parents fight to get into.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:55 AM 08-11-2016
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I totally understand you NOT being known as the lady who terms. The childcares with the most strict rules, the most detailed policies, and the ones who take the most time off (a LOT of time off...like 8-12 weeks a year-those are the ones here that have the best reputations and the ones parents fight to get into.
That's me. I don't work 5 days per week and I also am closed for a total of about 3-4 weeks each year.
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Unregistered 12:46 PM 08-11-2016
Two.

One because child couldn't adjust to group care. He had behavioral problems and cognitive disabilities that mom refused to address.

And the other because the parents were just odd. I only ever saw dad and he was flaky as heck. They showed up an hour late TWICE despite the massive late fees. And then I termed.
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Boymom 02:02 PM 08-11-2016
Wow, I just read through all of the posts and there are some crazy kids and parents out there!!

I'm trying to figure out if I'm just becoming impatient or if these siblings are that bad! When they aren't here, everyone seems to get along really well, but when they are here, it's like a full moon EVERY day. Every. Single. Day.

Buuut, DH got home early today and he hung out with all of us for a little bit. He left after 5 minutes!!! He told me he has no clue how I do this every day!
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AmyKidsCo 08:05 PM 08-11-2016
0.

I'd rather tough it out because I hate filling openings with a passion, hate conflicts, and am always worried about losing income.

That's not to say I've never happy danced when I've gotten a term notice from certain parents.
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Puddleduck 03:59 AM 08-12-2016
Three in 8 years. I had a 2 year old who napped wonderfully but her parents asked me to keep her awake. I tried to keep her up but she would just end up exhausted and cranky and wasn't able to participate. And the parents kept getting upset at me when I wasn't able to keep her from sleeping.
The second child was just too violent. And the third time the dad showed up to pick up his daughter and he started hitting on me. Found out that evening that he was actually drunk at the time. Noped out of that situation.
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kitykids3 11:37 AM 08-17-2016
In 10 years I've never officially termed anyone. Current family that is leaving in a couple weeks, I realize now I should have termed back a while ago before she took up 2 spots. My gut told me 2.5 years ago that this was going to be a difficult one. Love the kids. Mom is a handful and takes offense to little things like not getting my full attention whenever she wants it, including when we have other children that clearly need our attention. Oldest has had a difficult time listening that has made 2 of my assistants want to quit, and has gotten considerably worse since notice was given. They might be not making it until their end date.

I had one child once that was difficult, very difficult, and parents were in denial about getting him evaluated and help. It took me having to call them to pick up in the middle of one day from an hour of a fit for them to start even listening. When they wanted to go from 2 days to three days I told them I couldn't and they left on their own.

Other than that I have always had pretty decent parents and have tried working with every situation I've had.
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